It is quite funny actually how fast your life can change. This morning I woke up in a bed of a particularly attractive woman. It was quite a task to seduce her, being a daughter of gypsy royalty, she considered herself quite a catch and took the game of hard to get to the extreme level. Also being caught with another woman could have ended quite badly for her since she was expected to continue their family line. Even so after a month of lying and promising her the world, she gave in, and I got what I wanted. Like every time after my conquest is complete, I was doing my best to leave without a sound so I can get away without getting caught without the need for awkward conversations about me getting what I wanted and having to listen to pathetic sobbing and blabbering of heartbroken girls.

Sadly, the passions of last night haven't exhausted my “girlfriend” enough and she managed to wake up while I was getting dressed. “Where are you going so sneakily baby?” she asked still trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. I hated these moments; they were always so boring and identical. People could never read the signs, if I am sneaking out it means I don’t want to be caught because I don’t want to see you anymore. Guess I will have to do this anyway, eh, who cares.

“Look, Jasmine, we had a lot of fun last night, and I admit that you are great in bed, but this is where our relationship ends. I got what I wanted from this, and I hope we can both leave without regrets” I thought I was quite considerate in my explanation, now I guess I will see some tears and maybe even hear some begging not to leave. Wouldn’t be the first time. As long as that’s where it ends, would hate to have to kill her if she became too obsessed. Wouldn’t be the first as well. She looked quite confused for a moment “you said you love me, you promised me that we would escape together, we would go to Greece and live together! How could you lie like that?” her voice was getting angrier with every word she said. “Calm down Jasmine, I would have said that I am a fucking queen of bloody England if that meant I get to fuck you and enjoy your perky tits, now it's time for me to go. Stop being mad.” Being a woman myself I should have understood sooner that telling a scorned lover to calm down and not be mad wasn’t the best choice of words. I never was very good with these morning-after conversations no matter how much practice I got, that’s why I tried to avoid them. I freely admit that I have never seen anyone as angry as Jasmine at that moment. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"is something I had heard often before, but for the first time, I believed that saying. I could almost visibly see her rage as a cloud of red fog around her.

“How dare you do this to me! Have you no fucking heart? Do you fucking feel no emotions you cursed bitch!” she was screaming at this point, and I was getting irritated, I never liked people screaming at me. “You are right I don’t feel anything, not for you, nor for anyone that I ever fucked, and hopefully if God is on my side I never will. Truly, you should consider yourself lucky and quite privileged, since out of anyone I ever wanted it took me the longest to get in your bed, and I didn’t even get bored of chasing after you. So shut the fuck up, stop screaming and after some time hopefully, you will remember this fondly as the best orgasm of your life, that you can think of fondly when your future husband fumbles around your asshole while looking for your clit.” At this point, Jasmine was on her feet with a blanket wrapped around her body still getting visibly angrier if that was even possible. “I will fucking have my father and the clans of all his brothers and cousins declare war on your family you fucking rotten bitch!” she was screaming even louder and that got me properly irritated, so I slapped her across the face “Shut the fuck up! I told you to stop screaming, I will not tolerate disrespectful behavior towards me! You want to send your fucking pathetic band of horse thieves and witches against my family? We fucking run this city. We have more soldiers and thugs than there are fleas on all of your dirty horses. Now shut up like the good bitch you are, apologize and we can go our separate ways. If you push any further, I will kill you and crucify your fucking corpse so you can't be buried you dirty gypsy whore!” In hindsight, I can admit that I was being a bit unfair to Jasmine and that the largest amount of fault was definitely on my side for this morning's incident. But I truly didn’t like people shouting at me and there's a reason why I always avoided morning-after conversations. They never ended well.

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“You want me to apologize?" At least she didn’t scream this time, so I guess my reasoning was working. Though it looked like she was more stunned because of the audacity and absurdity of my request. She got dressed without saying another word and then faced me again “I won’t apologize” she repeated and the bite of anger was getting back in her voice, at least she wasn’t screaming, “I swear on my mother's soul that I will have my grandmother lay the heaviest curse upon you, and that by the end of this day you will no longer be in this world, and that your spirit will never know rest!” she did at least one thing right in her threat, she said it calmly. Threats always sound better when say them calmly, when you don’t need to infuse your voice with useless emotions when the content of the threat is severe enough and phrased eloquently you don’t need to add anything else to make it stick. Too bad for her the content of her threats was bullshit. I never believed in stupid gypsy curses, every fucking member of their homeless, flea-ridden, inbred, horse fucking clans was some kind of a witch or sorcerer according to their tales. So, I just laughed, punched her in the eye, and told her to piss off before leaving, before passing through the doors I turned around and said, “If I ever see you again, I will gut you like fish, bye Jasmine”. As I was heading towards the stairs at the end of the hallway, I thought I heard her saying that “soon you will never see anyone again” but that might have just been my imagination.

They say that hindsight is always 20/20 and if I could have known how that day would end, I would definitely have stayed for breakfast and maybe even got flowers. I mean how could I have known that fucking gypsy curses apparently worked. Actually, they worked quite fast, because while I was having lunch at a local caffe a fucking delivery truck crashed the wall into the café where I was eating and slammed right into me, before I even had the pleasure of fully experiencing the pain that comes with having most your body crushed, the last thought I had before I lost consciousness and died was that “I would never fuck with a gypsy again”