“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to shoot a couple that is having sex while pleasuring yourself with a grenade?”

“....What the fuck is wrong with you!? Are you insane?”

I cocked my sniper rifle and chuckled before responding.

“Why of course I am! You forgot who you’re working with.”

I couldn’t help but burst out giggling at the sound of Recon’s sigh over the radio. He reminds me of a certain someone in my previous….life? They both have such a strong sense of justice and can be so fun to tease. Annoying too. Though the only difference is that Recon is a mercenary and doesn’t have all the morals the cop had. Or was he someone in the military? I forgot….I should focus back on the mission.

Oh. In case you are confused, mental me, and plot, I am Clown, or Mara The Clown, and I am working for Black Tower, the company that brought me back. They also shoved a fucking massive computer into my head. They also also, pay pretty well. Well enough that I decided to work for them.

Oh yeah, The Black Tower, or just Black Tower, is a multiversal mercenary group. Yeah, I’m still a good old fashion mercenary. That’s never gonna change. My mission here is to kill a bunch of government officials on a planet called Turloon. These human-looking guys are actually a bunch of aliens! And while I’ve been to Starlight City before, every single city is like that here. Damn if this place isn’t pretty….and damn do I hate this white and blue generic futuristic color scheme. I mean, it was pretty at first but who can live with this?

I looked down the scope to see the targets come out of the above-ground subway train. Most of them had no hair and were bald. Apparently, being bald is seen as a symbol of power here. I just think that somewhere down the line, a bunch of kings became bald and forced it upon others to fit in. That makes the most sense to me.

Let’s see. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen….Fourteen…?

“Hey, Recon. I’m only counting fourteen of the sixteen targets. Do the other agents have any visual?”

“....That’s a negative, Clown. We can only assume that they are in the train.”

“Well, there are no doppelgangers there. All of them are exactly who they look like….which is themselves in case you’re wondering.”

Another sigh.

“No, I wasn’t wondering that. Just, hold on for a moment.”

I quickly looked at each bodyguard and wildcard present before leaning back a little. It was more than a bit nippy up here. Even my new upgraded thermal dress was having trouble holding up to the temperature. Then again, a cute little girl wearing a bright pink and white dress with a large pink and black sniper rifle is quite an obvious sight. Currently, my long-range rifle is out of order as of now and I decided to play it safe for once. I am still getting used to the new device in my head. The whole TRWD something can get a bit weird and funky at times. I mean, I know it is supposed to be helping me and all but damn if those green flashes aren’t distracting, especially let alone reading them in time. In the times they come up, I’m usually in battle. Can’t really read that fast when I’m dodging.

Correction: You have done it before, on multiple occasions.

Fine fine. I’m not gonna even ask. The last time I did that you gave me examples for hours. What was that about again?

How you can read when dodging. In other words, what we are talking about right now.

Oh! Glad I didn’t ask then.

Having dodged a bullet, I went back to looking at the targets. To be honest, they look tasty. I really want to be down there in front of them so I can gut them like a pig. The feeling would be fantastic. Not to mention, I would gt to taste their blood. I’m really curious as to what different types of blood taste like. Haven’t you ever wondered what your own blood would taste like? This is kinda like that.

“Hey, have you ever wondered what your own blood would taste like?”

"No."

"Come on. Don't you lie. We've all been there."

"....Yes."

“So, have you ever actually done it?”

“Yes, though I’m sure I don’t remember it. I do remember a pretty bad accident I had once which caused my whole mouth to be filled with my own blood.”

“Ooh!”

“But I won’t tell you.”

Oi.

Oi.

“Hey! You can’t just tell us something like that and then not expect to tell us.”

“Us? You know what? Never mind. Eyes on the prize, Clown.”

“Ugh! What a party pooper.”

I put my finger on the trigger, my normal smile growing as my crosshairs went right over the back of someone’s head.

“You better tell me the story later, Recon. Now tell me when.”

“Okay. Boss says that the main targets are here. Go ahead and shoot.”

I felt myself twitch in excitement and I couldn’t hold in the giggles.

“Roger, Recon!”

And with that, I shot all fourteen of them before they could even realize that one of them was shot. All it took was two seconds. And people say sniping is hard.

With skills like yours, you make it look not only easy, but like you’re doing it casually.

But I am.

Exactly. My records have not shown someone who can kill people with a sniper rifle like you do. To say the least, you are the best sniper known.

And the one and only Clown! My skills aren’t in sniping alone.

I decided to soak in my ego for a bit before calling Recon.

“Targets down!”

“I can see that.”

“Boss is currently calling the client, letting them know that we managed to kill fourteen of the sixteen targets.”

My eyes focused on the train, or the live feed my nanobots are showing me more specifically.

“Found them. Last two targets are still on the train.”

“Really? Well, the train is already moving and that thing is not only armored but is crawling with bodyguards. We’ll never get them. Let’s head back to ba-”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Hey Recon. Is it possible that the client will dock our pay because we couldn’t kill those two?”

“Yeah, it’s actually going to happen, knowing that client after all.”

“And our boss will probably leave out that small detail to us and give us what we were promised without docking our pay, right?”

“Dead on.”

I stood up, twitching randomly. My smile grew and I put a hand on my leg to keep down the excitment. I strapped my sniper rifle to my back and looked down over the edge. It was hard to see past the clouds.

“Welp, I’m gonna have me some fun!”

And with that, I twirled around and fell off the building I was on….or skyscraper.

“C-MARA!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? THAT’S A NINE HUNDRED MILE TALL BUILDING!”

I ignored him. What I was doing should be obvious. I’m gonna have me some fun and go butcher those last two targets.

When I was a good distance down, I twirled around and reached out towards the building I fell off of. My gloves expanded and shifted into claws. I liked the cool black and pink design on them. Very edgy and my style. Almost exactly like the design on my old claw gloves. And both serve the same purpose.

My claws dug into the building and started to tear through anything while slowly slowing my descent. Once I saw the train down below I grabbed a black cube from my dress pocket and watched as it expanded into a black and pink grappling gun. I aimed and fired at the closest building near the train and jumped. I had to hurry since the train was entering a tunnel. Luckily I aimed for the building next to the tunnel.

I twirled around in the air like an arrow, building up more speed and momentum. When I was close enough to the building, I stopped spinning and braced myself. I smashed through the glass and went through a weak wall before tumbling to a stop. I stopped briefly to reel in the hook before sprinting towards the glass in front of me, not caring about the shocked office workers in my way. I put away the grapple gun and unsheathed, or more of popped out, my wrist dagger on my left hand. I then proceeded to jump through the glass and started falling right onto the train.

I reached out and my claws dug into the tunnel before digging through. That’s where my wrist blade comes through. I land on the rim of the train-side? and jumped off it immediately. My wrist blade dug into the tunnel wall and although the impact from my high skydive fall was reduced drastically, it still hurt.

“Ouch. Gonna feel that one when I wake up.” I grimaced, feeling pain lace through my body before ebbing away a bit.

I waited a bit before jumping off the tunnel wall and through a train window. Thank goodness that my nanobots weakened the window. I would much rather not make a total fool of myself by becoming a bird flying into a window. Once inside, black long rectangles appeared in my hands, emerging from under the sleeves of my dress. They quickly formed into two guns. One uzi and one Kat, or K-29. Both are similar but both serve the same purpose.

I smiled at the bodyguards with their jaws on the floor. In a quick and smooth motion, I jumped up and sprayed all over the place, killing them. There were six of them so that means my kill count for this mission is thirty-eight. That is eighteen agents this morning, the fourteen targets, and now these six bodyguards.

I cocked my head when I heard the sound of more bodyguards coming. An excited smile formed on my face. From what I hear, I would say there are about twenty coming. That mixed in with the known three hundred and sixty-three bodyguards on this train, and I guess my kill count is going to be around ninety, possibly even in the low hundreds. Shame the news isn’t here to add these kills to my total amount. In that world, I’m dead. I doubt they even remember me. After all, despite all I have achieved, I still am just a plain insane mercenary girl in a big massive an ugly world. But soon, these people will know my name.

….

Council Member George Bushkin woke up feeling great. Their rivals, the Tornenia, were in ruins. His family safely had their home security upgraded. And he was going to make history and brand new dawn of a new golden age. All was well and good….

….Until it wasn’t. He didn’t know why or who, but he was the only survivor of the council and now he was cornered by a monster. The train he is in holds around four hundred well-trained heavily armed men. There was only one intruder. She looked to be a little girl no older than nine. The only unusual thing about her besides not being their species was her glowing pink eyes. That and the weapons she is carrying. In less than ten minutes she has successfully killed almost every single person on the train. Something like this shouldn’t be possible!

He could hear her now, singing. George figured he should have some time before she comes. It doesn’t seem like she is moving since her voice hasn’t moved for a while, so he should be safe-

“Gotcha you alien pig!”

George was suddenly pulled out from his hiding place by his leg. He had brought a small pistol with him in case he needs to defend himself. He wasted no time and aimed it at the head of the monster. The monster simply moved too fast for George to make out and the next thing he realized was that his gun was cut in half….and his arm fell off.

Mara dragged her last target out into the middle of the train before taking a long well-deserved sigh. She has done things like this before in the past but never with this amount of numbers in such a short space. She nearly died twenty times! She makes a mental note to train more when she gets back. She also took this time to lick the blood off her wrist blade. She doesn’t quite remember if she called it a dagger earlier. After a bit of silence, Mara came to the conclusion that while this blood tasted better, the aftertaste did not. So human blood wins out in her book!

Also, she loved his reaction!. She has been in the train cart with him for a while now. She had put an audio device a couple of carts back just for the sole purpose of fucking with him and it worked out so much better than she expected it to. Nothing beat the sight of a somewhat fat almost bald guy wearing a fancy suit shivering and hiding underneath the seats….or really trying since his shoes were sticking out. For a council member or whatever, he isn’t really very smart now, is he? Though she would love to enjoy this moment some more, the screaming of the guy is getting on her nerves.

After making sure he had no more weapons, Mara put a finger on his lips, telling him to shut the fuck up without actually saying it. Or at least, that is what she assumes is what she is signaling. She doesn’t know if this means something else in their language. In case you haven’t guessed it by now, neither Mara nor George actually understand each other. Both speak different languages. Still, that doesn’t stop Mara from taking out a pink spraypaint bottle and painting the name Clown in pink on the side of the cart.

They’ll decode it later.

Mara met the fearful gaze of my target and smiled before aiming a pistol at him. It was then that she noticed he was on the phone.

How come my nanobots didn’t tell me?

The phone the target has hasn’t been perceived as a threat at all. It is owned by our own company, Black Tower.

Huh. Would you look at that? Well, I’ll let him get one last call. I mean, they can’t do anything. We’re still in the tunnel after all.

….Actually, how long is this tunnel? Isn’t this train moving at breakneck speed?

Correction. The train is mo-

Not looking. It was more of a huh kind of question.

George spoke with the person on the phone before handing it to Mara. Mara blinked, confused, before a wild grin formed on her smiling face.

“So they want to talk to me, ehh? Well, they won’t change my mind.”

Wait! Do they have someone who can speak English? They must have since they want to speak with me….or they’re just grasping at straws here.

“Hello, Mara.”

Instead came a dull monotone voice that caused Mara to jolt.

“Oh! Hi, Boss. Whatcha can I do you for?”

“I’m here talking about the mission you are currently on.”

Mara glanced at George briefly, giving him a once-over.

“Yeah, I’m about to kill the last target now.”

“That last target is the contractor.”

….What?

….Huh?

“The last target is the contractor? What, does he have a death wish or something? He looks like he wants to live to me.”

“No. As it turns out, he was the seventeenth member of the council, one away from joining the big sixteen and the inner circle. He gave us the job but before the details were sent over, he suddenly joined the sixteen. His files updated themselves and then went to us. That is why his picture was there.”

Mara gave George a long look before she burst out laughing, tears in her eyes.

“HAH! WHAT AN IDIOT!”

After a good deal of laughing, Mara finally calmed down, though she was still snickering and her body twitched every now and then.

“So, who is the new last target?”

“Already taken care of.”

“Meaning…?”

“We get paid in full. If not….well, he knows that there ain’t much that can stop you from killing him.”

“Heh heh. Damn right! Now I’m hungry and I want to go eat donuts. Can I?”

“Yeah, we’re done here.”

Mara cocked her head and gave George a quizzical look.

“Hey, Boss. How come you didn’t trace the call back to discover the identity of our contractor? You normally do that.”

“I wanted to test the infamous Clown’s skills. That and I knew that you weren’t in any actual danger. The details were too precise and accurate to be a trap.”

“Heh, well alright then.”

“Your ship has arrived.”

“Alrighty! Clown Out!”

Mara handed the phone back to George before climbing out of the train via a window. As she did so, the tunnel finally ended, showing a stunning blue ocean. Waiting outside flying by the train was a large grey and pink ship that looked more like a bullet than a plane. The window covering the cockpit opened up and Mara jumped in. Before it closed, Mara gave the middle finger to good old George, who had just realized he pissed his pants.

Inside the ship, Mara smiled. She has been working for Black Tower for two months now and she is loving it. Now the only question that remains is when she will be getting her life assignment.