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The Citadel of Stairs
CHAPTER 14: No loot for you.

CHAPTER 14: No loot for you.

When the Queen and her soldiers eventually showed up, The Armory were still sitting in the dust and the rubble, watching the royal procession march toward them. One of the people who lived nearby had been kind enough to bring the mercenaries water and beer. It was up for debate which had the stronger flavor. The queen's guards stopped a few feet from The Armory, the carriage door banged open, and a very angry queen emerged.

"I. This. This was not..." the queen started and then stopped to gather herself and take a deep breath. "What the fuck did you do?!"

"You said you wanted the tower gone. It's gone," Dagger said and after a pause added, "your majesty."

"I didn't say knock it down and crush the seawall! You flooded half the fucking village!"

"Trust us, it had to go," Saber said, "there was no cleansing the shit in there. Not if the whole world was made of soap."

"That was very poetic," Powder said.

"Powder, was that a compliment?"

"Don't get excited."

The queen's face turned, if possible, an even angrier shade of red.

"Arrest them," the queen hissed to her guards.

As the guards started forward, The Armory got to their feet, weapons ready. One man grabbed at Vice, perhaps assuming some advantage based on wound and lack of weapons. Vice snapped out a fist with his good arm and the soldier fell wheezing for air, his chest plate sporting a brand-new dent.

"No, your majesty," Dagger said. "You're going to pay us. And then we're going to leave."

"Somebody has to answer for this," the queen raged," and it won't be me!"

"There she is," Dagger said, "I finally see the queen in you, your majesty."

"If you think I'm paying for wanton destruction like this," the queen said, "much less allowing you to leave, well, I'll let my Minister of Pain explain it to you."

"Minister of pain?" Saber asked.

"Really all in the name, isn't it?" Powder muttered.

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"It's just a bit dramatic," Saber said. "It'll just be some bent fuck in a hood. It's always just some bent fuck in a hood. Right, your majesty? Bent fuck? Hood?"

The queen glared at the duelist.

"See?" Saber said to Powder.

Dagger looked at each of the queen's guards, addressing them as much as their ruler. "Your majesty, what else do you want to lose today?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Dagger shrugged. "If you attack, we'll kill at least a dozen of your guards. One of us will reach you in the chaos. Hell, Powder here could run away and still kill you from the other side of town."

The queen looked at the sharpshooter, who winked.

"Just pay us," Dagger said. "We'll leave. Your lands are free."

"Somebody has to—" the queen said.

Dagger cut her off. "Put us on a ship, your majesty, or in a carriage. You don't want us around. Believe me." She paused to gesture at the carnage around them. "Pitch here did this with a little box he had in his pocket. Imagine what havoc we'd wreak if you kept us here. I once saw him make a bomb out of dust, piss and rat shit."

The queen stared hard at the rubble.

"Captain," she finally grated between her teeth, "take them to the harbor. I believe there is a rare merchant in port."

"And our gold?" Dagger asked.

"Consider it a donation," the queen said. "Disaster relief. Get out of my sight before I change my mind."

Dagger decided not to argue. They had the Vigil's gold after all.

A contingent of guards formed up around The Armory and escorted them through the rubble-choked town. Dozens of homes had been crushed beneath the hurricane of stones. People searched desperately, wailing and calling for their loved ones as The Armory passed. None of them so much as turned to watch their saviors pass.

At the harbor the leader of the guard had a brief word with the merchant vessel's captain and The Armory was put aboard. They gathered at the aft deck wordlessly and looked out over the destruction they were leaving behind. The sailors bustled around them, their bare feet slapping on the deck, and glanced at the new passengers' weapons and expressions nervously. An hour later the ship set sail, and The Armory watched the jutting bit of coast until it was just a single point in their back trail.

They moved toward the prow of the ship to watch the horizon. Pitch opened the bag of gold, glanced inside and swore.

"Boss," he said, "you'd better look at this."

"What now?"

He handed her the heavy bag. She jerked open the strings, already half knowing what she'd find. The gold they'd seen was now just a collection of brass counterweights a merchant might use to measure grain. Dagger groaned in disgust and heaved the bag over the side of the ship.

Saber chuckled. "A fake god with fake gold. All that, and we're still broke."

Dagger looked around the ship, then walked to the rail and leaned over the side. The ship's hull had been scraped clean of barnacles while in port, and her name had been freshly painted along her side: The Malevolent Scamp

"It's not a bad ship," she mused to the rest of The Armory. "Stupid name, though."

She looked around at the bustling sailors. The captain was standing by the wheel, deep in conversation with the first mate. They both looked back at Dagger, and the captain nodded at her cautiously.

"So," she said to her crew in a low voice, "have any of you ever considered piracy?"

THE END

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