One day, a young man woke up alone with the noise of an alarm piercing through the calmness of the morning. Half lazily, he extended his hand toward the mobile phone placed beside the bed to switch off the harsh beeping sound of the alarm. It was 5:30 in the morning for the long-awaited battle between the two great leaders. The young man slightly opened his eyes and lifted his head up, which felt somewhat heavy, probably due to the dream he just witnessed. He is dreaming now and he is a little boy wearing shorts talking to his grandfather about something odd that seems silly to him today – about cultivators.
It was not yet dawn as the young man murmured to himself: ‘What an odd dream I’ve had!’ This guy took a deep breath, then let out air slowly. ‘Oh, cultivators, how immature was I back then.’
He slowly leaned back in the chair he had been sitting in, looking at the floor as if lost in thought for a few seconds. Memories of childhood and past passions descended on him again. Half awake, the young man rose from the rickety bed and walked into the tiny bathroom located in the corner of the room.
When the young man first was inside the bathroom, he took a water-dipper and opened the faucet. The sound of running water turned into a low rhythmic drone that accompanied the morning. He took a basin and ladled some water and washed his face. The water was icy and his skin stinging as if needles were being stuck into him, much to his groggy state. He laid his hands on his face and tried to wash away the last vestiges of the dream that still remained in his consciousness.His face was wet and his hair a little ruffled by water but the stiffness began to go out from his body.
Then the young man extended his hand toward the toothbrush placed near the basin. He applied only enough paste on the bristles of the toothbrush and started brushing his teeth carefully as if the brush did not only clean his mouth, but also wash off his horrifying past. He looked into the mirrored and there was reflected a tired man who seemed to have worked a lot. When waking up in the morning it was as if the entire business followed a monotonous pattern. Nothing was different in that respect but the feeling of regret which accumulated daily.
When he finished he looked at himself in the mirror. His wet and cold face painted him as a man who regretted something or had spent his whole life regretting something. This was a young man, and he glared at the mirror fiercely as he scrutinised its image. He looked at the bridge and shook his head, cursing under his breath, “Really pointless.” ‘I have wasted almost thirteen years of my life and all that for what? To become a cultivator?’
The man tried to laugh but only a scant sound came, which could not be considered a genuine chuckle. Well, that was a laughter conceived with the sadness and coated with sarcasm. “Tell me, how foolish I was, how foolish! Now my life is defeated and annihilated and it is because of that abstract dream I never fulfilled.” The young man laughed for the second time, but the laughter was filled with sarcasm. He bowed his head a little and slowly despair crept into his awareness. He could not help feeling that even being born was the worst cruel joke of his life till now. What once had been his sweet dream of a cultivator turned out to be nothing more than his childhood nonsense; however its consequences destroyed him in the present world. It was that dream that had misguided him during his teenage period, it was that dream that made him lose all the possibilities that his future was to come with.Hardly taking time, the young man put on a shirt best suited for work, it had permanent stains and the pants were ripped at several areas. He picked his slightly worn out work helmet lying on the table edge as he was ready to leave for work.
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It was not any dream, his job as a construction laborer was something, which he had never thought of during his childhood. He had wanted to be something out of the ordinary back then. He had dreams and aspirations of being a hero, a great cultivating master with mysterious force that can eliminates the boundaries between the impossible and the possible. But it was the opposite as he had become a construction worker which meant that he was struggling to make ends meet on a daily basis.
With a loud sigh the young man walked out of his house. The morning breeze blowing in his face could not wash out the feeling of remorse that dwelled in his heart. ‘What have I been doing all this time?’ He looked around and asked himself in a low voice. His moves were sluggish and slow as if all the forces of the universe were on him and on him alone.
He noticed movement outside the window – other individuals going about their business, and some of whom were probably going to work, work that they perhaps liked or at the very least didn’t despise. But him? He felt trapped. He labored under the sun day in day out transporting heavy materials and using hands and arms which were already weakening. Again, he crooned with anger the words that had become popular some time back: ‘If only I could turn back time’. ”I should choose to study hard in order to qualify for a good university and get good grades in my final examination then get a worthy job, a job I have always wanted to do.”
Turning to walk, the young man could not help having a rather tearful look in his eyes.Regret turned to be sweeter as he thought of all the things he could have done but never did. ‘If only I hadn’t been so fascinated by all that stuff regarding cultivators, perhaps my existence would not be what it is now.’
He said those words as though the words were heavy in his heart, with much sorrow. He recalled the time he lost while still in his teenage and how he spent most of it running after mirage. He had also gone to the most deserted areas, in a search for a cultivator,his heart longing to be transformed into someone elite. But at last every endeavor that was made proved unavailing. They are no cultivators, no super powers, no easy ways to the top.
He spoke the later part angrily as he complained, “I spent so much time on that stupid adventure.” “And now, I’m here, the way that I am, with ridiculous existence because of my ignorance. “
Suddenly the young man raised from the car and stood for a while at the side of the road with his gaze directed into the horizon. The situation was bitter but he understood that he couldn’t continue living a fantasy. He also had no choice but to agree with what was happening, no matter if it would not be that pleasant. ”Maybe... Maybe, life is not what it was when I was dreaming it and I should start accepting it.”
When he started walking again, he said under his breath, “If cultivators do really exist then maybe someday I will come across one But until that day comes... I just have to survive this life.”
He had gotten to the construction site where he use to work without even noticing it. The noises of drilling and other equipments as well as the movement of the project had already started. The young man sighed, adjusted his helmet and then as every other day, he was ready to face another uneventful day. Despite the fact that his heart was so heavy with regret he realized that he could not turn back time. The only thing that he could do at the moment was to push himself forward no matter what.