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The Chronicles of a Fallen Star
Chapter 56, Feelings Are Hard

Chapter 56, Feelings Are Hard

Paola’s eyes fluttered open, blinking away the remnants of sleep as she slowly adjusted to the dim light of the early morning. The room was quiet, cozy even, the air cool against her skin. As she lay on her side, nestled under the blankets, the absence beside her registered first. Poca was gone. She felt a moment of relief, but that relief was short-lived. Her eyes flickered toward the foot of the bed, and there, sitting motionless, was Ayla.

Paola froze.

Ayla’s red and blue eyes stared at her, piercing through the dimness like embers in the dark. The sun had yet to crest the mountains, casting only the faintest glow into the room, but even in the low light, Paola could feel the weight of those mismatched eyes on her. Ayla wasn’t speaking, wasn’t moving—just sitting, watching her, waiting. Paola’s breath caught in her throat, her heart racing as she became all too aware of her nakedness beneath the blanket. The implications of the situation clicked in her mind, and her stomach dropped.

She sat up quickly, pulling the covers up around herself, fumbling with the fabric as she tried to cover herself. Her voice came out shaky, uncertain. “A-Ayla… I… this isn’t what it looks like.”

Ayla didn’t respond immediately, her gaze unreadable. She sat at the foot of the bed, her hands resting in her lap, her expression impassive but her eyes sharp. “Really?” she asked, her voice soft but laced with tension. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks… complicated.”

Paola swallowed hard, her mind scrambling to find the right words, to explain everything in a way that made sense. She had to tell her the truth—Ayla deserved that much—but where was she even supposed to start? So much had happened since the storm had separated them, and none of it had been simple. Her thoughts swirled, and she fumbled for the right place to begin.

“I—uh—I can explain,” Paola stammered, running a hand through her hair as she tried to make sense of her own thoughts. “It’s… it’s not what you think. It’s just… so much has happened. I don’t even know where to start.”

Ayla’s brow furrowed slightly, her eyes narrowing as she studied Paola’s face. “Then start from the beginning,” she said firmly, though not unkindly. “From when we got separated in the storm. What happened after that?”

Paola hesitated, her throat tightening. Had it really only been a couple of days since the storm? It felt like an eternity had passed. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, trying to gather her thoughts before speaking.

“After the storm hit, I tried to reach you,” Paola began, her voice still shaky but steadying as she found her rhythm. “But I got… I got taken. By Sand Wraiths.”

Ayla’s eyes widened in surprise, but she remained silent, letting Paola continue.

“They dragged me away before I could get to you,” Paola continued, her voice growing more urgent as the memories came flooding back. “I fought them off—barely—and ended up stumbling into a cave. But it wasn’t safe there either. There were zombies… and I had to fight them too. That’s how I found Oso, my Chaos Cub. He… he became my familiar.”

Ayla listened intently, her expression softening just slightly at the mention of Oso. But her posture remained tense, her arms crossed as she waited for Paola to continue.

“Then I met Selene,” Paola said, her voice dropping slightly at the name. “She helped me—kind of. We… we fought this massive golem, the Eye of the Storm. I thought I could kill it, but…”

Paola’s voice caught in her throat as the memory resurfaced. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to continue. “I died, Ayla. I tried to fight, but I wasn’t strong enough. Selene tried to get me to a healer, but it was too late. I… I died.”

Ayla’s breath hitched, her eyes widening in shock. She opened her mouth to speak but seemed to hesitate, unsure of what to say. Paola pressed on, her voice shaking as she recounted the rest of her ordeal.

“I don’t know how, but I came back. I woke up in Poca’s care, and she’s been with me ever since. We’ve been traveling together, trying to get to Emberfall. Along the way, Selene… she stole my bag. But then we met up with her again, and she gave it back—along with a rare item she stole from Poca. It was… complicated.”

Ayla sat in stunned silence, her eyes fixed on Paola as she tried to process everything she was hearing. Paola could see the storm of emotions swirling in her girlfriend’s eyes—confusion, disbelief, concern—but Ayla didn’t speak. She just sat there, absorbing it all.

“We finally made it here,” Paola finished, her voice barely above a whisper. “And… well, you saw the rest. Poca and I, we got a room, had some drinks, but… nothing happened. I swear.”

For a long moment, Ayla said nothing, her gaze flickering between Paola’s face and the floor. Paola could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the weight of her confession hanging in the air like a heavy fog. She wanted Ayla to understand, to believe her, but the truth felt so surreal, even to her own ears.

Finally, Ayla looked up, her red and blue eyes locking onto Paola’s. “You really died?” she asked quietly, her voice laced with disbelief. “You’re not… exaggerating?”

Paola felt a lump form in her throat, and her eyes welled up with tears. She hadn’t wanted to admit it—not fully—not even to herself. But now, with Ayla sitting in front of her, the reality of it hit her like a tidal wave. She had died. She had felt her life slip away, felt the cold embrace of death wrap around her. And somehow, she had come back.

She nodded slowly, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her voice trembled as she spoke. “Yes. I died, Ayla. I… I really did.”

Ayla’s expression softened immediately, and without hesitation, she moved closer to Paola. She reached out and gently pulled her into her arms, wrapping her in a tight embrace. Paola collapsed into her, the tears flowing freely now as she buried her face in Ayla’s shoulder.

The walls Paola had built around herself, the walls she hadn’t even realized she had put up, crumbled in an instant. The weight of her death—the trauma, the fear, the confusion—came crashing down all at once. In Ayla’s arms, she felt the full force of it, the overwhelming flood of emotions she had been holding back for days. And she couldn’t hold it back any longer.

She sobbed uncontrollably, her body shaking as she clung to Ayla for support. All the fear, the pain, the helplessness she had felt in those final moments when the life drained out of her—it all surged to the surface, and she cried as if her very soul was being wrung dry.

Ayla held her tightly, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words, though Paola could barely make them out through her tears. She just clung to her, needing the comfort, needing to feel anchored to something, someone, who understood.

“I’m here,” Ayla whispered softly. “I’ve got you. You’re okay now. I’ve got you.”

Paola couldn’t respond—her throat was too tight, her sobs too loud. But she buried her face deeper into Ayla’s shoulder, feeling the warmth and safety of her presence. In that moment, it was all she needed. The pain, the guilt, the fear—it all seemed to lessen just a little in Ayla’s embrace. And for the first time in days, Paola allowed herself to let go, to feel the emotions she had been pushing aside for so long.

She didn’t know how long they sat like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, but eventually, her sobs began to quiet, her tears slowing to a trickle. She pulled back slightly, just enough to look up at Ayla’s face. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks streaked with tears, but she managed a weak smile.

“I’m sorry,” Paola whispered, her voice hoarse. “I… I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”

Ayla shook her head gently, her expression soft. “Don’t apologize,” she said quietly. “You’ve been through hell. It’s okay to break sometimes.”

The guilt in Paola’s chest tightened as she met Ayla’s gaze. She felt compelled to explain, to somehow make sense of everything that had happened, especially her relationship with Poca over the last few days. But before she could find the words, Ayla’s calm, steady demeanor threw her off balance. Ayla didn’t seem upset, not in the way Paola had feared. Instead, there was a curiosity in her eyes, a quiet interest that made Paola’s heart race even faster.

“Ayla,” Paola began hesitantly, trying to find the right words, “I need you to understand… Poca and I—there’s nothing between us. I mean, nothing like… like that.” She stumbled over her words, her thoughts a jumble as she tried to convey her feelings. “We’ve just been traveling together, that’s all. I’ve been trying to help her, and she’s been helping me. It’s not… it’s not what you think.”

Ayla’s expression softened even more, and she shook her head gently. “Paola, it’s okay. I’m not upset. I’m not… angry or jealous. I just want to understand what’s going on with you. What’s been happening these past few days.”

Paola blinked, taken aback by Ayla’s response. She had expected anger, maybe even a confrontation. But Ayla’s calm, almost encouraging demeanor left her feeling more confused than ever.

“I… I don’t really know,” Paola admitted, her voice small. “Poca’s been… she’s been so kind, so understanding. We’ve been through a lot together, and I guess we’ve grown close. But it’s not… I didn’t mean for it to happen. Nothing’s happened, I swear.”

Ayla nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving Paola’s. “Tell me about her,” she said softly. “Tell me what it’s been like, traveling with her.”

Paola hesitated, her mind racing. She wasn’t sure how to put her feelings into words, especially with Ayla sitting so close, watching her so intently. But there was something in Ayla’s gaze that encouraged her to be honest, to let down her guard.

“She’s… she’s different,” Paola began, choosing her words carefully. “She’s been through a lot, but she’s still so… hopeful. She’s always looking for the good in people, even when she’s been hurt. And she’s strong, stronger than I realized. She’s… she’s special.”

Ayla listened quietly, her expression thoughtful. “It sounds like you care about her,” she observed gently.

Paola looked down at her hands, her fingers twisting in her lap. “I do care about her,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s not… I mean, it’s not like I’m in love with her or anything. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. Everything’s just so… confusing.”

Ayla reached out and took Paola’s hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay to be confused, Paola,” she said softly. “You’ve been through so much in such a short time. It’s natural to feel… conflicted.”

Paola looked up, meeting Ayla’s gaze again. “But what about us?” she asked, her voice trembling. “What does this mean for us?”

Ayla’s eyes softened, and she gave Paola’s hand another gentle squeeze. “It doesn’t have to mean anything bad for us,” she replied. “We’ve always been honest with each other, right? I care about you, Paola. I care about what you’re feeling, what you’re going through. If you’ve developed feelings for Poca, that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Paola’s heart ached at Ayla’s words, the sincerity in her voice making her chest tighten even more. “I don’t know what I’m feeling,” she repeated, her voice breaking slightly. “I’m so confused, Ayla. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

Ayla reached out and gently cupped Paola’s cheek, her thumb brushing away a stray tear. “You don’t have to apologize for your feelings,” she said softly. “Feelings are complicated, and they don’t always make sense. What matters is that we’re honest with each other.”

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Paola leaned into Ayla’s touch, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to steady her breathing. “I just don’t want to lose you,” she whispered. “I don’t want to mess everything up.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Ayla assured her. “And you’re not messing anything up. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”

Paola nodded, though the knot of guilt and confusion in her chest remained. She opened her eyes and looked up at Ayla, searching her gaze for any sign of hurt or anger, but all she saw was understanding.

“But what if… what if I don’t know what I want?” Paola asked, her voice wavering. “What if I’m not sure about anything anymore?”

Ayla’s hand slid from Paola’s cheek to her shoulder, pulling her into a gentle embrace. “Then we take it one step at a time,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Paola leaned into the embrace, resting her head on Ayla’s shoulder as she tried to process everything that had happened. She was grateful for Ayla’s understanding, but it only made her feel more conflicted. How could Ayla be so calm, so supportive, when Paola herself didn’t even know what she was feeling?

After a few moments, Ayla pulled back slightly, looking into Paola’s eyes. “Do you love her?” she asked softly, her tone free of judgment.

Paola’s breath caught in her throat. “I… I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice shaking. “I’ve only known her for a few days. I don’t think… I mean, I care about her, but love? I don’t know if that’s what this is.”

Ayla nodded, her expression thoughtful. “And what about us?” she asked gently. “What do you feel for me?”

Paola’s heart pounded in her chest as she searched for the right words. She had always cared deeply for Ayla, but the word “love” had never come up between them. It was something she had been too afraid to admit, too unsure to voice.

“I care about you, Ayla,” Paola said quietly. “I care about you more than anyone else. But… I don’t know if I’m ready to say that I’m in love. I’m just… I’m so confused.”

Ayla’s eyes softened, and she nodded in understanding. “It’s okay, Paola,” she said softly. “You don’t have to say anything you’re not ready to say. Just know that I’m here for you, whatever you’re feeling.”

Paola’s eyes welled up with tears again, and she bit her lip, trying to keep them from spilling over. “I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “You’re too good to me.”

Ayla smiled, a soft, reassuring smile. “You deserve someone who cares about you, someone who understands you,” she said gently. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Paola let out a shaky breath, her heart aching with a mixture of relief and guilt. She didn’t deserve Ayla’s kindness, her understanding, but she was grateful for it all the same. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against Ayla’s, closing her eyes as she tried to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside her.

“I’m sorry,” Paola whispered, her voice barely audible. “I’m sorry for all of this.”

Ayla’s gentle voice broke through Paola’s turmoil, her words offering a comforting balm. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Paola,” Ayla murmured, her forehead resting lightly against Paola’s.

Paola let out another shaky breath, feeling the weight of Ayla’s understanding settle around her. But as much as Ayla’s reassurance soothed her, it also stirred something else—questions Paola had never dared to ask before. Questions that now, given everything that had happened, felt impossible to ignore.

“Ayla,” Paola began hesitantly, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes. “I… I think we need to talk about… boundaries. About what’s okay and what’s not… between us.”

Ayla’s expression softened, and she nodded, waiting for Paola to continue.

“I just… I’m not sure where we stand,” Paola admitted, her voice trembling with uncertainty. “I feel like I’ve already crossed some lines… especially with Poca. And I don’t want to hurt you, Ayla. I don’t want to mess this up.”

Ayla smiled gently, her thumb brushing over Paola’s cheek. “You haven’t messed anything up, Paola. But I understand why you’re feeling this way. Let’s talk about it.”

Paola swallowed, feeling the knot in her chest loosen just a little. “I guess… I need to know what’s okay,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “With us. With… other people.”

Ayla’s gaze remained steady, her expression thoughtful. “Paola, I trust you,” she said softly. “And I know you care about me. But I also know that feelings can be complicated. If you’re asking about… boundaries, then I think it’s important to be honest about what we want and what we’re comfortable with.”

Paola nodded slowly, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. “I guess… I didn’t realize how open you were,” she admitted, her cheeks flushing slightly. “I mean, I thought maybe… maybe you’d be upset about… you know, with Poca…”

Ayla chuckled softly, a light, musical sound that made Paola’s heart skip a beat. “Paola, it’s okay,” she reassured her. “I’m not upset. I’m curious, yes. But not upset. I think it’s important for us to talk about these things openly.”

Paola bit her lip, feeling a strange mix of relief and confusion. “What about… me being naked?” she asked hesitantly. “In public, and well… in general?”

Ayla’s gentle giggle caught Paola off guard, and she couldn’t help but smile in return. “I wish you would do it more,” Ayla teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Paola’s smile faltered slightly, unsure if Ayla was being serious or not. “Come on, be serious,” she urged, though a part of her was curious about Ayla’s reaction.

“I am serious,” Ayla replied, her tone light but sincere. “If it makes you happy, then I’m all for it. You can run around naked, like you already do, or wear a full set of knight’s armor. It doesn’t matter to me. I want you to be comfortable.”

Paola glanced over at Ayla’s armor—the Dragon Guard armor that was more of a metal bikini than anything else. She raised an eyebrow, her lips quirking up in a half-smile. “That’s rich, coming from you,” she remarked, nodding toward the skimpy armor.

Ayla shrugged, her expression playful. “I like to keep things… breathable,” she said with a wink. “But honestly, Paola, I feel the same. I want you to be yourself, whatever that means. Whether it’s naked or armored up, I don’t care. I just want you to be happy.”

Paola’s heart swelled at Ayla’s words, and she couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread through her chest. But then, the guilt resurfaced, and she hesitated, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “For sleeping with Poca… uh, well, naked. Again, nothing happened. But still…”

To Paola’s shock, Ayla’s response wasn’t what she expected. Ayla’s lips curled into a smirk, and she leaned in closer. “You don’t have to apologize,” she said, her voice low and teasing. “I saw Poca leave this morning, and honestly… I’m a little disappointed I missed out.”

Paola’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening in disbelief. “Ayla… be serious!” she exclaimed, her mind reeling from Ayla’s words.

Ayla just shrugged, her smirk never fading. “I am being serious,” she said, her tone light. “I wouldn’t have minded joining you. Or at least getting a better view.”

Paola stared at Ayla, unsure how to process what she was hearing. “You’re… you’re not jealous?” she asked, her voice wavering.

Ayla shook her head, her expression calm. “No, I’m not jealous,” she replied. “Paola, I trust you. And I know you care about me. But I also know that feelings can be… complicated. If you’re feeling something for Poca, that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Paola felt her heart skip a beat, her emotions swirling in a confusing mix of relief, guilt, and something she couldn’t quite name. “I don’t know what I’m feeling,” she admitted, her voice small. “I care about her, but… I don’t know if it’s love or just… something else.”

Ayla’s expression softened, and she reached out to gently brush a strand of hair behind Paola’s ear. “It’s okay to be confused, Paola,” she said softly. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Paola looked down, her chest tightening with guilt. “I don’t want to mess anything up with you,” she said quietly, her voice barely audible. The thought of losing Ayla, of hurting her, was unbearable.

Ayla’s eyes softened, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She reached out and gently cupped Paola’s cheek, lifting her gaze to meet her own. “You’re not messing anything up, Paola,” Ayla said gently, her thumb brushing against Paola’s skin. “But I do have to ask you something…”

Paola’s heart skipped a beat, uncertainty flashing in her eyes. “What is it?”

Ayla hesitated for a moment, then her smile widened, a playful glint appearing in her red and blue eyes. “Did you… want to try something with Poca last night?” Her voice was light, teasing, but there was a depth of curiosity there that Paola hadn’t expected.

Paola’s face flushed with embarrassment, her mind racing. “What? No!” she replied, though her voice wavered slightly. “I mean… nothing happened, Ayla.”

Ayla chuckled softly, her tone still playful. “Are you sure?” she asked, her eyebrows raising with amusement. “Be honest with me. Did you even think about it?”

Paola hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest. Ayla was teasing, but there was something more behind her words—something genuine. Paola opened her mouth to respond but found herself at a loss for words. The truth was, she didn’t fully understand her feelings. There was something about Poca, a warmth, a connection, but it was tangled up with her confusion and guilt. She didn’t want to hurt Ayla, but she also couldn’t deny that there had been a moment—just a fleeting one—where she wondered what it would be like if she had.

Seeing Paola’s hesitation, Ayla’s smile softened, but the teasing edge in her voice remained. “Come on, Paola, you can be honest with me,” she said. “It’s okay. I’m not upset. I’m just curious… If you had the chance, would you?”

Paola swallowed hard, feeling conflicted. She didn’t want to lie to Ayla, but the truth was… complicated. She had feelings for Poca, but she wasn’t sure what they meant. And the idea of acting on them made her nervous, unsure of the consequences it might bring.

“I… don’t know,” Paola finally admitted, her voice quiet. “I might have thought about it, but I’m not sure what that means… or if I’d actually want to do anything. I just… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Ayla’s eyes gleamed with mischief, and she leaned in a little closer. “Paola, if you’re feeling something for Poca, it doesn’t mean you’re hurting me,” she said softly. “In fact…” Her voice dropped to a playful whisper, “I wouldn’t mind if you two did something.”

Paola’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open in shock. “Wait… what?” she stammered, completely taken aback by Ayla’s words. Her mind struggled to process what Ayla was saying. “You… wouldn’t mind?”

Ayla grinned, clearly amused by Paola’s reaction. “Not at all,” she said with a playful shrug. “If anything, I’d encourage it. You and Poca… it could be fun, you know? I trust you, Paola. And if you feel something for her, why not explore it?”

Paola was literally speechless, her mind reeling. This was not the reaction she had expected from her girlfriend—not in the slightest. “Ayla, I… I don’t even know what to say,” she stuttered, her face flushed with confusion and disbelief.

Ayla chuckled again, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “You don’t have to say anything,” she teased, brushing a lock of hair behind Paola’s ear. “I’m not saying you have to do anything, but… I’m also not saying you shouldn’t. If there’s something between you and Poca, I’m not going to stand in the way of that. I care about you, Paola, and I want you to be happy.”

Paola’s heart pounded in her chest, her thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing—Ayla was not only okay with her feelings for Poca, but she was also… encouraging them? It felt surreal, almost too good to be true. Paola had expected jealousy, confrontation, maybe even anger. But instead, Ayla was offering her something she hadn’t anticipated—freedom.

“I… I don’t know if I’d even want to do anything,” Paola admitted, her voice still uncertain. “But… thank you. I didn’t expect you to be so understanding.”

Ayla smiled warmly, her fingers gently caressing Paola’s cheek. “That’s because I trust you,” she said softly. “I know you won’t hurt me, and I know you won’t rush into anything. If something does happen, I know it will be because you both want it, and I have nothing to worry about."

Paola bit her lip, feeling the weight of Ayla’s words settle around her. If anything does happen. It was a subtle invitation, a suggestion that maybe, just maybe, it was possible for them to explore their feelings. Her feelings for Poca, her feelings for Ayla. She had no idea how, but somehow, they had ended up in a place where Ayla was giving her permission to act on those feelings. It felt surreal, but there was something about the warmth in Ayla's voice, the trust in her gaze, that made it all feel real.

"If something did happen," Paola began, her voice soft and hesitant. "If we did something... together... you wouldn't be upset?"

Ayla shook her head gently, her expression sincere. "No, Paola. I wouldn't be upset. I'd be... curious. And maybe a little jealous that I didn't get to join." She added the last part with a playful wink.

"Ayla," Paola said, her tone exasperated. "Be serious."

Ayla grinned, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "I am being serious," she said. "I'm just saying... I wouldn't be upset. If you and Poca want to explore your feelings, I'm not going to stand in the way. As long as I get a front-row seat, of course." Again, she added a wink.

Paola's cheeks flushed pink, and she shook her head, though a small smile tugged at her lips. "You're terrible," she said, though her tone was affectionate. "Seriously, how are you so chill about this?"

Ayla's smile softened, and she reached out, cupping Paola's cheek. "I care about you, Paola," she said gently. "And I trust you. If you're feeling something for Poca, something real, I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

Paola's heart ached with gratitude and relief, and she leaned into Ayla's touch, resting her forehead against her girlfriend's. "Thank you," she murmured. "But you—"

Before Paola could finish her sentence, Ayla's lips captured hers, cutting her off with a gentle kiss. Paola's eyes fluttered shut, her heart pounding in her chest as she lost herself in the moment. Ayla's lips were soft, her touch tender and comforting. It was a sweet, simple gesture, but it was enough to reassure Paola that everything was okay, that her relationship with Ayla wasn't in danger.

As they pulled away from each other, Ayla's eyes met Paola's, and the sincerity in her gaze sent a wave of warmth through Paola's body. "Whatever happens," Ayla whispered, "you won't lose me."

Paola smiled, the tension in her chest finally starting to ease. "I'm glad you found me... again." Paola's smile softened. "I was worried."

Ayla nodded, her expression thoughtful. "I figured you'd stick to the plan and head to Emberfall, so that's where I went."

"What are we going to do now?" Paola asked, her heart rate slowing a bit.

Ayla grinned, a playful glint in her eyes. "How about we get up, go have some breakfast, and then take it from there?"

Paola sighed and shook her head. "You know that's not what I meant."

Ayla leaned in and kissed Paola's nose. "I know, but we can talk about that after food. I'm starving."

Paola gave Ayla a skeptical look, but her girlfriend was already on her feet and heading to the door.