Enid pulled off her hoody and hung it up and removed her shoes. She was wearing a kilt and a plain white blouse today. She had the crucifix Maria had gotten her for Christmas around her neck knowing full well she would see her at school in a couple of hours. Her hair was straight today and tied in a ponytail, and she had finally decided to put some glasses on to detract from her obvious resemblance to a certain Saint that made an appearance in St. Peters. She sat down on the couch of the waiting room picking up a newspaper her alter ego was on the cover fighting yet another one of the many super terrorists as they’d been called by the media. She threw it down in annoyance. She saw Time Magazine with a picture of Michael masquerading as her in St. Peters with her alter ego’s image photoshopped beside him arms crossed. She remembered that photo. She turned the magazine over and glanced at the receptionist who smiled and nodded at her. Enid leaned back on the couch and looked to the television that was tuned to the conservative news network. They were also talking about her alter ego’s exploits. She frowned and finally pulled out her phone and started playing one of the random games she had downloaded. She heard her name called and she stood up and fixed her skirt, slid her phone into pack and slung it over her shoulder. She walked into the office and closed the door behind her. Dr. Anderson stood and moved to the set of comfortable chairs she had set up in the office.
“Good morning Enid. How are you today? You look annoyed, is this a bad time for a session?”
Enid shook her head, she swept her hand under her kilt and sat down crossing her legs. She put her pack down beside the chair. Dr. Anderson looked at it then back to Enid.
“How long have you had that pack?”
“A long time.”
“Why haven’t you replaced it, surely there are much more stylish ones you could get.”
“It was a gift from my sister.”
Dr. Anderson’s lips pursed.
“Enid, three months of two appointments a week, twenty-four sessions, twenty-five and you cannot be completely honest with me for even the smallest things. I’m starting to wonder if you are truly concerned about my safety, or your value for secrecy. If you cannot trust me by now, is there someone who you may trust more with your truth? Perhaps Eyre? You seem to have a lot of respect for her.”
Enid frowned as the doctor spoke, then broke out into laughter with the last sentence.
“What is so funny about that statement Enid?”
“The thought of me telling Eyre everything.”
“She is your guardian, surely you feel comfortable with her.”
Enid laughed again.
“Enid, this isn’t a laughing matter. You have serious trauma in your past. You have been victimized for your whole life. Is there anyone you would tell everything to right this moment if they were here?”
Enid nodded.
“Who is it?”
“Junpei-Sensi.”
“Perhaps you should seek him out then?”
“You know any good spirit mediums?”
Dr. Anderson frowned, knowing every word her patient said to be true.
“Enid if you’re going to continue like this, you’re wasting both our time. When you came to me in February you begged me to take you on as a patient. You said the fate of the world was at stake. I know this to be true but pardon me for saying this, but if the fate of the world hinges on your ability to open up about your past and feelings, we’re fucked.”
Enid picked at her nails which were done with black polish. She remembered painting them with Maria and showing her how to put on black lipstick to turn her zombie girl look into a goth look. She smiled.
“Right there, you smiled about something. Tell me about what made you smile, let’s start small, it can’t be a big secret.”
Enid sighed and shrugged.
“My sister Maria has always looked like she was the walking dead. Super pale, bluish lips, nails. I spent Sunday after I got home giving her a Goth makeover, so she looks normal, if a little pale. I haven’t seen her so happy since…since we were kids and…we would sneak away from… school.”
“You’re still not telling me the whole truth, what were you really sneaking away from Enid?”
Enid sighed.
“Greek lessons and weapon training.”
“And where was this?”
Enid looked up Dr. Anderson meeting her eyes. She knew of she didn’t open soon she would likely cease to be welcome here. She took a deep breath pushing back the rising panic as she told this mortal the first of her many long held vampiric secrets. Why could she tell the Pope and not this…human, it was the gift, and that this woman was a therapist, she wanted to dig these secrets up to find out who Enid really was, someone Enid never shared, even with her daughter. She needed to give up her pride and talk. Baby steps.
And fuck you God for being right.
“Pompeii.”
Dr. Anderson was looking Enid in eyes as the apparent teenager spoke.
“When was this, Enid?”
Enid sighed again and looked down at her black nails. She shrugged.
“We were twelve, so June 101 BCE? Maybe August.”
The doctor dropped her pen as she stared at Enid intently for several seconds.
“You’re remembering a past life?”
Enid shook her head she reached down for her pack.
“This was a mistake, I’m sorry.”
“Wait, Enid, you just told me the whole truth for the first time. Please, sit down. I’m sorry, it’s just, it’s hard to picture this technologically savvy sixteen-year-old girl with a smart watch in front of me, as someone who lived in Pompeii twenty-one hundred years ago. That’s on me, not you. Please. This is progress, I want to help you. It doesn’t matter if this happened ten years ago, or two thousand years ago, you need help and I’m here to help.”
Enid relaxed back into the seat letting go of the strap of her pack. Dr. Anderson sat back down and leaned down to pick up her pen.
“Did helping her make you happy?”
Enid shrugged.
“I suppose. I’m still mad at her, when I see her…well when I see Maria, I see my sister Mariana the one who nearly got me killed, got my husband…possessed and got herself stuck in a crypt for two thousand years because… of… I don’t know ego, need to be right? I was laughing with her for the whole afternoon then I suddenly realized what she had done to my life. She has no memory of it, but I see her face and I remember. I had to make an excuse and leave before I exploded at her again. I mean, I… just forget then suddenly it comes crashing down on me. The battle, seeing my husband go down, I wonder if it was my fault, but then I realize she was the reason we were there. She was the reason my father and I; My adoptive father and I had a giant rift between us. Her actions, her choices. We were supposed to be sisters, we were supposed to be there for each other forever, never apart.”
Enid looked down at her palm sliding her finger along the scar.
“It is alright to feel betrayed Enid.”
“It isn’t, it isn’t, she doesn’t remember any of it, she is innocent, her…mind is now. Her body is Mariana’s, but she is Maria. Maria who won’t hurt a fly. I can’t even confront my sister, my real sister. She’s dead and gone. And I’m so angry about it, and when I get angry…bad things happen. And more innocent people get hurt.”
“If Mariana was here, what would you say to her?”
Enid sighed and looked at the doctor.
“Just try, look at the chair there, she’s sitting right there what would you say to her?”
Enid rolled her eyes and looked at the chair.
“Mariana, I will always love you. But you got my husband, the father of my children killed. I cannot treat it like it never happened.”
“Enid, are you angry because she’s gone?”
Enid shrugged.
“Okay, the battle, did you willingly participate?”
“Yes, my sister asked.”
“You trusted that her judgment was correct and that what you did was necessary?”
“Yes.”
“Then, was she really at fault? Did she do anything wrong?”
Enid lifted her finger up wiped her cheek. Her mortal tears caused her nail polish to shine in the sunlight.
“No. No, if we hadn’t done it, we all would have died.”
“Then the sacrifices that were made that day, they were necessary?”
“Yes, we had no other choice.”
“So then why are you so angry with her?”
“I told her to wait but she charged the Black Son herself. I told her we need to go together. She thought she knew better than me, her recklessness got her, and my husband killed.”
“Was it recklessness, or was she trying to protect you by keeping you out of the fight?”
Enid closed her eyes and sniffled in spite of herself. Dr. Anderson put a box of tissues in front of her. Enid pulled one out and blew her nose. She clenched her fists and cried out.
“I hate being this weak mortal crying at everything no control over my body.”
“Enid, tears are good, you need to feel these things, experience these things or you will remain stuck like this, in this angry… limbo.”
Enid wiped away more tears and blew her nose again.
“She was probably trying to protect me. She was always willing to sacrifice herself for others.”
“So, are you angry because she was reckless, or is it because you survived, and they didn’t?”
“What do you mean? She’s sitting in Latin class right now.”
“You said it yourself, the Mariana you knew is dead and gone. Maria is a new and different person with no memories of this…other life. Your husband is gone as well.”
Enid nodded still sniffling.
“So, are you angry because you are here, and they are not?”
“Of course I am! They left me alone. I had no one. My children were old and long thought me dead and my father, my father betrayed my sister. I had no one but myself and who am I? Why should I survive? I’m this…vile, broken thing who snuffed out lives for centuries not even questioning why.”
Dr. Anderson nodded.
“You aren’t that are you? I don’t see a monster sitting before me. I see a woman, who feels hurt, betrayed by those she loved and by the world. Why are you here Enid?”
“Because if I don’t figure out how to find peace in myself the Black Son is going to destroy creation and it will be my fault, again like everything else has been.”
“Does that sound like a broken, vile, murderous monster to you?”
Enid shook her head.
“It sounds like it should be someone else, it should be Maria, or my daughter. Someone who has never been a monster.”
“You told me in a previous session that you need a monster to fight a monster.”
Enid shrugged.
“If that is true Enid, then are you not the perfect weapon?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said, and I’m paraphrasing here that you have an evil weapon that you use to fight things because to fight a monster, you need a monster. If you were at one time a monster, a vile thing as you say, and you have redeemed yourself, are you not the perfect weapon?”
“No! I’m not. I’m so deeply flawed I can’t even beat my own anger.”
Dr. Anderson nodded.
“Enid, you have been fighting a battle you cannot win because you do not have the tools you need. You cannot just beat your anger into submission it’s not a contest of will. You often refer to game theory, so let’s refer to it in this context. Your anger is playing a finite game, all it has to do is get the better of you, and you keep fighting it like you can punch it into submission. You are playing an infinite game and you will always lose. The only way to change the game is to introduce new weapons on your side, tools, we can learn together so that you can get over this anger. A new paradigm of thinking. You cling to the anger like it is this pillar of strength within you and I have no doubt it pushes you past your normal limits, but at what cost? Tell me, when you came to me in February, pleading with me to take you on as a patient, what event precipitated that?”
Enid blinked at her.
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“Absolutely, if you want me to help you there can be no secrets. I cannot understand the source of these issues unless I know everything.”
Enid closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“The Archangel Gabriel goaded me into attacking her. She used words she knew would push my buttons and I attacked her. I finally realized what I was doing when I had my sword point at her neck. She told me that until I found peace in myself, I will not defeat the Black Son. She…she touched my cheek, and I felt this peace inside me it replaced my anger, and I didn’t feel weaker for it. Also, I…I snapped at Maria, and I was so angry I…”
“Please Enid, finish that sentence.”
“I blew up several miles of forest.”
Dr. Anderson quirked an eyebrow.
“You did that? In Southern Europe?”
Enid put her face in her hands and nodded.
“Do you feel bad about any of that?”
Enid was nodding again, her sobs and voice muffled by her hands.
“Every moment of its doc, every single moment of it.”
“A monster wouldn’t care Enid. That is why you are not one. That is why you can work through this anger with me.”
Enid tugged on another tissue blowing her nose again.
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“Why is this so hard?”
“If it was easy, you would have done it already Enid.”
“Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel like this?”
“Of course, we do Enid, you said some…very true things when we first met. I am angry I cannot have children. For a child of an abusive parent, anger is natural. I suspect you have some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder mixed in. You watched your husband and sister die. I have a feeling you have watched many people die and taken many lives.”
Enid nodded.
“You know, it’s all bullshit, right? The bible, the whole no birth control, no invitro. He doesn’t care. He gave us free will and expects us to use it, science is his creation through us, he expects us to use it to make our lives better. The catholic church is just humans making shit up as they go along.”
“You believe that, and you told me yourself that an Archangel appeared before you with a message to seek help? You wear a crucifix. And you say my beliefs are bullshit?”
“I’m saying, you are listening to the words of men, men who could care less about women’s rights. You should be listening to the source.”
“Enid, we’re not here to talk about me.”
“Maybe you should Dr. Anderson, Emma, you know I spent ten years working as a surgeon at a children’s hospital. One of my mortal identities is a licensed physician in Scotland, a surgeon. Do you know how many lives I saved with my powers? How many children that have children now because I did what he would not? Thousands. I used magic not parlor tricks, actual magic. Narford, England, if I had not used magic, it would be a patch of farmland with a small wall where a church once stood. Its people forgotten. Now it’s a city of two million. Because I chose to ignore what the church said was wrong, because I did what I believed was right for me and mine. Do you know one of their descendants was instrumental in creating the vaccines that saved the world from the Pandemic? Because I chose with my free will to intervene.”
Dr. Anderson looked at Enid for a few minutes and nodded.
“I see what you’re telling me. It is something for me to think about Enid, but again, we’re here for you, not me. So, let’s talk about Eyre, who is she really to you?”
Enid leaned back her hand still clutching a tissue.
“She’s my daughter from my second marriage, she was born about six, seven hundred years ago. She was a twin.”
“You hold her in high esteem, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“You raised her, so why did you say that her mother was a bitch who didn’t want children? Surely if you were that then she would not be who she is today.”
“No offense Doctor.”
“You are a fellow doctor you can call me Emma.”
“No offense intended Emma, given your… own issues, but I did not want more children. Yes, when they arrived, I loved them, but it trapped me there for God knows how long. I was frustrated. I fully intended to fake my death and wander off. So, when the assassins came and ‘killed’ me I was quite happy to be free. I had… ensured they would have a mother who was better than me. A girl I saved from a massacre. My husband loved her, and the children loved her. I knew, I knew they would be happier without me.”
“Are you angry with yourself for that?”
“No, it is one of things I have done right. Could you imagine the monster Eyre would be otherwise?”
“You know their most formative years are when they are young, when did you ‘die’?”
“The twins were nine years old.”
“You know by that age many of a child’s moral values are pretty developed. You are the reason she is good, not her step-mother.”
Enid sighed.
“Look Enid, you see yourself as this villain, this monster, but in the end you’re just normal like the rest of us, in fact, considering what I know of your background at this point, you are a decent human being. Do you know how many children who grew up being sexually abused by their parents just can’t function in normal society? They can’t have healthy relationships, the don’t treat sex like can ever be loving. Tell me, how is your sex life?”
“Non-existent for at least six hundred years. Well…almost.”
“Why is that?”
“One, I didn’t want to get pregnant again, it fucking sucks. It’s like a year of torture, no offense once again Emma, my physiology is different than yours and I am unable to take in sustenance. Two, I’m not interested.”
“So, tell me about, these human lifetimes you’ve lived, you said one of your identities is or was a pediatric surgeon. Did you not explore a romantic relationship then?”
“No, I didn’t have time. I did high school for the first time, but come on, I’m literally a grown ass woman a hundred times over, bit creepy, and once I hit university, I was too busy with school and working in Scotland, I was literally in surgery for most of my career. Not having to sleep has its benefits.”
“You don’t sleep? Never mind we will come back to that. And the other lives?”
“Fighter Pilot and Police detective. Did not have time either.”
“Did not have time, or did not make time? There are so many ways to avoid pregnancy these days if one is not… opposed to it on a religious basis. So, was that really the reason?”
“I do not need sex or a relationship to make me feel complete. I’ve had four children, two husbands and a couple of…partners beside that. I thought I was content...”
“Tell me about your other partners the ones you weren’t married too.”
“Really?”
“Yes, why did you choose to sleep with them as opposed to anyone else?”
“One of them I found exceptionally attractive, I mean big Viking man with a thick beard and he… he felt safe. And the other was… a woman who I feel like I might have taken advantage of if she hadn’t been the one seducing me. I didn’t find her unattractive, I just wasn’t sure about, well other women. And well…recently, but it’s not real.”
“Was this Viking before or after your first marriage?”
“After, he had died a few years before, I admit I was a bit lonely.”
“Were you still young?”
“I was less than two hundred years old.”
Emma nodded after a short pause.
“Sorry, still getting used to the age thing.”
“It’s alright.”
“So, by your standards young?”
“Oh ya, still basically a teenager.”
“Why haven’t you done it again?”
“I guess I haven’t found anyone who felt safe. Except…”
“Is it that you didn’t find anyone, or that you were actively avoiding them?”
“Gah you’re relentless.”
“That is why you came to me Enid.”
“I guess it’s because I was actively avoiding it. I mean the only time since… I didn’t have much choice.”
“Why have you been avoiding relationships?”
“Why do you think?”
“I do not know, this gift you said I have does not involve the ability to read minds, it’s a question you have to answer. Think about it.”
Enid leaned back and thought for a few moments.
“I didn’t want to get hurt again. Lucius is gone, My second husband moved on, my father banned me from going back to the village with Rolf and Hazel. There is Allison, but that’s not even with my real face. My only other… was my father and that was not consensual. What does this have to do with my anger issues?”
“You likely resent your partners for dying, or moving on, your biological father for making you feel like sex was something violent and brutal and your adoptive father for pulling you away from somewhere if I didn’t know better, I would say you were pretty content and happy and you had a budding relationship or two. That resentment breeds anger Enid. It’s all part of this knot you’re tied up in.”
“I’m fucking immortal, my partners are always going to die before me. Why bother starting it if I’m going to get my heart crushed in the end?”
Enid threw up her hands.
“Are there no immortals you…could pursue a relationship with?”
“Fuck that idea.”
“Okay, so Allison. You mentioned her but seem to not consider that a real relationship.”
“Its not, she’s in love with Sarah. Not me, not my real face. I doubt she’d look at this body twice. Come on, I’m not attractive. I’m average at best.”
“Why did you lie to her about who you are?”
“I met her when I was using my Sarah face to deal with a…situation.”
“What situation?”
“There was an uprising, a lot of vampires died and she was…trapped in a server room at the building.”
“So, you rescued her…this sounds like an interesting way to meet. Why did you say you didn’t have much choice?”
“Well, I couldn’t control her mind, it just didn’t work, so I offered to bribe her instead of killing her and she said Date! I was like what? She said if you go on a date with me, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“So that is why you haven’t been truthful with her, and it doesn’t feel real. She extorted you into it?”
“Extortion is a strong way of putting it, I mean killing her wouldn’t have bothered me. I’ve done it to mortals who have seen too much before many times. But she was cute and I’ve been bored lately.”
“So, stop right there, we’ll unpack the rest. Killing people doesn’t bother you?”
“It depends on the circumstances. Random person on the street? I wouldn’t do that. Someone trying to kill me, without hesitation. Someone who has seen… too much. I’d try and make them forget. Failing that, our laws say death. I’m not bound by human laws or morals. My people’s safety is my primary concern in that situation.”
“We will come back to that. Now, in this case you said yes to a date instead of your other choice. Why?”
“She was cute.”
“That wasn’t the only reason.”
“I felt bad about killing someone who was just…randomly doing their job and got stuck in the middle of a vampire war.”
“How many times have you seen her?”
“Seven dates.”
“Why are you still seeing her? You’ve fulfilled your part of the bargain.”
“I don’t know. It’s been fun. I like her a lot.”
“But its not real because its not your real face. You’re going to have to be honest with her. Especially if she is in love with you, either way you’re going to hurt her.”
“I know, but I can’t. I can’t tell her that Sarah is Enid. First off my ID says I’m sixteen. Also the council and Black Son cannot know Sarah is me.”
“Tell me about your last date?”
“We went to Jasper for the weekend.”
“I sense you’re not being completely honest with me.”
“Well, we didn’t make it to Jasper a demon attacked us, we got into an accident both of us nearly died. We spent the weekend with some new friends at their cabins. It was cold there, so we spent most of it in bed.”
Emma paused for a few moments to take that all in.
“So that was last weekend?”
“Yes.”
“Yet you’re in front of me looking no worse for the wear.”
“I heal fast besides my new friends healed me up. I was able to fill up on blood when I got home.”
“And Allison, how is she doing?”
“She seemed fine. I healed her wounds. Replaced her car yesterday.”
“So is this a normal date for you?”
“No… no. Our one before that we went shopping at the Farmers market had lunch then spent the day and night… enjoying each other. There was a pizza order in there somewhere.”
“I am starting to see why you have seemed a little less stressed then usual. Enid this relationship, it’s a good thing for you. But you need to be honest with her.”
Enid nodded putting the tissue she had been clutching in the garbage. Emma glanced down at her own smart watch.
“I have no 10 am, would you like to continue? Do you feel up to it? I feel like we’re making real progress today and I want to keep this rolling.”
Enid nodded.
“I’ve already done high school once.”
“So, why are you doing it again?”
Enid shrugged.
“Maria is going. She has never been, and, I already started, seems stupid to stop a year and a half in. Besides it’s my real name on the registration this time.”
“So, you have pride in your name?”
“I guess I do. I guess I want it on a diploma finally, and maybe if this Black Son thing…once it’s done, maybe I can get it on a university diploma on something I’m interested in.”
“A valid goal. Do you feel bad deceiving your teachers and the students around you, making them believe you’re just an average sixteen-year-old girl?”
“I do, honestly, I have nothing in common with any of them.”
“How do you deal with that?”
“I just do my best to forget who I am and be Enid, sixteen-year-old girl.”
“Do you get these random bursts of, anger, the ones where you have no real good reason for feeling that way, when you’re doing that?”
“No, Enid, well the one I say I am, she had a good life, has a loving mother.”
“Who for the purposes of this is Eyre?”
“Yes.”
“Do you wish you were Eyre’s actual daughter?”
“She would be an amazing mother.”
“I know, I have interviewed her for CPS remember, now, why do you think letting yourself be sixteen-year-old Enid works for that?”
“I think, I think it lets me be something I have never been: Normal.”
“Yet when you aren’t at school you have other responsibilities? Ones that make it so you cannot be Enid, high school student?”
“Of course, I’m trying to figure out how to save the world, protect myself and my family from assassins, pretending to be some superhero.”
Enid nodded.
“Oh, my, you have quite a lot on your plate, don’t you?”
“On top of that my father made Empress. Why do I have so much responsibility tossed at me?”
“You are only given the challenges you can handle Enid.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“Enid, you are who you are, I think this teenage persona you put on, you, let yourself believe, it lets you push away those responsibilities and be, a kid again. A kid without an abusive father, a kid with a loving family. I’m not saying that’s wrong; I’m just saying you need to understand why you’re doing it. Now, so we’re not doing this with five minutes to go, can we talk about, talk about your actual childhood? Talk about, what was done to you?”
Enid started to shake her head and rubbing her legs.
“Look Enid, I know talking about this is going to make you relive the trauma.”
“I told you what he did Emma, he beat and sexually abused me.”
“At what age did it start?”
“Since I can remember.”
“So, three, four?”
“Probably yes.”
“How would he beat you? Was it a spanking, punches?”
Enid was shaking now words would not come. She was starting to go back there. She had tears forming in her eyes and starting to drip down her cheeks. She undid the buttons on her blouse and showed Emma her back. Many of the whip scars were expertly concealed by the Yakuza tattoo but many were very visible. Preserved for two thousand years on her the never changing pale canvas that was her skin. Emma gasped in spite of herself, and Enid pulled her top on and buttoned it up.
“Oh Enid, no child should go through that.”
Enid was sobbing now. She had spoken of it before, but she had never felt it again like she had today. She touched her abdomen.
“He…he branded me, said…said he needed to make sure every man I would ever be with… needed to know he had me first…”
“Oh Enid, Enid shh, shh, look at me, look at me Enid.”
Enid was spiraling and Emma spoke again more firmly. Snapping her fingers several times.
“Enid look at me.”
The words snapped Enid out of her memories of the trauma. Enid was sobbing but looking at Emma.
“I’m sorry Enid, I’m sorry, no child should live through that. No child. It is not your fault.”
“I should have done something, fought back…”
“No Enid, no, your parents are supposed to be the ones who do that for you. The adults around you. You buried the emotions deeply and now they are flooding out just breath in and out, take a few minutes, just breath in and out. Come back to now, back to the office with me.”
“Close your blinds!”
Emma blinked at her, glancing back at the sunlight streaming in.
“What will that accomplish Enid?”
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore! I don’t want feel weak, powerless, feel like my heart is going to explode, like I can’t breathe.”
Emma rushed towards the blinds but then she heard a voice whispering in her ear. It sounded like an open meadow on a spring day with flowers in bloom. The sunlight off reflecting off a placid lake.
She needs to feel this, Emma. She needs to feel human. She has never confronted this as a mortal since her childhood. As a baby bird must leave the safety of her nest, so must she. My child, my poor child.
Emma released the string and looked at the panicking Enid. She sat down. Her hand on her crucifix.
“No Enid, you need to feel this, you need to feel human. You are strong enough without your abilities. You are using them as a safety net to avoid feeling these emotions, feeling this…this panic. Just breathe Enid, one breath after another. Fight the fear, take control of yourself. You do not need whatever it is that the darkness gives you.”
Enid wasn’t looking at Emma as she was rushed to the windows her hands finding the pole to close the blindes. Emma took her hand and her arm, holding her back. Enid struggled in her panic and her fear, but she could not think clearly enough to fight back effectively. She buried her face in Emma’s blouse and started to sob uncontrollably. Emma wrapped her arms around her and glanced up at the blue sky, pondering if listening to the voice and committing several ethical violations was the right choice. She had never had a two-thousand-year-old child abuse victim as a patient before, so it was all uncharted territory.
“Enid, you are safe here. You are not powerless. You are a trained fighter pilot, a surgeon, and you are quite capable of defending yourself. You are not that little girl, and no one could ever do that to you again. You do not need to be afraid. He is long dead.”
Enid shook her head. Emma looked down at her and helped her to her seat. Emma waited patiently for Enid to clean up after her break down.
“So, your father, he is still alive?”
“Yes.”
“Where is he? Have you confronted him since you have grown up?”
Enid shook her head.
“Where is he Enid? Did you…hurt him?”
Enid shook her head.
“He’s in the north Atlantic off the coast of Scotland.”
“Not dead though?”
“He might be, but not unless someone swam down and killed him.”
“Did you put him there?”
“No. My adoptive father did. Chained him down there, in eternal cold darkness, where he dies over and over again. And when he is awake the chains he is bound in burn his flesh like acid over and over again. For the last two thousand years.”
Emma shuddered.
“And you have never thought to pull him out and confront him?”
“No, let him suffer as I have suffered.”
“Enid, what he did was terrible, terrible, but does that punishment really fit the crime?”
“I would have done worse.”
“Why haven’t you then?”
Enid shrugged.
“Do you think perhaps your adoptive father knew you would do worse and to save you the…save you from becoming a monster he did this?”
“I don’t know, sounds like something he would do. He… he also took the safety of children very, very seriously. So, he could have just been angry.”
“Well, do you feel any sympathy for him at all, any?”
“No.”
“He’s your father, are you sure?”
“I guess, since I’ve been mortalish again and I studied medicine… since Junpei, Nobuyuki I…think, I think maybe, maybe it was a step too far. A quick death would have been… better. Him down there, it isn’t example of a punishment set, it’s just eternal suffering. It’s not a deterrent to others… just eternal punishment, never ending.”
“Do you think maybe, if you pulled him out of there, found a way to show him mercy, even a small one, that you might not heal a part of yourself? I’m not saying forgive his behavior or actions. Just maybe by showing him one small mercy, releasing him from this torment, that you might not benefit by that one small act of mercy and forgiveness? You have this anger at him which while justified is the central issue with you are struggling with… maybe by showing mercy, maybe it is the first step to letting it go?”
“Anything at this point will not be mercy, he’s probably gone completely insane. He would have to be put down like a rabid animal. I couldn’t as Empress allow an insane vampire to wander the world…”
Emma gulped. Enid had never outright said the word vampire, she had hinted at, talked around it but she had never outright admitted what she was.
“I will never advocate taking life. But is there not the risk he won’t just escape his bonds? Is there some way to imprison him, more humanly?”
“No, but if I were to pull him up and execute him…it would be more merciful then eternal torture and more responsible than just leaving him there able to escape.”
“Do you fear he would come after you if he escaped?”
Enid sneered.
“He is an ant to me now. I could literally squish him like a bug without drawing my sword.”
“Enid did you just hear yourself there, the derision, in your voice, the ego there?”
Enid blinked.
“I knew you had that in you somewhere, the belief that you are superior to me and everyone around you. Physically and mentally, you may be superior because of whatever… power you’ve been granted but what would Dr Enid say that about a patient, think that about a patient? Would teenage Enid?”
Enid shook her head.
“I’m just trying to say, watch those kinds of thoughts. If we think we are superior, then we let our egos take charge and sometimes that causes us to make foolish mistakes. All the power in the universe is not going to make you perfect, and there is always a bigger fish in the pond. This might be my Christian upbringing talking but try to be more humble.”
Enid nodded.
“Enid, we have had a major breakthrough today, you can feel it can’t you?”
Enid nodded taking a deep breath.
“I’m so glad you were finally able to open up to me. We have a long hard road ahead of us, but we made progress.”
Enid nodded.
“I do feel better Emma, not at peace, but I feel like, I am not stuck anymore.”
“Good, no don’t forget, work on your journal. Consider what I said about your father.”
Enid nodded.
“See you next Tuesday, in the morning again, if we can, you seem, more able to touch your feelings in sunlight.”
Enid nodded and slung her pack over her shoulder.