So, yes, I cried at Jane's graduation. Someone like me, who had lived for years knowing that she'd never have children, had a child. Any child might have satisfied that particular yearning, but someone like Jane only confirmed my awareness of God's existence. There couldn't be any other child on the face of the Earth as wonderful as her!
At about the same time that my sob fest had mostly tapered off, the graduation ceremony ended. I managed to sit up and look around for Jane, and pretty soon I spotted her just as she emerged from a group of her friends and made her way toward me.
"Hey Mama. You look like you could use some cheering up. Fortunately I have something for you that ought to do the job and then some. Don't look at it until you get home though. I hope that you like it."
Now that was something new. The graduate giving the parent a present? And she looked nervous. I'd never seen her quite like that before.
"Oh, by the way Mama, we're all going out to Paddington's for pizza. I should be home before 11 though. If you're still up when I get home, there are some things I think we ought to talk about."
"All right sweeting. Do you need any money?"
Jane started laughing and didn't quit for almost a minute. As I was about to ask her what was so freaking funny, she said, "Ah, no Mama, I don't need any money. After all, I own the franchise at the location we're going to."
With that, she flounced off to her friends. I did notice, while I was picking my chin up off the floor, that she turned her head and smirked at me just before they all left.
She was right. We definitely had something to discuss when she got home.
In the meantime, I'd start with whatever was in the rather thick envelope that she'd given me -- as soon as I got home. No way that I'd ever read something important in public. There's no telling who might be watching.
What? Me? Paranoid? You damn well better believe it. My paranoia got me this far. I'm not about to let go of it now.
Right, driving home, sensibly just a bit below the speed limit given all the traffic -- while wanting the whole way to scream at everyone in front of me to get the hell out of the way, I'm in a freaking hurry -- and floor it. Very proud of myself that I didn't. (We have to take what little victories in life that we can.)
Got home intact, walked through the door, calmly, and got a letter opener. If I tore whatever was inside by ripping it open, I might damage the contents and be unable to read them. Then I'd have to wait for Jane to get home and tell me what it had said, and patience and I had only a nodding acquaintance.
Inside was a letter and another sealed envelope. The letter was from Jane. The sealed envelope was from the Marion County court.
OK. Letter first:
Mama, I'm a bit nervous about this, so I didn't trust myself to talk to you without breaking down crying. I hope that this pleases you. It certainly made me very happy.
You've been looking a bit down lately, so I've held onto this in hopes that it will cheer you up.
You seem to have forgotten something during our journey together. Time has passed. All these years you've been protecting us from the very real threat from the Children's Services people. I guess you sorta forgot that I turned 18 last year. From that day onward there was nothing they could do any more. They couldn't, but I could and did.
You've been there for me ever since the day you found me 15 years ago. So I did something that will, hopefully, let you know that I'm going to be there for you from now on too.
You did make one mistake about me. You always assumed that I didn't know my last name. I never bothered to correct you because I had reasons for you not to know. I also had a reason for not letting you know that I was also aware of my birthdate. I'll explain those reasons to you when I get home. I'm pretty sure that you'll still be awake when I get there...lol.
So, go ahead and open the envelope from the Court. I truly hope that it pleases you. I can assure you that it made me extremely happy.
OK, puzzlement and extreme curiosity now in place. Satisfaction a few seconds away.
I ripped the envelope open.
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After reading the usual boring language that courts always seem to use, I got to the good part. And it was very, very good.
It appears that as of May 17, 2013 Jane Alicia Benton's name was legally changed to Jane Alicia Knight. Jane Alicia BENTON?
Pinned to the back page of the court order was a note from Jane.
Hey Mama. Now our names are as one, same as our hearts. Yes, I found out years ago that Knight is your real last name. How doesn't matter right now. See you in a couple hours.
This time I didn't bother with Kleenex. I ran to the closest bathroom, grabbed a towel and did a good job of soaking the whole thing. Afterwards I tossed my dress toward the hamper, took a shower, and made some tea. (Who knew that just crying could dehydrate you?) Then I grabbed a good book -- which I pretended to read until Jane got home at 10:59.
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When I heard the door open, I put my book down, stood up, turned toward the door, took about three steps, and then made a total fool of myself.
What I said was approximately as follows:
"You...pizza.....court....name change....franchise....good time?.......money.... from where.......friends had fun?........What?!!!"
While those profound words tripped merrily from my lips, I was waving my arms around like someone allergic to mosquitos does when a swarm has decided that she'd be a tasty lunch.
Hi...it's Jane again. Well, what can I say? Our memories of what happened are not quite the same. She did get what she said approximately right, but from opening the door to that point was substantially different from how she told it.
What happened is that I closed the door and turned around just in time to see her throw a book across the room, rocket up out of the chair like she was jet propelled, and start to run toward me, only to trip on the throw rug by her chair and fall flat on her face.
Once she picked herself up off the floor, the sputtering, gesticulating, and total weirdness of her facial expressions almost set me off laughing, but I managed to hold it in and look calm and self-possessed (I hope).
Mama's turn now.
Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths... OK, make that slow, deep breaths. If I keep hyperventilating, I might just pass out.
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"Hi Jane, did you have fun at YOUR pizza parlor? How about you start there with the explanations and work up to the rest of it."
"Hi Mama, I'm home. Yes we did have fun. They're all nice kids. Why don't we sit down before we go any further?
"Oh, and by the way, you might want to hang up your dress. Knowing you, it 's on the floor in the bathroom, and that's going to cause wrinkles, and there's not gonna be enough time to get it dry cleaned before you're going to need it again."
"Jane dear, what do you mean I'm going to need it again? Just how often do you see me in anything but jeans and a t-shirt?"
"Didn't you want me to start with the pizza and then go into the other things Mama?"
"Right. OK. Sure, but maybe I'd better sit down first."
Jane was rolling her eyes at me just like any other teenager does when the parent suggests doing something that the kid has already recommended. Wisely, she kept her mouth shut. One of the things I truly appreciate about her is her sense of timing and knowing when not to talk. Even though she's quite capable of going on and on about something that interests her, most of the time she'll go through the day hardly talking at all. It probably has something to do with her security business.
"That's it! Your security business! You made enough from that to buy a pizza franchise?"
"Well sort of. It's kinda complicated. Well, a LOT complicated. Why don't I tell you everything all at once and make it easier, OK?"
I waved my hand in acquiescence, sat down in my chair, and grabbed my tea cup. I've learned that whenever someone as intelligent as Jane says that something is going to be complicated, I'd better get comfortable, hunker down, and ride it out.
"It's like this Mama... Things have gone a bit further than just installing security systems. We're into recovery as well, like when some business or bank gets hacked and a lot of funds are drained into an 'untraceable' overseas account.
"What we do is find those funds and recover them."
About here Mama's mouth was working like a fish out of water.
"Jane honey, who is we?"
"Oh, just me and my hackers." Jane explained the setup, and as she probably expected, I saw the potential weak point right away.
"Sweetie, that's awfully dangerous. Some of those people stealing all those funds from your clients have to be connected with some rather nasty crime syndicates!"
"Mama, I may not be nearly as sneaky as you, but I understand at least that much. We don't just steal back the money. We totally drain every bank account they have, including the 'secret' ones in whatever banks they're stashing their loot.
"Their banks get an ordinary funds transfer order and the bank routing number and account number to send it to. As soon as the transfer is complete, their database is overwritten showing that the transfer was to a different account number, in a different bank, in a different country. To an account that doesn't exist I might add. That night the free space on the bank's hard drives is overwritten with random data 35 times so there's very little chance of reconstructing our earlier transfer. We defrag the drive too just to be nice.
"Ah ha! I know that expression, you're wondering about the offsite backups aren't you."
Jane grinned. I love that smile of hers.
"Every major bank backs up its data every few minutes, if not every few seconds, and even the small ones do dailies. By the time the not-so-victimlike victim finds out what's happened to him, or her, the backups will have been overwritten with the new data too.
"Then we get nasty. Usually by the time we've tracked down the money, we've uncovered all sorts of unpleasant business that the thieves have been involved in. If not, before we drain them, we spend an extra week or two, or even a month, digging it up.
"That data gets routed to the local police -- specifically to units that we are sure aren't totally corrupt, or at least have it in for our thieves and will be happy to take them down.
"When you're broke and the police are after you, people rarely have time to mount even a token search for whoever stole their money."
OK, sometimes you have to laugh and sometimes you have to be a parent. Right about now I was having trouble figuring out which came first, so I tried both at the same time. I think I sounded like an elephant seal in rut.
Once I was able to talk properly again, I said: "Janie, you do realize that what you're doing could land you in jail too, right?"
She shrugged. "Sure Mama, if they had any chance of figuring it out, and if someone complained, which they can't and won't.
"A: They have no way of complaining since they're broke and either on the run or in jail already, and B: if they did, they'd basically be confessing to a number of other crimes they committed and would end up getting longer sentences."
All right then. Enough of the trying to sound parental. I spent the next couple of minutes on my knees laughing my head off. It felt much better than the crying I was doing earlier.
"Wait a minute!" I gasped when I finally had my brain turned back on. "You said you took ALL of their money, not just what they stole from your clients."
"You bet. We have to, otherwise they might be able to hire someone to track us even if they're in jail -- not that I expect that they could anyway, no matter how hard they tried."
I hate smug and I told her so. She grinned even more than before.
While meditating on a teenager's penchant for skipping the details and figuring that the girl on the side of goodness and truth always wins, thus not allowing for glitches, I had to admit that, after reviewing what she'd told me, it looked like she'd covered almost all the bases. What she'd left out I'd discuss with her later, no sense in puncturing her bubble so soon.
"So, your share of this money so far has been, about what?"
"Three quarters of a million dollars. That's before the proceeds of my investments, stock price appreciation, you know, that sort of thing."
Time to go back to looking like a fish out of water. If this keeps up my face is gonna get permanently deformed.
"Three-fourths of a million, BEFORE profits. So what's the total now?"
"Um...something over six million I think."
"Jane dear, could you give me some time before you continue? I think I'm going to need to go find a defibrillator for my heart when it stops, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be sometime in the next few minutes."
I gave Jane my most dramatic "woe is me" look and swooned on the floor. Next thing I knew Jane was on her knees and hugging me.
"Mama, you're the best. I love you the mostest!"
Once our hugfest ended I remembered something Jane had said earlier.
"You said that I'd be needing my good dress again soon. What were you talking about?"
Jane flipped her hair over her shoulder, turned toward me and gave me that pixieish grin again. "Why for my other graduations of course! Sometimes you can be so silly, Mama!" Her eyes were sparkling with humor and anticipation.
"Other graduations?" About then I was too tired both physically and emotionally to vent any more, so I just flopped into my chair and pretended to be composed.
"Yes, my other graduations. On Saturday, June 15th at OSU at 10:30 AM, I'll get my master's degree in Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences. Then Sunday, June 16th, I get my bachelor's degree in International Studies at PSU."
"My major focus at PSU was on East Asian studies, and my minor one was on environmental sciences -- primarily on ecosystems in the Amazon rainforest."
"You are NOT getting away from coming with me to both of them. I earned those degrees and I want to go through the graduation ceremonies and that's that!"
Jane was bent slightly forward with her hands on her hips and was managing to look quite fierce.
I noticed, with some sense of pride I might add, that my hands only had a slight tremor as I put down my teacup this time. "Two more degrees, a bachelor's and a master's? Is there anything else you haven't told me? Like how you had time for them and how I knew nothing about it. And perhaps about how you paid for them? Stuff like that."
"Time did get a bit tight now and then, but I managed. As for the money, what the merit scholarships didn't cover my business did. I was able to write off most of it anyway. Besides that, I needed to find something useful to do with all that money I stole.
"I'd always wanted to learn Japanese and Korean, and getting paid to have that much fun was great!"
"You were able to write it off?"
"Sure, my business is security systems right? So electrical engineering and computer sciences fall under the 'improving previously existing skills' section of the IRS code. 100% write off on that."
Right then and there I ran out of credulity and energy at the same time.
"Janie, I'm going to bed, right now. We can finish this up in the morning. I need some sleep, and then some more sleep, and then maybe a few hours more. Now that I think of it, forget morning. I'll see you around lunch time."
I staggered off to bed and collapsed across it. I was probably asleep in about 10 seconds.
Huh? You think I'd be awake all night worrying? Not Karla Knight. This was nothing compared to a lot of things that have happened to me. Maybe not so many all at once, but quite a few of similar intensity. So, see you all in the morning -- oops -- at lunchtime tomorrow.
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If you believe that Mama will sleep till noon, you don't know her well at all. She's always up by 6:30. When she says that she's going to sleep in, what she really means is that she's going to do some serious thinking and/or research.
As soon as she smells the coffee, she'll be out here within three minutes. Speaking of coffee, did you know that if it is brewed properly it's never bitter but that it is naturally slightly sweet? The bitterness is caused by using water that's too hot and brewing it too fast. To make it properly you have to pour water at about 180 degrees F over the ground coffee, very slowly, a little bit at a time. Two minutes is about right. A bit of patience yields a superior product -- something that I've found useful to remember when I'm working.