I was walking through the crowd of students, making my way to Justin. He was wearing a baseball cap and a white t-shirt, paired with black trousers. He was talking with a group of girls who were probably his age. I hoped the girl he was talking about yesterday was in this group.
“Justin!” I waved a hand to catch his attention. He excused himself from the group of girls and walked towards me. With his hands in his pockets, he looked extremely attractive.
“Hey, buddy!” He waved back with more enthusiasm. “Your English class is starting soon. Wanna skip it, or should we talk at lunch break?” Justin asked a little louder, while reaching towards me.
“I... I actually can’t face Mr. Anderson today. He’s mad at me.”
“What happened?”
“He actually...” I trailed off, not wanting to open up this much to him. Who knows, maybe he would walk out of my life just like everybody else had? “Actually, there is a parent meeting in my class today, and I haven’t yet told Uncle Danny. So, I’m not allowed to attend Mr. Anderson’s class,” I lied.
“It’s okay. He’s a jerk.”
“He what?”
“A jerk. I will find a way for you to destroy his pride. But before that, let’s go to Diane.”
Hearing her name from his mouth made my heart ache. I don’t know why, but I was a little jealous. All these negative thoughts were in my head. I was hoping the girl I liked wasn’t the one he was talking about. There was no particular reason to think like that, but a negative mind can make up things like that and overthink it.
“Are you okay, Joe?”
I looked up. A concerned look was on his face as if I was crying or something. Or perhaps, I was crying?
I wiped a tear from my left cheek and smiled awkwardly. “Oh, yeah! I am absolutely okay! It’s just...”
“It’s just, something came up,” Justin supplied.
“Yes, I guess so.”
“Listen, I have something really important to talk about. Can we escape from here for at least an hour or two? We will come back again when your next class starts,” Justin suggested, and I think he was thinking straight. Maybe he just read my mind and knew what I was thinking.
“Okay, no problem.”
“Cool.”
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We were sitting by the bank of the Yukon River, the one behind our school, hearing and feeling the soft sound of the breeze. Justin seemed lost in his own thoughts but jumped back to reality after hearing a long sigh that escaped my mouth. He shifted uncomfortably and looked at me with a concerned expression.
“Do you like someone, Joe?” Justin blurted out.
I didn’t know how to reply to that question. He wore a concerned expression on his face, and his left brow shot up when I didn’t answer.
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“Do you see anyone, Joe?” he rephrased.
“Why do you ask?” I hesitated.
“I don’t know. But there is something that tells me you are deeply in love.”
I remained silent. I didn’t know what he saw that could relate to my love life. But nevertheless, he stated that I was in love. Well, maybe I was. And still am.
“I see a hint of pain in your eyes whenever I talk about Diane. Do you know her somehow? I’m asking this because she is your age. Do you know Diane Jones? She goes to Almond High and is a sophomore.”
It was a huge confusion because the girl I see—I didn’t know anything about her. I didn’t know where she was from, what her last name was, where she studied, nothing. I just knew that she had a pair of nice blue eyes and a head full of beautiful curly hair. Diane always hated chit-chat. That’s why she never told me anything about her. Every time she appeared, it was just to show me her childish grin and to give me one of her huge, breathtaking hugs. I never got to share my personal sorrows with her. But she was the only one who could understand me even when I refused to say a word. Whenever Diane came, she never spent more than five minutes with me. And those five minutes passed too quickly when I looked her in the eyes.
Justin gave me one of his blank expressions.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I declared. For another moment, Justin got lost in his thoughts. Coming back to reality, he gently asked,
“Why don’t you tell me about your parents? Why do you live with your uncle?”
“Does that have anything to do with you and Diane’s relationship?”
“We are not in a relationship. I like her but haven’t mustered up the courage to ask her out.”
“I think you should.”
“I know. But I am afraid she will turn me down.”
“Why would she turn you down? You’re cool.” I forced a smile to wipe the disappointment from his face. But he remained calm. He was still worrying about something I couldn’t figure out.
“Because she is so beautiful.”
The smile vanished from my face the moment he uttered the word. “Beautiful” was my favorite word to describe Diane. I didn’t notice anyone looking directly at her. People didn’t usually notice her. But maybe this boy was an exception.
“Then why don’t you go and tell her that she is beautiful? That you want to be with her?”
“Can we go to her right now? It’s 4:30, and I guess her math class is over. She might be on her way home right now.” I don’t know why I felt a lump rising in my throat. An unusual feeling settled in my stomach, and I told myself not to overreact. I stood up to leave.
“Sorry, Justin. I can’t go today. Maybe you need to try this by yourself. I don’t want to meet that girl you are seeing.”
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I creaked open the door and entered my room. Shutting the door quietly behind me, I switched on the lights. I heard a few rats go under my bed with a squeaking sound. I used to live with these rats, but they never harmed my stuff or anything. I threw my backpack onto the floor and looked deeply at the painting I had made a few days back. I had never imagined that looking at her would hurt me as much as it did this time. There was something that was pissing me off, and I didn’t actually know what it was. Maybe it was the fear of losing Diane again. But whatever it was, I was desperately looking to escape from it.
I threw myself on the bed and tried to close my eyes. I wanted to sleep, but the image of Justin and Diane together was eating me alive. I never knew how it would feel to lose someone—a very close one—because I had never been so close to anyone before, close enough for me to be afraid of losing them. Diane was the only person in my entire life. She was my first love. I loved her, but I had never confessed. I did not know that until now. I thought she was just someone I liked, someone who understood me. But just after I observed the feeling in Justin’s eyes, I realized he was feeling the same way I felt about Diane.
Now I was getting frustrated. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and call her name. But I restrained myself from doing so. Seeing her would only make it worse for me to deal with it. I inhaled and exhaled heavily. It was one of the worst feelings I had ever felt. Justin was gradually becoming my best friend. And on the other hand, Diane was my favorite person. Justin did not know that I liked Diane, and he was in love with my girl. There was only one choice I could make out of two: Either I could forget Diane, the only person I have had the best times of my life with, or I could forget Justin, the only boy who never bullied me.
I closed my eyes, and the door of my closet flew open.