What makes us who we are? Are we the sum of all our memories, or are we intrinsically more than that? It could be argued that memories shape our view of the world, and they teach us how to interact with it. Therefore, It matters not if they are authentic, good, made up or bad. In the end, they makeup who we are and without them, what are we?
None of that existential crap ever mattered to me, not until 103 years worth of memories as a racist prick started to overwrite the basic template that was Ambroise Lefort.
Clutching my head, I broke free from the straps holding me in place and tore the tubes and IVs from my body as years of a life I had never lived attempted to invade my mind.
"You are a disgusting disappointment to the Gillman name, Benjamin!" The stern voice of a man rang in my head.
I quickly suppressed the images rushing through my mind, removed the mask on my face and gripped the doorframe of the chamber as I stumbled into the lab with a grunt of pain.
'I need some help now!! Something is wrong!!'
Naked and trying to hold back the information downloading into my brain, I turned my gaze from Karl and saw my old friend Tomer Capone.
"He..lp." I whispered brokenly as I approached Tomer.
"Ah....It's okay." Tomer said to me in a fearful tone whilst holding a gun at me.
Seeing the gun, the memory of being shot in the alley washed over me. Frozen with fear, I could no longer stop the dam from breaking. The life of Benjamin Gillman scorched itself into my mind.
No one comes into this world evil, but life for Benjamin was always about him and never about others. He was born to wealth in 1919 in South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and grew up needing for nothing.
He was an arrogant child, always seeking the approval of his absentee father, who owned half the steel mills in the state.
When Ben was a boy, my father sent me to boarding school so that I could be educated. Unfortunately, it didn't last, as my teachers were idiots who expelled me for making men out of boys. Apparently, a "fight club is poor conduct in an institution of education". As I cried and begged, father, said I was a disappointment for getting caught and that a snivelling little boy was unworthy to carry on his name.
"I won't let father down again. I'll be a real man from now on."
As the memories progressed, so did my life, first a boy, next a teenager and then a young man. Throughout the years, my father always saw me as a pest, and everything I did was to get his approval. I trained in things that would make him happy, using all the resources at my disposal. I learned hand-to-hand combat, how to fight with a knife and shield, how to shoot guns of all types and how to strategise in any situation. But I failed at all of them; I could barely land one punch, I couldn't get a single stab, I lacked the strength to block one blow, and I lacked the mind to strategise.
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"I won't give up; I'll prove father wrong."
In 1944 I knew from my father we were close to beating the Germans. So at 25, I enlisted in the army to prove myself. I underwent additional training and fought on the front line as a soldier for a few weeks. I didn't let the experience affect me, as a real man doesn't get anything done whilst crying about his lot in life. Unfortunately, I was the only one who saw it that way, and I decided to use my father's connections to get away from these weak and snivelling little boys. Through his contacts, I met an odd man named Fredrick Vaught and was given a chance to become something greater than even my father could ever be. I became Soldier Boy, the first superhero and the strongest man alive.
'N..o th..is is wr..ong!! I am Ambroise Lefort not Benjamin Gillman!!'
I woke myself up from the memories with a scream. I could barely hear or see anything as I started to hyperventilate at the changes I was going through. As my panic worsened, I could feel a building up of energy in my chest and see debris begin to rise from the floor.
As I was about to release the energy, I heard the chamber door containing Dawn rip open.
My mind quickly cleared, and as I turned to ensure she was ok, I chanted who I was in my head over and over. I couldn't be that arrogant bastard; I wouldn't let myself fall; I had someone to protect.
'I AM AMBROISE LEFORT!! I AM AMBROISE LEFORT!! I AM AMBROISE LEFORT!! I AM AMBROISE LEFORT!! I AM AMBROISE LEFORT!!'
Looking with apathy past the frozen cast members, who I now realised were the flawed characters of the show. I saw a sight which bewildered me even in my state.
"What the fuck, is that a hamster?" I said in shock as I saw Dawn being carried in my direction out of the chamber by a floating hamster.
The hamster gently floated Dawn down to my feet and then looked up at me as if for approval.
'Jamie', the name somehow breaking through the block on soldier boy's fucking memories.
With that name, I saw flashes of a little hamster and years spent being tortured alongside him.
I quickly shut down the memories with my name chanting. But I couldn't stop myself from feeling some kinship with this creature.
"Good job, Jamie. I'll get you some snacks when we get out of here and maybe a little lady hamster for you to have some fun with." I said with a smirk that turned into a half-smile of confusion.
'Did I promise a hamster some fun in the sheets? What the fuck is happening to me.'
The hamster seemed happy with my response despite my inner turmoil as he flew around in excitement, landed on my right shoulder and began nudging his little head against me.
Ignoring the creature trying to get my attention, I looked down at Dawn and finally let myself relax, knowing I wasn't truly alone in this fucked up universe.
I leaned forward to check on her when suddenly I got shot in the face.
I slowly looked up and made eye contact with someone I could squash like a bug.
"Step a-a-away fro-o-m the k-k-kid, you r-r-racist piece of shit-t-t!" The man I knew as Marvin, "Mothers", Milk stuttered whilst shaking.
Anger at something so insignificant, thinking it could stop me, made me want to crush it physically and mentally.
I began slowly moving towards the filth that needed to be reminded of its place, ignoring the pointless bullets gently peppering against my chest.
In a matter of seconds, I was face to face with it and patiently waited for the click of an empty gun before easily removing the item from its trembling hands.
"Listen, mate, why don't we all take a step back from this situation and have a conversation over some grub? We did let you out after all. Russian porta-loos, eh?" The man I knew as Butcher said from my side in a charming tone.
Ignoring his poor attempt at de-escalation, I looked into its fearful eyes and crushed the useless piece of metal into a more pleasing sphere.
"That was quicker than what I have planned for you." I said in a calm tone whilst its eyes filled with tears and broken despair.
Just as my hands were about to wrap around its quivering neck and rip out its trachea, I was suddenly thrown against the wall by a laser beam, causing my hold on Ambroise Lefort to drop.