Chapter 11 - Matters of the Heart

Gangapur

Bhola looked longingly at the offering counter. There was a long queue. Today the Prasad, the holy offering, was delicious and he was wondering if he should go for a second helping.

‘Sister, you go ahead. I will join you presently’, he said to Maya.

Maya smiled. It had been a while since she last visited the Temple. During war many people had huddled in the Temple, believing that they would be protected here. Maya’s faith in God was immense and she knew that miracles did happen, but she reasoned that the gifts of intelligence and common sense that God has bestowed on all of us wouldn’t have been for nothing. So she stuck to the guideline issued during war - stay indoors.

Now that the war was over, the Temple was abuzz with activity. Everyday, there were several mass prayers and scores of individual prayers. It seemed as though all the pent up devotion was released all at once.

Maya looked at Bhola, he was still way back in the queue. She therefore decided to head to her favorite spot in the Temple premises and wait there.

‘Oh!’, she exclaimed. It was occupied.

Sumedh had found the stone bench under the Pipal tree. It reminded him of the Temple at Kaushambi. He had been sitting there for a while now. It felt familiar and comfortable. At the sound of a voice, he looked up. It was Maya. Was it sheer coincidence that they should meet three times today?

‘Did I occupy your seat? ‘ he asked. He guessed he had, and began to rise.

‘No, No, ...Please’, Maya protested.

‘Please have a seat then. There is space enough for two’, he replied.

Sumedh moved to one end and Maya sat down at the other end of the bench. Neither of them wanted to speak and they enjoyed the companionable silence, both letting the devotion of the place engulf them.

Maya opened her eyes after a while and looked at her companion. Sumedh’s shoulders had slumped and his face was grim.

‘It must be hard, knowing that your decisions can determine the lives of countless people’, she said in a soft voice.

He looked at her and there was gratitude in his eyes.

‘I am reluctant to marry and be a householder. Perhaps, that is why I must take on responsibility for a much larger family’, he said after a silence.

‘Perhaps… perhaps, marriage is not for everyone.

Maybe, if we lead a purposeful life, it should be enough’, Maya said more to herself, than to him.

Another silence.

‘I have seen so much in life that the mind has been numbed by repeated shocks. So much has happened, that a little more doesn’t seem to make a difference. It is almost as though I lack feeling.’, Sumedh said.

‘I would like to believe that now my responses are more measured and beneficial to all, but sometimes it is hard to convince even myself’, he added.

Maya stilled, it was as though someone was echoing her thoughts.

‘Growing up is hard. It is painful to realise that we have lost, perhaps forever, the spontaneity that reflected pure affection and caring.’,she replied.

Both fell into silence again.

‘Do you think any good comes from war?’, Sumedh asked, turning to her.

Maya pondered over it for a while.

‘We learn to appreciate peace’, Maya said with a smile.

Sumedh smiled back.

‘You are right. Sometimes we fail to appreciate what it means to have a peaceful life. For many, a peaceful life is a boring life. They look for excitement, and that usually leads to chaos’, he said.

‘The discipline we adopt in peaceful times can lead us to great heights. But how many people value discipline? For some, sleeping whenever they want and waking up whenever they want is a matter of great pride. Is there really any achievement in that?’, Maya replied.

‘Discipline of the mind must begin with discipline of the body. If we lack self-control, how can we overcome our greed, pride, anger, .. or any other harmful instinct.

Or.. perhaps not. Soldiers are taught to discipline their body, but how many of them can really control their emotions?’, Sumedh sighed in exasperation. It was always hard to arrive at logic which didn’t have any loopholes.

‘Perhaps we may say -

Discipline of the body provides a good foundation to discipline the mind. For example - If our needs are few, wealth will not be a necessity, and it lessens the chance of greed.’, Maya suggested.

Sumedh turned to her and smiled, it was the smile of having found a kindred soul.

The moment had passed, but the feeling stayed on.Sumedh watched Maya leave. For the first time, he felt a desire to have a life companion. For years, he had walked a solitary road and it had made him stronger, but now, it was becoming tiring. It was hard to be strong in every situation and there were times when he wanted to share the burden with someone. But, the deeper one’s thoughts, the lonelier he becomes. It was hard to find someone who understood him, but meeting Maya had brought a ray of hope. With her, it wasn’t just that she understood him, there was more - She too was a seeker, a seeker of truth.

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‘Charming village, Sir! Shall we stay a few days longer?’, Sumedh looked up to see Bahu giving him a strange smile.

**************

Next morning

‘Will the Doctor be visiting us today, Sister?’

Maya threw the ball of thread she had been holding at Bhola. Bhola had watched their ‘tete-a-tete’ the previous evening and had been teasing her ever since.

‘You did seem to get on pretty well.’, Bhola retorted, holding up his arms to protect himself.

‘Ahem.. Ahem’

Bhola and Maya turned to look at the man who stood in the doorway.

‘Greetings Miss and Young Master. I work with Sumedhji’, Bahu said with folded hands.

Maya colored. Bhola was grinning from ear to ear. If the teasing was bad before, Bhola would now be merciless.

‘Please come in, please come in’,Bhola said, almost dragging Bahu in.

‘All friends of the Doctor are welcome here’, he added as he pulled up a chair for Bahu.

‘Yes, yes, please do have a seat’, Maya said with a glare at Bhola that implied he needed to tone down his enthusiasm.

‘Ahh.. Thank you Miss.’

‘You see Miss, Sumedhji’s coat tore this morning’, Bahu began with a straight face. He produced the coat and was pointing to a few missing threads. Maya suspected they were cut recently!

‘Now, we are so far from Kaushambi, it is not easy to find someone to mend it. And with winter almost here, a coat is a necessity. My master is busy all day, I wouldn’t want him to catch a cold…Blah..blah’, Bahu went on for a while.

‘Of course, Of course, why don’t you leave the coat here’, Maya replied, when he finally gave her a chance to interrupt.

‘Ahh.. but you see, my master is very fond of this coat. I will feel uneasy if I return without it. Would you mind if I waited here? Of course, I know you are busy, and you may have more urgent work. I will just wait in a corner. You won’t even notice that I am here.’, Bahu said.

Maya stared at the muscular man in front of her. As if he could escape anyone’s notice!

‘Umm… Sister, You may need this’, Bhola said, handing back the thread she had thrown at him.

Maya felt herself color a little more, if that was possible. It was almost as though the two were in cahoots to make her flustered.

‘As it happens, business is slow at this hour. Let me mend it right away’,she said , avoiding their gaze and getting right to work.

Maya’s thoughts drifted back to the previous evening. She suddenly realized that Bahu had been waiting for Sumedh outside the Temple premises.

‘Why didn’t you enter the Temple yesterday? Our Temple is the pride of Gangapur, you know!’, Maya asked with a smile.

It was Bahu’s turn to look flustered.

‘I know religious places are considered holy, but I don’t find peace there. Besides, I have seen even criminals enter shrines.’, he replied in a mellow tone.

Maya looked at him thoughtfully.

‘Actually, it should be a great comfort for us to know that even criminals find shelter in religion. After all at some point or other, haven’t we all acted in ways we are not proud of?’, she said.

‘Even if that is so Miss, are you really unable to see through these people who are trying to squeeze out money, from all of us, in the name of God?’, Bahu asked.

Maya was silent for a while.

‘There is no dearth of people who treat religion as another business. And how they spend the profits is often questionable. Even the Prophets they claim to follow, will not approve of their deeds!’, she said.

‘Then why bother with religion, Miss?’

‘Because in religion we find the answers we all seek. It gives direction to life. It offers a secure anchor, whether in bad times or good.

For many, spiritual thoughts and wisdom from the sacred texts are just an intelligent topic of conversation while socializing. I have personally seen that there is often no relation between the thoughts that people express and their behavior. In the holiest of places, I have encountered people with base tendencies.

And that is all the more reason why we must have a personal connection with God, through prayer and self-reformation. Or else, every time we encounter hypocrisy or deceit in the name of God, we will falter’, Maya said.

Bahu stared at Maya. It was almost as though he had heard Sumedh speak.

Maya observed Bahu’s non-committal expression and thought it best to stop her sermon. She knew that each individual must make their own journey and find their own space. She quietly handed over the mended coat.

‘No please , no charge. It was hardly anything. You are embarrassing me’, she said as Bahu took out some money.

Thanking Maya, Bahu quickly bid them both goodbye. He would be in serious trouble if Sumedh knew that he was here for matchmaking. Well, who could define the limits of a bodyguard’s duties, Bahu reasoned.

**************

Bhola was returning home in the evening. Since the clinic was on his way, he peered inside. Bahu was sitting in a corner. He smiled at Bhola. Bhola waved back.

‘What brings you here , Young Master?’, Bahu had come outside.

‘Oh, I live just down this road’, Bhola said, pointing to his house.

‘Ahh.. I see. Come sit by me for a while. I could do with some company.’, Bahu invited.

Bahu chose a spot with a clear sight of the clinic and they both sat down.

‘So, you plan to be a tailor?’, he asked Bhola.

‘No, but I did think I might enjoy running some kind of a business. But now, I don’t think it is for me. ’, Bhola said in a forlorn voice.

Bahu put his arm around Bhola. Encouraged, Bhola poured out his woes.

‘I have seen my childhood companions being so carefree about their future. None of them seem to wonder about their passion. For them, it is a given that they will take up their family occupation. Their line of thinking is - Why flounder when I have a readymade set up, the right connections and willing mentors?. And it makes sense, i.e if we don’t have any personal preference or exceptional talent.’

‘And what about you, young man?’, Sumedh had watched the two of them chat and come out.

‘Oh Doctor’, Bhola began to get up, but Sumedh prevented him.

‘No formalities’, Sumedh said as he joined them.

‘What do you enjoy doing?’, he asked Bhola.

‘I don’t know anymore. Father has given me the responsibility of choosing my own occupation. It was thrilling in the beginning, but now that so much time has passed and I am still undecided, it has become a burden. Given my father’s stature, I have met many accomplished and powerful people. I now feel small in comparison’, Bhola replied.

‘Have you considered the medical profession?’, with Bhola’s caring disposition, Sumedh felt that it could be a good choice for him.

‘Oh no… that is beyond my ability’, Bhola replied.

‘And who decided the limits of your ability?’, Sumedh asked.

Bhola was puzzled.

‘We all have our limits , right?’, he asked.

‘Wrong! What we all have are gifts. We are good at some things and for the rest, we must make up with our hard work.

The scriptures state that there is a spark of God in all of us. This is the reason why we feel invincible and limitless in our dreams and aspirations. It is only when we let our fears consume us, then rather than viewing our constraints as roadblocks, we begin to feel powerless and limited.

Come on, join me at the Clinic tomorrow’, Sumedh invited with a smile.