As soon as I made the decision to proceed to the second round, another box appeared. Obviously. Because, really, what else should I have expected at this point.

Trial 1 Round 2, choose between: Endurance Puzzle

“Wait a second,” I said.

Ben read a lot of dorky novels with plots that resembled the circumstances I found myself in. Well, not really novels, just stories on the internet that, more often than not, were abandoned in the middle by lazy authors.

Anyway, in those stories, the hero struggled to level up in order to gain points in order to get stronger in order to level up again in order to … It all sounded kind of repetitive to me but whatever. The important thing was that I’d done the work for the first part, so I should be able to use my reward to help me going forward.

“I’d like to use my unallocated point.”

No.

“Excuse me? It’s my freaking point.”

You’re an annoying little Dirtling, aren’t you?

I didn’t dignify that with a response.

Sigh. Points are allocated at the end of the Trial, if at all.

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I use them?”

They’re for Fighters. If you become a Crafter or Commander, it works differently.

“Then why am I even bothering with them?”

Because you can’t become a Crafter unless you gain at least 3 points. To become a Commander, you must gain 4 points and get a top score in that round just to be allowed to take the final test.

A lot of times when Ben tried to teach me how to play one of his games, it felt like he was making up the rules as he went along. I hated that. Really hated that. And that was when dealing with someone that I otherwise liked. This piece of crap entity was starting to get on my last nerve.

“Fine. Whatever.”

The annoying box popped up again, like I didn’t remember my two choices. It was almost like the entity was just trying to pad the amount of words he used.

Trial 1 Round 2, choose between: Endurance Puzzle

The choice was actually pretty easy for me. I was committed to proceeding with both rounds, meaning that the harder of the two was the most logical choice. While both tests were a far better fit for me than combat, I was a lot more comfortable with a test of endurance because it was just too easy to get stymied by a puzzle if you didn’t happen to catch the trick of it.

I made my selection, and once again, the void faded. This time, I found myself on a gravel path under a sunny blue sky facing a bridge over a small stream. A burlap bag materialized on the ground in front of me.

These are xzyrscsbs, a type of beet popular on Tzyho.

Okay. And …

A two-foot-tall bird with purple feathers appeared.

This is a hyrenlorf. It loves to eat xzyrscsbs.

I was beginning to get the picture. A large iguana-like creature with bright red skin and a blue mohawk phased into being. To be honest, I felt like I’d been transported into a Dr. Seuss book.

“Let me guess, this is a macguffin, and it loves to eat whatever the crap you called the bird.”

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

No. This is a globelkrk, not a macguffin. But, yes, it does like to eat hyrenlorfs.

I shook my head ruefully. “And I have to get all three to the other side of the bridge, carrying one at a time.”

Good job, Dirtling. You figured it out the objective. But can you figure out how to accomplish the task?

Honestly, I had been expecting something a lot harder, and my first instinct was to grab the bird and start walking. I stopped myself and took a deep breath. Sure, this was a kid-level logic problem which I should be able to solve in my sleep, but my life was still on the line. Failure meant death. Better to take the time to think it through than to make a mistake.

If I took the vegetables across first, the lizard would eat the bird. If I took the lizard across first, the bird would eat the vegetables. Therefore, my first thought absolutely had to be correct. I grabbed the bird’s wing, dragged it to the other side of the bridge, left it there, and returned to my starting position.

The next step didn’t matter all that much, as either the lizard or the sack could go next. I arbitrarily chose to carry the vegetables across.

The bird, obviously, couldn’t be left with the vegetables, so I had to bring it back to the starting point. I left it there and coaxed the lizard across by tugging on its mohawk because, yeah, like I was going to pick up that nasty thing.

When I got back to the bird, I hesitated. “This is way too easy. 99.999% of the people on Earth can pass this test.”

You’re off by about ten percent, actually.

Ten percent of humans failed this test? Even if only a billion proceeded to this phase, that meant one hundred million people were going to die. One hundred million. That was …

It felt like a crushing pressure was tightening my chest. I could barely breathe.

I was being way too glib about all of this, and I knew I was being way too glib. This entity could destroy me with a thought. It controlled everything. But, honestly, if I didn’t put on a brave face, there was no way I’d be able to make it through any of this. Fake it till you make it.

I escorted the bird to the other side of the bridge.

Congratulations! You have managed to pass the second round of the first trial, figuring out the solution to a logic problem so simple that most of the children we put in stasis could have solved it. Go you!

Up until that box popped up, some part of me had feared that the entity was tricking me, and that there was some hidden objective that I hadn’t figured out.

Name: Penelope Abigail Mitchell Att: 0 HP: 1 Special: None Unallocated Points: 2

Yay! Another unallocated point that I couldn’t use now and may not ever use. So worth risking my life over.

Choose between: Continue to Trial 1 Round 3 Quit While You're Ahead

“Can I ask you something first?”

Can I stop you?

“Why are the trials so easy?” I said. “In the books my boyfriend read, they were all much harder.”

Your request for harder trials will be processed. Please stand by.

“You know what I meant, jerk.”

That round was easy for Dirtlings. The Atjioatsjhuie, however, are all about strength and combat and battle, not puzzles.

“Oh, cool, so you’re giving us a home field advantage.”

Sure. We’ll go with that.

This was giving me some great information, both about our invaders and the entity’s disposition toward our invaders. Granted, the entity was the definition of an unreliable source, but I could at least check future events versus what it told me.

“From the sarcasm, I gather that being nice or fair to humans isn’t the reason?” I said. “What is?”

Pro tip: If the Dirtlings end up winning and decide to invade a non-member planet, be sure to bribe … er, pay the appropriate fees to TWRT instead of trying to save credits by having a random system chosen. Arrogant idiots decided that, with their strength, the type of system didn’t matter. LOL! Which is awesome for me because I get to implement my new creation. Lucky you!