Just before my life changed I was minding my own business, thankful I had found a seat on the packed bus the air thick with aftershave, perfume, sweat, and traffic fumes. To pass the time I was pretending to ignore the stink eye I was getting from the whale fat woman in a black work skirt four sizes too small for her and a floral blouse that was two sizes too big for her who was standing in painful looking high heels. Her pastel pale white skin was unhealthy spotted with red.

Yeah, she might have been on the way to work, and she might be carrying the weight of three, of her own free will, but I had been working all night and was so tired it was a battle to stay awake so that I would not miss my stop.

My eyes drifted closed, then shot open.

No, no good.

I needed to remain awake so that I could get home to see my flatmate, who I wished would become my girlfriend, off to work.

'Sorry Chap,' a booming, jovial voice said. 'Once you died, she quickly brought in a new lodger, even though she didn't need to due to your very generous will. The two of them married not long ago and will spend the rest of their lives in blissful love, tempered by the occasional tempestuous argument.'

'Did I ever have a chance with her?'

'Nah, never, your interests in women were very similar indeed.'

Oh, damn. I never realised.

'Yeah, that kiss you shared was just a drunken mistake on her part.'

What a way to mess with my head. One of my most prized memories, and it was just waved away as a drunken mistake.

'Well, I made a slight mistake too, lad, which I'm sorry about. You see, I understand the pressures of long hours at work for little recognition.' The jovial voice said, still way too friendly. 'Oh, you're not fully here at the moment. Give us a sec.'

This was not the bus, that was for sure. It was a dark cave, lit and heated by some glowing magma that flowed alongside one wall. The jovial voice was coming from somewhere behind me. I was sitting on a comfortable high-backed dining chair with an elegant deep walnut dining table in front of me. Opposite me was another elegant high-back chair, the same deep walnut colour as the table.

Okay, I could understand the cave and the sweltering, almost super-heated, air within it. But why was such an elegant dining table doing in such a dreary cave? Compared to the air, which seemed as if it was trying to grab at me and draw me down to the depths of the grave, this table was—

'Ah, don't worry about it. Yes, it's true that the air really wants to draw you down to the depths of a grave. It really is.

'But don't you worry, Alex, I'll not let you drown in those depths. You see, I was after that, what did you call her... Ah, yes, that Whale Fat Woman. I was after the Whale Fat Woman, but I was in a bit of a rush and went after where she should've been. Not where she was. A slightly annoying divine timing by the tricksters led you to sit down on that bus seat, not her.

'Well, I got her later. She died at work instead of on the bus. But, alas, I'm sorry you too are dead and long before your time and before you made your impact on the world, too.'

'Impact?'

A black hooded, cloaked figure wearing black leather gloves moved next to me and placed a steaming bowl of soup on the table. The bowl looked simple, but it seemed like it was made from fine porcelain. Not that I really knew what fine porcelain really looked like. When they placed the soup spoon down, I realised that the glove fingers were too slender and long compared to gloves I was used to.

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Still, the soup gave off a wonderful aroma of mushroom. I took up the spoon and took a sip. The way the mushroom flavour was enhanced the creaminess was... And the texture... There was no way to describe the soup, but heavenly. It was by far the best cream of mushroom soup I had ever had. Not that I had much experience except soup out of a can dumped into an oversized mug and nuked in a microwave.

'Heavenly, hey, well, God would be happy to hear that. God often comes down here for a quick bite to eat now and again. Not that God can really stay long being as busy as They are.'

'Still, I need to make things balance. Oh, don't worry about your impact, yeah the wife of your crush will make them on your behalf.'

'What impact?'

'Oh, just the creator of some kinda TV show which started off online and then made it big.'

'That Bitch.' As soon as I realised what I said I realised I made a mistake.

But Death kept on with the punishment. Its voice grew hard and cold. 'Stop talking about your crush like that, lad.'

A shiver ran down though my soul, it was almost as if someone had stepped on my grave. The sweltering atmosphere grew thicker, and the air started to take parts of me away with it. I could feel parts of my soul disappear, small bit by small bit. If this kept up I knew my whole body would disappear. The spoon in my hand fell onto the walnut table with a dull thunk, splashing droplets of the precious soup all over the table.

In a flash, it was all over.

The jovial voice came back. 'Sorry about that. Picking her to fill your impact was quite the task, you see. The only reason she talked about it to her wife, in the first place, is because of her fond memories of the two of you talking about it. She may not have ever been girlfriend material, but you were definitely important to her.'

That was really good to hear, even if we were just friends.

'She fell apart when she heard news of your death. Oh, and there’s lots of Easter eggs about you and your life within it. Not that they could openly talk about you because of your family and the way they kept trying to contest your will.'

Despite the money grabbing antics of my family, I was glad that my life had not been fully meaningless. That I had touched the hearts of some people there and even made their life better. If that was why I was brought here, then I could be pulled down with the rest of my soul and be happy with how my life turned out.

With a faint scrape, the cloaked figure sat down in front of me. Sitting framed by the hood of the cloak was a bleached bone coloured skull. I was glad that the spoon had already fallen through my hands as I was sure I would've dropped it if I hadn't've done already.

'Yep, I'm Death. Accounting with souls, and the like, is very important, you know. To replace you, I made a deal with another death god from another realm. They sent me your replacement, a person they accidentally, uh, took before their time. As I mentioned before, it was a challenge to find just the right soul.

'Thankfully, they were willing, and able, to replace you and your life. As they were a woman, well, yeah, they ended up marrying your friend.'

'Anyway, where was I...'

'Just how long have I been dead?'

'Eight years.'

Oh. That long. Just where had I been all that time?

'Don't worry, I'm not going to send you to that world. It's too new, too chaotic. All those gods are still learning their ropes and I expect many more such mistakes. I just don't want you caught up in them.'

Was he really able to talk to me about all of this? So openly. So calmly. And just why was I so calm about all of this? I mean, I had just learned I was dead and I am talking to Death themselves...

'It's something to do with this cave, you see. When God created this cave, there were a few special abilities placed upon it, just for the occasional meetings like today. Well, I mean, there were more in the past. Now, though, these meetings occur once every century or so.'

Whether they were playing with my mind, or not, I was dead and there was little I could do about that now. I guess having part of my soul sucked down into the depths was a real good clue that this whole thing was really happening.

'Ah, yes, some of your soul was damaged. I am sorry about that.’ They really did sound sorry, so I forgave him. ‘Sometimes I get in a temper when I feel that my hard work is overlooked.' He reached over towards me and touched my arm. I felt somewhat more stable and comfortable. My arms started to feel strange. They were getting lighter and more transparent.

'Youch,' Death snatched his hand away, 'that hurt. Ah, they seem like they're in a rush, lad.' I got the sense he was smiling at me with an apologetic look. 'We’ve sent souls here in the past and they had good lives. They use a game-like soul system over there, unlike the system we use here. So enjoy your new life, just remember—'

What did they mean by a game-like soul system?

It really didn’t make any sense to me. Still, maybe the whole comfortable feeling from Death’s cave was helping me accept my new situation.

Hopefully, the whole system thing would make sense when I entered my new world.