The brothel felt like a prison, the walls stained and worn, an unspoken cage that holds its occupants in place. As we made our way through the narrow halls, the noise seemed to swell around us, pushing in on our senses. High-pitched and forced laughter mixed with the low murmurs of men’s voices. The sounds of bodies shifting, soft moans, and the clink of coins filling glasses. The smells are overpowering—sweat, alcohol, cheap perfume, and something darker, more challenging to place. It’s the scent of people who’ve given up, of desperation turned into something foul. Even the air tastes bitter and heavy, with the weight of years spent in a place like this.
The sharp crack of heels on worn wooden floors punctuates the low murmur of voices, muffled conversations slipping between the walls. A creak of springs follows, and then the rhythmic squeak of a bed frame, its mechanical urgency almost painful. Above it all, a sound cuts through—a slap of skin on skin, wet and echoing—a cruel reminder of what this place is built on. Gasps follow, quick and deep, mingling with muffled yelps of both pleasure and pain, indistinguishable in their raw intensity. The sound carries a haunting desperation, like a chain neither side of the transaction can break, a weight pressing down on them both.
Occasionally, a soft sob rises above the noise, broken and quiet. It’s not the sound of someone lost in the act but something more vulnerable, slipping through the noise like the ghost of a feeling that refuses to be silenced. The rustle of fabric, the shuffle of bodies, and the sharp clink of coins exchanging hands complete the symphony—harsh against the low hum of whispered promises, all made to be broken.
Amid it all, the desperate cries of men punctuate the air—deep, animalistic pleasure followed by groans that linger, unsettling in their emptiness. In other rooms, the sounds are slower—longer, drawn-out sighs, soft whimpers that twist into something darker. Beneath everything, a choked-off sob seeps through, a reminder that someone, somewhere, is losing more than just their dignity.
For all the noise, the place feels too still, as if the walls themselves are absorbing the pain, the pleasure, and the hopelessness. Each noise—every slap of skin, every groan—seems to serve as a reminder that the world keeps moving, but not for those trapped inside. For them, it’s always the same—the same broken rhythm. And yet, despite the numbing repetition, something new always emerges—someone breaking somewhere.
My heart pounds in my chest, and though I’ve grown used to the noise, it still feels like it’s clawing at me from the inside. The pounding, the sobs, the way my body instinctively tenses against it—I can’t escape it. It’s not just the noise—the suffocating way it fills every inch of space, like a thick fog pressing around me. I want to leave this place behind, but there’s no way out. I’m too deep. And what haunts me the most isn’t the noise—the quiet moments that come afterwards. The moments when the noise fades, but the weight of everything I’ve ever heard fills the air around me, impossible to forget.
Some cries I’ve learned to drown out—the cries of bodies used, discarded after a moment’s indulgence—but others are different. The sobs that come from somewhere deeper, somewhere unreachable. The ones aren’t just from the body but the soul itself. Those are the ones that make my chest ache, no matter how many years have passed. I can’t unhear them.
I clench my fists, feeling how my nails dig into my palms. I want to scream, but the words never come. The silence between my mother and I is louder than anything in the brothel. It’s a silence complete of things we’ll never say—unspeakable things we both carry, each broken in ways that can't be fixed, not by any kindness or words. Mother’s grip tightens on my arm as we walk down the hall, and the weight of her touch speaks volumes. I know she’s trying to shield me from it all, but it doesn’t work. Nothing does.
Mother's face is drawn the lines of exhaustion and years of emotional distance etched deeply into her skin. She moves with a practised detachment, her eyes never meeting mine. She’s seen it all before—too many times to let it touch her. I know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. She’s more focused on getting us outside and keeping me safe than on what’s happening inside these walls. I don’t fault her; this was no place for a child.
We walk in silence, and I feel the weight of her hand on my arm, trying to pull me away from this world. I wonder if she ever feels the same pressure, the same suffocating weight of this place pressing around her. She doesn’t show it. She doesn’t need to. She’s been here longer than I have and has been shaped by it more deeply. But the silence between us spoke louder than any word could.
The world around me shifts but always stays the same in the Ashes. The walls, stained and worn, hold everything in. I feel like I’ve been here since I was born, and the place has become part of me, carved into my bones. I can never leave it. Even as my mother tries to protect me, even as she holds me tight, I know it’s futile. The silence between us is louder than all the noise around, more deafening than the groans, the sobs, the cries. It’s full of the things we’ll never say and everything we can’t escape.
When the noise quiets and the world seems to hold its breath, I feel the tension build, a kind of emotional pressure between me and my mother. There are things we don’t speak of—things that can’t be spoken. The silence is heavy with our weight, but I know better than to break it. To hesitate in this place could mean danger. I’ve seen it before. The hesitation of the weak is exploited, and it can cost you everything.
"Zafira, off to chase another customer already?” The voice was oily, a mixture of mockery and something more—like he enjoyed seeing her squirm. He didn’t even bother to look up from his drink, but his tone was sharp, the words laced with venom that made the air feel thicker, more suffocating. “Can’t blame you, however. After all, who wants to stay in a place like this for too long?”
The door to his room was half-open, revealing him sprawled on a bed, shirtless and slick with sweat, a bottle dangling from his hand. The scent of stale liquor and sweat hung thick in the air, mixing with the sharp stench of unwashed bodies and the faint, lingering perfume of cheap flowers. A girl sat at his side, no older than seventeen, her painted smile frozen as she poured him another drink, her hands shaking slightly. My mother didn’t so much as glance at him, but I saw her jaw tighten, the muscles in her face pulling taut, a silent sign of the disgust she never voiced.
Another voice followed, deeper and more slurred. “Come back, love, don’t leave us lonely!” The men laughed, a dark, guttural sound that made my skin crawl. It felt like more than just noise—it was an attack on the air, heavy and suffocating.
A third voice chimed in, younger, slick with slyness. “Who’s the brat? Teaching him the trade, eh? Always a family business, this sort of thing.”
The words hit me like a punch in the gut, my face burning with anger, but I kept my mouth shut, forcing myself to ignore them. I couldn’t risk it. Not here. Not with them.
“Keep walking,” my mother muttered under her breath, her voice tight but steady. She didn’t flinch, but her grip on my wrist tightened, her nails digging into my skin. It was the only sign that she’d heard them, that their words were like daggers, trying to pierce through the walls she’d built around herself. It was the kind of grip that said, don’t you dare fight back.
We moved toward the door, but a few more men turned, their eyes like hungry vultures, their gazes lingering on my mother. Some grinned, their lips curling into lecherous smiles.
“Oi, Zafira! A little company for the road?” One man called, his voice carrying an arrogant entitlement that made my stomach churn like he was used to taking whatever he wanted without question.
Others joined in, some laughing, some less so. “Hey, look at the kid—got his momma’s fire in him, huh?” One man chuckled, his voice dripping with sleaze. Another one, standing by the door, eyed me with a look that froze the blood in my veins. He was older, his face hardened by years of indulgence. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing in this place?”
The walls felt like they were closing in on me. The scent of decay, the low buzz of murmured conversations, the creaking of floorboards—it was all too much. The hallway stretched on, filled with shadows and echoes, the oppressive weight of it pressing in from all sides. I wanted to get out of there, to break through the suffocating walls of the Ashes. But my feet felt like they were stuck in the mud, and the laughter of the men followed us, curling around us like smoke.
My mother’s silence was louder than any of their jeers. It was a silence that spoke volumes. The brothel walls seemed to press in on me, the flickering gas lamps casting long shadows across the floor, flickers of light barely able to break through the ever-present gloom. It was the place that ate away at your soul, bit by bit until there was nothing left to fight for.
The air in the hall was thick with sweat and desperation, the clinking of coins and rustling fabric blending into the distant sounds of moans and muffled cries that echoed through the building. I could smell the stale, lingering remnants of spilt drinks and the sharp tang of something else—something darker, more profound, a part of the very fabric of this place.
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As we passed the rooms, the low murmurs of the other inhabitants of the Ashes seemed to dissolve into the oppressive air. The floorboards creaked under our feet, and the heavy, almost suffocating silence that filled the space between us and the men seemed to thicken, wrapping itself around us, pulling tighter until I could hardly breathe.
My grip on my mother’s hand tightened, and I felt her fingers curl around my wrist, a wordless message to stay silent and to keep moving. She doesn’t respond to the men, her face a mask of practised indifference, though the tension in her hand gives her away. For Luell, the words hit like a slap. His fists clench at his sides, but he knows better than to react. In the Ashes, a sharp word, a raised hand, could mean death. His mind races with the urge to lash out, but the training—his survival instincts—tells him to stay composed.
My mask is not like the ones the older men wear. Mine is a thing of necessity, a shield against the world’s cruelty. In this land, everyone wears one—some more literal than others. Some masks are made of flesh and bone, expressions locked away for survival. But Mine is fragile, not yet formed by years of hardship. It cracked more efficiently, a weakness I’m not supposed to show but can’t seem to control. At ten, the world taught me how to put up walls, but I still struggled to keep his mask intact. My expressions betray my age and lack of control when they slip through.
The hallway widened into the leading parlour, where the noise grew louder still. Women lounged on worn couches, their dresses low-cut and gaudy, designed to catch the eye but not meant for comfort. Some had their hair styled in elaborate curls, their faces painted with bright reds and golds that glittered in the dim light. Others looked tired, their makeup smudged, and their dresses hanging loose on thin frames.
The nobles stood apart, but not out of inherent superiority—they knew the game, the rules of this sordid place. Their fine silks and velvet collars, gleaming under the dim light, were the armour of entitlement. They wore their wealth like a weapon, wielding it lazily, knowing their coins could buy anything. But I saw something else in their eyes—an emptiness. Boredom. Their power over this world wasn’t enough anymore, so they sought new ways to feel alive. For them, it wasn’t about control but the thrill of owning a thing no one else could have, like dignity. They carried themselves with deliberate grace as if walking a fine line between indulgence and control. But it's their voices that betray them most. The cadence is smooth, refined, and dripping with entitlement. They spoke like they were doing the women a favour just by being there.
Some were strung out on something I couldn’t even name—a thick, suffocating powder that created a purple haze. I’d seen it before, smelled it, and watched as they passed it around with little more than a whispered word, the sick pleasure it gave them clear in their eyes. The haze lingered, suffocating everything in its path, just like the Ashes themselves—something too strong to escape, no matter how hard you tried. The sour stench of sweat and unwashed bodies mingled with the sickly sweetness of the powder, clogging my senses. A distant sound of clinking coins and muffled laughter filled the background, only adding to the suffocating feeling that everything in this place had a price.
I didn’t understand what the nobles used or why they did it, but I knew it was something expensive, something beyond what I would ever touch. It was a poison; it was sweet on the nose but burning on the tongue. It was a reminder that everything had a price in the Ashes, even the most basic human dignity. And for those who had enough gold, dignity could be bought. The nobles didn’t just purchase pleasure—they bought lives. My mother, Zafira, and countless others who had been reduced to their bodies were stripped of any humanity until only the price of their flesh remained. The currency of the Ashes was not gold or silver—it was power, and power always belonged to those who had enough to make others forget their worth.
A woman passed by us, arm-in-arm with another woman. Her dress was sharp and tailored, her eyes lined with dark kohl. Women came here sometimes, though rarely. They moved purposefully, their eyes scanning the room like hunters assessing prey.
“Zafira,” another voice drawled, smooth and slithering, quieter but no less intrusive. A man at the bar tilted his head toward them, his grin sharp and predatory, stretching across his face like a hunter savouring the chase. His coat hung off his frame, threadbare and frayed, the remnants of fine fabric now barely clinging to his shoulders. His bloodshot eyes flicked over them with a slow, deliberate malice, a look that seemed to strip away the last remnants of dignity. He exhaled through his nose, the acrid scent of stale drink and something darker clinging to him. His voice, coated in mock warmth, made my skin crawl. "Leaving without saying goodbye? That's cruel, even for you."
For a moment, the room seemed to shrink. His words were slow and measured, as though he savoured the fear they would stir. My heart skipped, and I instinctively stepped closer to my mother, a fleeting attempt at protection—though I knew it was hopeless. The man’s eyes flicked to me, then back to Mother, as if weighing them both like a butcher inspecting cuts of meat.
With a languid motion, the man took a slow drink from his glass, his grin widening with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He didn’t care that he’d disrupted our escape, didn’t care about the tension hanging in the air. His money allowed him to toy with us, to disrupt our lives whenever the whim struck him. He tossed the glass down with a clink, his gaze lingering on the mother's retreating figure for a moment longer. Then, as if bored by the encounter, he turned back to his drink and muttered something to the man beside him, the conversation dissolving into the background noise of the brothel.
Mother didn’t look back or flinch at the sound of the glass hitting the bar. Her steps remained steady, though I could see the tension in the set of her shoulders. She kept her head down, her pace quickening.
These men buy power with their money, but power is a commodity in this place. Their money buys them pleasure, our dignity, and the bodies of women like my mother. Some of them are strung out on something I’ve never tasted—a powdery white substance he’s seen passed around with little more than a whisper. It’s the kind of thing my mother would never touch, but it’s the kind of thing they can’t help but consume. Something I’ve been told is out of their tax bracket.
I can’t help but stare as they do their business, the way their fingers tremble when they hand over gold for something fleeting. It’s a sickness, a decay that infects everything it touches. They laugh, their voices a little too high, their eyes a little too wide, and I know—they’re drunk on more than just a drink.
“Move along, Zafira. We’ll call you when we need you,” one of the nobles sneers as he takes a long drag from a cigarette, the glow briefly illuminating his face. His eyes flick to me, and for a moment, the world freezes. His gaze is cold and calculating, and I can feel it, like a blade pressed against my throat, sharp and unforgiving. It’s a deep, icy contempt as if I’m nothing more than a piece of filth in the way. In that instant, my chest tightens, my pulse racing in my ears. I was nothing: just a shadow, a thing to be discarded.
The noble’s look reminded me of the brothel walls' cold silence, the way they seemed to close in around me whenever I thought I might have a chance at something more. I wanted to scream. I tried to claw at the mask that never quite fit, demanding that I be seen as honest and worthy. But I didn’t. Instead, I swallowed hard, the burn in my throat the only thing that kept me from collapsing under the weight of it all. My heart skipped, then slammed painfully in my chest. I was nothing here; the world would never let him forget it.
Mother's grip on me tightened, her body subtly shifting to shield me from the noble’s gaze. She said nothing, her lips a thin line, but her tense muscles told me she’d seen this before. She kept moving, her steps sure and steady, and I followed, chest tight and jaw clenched. I felt the anger stir in me, but a helpless fury gnawed at the edges of my mind and tightened my chest. My mask cracked again, like it always did in moments like this, leaving me exposed and vulnerable, with no safe hiding place.
A thickset man with a face cracked like old stone stood by the entrance, his rough hands clumsily counting coins into a weathered leather pouch. His hands were large and rough, thick fingers clumsy as they worked, but his eyes never left us. I felt his gaze linger, sharp and calculating, the faintest flicker of suspicion crossing his features. The air between us thickened momentarily like he was weighing something unspoken. But then my mother offered him a brief, almost imperceptible nod—a gesture as cold as the air in the hallway—and he looked away, his focus shifting back to the pouch of coins.
I didn’t trust him, not even a little. His eyes didn’t just look—scrutinised like he was trying to peel away every layer of someone’s soul. But my mother didn’t seem to care. She had learned long ago how to keep people at arm’s length with a simple look, a body shift, and how she held herself. She was used to men like him, used to this world that had been hers for far too long.
I knew what he saw when he looked at us—a woman who had given up her dignity to survive and a boy, no older than ten, whose future was already written in the dirt of the streets. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. His eyes skimmed over me, lingering on my worn clothes, the frayed edges of a life lived too hard. I didn’t need to hear his thoughts to know what he saw: a boy no different from the rest—one more body in a place that chewed up everything it touched.
The man’s gaze slid away quickly as if my mother’s brief nod had shut him down, and he returned to his task. He didn’t matter. He was just another piece of this world that would come and go with the flow of money and power. But for a moment, as his eyes passed over me, I hated him. I hated the way his eyes crawled over me, stripping me bare, reminding me of what I couldn’t change. I was just a boy. A small, worthless thing in a place that had already decided who I would be.
The anger flares in my chest, a burning knot that sharpens my every breath. But beneath it, there's something heavier, something colder, gnawing at me. Was I angry at him? Or at myself? I stood there, frozen—helpless, weak. The rage in me is suffocating, but it’s also mixed with something darker that whispers I’ll never be enough to protect her. To fix any of this. And maybe that’s the worst of it: not just the hate I feel for him, but the helplessness that claws at me.
But the moment passed, as all moments like this did, and we moved on. Mother’s grip tightened on my wrist, guiding me toward the door, away from the prying eyes of the brothel. The thickset man faded into the background, just another shadow in a place full of them, and we left him behind.