Lily laughed, a clear, genuine sound. Pulling her hair back over her ear, she leaned forward with a ready smile. "That's so interesting! I had no idea you were so funny."

Aidan Clark, the cashier she'd run into, chuckled deeply. "Well, thanks! It's really not all that funny of a story, but I'm glad you liked it. Is there anything else you'd like to do? My break ends in a few minutes."

Lily winced internally. They'd sat down at a fast-food outlet built into the mall, having a fun time. She'd been hoping the dream would last a little longer, but all good things must come to an end eventually, she supposed. Outwardly, however, she crossed her legs from her seated position, resting her chin on one hand. "I'm free. What do you want to do?"

"How about talk with your really cool roommate and his friend?"

She flinched visibly, slowly turning around and raising her hands defensively. "Look, Noah, I have a perfectly good reason for..." Trailing off, Lily lost her train of thought as she saw the terrifying individual from a day ago. Or two days ago. Time was hard to keep track of. He was still wearing the same outfit, gray slacks, a white dress shirt, and a blood-red bow tie. Eyes a shocking shade of red. What was his name again?

Aidan stepped in front of her, glancing at the man warily. "Lily, do you know these people?"

She nodded, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, I know them. Or at least I know Noah, I haven't really met the other guy."

The 'other guy' narrowed his eyes, his line of sight flicking up and down Lily and Aidan. She had a feeling he was assessing them, somehow. It felt like he was staring down a microscope at them, the whole world dilating as he leaned ever closer, reaching a hand out to-

Noah coughed. "Thaddeus. You're doing the thing again."

The man retreated slightly, looking mildly annoyed. "Doesn't he deserve it?"

Aidan blinked, reeling from the invasive sensation. "What just happened?"

Thaddeus shrugged mildly. "I intimidated you. I have a lot of practice."

Noah cut in before anyone could say anything again, slapping a hand to his forehead. "Right, I haven't introduced you guys yet! Thaddeus, this is Lily, my roommate! Lily, this is Thaddeus."

Evenly, Thaddeus said, "Knife to eat you."

There was a long silence, before Noah said, "Um. Thaddeus? I think you meant-"

He cut Noah off, eyes narrowing to slits. "I mean exactly what I say."

There was a much longer silence. Noah coughed loudly. "Well. Okay, then. Does anyone want food?"

Aidan leaned in intensely, his groomed eyebrows deepening. "Look, I don't entirely know what's going on-"

Lily muttered under her breath, "I never do."

"-but you don't seem like a very nice person. So I think you should step back and reevaluate your life choices, all right?" He folded his muscular arms across his chest, standing just in front of Lily defensively. She couldn't help but appreciate the sentiment. 

Thaddeus' eyes narrowed until she could barely see the pupil anymore. "Noah?"

Noah looked up from his phone. "Yep?"

"Can I have the ball?"

Noah shrugged. "Sure." From... nowhere, really, he produced a steel ball a little larger than a baseball from somewhere in his shirt and handed it to Thaddeus, who turned back to Aidan. "I take it you've heard the bone rumor?"

Aidan's forehead furrowed. "What?"

"The bone rumor. The theory that bone is tougher than steel. I assume you're familiar with it?"

Aidan nodded suspiciously. "Yeah, I know it. I'm in training to be a doctor." Lily raised her eyes to heaven, closing them as she prayed that maybe she could hold onto this boyfriend a little longer.

Thaddeus continued evenly. "It's an incorrect theory. In terms of weight/strength distribution bone is in fact superior, but when it comes to hitting a skull with a hammer or a steel ball, the metal will win every time, correct?"

Aidan gestured for him to continue, clearly curious in spite of himself. Thaddeus did. "So, in that case, it should physically impossible to crush a human skull." 

Raising a hand, Aidan began to interrupt, but an ear-shattering squeal cut through the air. Lily covered her ears, nearly dropping to the floor. Aidan flinched a bit but otherwise didn't react, and Noah didn't so much as look up from his phone. Thaddeus calmly lifted the ball, his knuckles white as he slowly applied more and more pressure to the sphere. It slowly began to crunch in on itself as he squeezed, and it was a matter of seconds before it resembled nothing more or less than a chrome apple core.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Tilting his hand sideways, he allowed it to fall, and everyone watched as it crashed into the floor. 

Softly, he said, "I think I've made my point."

Aidan didn't say anything for a long time. Looking up into Thaddeus' emotionless face, he opened his mouth, closed it, then turned on his heel and left.

Noah said bluntly, "Well, that was cool."

Lily could only stare in shock. "You just... you... how? Why? No, the first one worked better. How?"

Standing aside, Noah indicated Thaddeus. "This guy's the ninth most dangerous person in the whole megaverse! Let's go get lunch."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chewing on his double quarter pounder cheeseburger, bacon crunching between his teeth, Noah had what could only be described as bliss etched on his face. "Mawn," he started, his voice muffled through the meat. "thish ish purty drang gud."

Lily stared at her untouched chicken tenders before rising her view to Thaddeus' plate. He was eating no less than six burgers, each of which he'd carefully removed the buns of. The only thing he left on his plate was meat, whether it was bacon, beef, or the deep-fried nuggets. They couldn't really be called chicken nuggets, because it was purchased from a fast-food restaurant and there was only a twenty percent chance it actually had chicken in it.

"Uhhh..." She wasn't sure where to start, so she simply asked, "What?"

Noah glanced up at her, still eating. "Hm? What is it?"

She pointed at Thaddeus. "You're not going to explain all of that?"

His eyes flicked between them, one eyebrow slowly rising. "...explain what?"

She started out hesitantly, gaining traction as she went. "Well, for starters, he kind of... crushed a steel ball? Like, with his bare hands? Is he related to you or something? And what in the world was up with that comment, about the most dangerous person in the universe?"

He frowned. "Uh, no. So much wrong with that. He didn't crush the ball, he squeezed it like an orange, and it was awesome. It was scary, it was cool, and it only took him all of ninety-two words to do it. No, he's not related to me, he's a spider and I'm made of black holes. And he's not the most dangerous person in the universe,  he's the ninth most dangerous person in the megaverse."

Thaddeus swallowed a burger whole and commented quietly, "Actually, I'm seventh." 

Noah looked at him, surprised. "Really? So there were two people that were late?"

Thaddeus simply looked him in the eye for a long moment, before responding, "...Sure. Late."

Shrugging, Noah turned back to Lily. "Does that answer your question?"

She shook her head firmly. "Nope. Just raises more. What do you mean by megaverse? It's multiverse, isn't it?"

Holding his burger, Noah indicated her with it, talking with a surprisingly uncharacteristic note of seriousness. "No, it's megaverse. Like, this-" he gestured the fast-food restaurant they were in. "-is in a universe. That one's pretty obvious, right? Anyway, the universe is in a multiverse, or at least this one is. Most multiverses have a lot of universes in them, especially the DC and Marvel ones. You need a lot of power to break through dimensions, nothing too nuts though. But AAAAALLL of those multiverses exist in the megaverse. Just about the only people who can get around the megaverse are people like me, the Cosmics, and your odd ultrahuman. Thaddeus here is one of those."

Thaddeus gave a silent thumbs up and tossed a burger into his mouth, his jaw unhinging to allow him to do so, and Noah continued without breaking stride. "Now every now and then you got yourself a singular universe, no multiverse. Those suckers have got a seriously nuts amount of potential energy in them. Those universes produce the really insanely powerful guys, but my family just uses one as a place to put our house."

Raising an eyebrow, Thaddeus asked in his gravelly voice, "Are you going to bring up Universe Elev-"

Noah interrupted him neatly. "As I was saying three thousand eight hundred-ish words ago, when we enter the universe right at the start, it kind of messes reality up for a bit. That's because we're distorting the natural limits of how much power can exist in the universe, extending it way past its normal levels. Like eating too much and then having a stomachache, but afterward, you can eat a bit more. Except on an exponentially larger level, and with the levels of power in a universe with several million stars and planets and aliens and who knows what else inside it, affecting their very molecular structure."

Lily blinked. "That's a lot to take in."

He nodded, taking a bite of his burger and swallowing. "Sure is, but I had to infodump sometime, maybe throw in a running gag, and this chapter needed filler."

Someone approached Lily from behind, speaking as they did. "Hey, you're Noah, right?"

Twisting in her seat, her eyes widened as she took in the two irresponsibly handsome men behind her. "Aidan? Haydn? What are you guys doing here?"

Noah glared at her sharply. "Wait, Aidan and Haydn? Is there a guy named-"

A third man joined them, easily six and a half feet tall with chiseled features and groomed hair. Crossing his arms (which were big enough to be legs) he said in a voice like velvet, "I heard someone was causing trouble out here." He jerked a thumb at himself. "Name's Brayden Johnson."

Noah's eyes widened. "Hoooleee crap. Thaddeus, don't hurt them too badly, I'll get Lily to safety." 

Grabbing her wrist, he yanked her over the table and sprinted for the kitchen. Tugged along, Lily was almost pulled off her feet, stumbling as she did. She didn't get the chance to look back, but she heard the sound of a table being ripped from the ground.

"What's going on?"

Holding onto her hand firmly, Noah ducked around a cook, waving his hand to disintegrate the cinderblock wall and rushing into the mall's hallway. Looking right and left, he picked right and slowed to a sedate speedwalk, talking rapidly as he did. "I was wrong. I was very, very wrong."

Lily was instantly worried. Well, more so than she had been. "About what?" 

He turned into a clothing store, pulling her down behind a rack of tie-dyed T-shirts. "It's not just a rom-com. That we could handle. Head to the women's section, I thought. But it's not just a rom-com."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Noah slowly pivoted to look at her. "It's an All-Stars Bachelorette crossover. You're a target for some of the hottest men alive. Of course the women's section idea wouldn't work, it'll only make them more approachable!" He slapped a hand to his forehead irritably.

Tentatively, Lily asked, "Well, what's the plan now?"

Steepling his fingers, Noah thought for a moment, then tilted towards her inquisitively. "Are you open to killing them? Because that'd be the easiest out by far." He saw her expression and backpedaled rapidly. "Okay, no killing. Right then. Here's the plan..."