The sound of my sisters' bickering chatter fills my eardrums as I eat my dinner. Today's dinner was my favorite, sautéed salmon atop steamed brown rice topped with romesco sauce and a side of buttery potatoes. I especially love it when they combine cilantro in my rice and squeeze a lemon on my salmon. There were also seared scallops placed decoratively next to each of the Princesses plates in a mini cast iron pan.  It was to celebrate the first letter from the Prince.

Everyone was excited to see what the Prince had written and were all gushing when they heard that he had written first. To me, it should be expected that a man should write first. It makes the woman look desperate if she were to send a letter before the man.

"So, what did he write, Azulia?" Twelfth Princess Camellia asks from across the table. I look up from my plate.  All my siblings' heads turn, waiting eagerly for an answer. 

I bite my lip, wondering if I should tell them or not. I mean, these girls are my sisters. Maybe they get to know before it's announced in public. I open my mouth to answer, but I stop when I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I look up to see my Mom.

Mama gazes at me with her frost colored eyes and shakes her head. She turns to my sisters, "I know you are all eager to hear about the Prince's letter today. But because this engagement is crucial to the future of Hydrangea, we must ensure the validity of this letter first. We are never too sure if this letter was faked by someone in our to harm our Kingdom. We do not want to give you false news. Sorry, my dear daughters, you'll have to wait till the papers come out in public."

In the presence of my Mother, all my sisters immediately calm down and resume bickering about their day. I smile at my Mother, thanking her for saving me from a possible mistake. She takes the chair next to me and watches me consume a spoon of my rice. My eyes glace at her and give her a questioning expression.

She chuckles. "I remember feeding you when you were just a baby. Now look at you, you're getting married."

I put my spoon down. Shouldn't we be talking about the smear on the letter? "Did you read it, mother?" I ask.

"Hm?" she replies questioningly.

My eyes gaze into hers, "The letter."

My Mama's gratified face turns into a grimace. "Finish eating. I need to talk to you." I nod.

Mama gets up and gestures for the kitchen maid in the corner. She looks around, confused if the Empress was calling her. Realizing my Mother wants to speak to her, she hurriedly runs over.

"Your grace." She says while sinking into a low curtsy, taking her black maid's dress with her index finger and thumb. My Mom puts a hand on the maid's shoulder and reduces her head next to the maid's ear. She whispers something imperceptible from where I sat. Mama pulls back and grins at me. I had gotten used to Mama's unusual methods of doing things.  I watch as she exits the dining hall, giving Alstro an embrace along the way.

When she disappears, the maid raises her head. A presumptuous smile beams across her face, and she claps her hands, drawing attention from everyone in the room. The Princesses' chattering comes to a halt, and they all look at the maid.  I, too, look at her, confused.

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"Dinner will end early today due to some.. ah.. kitchen issues. Sorry Princesses, if you wish to finish your dinner, you can take it to your chambers." She declares. 

The grin on her face gives her away. You can obviously tell it was a lie. My sisters look at her perplexed and annoyed. They didn't see the encounter between her and Mama. I knew they wouldn't listen to the mere words of a maid, so I stood up. I fixed the skirt of my dress and aimed a smile and the maid.

"Thank you.. uhh? You .. are?" I ask.

"I'm Lili, First Princess." She replies instantly, her eyes glimmering, peering into mine.

I nod. "Thank you, Lili. Please tell the other Maids to clean the table. I'll be heading to my room now. The dinner today was absolutely delightful; I really appreciate the kitchen's work today."

The other girls look to each other and whisper. They all stand up, following my lead. I head towards the exit, and a butler opens the door for me.

As I walk in the direction of my room, I couldn't help but get lost in my thoughts again. It's been happening a lot lately, and I don't know why. There are times when I often lose myself in a reverie and can't focus on lessons. My mind wanders to the time I was poisoned. I've been thinking about it non-stop. Had I really been poisoned? If so, why didn't any of my sisters faint? We all drank tea brewed from the same pot, and I don't remember moving far enough from my cup not to notice someone slip something in my tea. If someone did poison my drink, I would have seen.

I try to change the topic in my head. I shouldn't worry about it. There's something in my heart that tells me that it's insignificant, but my head thinks logically. My head keeps bothering me, saying someone trying to end my life. Especially when I saw the mark on the letter from the Prince. It was so alarming. Where was Mama now? She has to know why Reynaldus' words were red, right?

A maid bows when she sees me appear from the corridor. "Greetings, First Princess."

I smile in acknowledgment and continue walking. Did Mama tell me where she wanted me to meet her?

I turn back to the maid. "Hey, have you seen the Empress?" I ask.

She turns her head, "Ah. I saw her just now entering your room."

"Thank you, dear."

I walk gracefully away when she replies, but as soon as she's out from my vision, I run towards my room. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I'd probably look ridiculous if someone saw me. Before long, I make it to my door and pause to catch my breath. I fix my dress and posture before entering, making sure no one would notice I had just run all the way here.

Sitting at my vanity was my Mother; she wore the same crystal decorated azure dress from the dining room. She was so stunningly gorgeous with her light blonde hair and pale ice-blue optics. Her attire made her look like a powerful ice queen.

As soon as she heard the door shut, she turns, and our eyes meet. "Azulia, take a seat. I have some important news for you."

I do as told, patting my dress down before taking the seat. I fix my dress a lot lately. I didn't do it a lot before my collapse. I feel a little more cautious of the things around me too.

"Oh, what to do what to do.." She sighs. I look up, startled by my Mama's relaxed body position.  Her posture was nonexistent and a dejected expression appears on her countenance.

"Mama?" Seeing her look so uncontrollably stressed made me grab her hands in mine. Her fingers felt cold, and her countenance let out from the intense expression she usually held. She looked tired, yet she still looked stunning and flawless. "Mama, are you alright? Is something the matter?"

She must have held such a perfect expression so my sisters wouldn't worry.

"Oh, my beautiful Azulia." She says, her cold hands gripping tightly to mine. She kissed my fingertips and caressed my hand. "Azulia, I know I should have told you this before.. but no matter what.. you have to go through with this marriage. Hydrangea depends on this." I've never seen her this way before, but it made me feel like Mother understood me.

"I know, but sometimes I-" I began. 

"I see it Azulia; you were hesitant last week when we had dinner. I could feel your fear next to me."

"I'm sorry Mama... I.. I just.. I just feel like... Don't worry, Mother, I'm ready, ok? I'll do anything, ok?" My brows knitted. Mother knows I'm not ready. She knows I'm going to let her down.

"No, Azulia. You have to do it right... We're having a war."

For a moment, I paused to process the information.

And there it was—my first time. The pain, the helplessness, the twisting I felt in my heart. My head felt like it was going to explode. I don't know what came over me. I felt like this body and mind weren't' mine anymore. It started with a single tear, followed by several more. Why was I crying over a war that hadn't even started yet? But the pain was unimaginable.

I screamed. These feelings were not my own. I didn't feel sad or upset or scared, but my hands gripped my head, and I cried. My heart was running, and my head was pounding. It felt like fire, like flames, like burning.. burning... It hurt.

I  collapsed. Where was Mama? I couldn't see anything. All I felt was the pain. Tears streamed down my cheeks. What was this? Why was I hurting.. so much?

Then I saw the fire. The flames. The sparks. And amidst the flares and light, I saw a figure. It shouted something at me... What did they say..? Then they crumbled into the burning sparks. Fading away.