"How disgusting..."

"Who does he think he's fooling?"

"Unsightly. How unsightly."

I walked down the street, my blanket trailing behind me. Obviously I was unaware of this fact, because my blanket is quite precious to me and if I had known it was gathering dust like Yugioh cards on a 30-year-old's cabinet then I would have died from shame.

To the people watching me that would have probably been a relief.

A teenage guy, dressed in a tuxedo, coupled with a bow tie and suspenders, with blonde hair slicked back (in a very stylish way I might add), strolling in the middle of the road with a blanket. How much weirder could it get?

The previously quiet road was ruined by a sudden screech.

I didn't look behind myself and merely walked a little faster.

And because I walk at a snail's pace since I'm extremely lazy, I went from my pace to a normal person's. And when you are obstructing the path of a vehicle driven by anxious teenagers trying way too hard to act like gangsters, teenagers who are used to speeds of 80 and 100 miles per hour, that is incredibly slow.

A few seconds passed.

I knew that someone was impatient. A bottle cap was thrown, but it merely sank into the deep cavern which is my thick hair.

I turned around with a smile. "Luxurious, isn't it?"

One of them answered with spunk, reprimanding me with, "Unless you are talking about my sick four-wheeler, then I suggest you get lost you dumbass."

Knowing how proud people are of their cars, I couldn't resist poking fun, saying, "My grandmother drives a better car than that. And she drives a beetle."

One of the teenagers in the backseat, not the one that spoke up earlier, mumbled something about Volkswagen being a respectable company.

The driver, whom I assumed was the leader, decided that he needed to show his dominance. "Shut up!" Pointing at me, he yelled, "Get the fuck out of the way, or I will kill you out of the way!"

"Kill me out of the- "

"I mean- shut up! Just get away from here or you will regret it, you asshole!"

I haughtily looked away, draping my body with my blanket, almost like it was a scarf. Didn't even need to look back, I could practically hear the vein in his neck swelling up and then popping. Suddenly the shop I had been walking toward disappeared and was replaced with sky.

My eyes widened. He actually rammed me with my back turned.

A high-pitched squeak was followed by a titter of laughter. Girls, I'd say around my age, maybe slightly older, were looking at me from the sidewalk, hands covering their mouths in a pretentious manner that made me want to puke. My thoughts began: I'm not doing this to look good, I'm not doing this to look good, I'm not- ok who am I kidding, I have to salvage my reputation.

I turned around and slapped their car with my blanket.

The driver laughed. Everyone else followed like lemmings (and I know, dear readers, that lemmings don't actually follow each other off cliffs, but I like the saying, ok).

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Now, when someone laughs at me, I usually try to ignore it. My parents say I'm a good kid, and my friends have learned that they can make jokes about me because I won't take it too seriously.

But there's a point where the incessant laughing gets a little ridiculous, and I was thinking that the situation had reached that point.

So I clenched my chest and activated my power.

My blanket abruptly fell off my chest, but instead of falling, floated, like a balloon trapped in limbo. An ambience shrouded my body. This energy caused my blanket to swirl around my body like a bowl of cookie dough being whisked, cracking the ground with its intense pressure. See...the thing is, I don't carry around a blanket because I'm some kind of man baby. I carry one around because it is the only object that can channel my immense power.

One of the girls in the convertible, wearing a shirt with a picture of Pursee Jacksun (think of the incorrect spelling as a reference to a reference (like MgRonald from The Devil is a Part Timer)), jumped out of the car and ran. I guess she had read enough of the series to know that when crazy shit happens, it just goes downhill from there.

She was hella right.

I manipulated my blanket. It sprang like a voracious snake and curled around one punk's head, obstructing his vision. I vaulted over the windshield of the open-air car and kicked with both legs in mid-air, slamming into the kid without mercy. He flew out of the car.

I grinned at them. "Guess a year of Tae Kwon Do comes in handy, eh?"

Without responding they just gaped at me, mouths so wide I could have fit five MgRonald's burgers in there. Well, they are kinda small. That's besides the point though.

Events came to a standstill. They were still processing the fact that I had some kind of magic blanket, and I was processing the fact that they were processing that. Did I mention I'm a huge procrastinator?

When the one teenager I had attacked groaned, slapped the ground viciously, then got up and stared at me with a beady look in his eye, I knew it was time to take my leave.

I tried to stride away like a badass.

Then someone put their hand on their shoulder. An ominous silence. My head tilted in a friendly manner. "How do you do- "

I stopped. The fender of the car was on my shoulder. And it was chafing awfully bad.

The trunk of the car popped up. Someone yawned, then hopped out and stood on top of the convertible. "Judging from the noises that were filling my head while I was trying to sleep...you are the one trying to ruin my day?"

I gulped.

The man was ripped, his sleeveless T-shirt displaying his obviously bodybuilder physique. His hair was shaved close to his scalp, and his grizzled beard clued me in. He was twenty-five at least.

That wasn't all.

His ambience was so strong it caused the temperature to drop.

Hmmm...I am going to die.