Flor was chuffed that Alastair’s calm demeanor had grown even more tranquil. As a bonus, even though the Witch Doctor had claimed he couldn’t sell rage reduction explicitly, he pulled out a book and showed which plant caused the effect, just in case they discovered it in the wild. Flor made a note with Kec to figure out how to distill it as an edible.

It was only around 10 o’clock, so they still had at least four hours to kill in the Carillon before meeting with Amets. Flor and Alastair walked that way. Finally something like progress. She felt bad that she had blamed Alastair for wanting to escape this game, and at times she agreed, but still thought it was nice to be by his side when he wasn’t being a jerk.

The Carillon towered above them as they climbed over the fence and headed to the door. “Let’s see if we can make it past the anteaters before we return to the temple, right?”

Flor checked her stats and items. “Let’s earn me those studded gloves.”

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Flor pummeled the Reacting Robotized Rabbit Refractor. She then drank a health potion to return to full health while Alastair looted the bunny. The increased damage protection didn’t protect against the Rabbit’s Flare-up skill, but otherwise, the levels had been smooth sailing.

The yellow barriers lowered, and Flor led up to the third level. Reaching the landing, what sounded like a slow clapping came upon her. Flor immediately took a defensive stance, wondering if ambushes were possible here. The clapping sound continued, and Flor led Alastair to the next staircase. As they rounded the corner, she saw a figure leaning against the third set of stairs, still clapping.

The figure wore armor, a sword at her waist, and a shield on her back. All the armor was brown with green piping. It looked a bit striking.

“Well done. Well done, indeed. It seems as if you’ve finally made it past the rabbits.”

Flor and Alastair looked at each other, confused since they had been past here yesterday.

Alastair leaned out from behind Flor and said, “Who are you?”

“I go by Maelstrom. You can shorten it to Mal if you like diminutives.”

Alastair straightened up and came out from behind Flor. “You seem like a player. Why can’t we see your title?”

She shrugged. “I’ve hidden it to non-party members. Does it bother you?”

Flor said, “We’ve been looking for other players for days. Should we leave this place and figure out how to get off the island?”

Flor recognized the look Mal gave her. It was the same look she got from town officials in the real world when she asked a softball question to gauge their awareness of the situation. People would disregard the question and the person who asked it because they either had the hubris but not the intelligence to realize just how vital the question was OR they dismissed her opinion completely as beneath them. Flor expected Mal’s answer would be a bit of both.

“You mean you don’t know how to leave?” Mal laughed. “You’re stuck here. Ha ha. Oh, I’ve needed a good laugh. You don’t even know what you don’t know.”

Alastair whispered in Flor’s ear. “I think she’s unhinged. I don’t trust her.”

Flor said, “That might be your best judgment recently. But what do we do?”

Mal said, “Ah, how I miss the joys of talking with a truly autonomous figure. These limited large language models think they’re smart, but it’s always so…limited…in scope. Throw me a random fact about, I don’t know, baseball or something.”

Alastair said, “Uh, football is better than baseball?”

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

Mal looked at him closely. “Which football?”

Alastair said, “…not gridiron? Like World Cup football? Do you call it soccer?”

Mal, “See, that’s what I’m talking about! None of these NPCs know a thing about sports. I don’t even think there are sports in this world. What I wouldn’t give for a feed of League in here.” {I think she’s referring to League of Legends, which is often played as an electronic sport in an arena sort of gameplay - it’s neither Flor nor Alastair’s cup of tea, so neither of them ever explained it to me in depth.}

Flor let Alastair continue talking. So far, this Mal seemed to talk ceaselessly but didn’t provide any context or substance.

“What do you think we should know that we don’t?” said Alastair.

Mal cocked her head, crazily. “You’re really clueless, aren’t you? You know you’re in a game, right? I mean, let’s start at the basics.”

Alastair nodded.

“And you’re in a game within the game, neh? You realize you’re in an alpha playtest of an offshoot of Holst, right?” Neither Alastair nor Flor responded. “O.M.G! You don’t! You don’t know you signed up for an alpha play-through of…” she waved indiscriminately, “…whatever they call this.” Mal began to stalk back and forth.

Alastair said, “We should try to leave. I get bad vibes from her.”

Flor continued to watch, realizing that even together, she and Alastair were likely underpowered compared to the woman before them. “I’m not sure she’ll let us,” she whispered.

Mal stopped, in mid-stride, “That means you don’t know about the…no, can’t give that one away…” then continued onward.

Flor said softly to Alastair, “Should we indulge her? A bit?’ She felt his nod. Then louder, “We’d like to go further up the stairs? Do you want to come with us? We can talk about the worst movies we watched before we came to this place.”

Mal’s eyes lit like fire. Perhaps Flor had found a common ground. “Sure. Let’s go up.”

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Mal dispatched the Applied Automation Architect Anteater without a scratch, then looted it and shared nothing with Flor or Alastair.

“But the thing is, I hate the interpretation of that movie. I much prefer that there aren’t implied levels of symbolism that critics made up to feel self-important.” She spun and pointed the tip of her blade at Flor haphazardly. “What do you think?”

“I’m just frustrated that they even remade it. Unnecessary, even.”

Mal looked thoughtful, then lowered her blade. “Yeah, there’s probably something new they could make. Stop being derivative. Isn’t that a term those critics like to use?”

Flor said, “I’ve heard it used before. Repetitive seems more accepted, though.”

Mal skipped ahead. “Hmm. Well, this is the fourth floor.” She gave an awkward bow. “You might also like to know there are four sides to this level, not including the floor or the ceiling, though.”

Flor nodded in agreement. “Seems like it.”

“And I’ve thought about this a bit. You didn’t know you were in a playtest? Like, you don’t know that your comments are being recorded to make this better for future players? Seriously, what are you doing here every day?”

Alastair, again cowed by Maelstrom, peeked out from behind Flor, “We weren’t given an objective. We’re trying to get out of here.”

Mal heard Alastair’s comment and considered it. “Hmm. I don’t believe you.” Maelstrom flashed red and it took a moment for Flor to realize that Mal had entered the combat interface. She drew her sword and jabbed directly past Flor into Alastair. Even though she expected he couldn’t feel pain, this was an awful and unexpected way to die, especially as they had made such progress in the past couple of days.

Flor’s combat interface engaged and she frantically looked at her options. Maybe it was worthwhile to gambit on collecting bones considering nothing else looked like it would do more than deflect blows. Flor changed a blue rune with a bone rune. The bone became crossbones and the blue gave her at least a passing chance of surviving to the next turn. Flor spun away as Mal withdrew her sword from within Alastair. The withdrawn blade cut under her armpit, easily through the new cloth armor she wore.

Come on, think Flor. There has got to be a way through this. Flor, down to two health, recognized the lie she told herself. I’ve got so many questions. Maybe I should just ask them.

PvP - Flor: How do we escape the playtest?

The combat before them seemed to pause, almost like Mal was typing an answer.

PvP - Maelstrom: I wouldn’t tell you if i knew. 🙄

PvP - Flor: Why haven’t we seen other players than you?

PvP - Maelstrom: … (typing)…I’m not here to be you’re fairee grandmom.

PvP - Flor: What did we do to you?

PvP - Maelstrom: other than exist. that’s enouph.

PvP - Flor: Doyou really want someon to talk to?

PvP - Maelstrom: no. I don’t want chats.

PvP - Flor: Please, give us a clue. We’re stuck…

You’ve been blocked by Player: Maelstrom.

Apparently, being blocked didn’t mean that combat wouldn’t continue. Flor looked longingly at the skull and crossbones rune. I might as well. She clicked the corresponding button. Mal flared red, and her sword swung in a twirl that came directly at Flor.

Minus three health. You have died.