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Life's a Bitch

Larry gobbled down the last of his evening meal, then burped. He ran his tongue around the bottom of the shiny metal bowl to ensure he hadn’t missed a piece of kibble. No such luck, though. No more kibble. No more Mabel. Ears flattened against his massive head in sadness, Larry heaved a dejected sigh. This was surely one of the last meals he’d eat at Mabel’s house. In less than a week, it would be the Full Moon. Litha would be sworn in as the new High Priestess, and he’d be officially out of a job.

Even if Litha wanted him to stay on as her Familiar, which he highly doubted, there was no way he would agree. He couldn’t work magic with a witch he despised ... and who he suspected of murdering his last magical partner. She’d just have to choose another or bring her ancient toad Familiar with her when she took over as High Priestess. Burt wasn’t the sharpest toad in the shed, or the most magical, but he’d do in a pinch.

The pantry door swung open, revealing Cleo’s smug smile. “You’d better chow down now, mutt, as you’ll be out on your ear soon.”

“Oh stuff it, Cleo,” Larry snarled. “What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be helping Jesse get ready for the Full Moon induction ceremony?”

Cleo’s sinuous body slunk into the pantry, then sprang onto a shelf high above Larry’s head. She casually licked her paw before running it over her dark fur. “Jesse doesn’t need my help. Anyway, I’m too busy assisting my soon-to-be new partner prepare for the ritual.”

Recently eaten kibble roiled in Larry’s stomach, leaving him nauseous. Oh, no. “So Litha’s chosen you as her new Familiar, has she?”

“Yep.” Cleo’s muzzle wrinkled in a feline grin.

“Figures. So, what happens to Burt?”

“He’ll be retiring from the coven. Permanently. It’s about time for him to return to the Underworld so that those losers at DEAF can issue him a new Familiar form and assign him a new gig, don’t you think?”

Larry schooled his features so the horror he felt didn’t reflect on his face. “Litha plans to sacrifice him at the ritual, doesn’t she?” His heart hurt for Burt. His untimely arrival at the Supernatural Council’s Department of Eternal Animal Familiars for reassignment would be so unnecessary. That bitch.

“It’s a High Priestess’s prerogative to request a new Familiar when she ascends to the role. You know that.” Cleo balanced on the high shelf then dove over Larry’s head before landing on a shelf on the far wall.

Sickened, Larry growled in disgust. “Usually, it’s just a personnel shuffle. It’s been centuries since a High Priestess sacrificed a Familiar. Why can’t she just let Burt find a new magical partner? Or assign him to Jesse? If you’re leaving her, she’ll need a new Familiar—”

“Jesse already has a new Familiar. You.”

“What?!” Larry barked in shock. “I thought I’d head back to DEAF for a new assignment, after I take care of something ... I had, er, have plans.”

“You don’t have a choice, I’m afraid.” Cleo stared coldly down at Larry and snickered. “Litha has already cleared your new Familiar assignment with your case worker at DEAF. You and Jesse are a team now. I warn you, she’s not the easiest witch to get along with. She’s ... distant. Not too bright. A bit of a prude. Doesn’t think the ends always justify the means ... if you know what I mean.”

Larry held back a growl. He’d be damned if he’d let Cleo see how her cruel words affected him. “Jesse is the smartest—and most powerful witch in this coven of magical misfits ... and you know it. I’ll be proud to become her Familiar.”

Larry pranced out of the pantry with his head held high. He’d make sure he and Jesse had a great magical relationship. But first, he’d have to break the news to her that her long-time Familiar had deserted her for greener magical pastures. He didn’t think she’d be too upset about it, though. Jesse wasn’t a cat person—even if that cat was her Familiar. And Cleo was SUCH a cat. Then he’d enlist Jesse’s help to discover the truth about Mabel’s death. Once they’d done that, they could sort out that bitch, Litha.

* * *

“So, you aren’t bothered that Cleo has left you?” Larry studied Jesse through narrowed eyes. She was taking the news of Cleo’s defection even better than he expected. Rather too well, in fact. He wondered if her lack of reaction resulted from depression over Mabel’s death, or from her diminishing leadership prospects within the coven. Probably a bit of both, he reasoned.

“Nope. Never was a cat person. And Cleo was such a cat.” The mound of pillows surrounding her head where it rested on the bed muffled Jesse’s matter-of-fact statement. “I’m perfectly happy to be without a Familiar for the foreseeable future.”

Larry sneezed to cover his snicker at Jesse’s unknowing repetition of his own low opinion of Cleo. He jumped onto the bed so he could observe Jesse’s face when he shared the rest of his news.

“Um, I’m afraid there’s more.”

Beating back the encroaching pillows, Jesse shifted from her prone position and sat up, a flicker of interest lighting her face. “What? Don’t tell me the Familiars voted to investigate Mabel’s death at your meeting last night. I figured those losers would go along with Litha’s plans to take over.”

“They’re not all losers.” Larry cocked his head in consideration. “Just enough of them. The ones with the loudest voices.”

“So, you lost the vote, then. There’ll be no investigation.” Jesse’s face fell in resignation.

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“Well, no—and yes. If you’ll help, that is.” Larry widened his chocolate-brown eyes in entreaty.

Jesse snorted a reluctant laugh. “Don’t give me those puppy-dog eyes, you little weasel. They may have worked on Mabel, but they won’t work on me.”

“How about if I throw in a head tilt and a raised paw?” Larry preceded the words with the actions, then threw in a big doggie grin for good measure.

“Oh, go on, then. Spit it out, mutt. I’m listening.” Jesse’s formerly surly expression softened. Lips twitching, she struggled to contain a smile.

Pleased that he had lightened Jesse’s mood, Larry hoped his next words didn’t bring back the dark thunderclouds that had figuratively surrounded his new magical partner when he first entered the room. “Two things. The first isn’t negotiable, as I’m told it’s already a done deal. The second is one I’m hoping you’ll support, since you feel the same as me on the topic. At least I think you do.”

“I’m all agog, you furry menace. Speak for goddess’ sake!”

“Okay then, here goes. First, I’ve been reassigned as your magical Familiar. Apparently, Litha has some pull with the Council. They requested the transfer from DEAF, who approved it without consulting me.” Larry realized his tone had grown annoyed and amended his statement. “Not that I mind, of course. I think we can work well together.”

“Okay.” Jesse’s one-word response held no enthusiasm. Neither did it hold resentment.

“Okay? That’s all you’ve got to say. Litha is moving pieces on the coven chessboard before she’s even officially sworn in as High Priestess and ‘okay’ is all you can say?” A deep, frustrated growl rumbled in Larry’s massive chest.

“Keep your socks on you flea-bitten fur-ball. I’m fine with you as a magical partner, so it doesn’t matter to me that it was Litha who arranged it. Although, I do wonder about her motive.” Jesse’s forehead wrinkled in thought. “What is she up to now, I wonder?”

Larry curled his lips, his long canines gleaming in the sunlight streaming in the window. “That brings me to item number two on the news list. I’d also like to know what Litha is up to ... and whether she—or anyone else—had anything to do with Mabel’s death. Since the coven Familiars won’t investigate, and their witch partners don’t appear to have a brain cell or backbone between them, I’m thinking why don’t we look into things? You and me?”

Various emotions flitted across Jesse’s face before surprise won out. “Us? But how? And what do we do with what we discover? No one’s going to listen to us.” Jesse’s head drooped until her chin rested on her chest.

“Well, we can try.” Larry shook his head, jowls and ears flapping against his face with each shake. “I want to know what happened the day Mabel died and I think you do, too. Her death wasn’t natural. I’m sure of it. I also highly doubt she suddenly changed her mind about who she wanted to take over the coven in the event of her death. Litha’s only been with the coven for a few years and she’s a magical lightweight. Not to mention a complete bitch. You’ve been Mabel’s chosen successor for almost a century. And you have more power in your little toe than anyone else in the coven, including and especially Litha.”

* * *

Jesse remained silent for so long that Larry worried he wouldn’t gain her support in his investigative mission. When she finally spoke, her words were measured, intertwined with both hope and despair.

“I agree with you, Larry. We should honor Mabel’s memory by doing what we can to right the wrongs Litha and her supporters are doing to this coven. But I have to warn you, I’m not sure we’ll be successful. I suspect the rot goes deep.”

Jesse fingered the bedcovers, tracing the outline of the hand-sewn squares on the quilt. “Mabel made me this quilt twenty years ago. She saw me admiring hers one day and told me right then she’d make me one. And she did. She always did what she said she would. And she paid attention to people’s needs and desires.”

A lone tear tracked down Jesse’s cheek. “I’ve been lax over the past few years. Maybe I let things the coven members did—or didn’t do, slide when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t always listen and wasn’t always a good assistant High Priestess to Mabel. Maybe that’s why ....”

Larry’s ears perked up. “Why what?”

“Well, about a week ago, when Mabel and I were having a leadership meeting, I noticed she seemed troubled. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me. All she’d say is that she suspected someone had their hands in the coven’s coffers. She indicated there was more to it, as well. But she wouldn’t tell me who she suspected ... or what the ‘more’ was.”

Jesse’s agonized groan echoed in the room. “I should have pushed. Demanded that she tell me and let me help. But I was so wrapped up in the small stuff, internal coven bickering, redecorating the altar. Stupid stuff, it seems in retrospect.”

“What happened is not your fault, Jesse. We all get caught up in the day-to-day grind. Sometimes we overlook the big stuff going on around us because we’re so busy taking care of the small stuff. And, as assistant to the High Priestess, the small stuff was your job.” Larry laid his head heavily on Jesse’s knee and gusted a sigh. “It wasn’t your fault ... but maybe it was mine. I warned her months ago that I suspected Litha was up to something, but she told me not to worry. She said she was sorting things out. I should have forced the issue ... done something—helped somehow.”

Jesse’s hand paused mid-stroke. She’d been unconsciously rubbing Larry’s ears. “If it’s not my fault, then it sure as hell isn’t yours, dog-face. Did she tell you what she thought was wrong? No? Even though you asked, many times, I assume. Thought not.”

“But—”

“No buts about it, mutt. She wouldn’t share her concerns with either of us, even though we asked her to. That’s on her.” Jesse’s hand resumed her rhythmic rubbing of Larry’s soft, floppy ears. “We’ll both just have to live with the fact that we knew something serious was bothering her but we didn’t press her for answers. We trusted, but didn’t verify, that she had things under control. That’s on us.”

Larry relaxed into Jesse’s ministrations, his eyes growing heavy with fatigue. He hadn’t slept well since Mabel’s death. He yelped in surprise when Jesse suddenly grabbed his head firmly and brought her face close to his.

“Listen, fat-head. You did your job. You warned your magical partner that something was amiss ... more than once. She said she could handle it and didn’t listen to your concerns. That really is on her. Maybe you could have done something about it on your own, but more likely not. Maybe you and I should have talked and tried to come up with a plan to help, but would it have made a difference? Mabel was a stubborn old coot. Just like you—and me. We are all responsible for our own destiny, Larry. Those around us can only offer help and support and we’ll accept it when we’re ready. Or not.”

The painful burden on Larry’s heart lightened, if only a little. “So, what you’re saying is that nobody listens to anyone else, and that’s not anyone’s fault but their own, and that everyone is responsible for their own destiny.”

“Something like that, dog.”

Larry jumped off the bed and shook himself from head to rump, the thick skin on his body jiggling over his muscular frame. “Well then, let’s go be responsible for our destiny. Time to investigate the hell out of that jumped-up hedge witch.”

He fixed Jesse with a gimlet eye. “And, just for your information, I do not have fleas.”

Jesse smothered a grin. “Maybe I should get you a flea collar.”

“Don’t you dare. You know Familiars don’t get fleas.” Larry gave Jesse serious side-eye.

“There’s always a first time.”

Their good-natured bickering followed the new magical duo as they left the room to prepare for their upcoming investigation.