“And now you’re telling me you want to drop out?!”
Shen’s mother is screeching at him for even offering to drop out of uni. One throwaway line at dinner is enough to rile her up and attempt to start a screaming match. His father looks just as intense, though he has spoken very little. Whenever he does, he bangs his fist on the table, rambling about how he hadn’t raised him to be a disappointment. He can tell his mother is starting to get inconsolable as tears well up within her.
“You don’t want to work! You don’t want to learn! You don’t want to study! You don’t want sports! You don’t want anything!!”
While she’s going on and on about how he’s a disappointment and never ever does anything of his own volition. He can’t help but think that the only thing they sanction is their fantasy of life. Anything other than perfect is forbidden. If he were to drop out, what would happen to their bragging rights? Though he doesn’t interact with any of the neighborhood kids he used to be friends with anymore, they still insist on displaying their little trophy. Though they barely, if ever, interact with people in the neighborhood, they still need to be sure that whenever there may be a chance, they need those achievements to display.
“You’re fucking idiots!”
It’s the first time he has talked back in ages. The last time, he had to take a beating. Whether or not they’d dare to actually lay a hand on him now that he’s taller than the both of them is another question. But at least this time, he can defend himself.
“This is what I get. This is my punishment!”
Now tears are streaming down her face. Whenever she gets to this stage, she’ll talk about how all her mistakes in life have caught up to her. Her sins have come to haunt her, and now she’s repaying that debt. While she’s dealing with this hysteria, his father usually keeps quiet as he’s being lambasted for being a low-earning drunkard who always avoids his family and is likely a cheater. She has lots and lots to say about how it’s his fault that Shen turned out that way. His father is just full of bad seed, and the reason why they only have one kid despite the many attempts at creating more.
“You do deserve it. It is your punishment! I don’t care. Just leave me alone!”
He counters. He’s actually talking back.
He leaves and goes on a walk. He knows his father will be borderline unresponsive and incredibly aggressive after his walk due to whatever drugs he’s taking, but he doesn’t care. If necessary, he’ll spend the night outside quarreling with whatever troublemaker comes his way.
“Love how quiet and innocent he looks whenever she’s yelling at him, but he’s always so ready to beat me and her when enough bullshit is in his system.”
Shen considers calling Nikolay but believes it best not to bother his friend, yet as soon as he steps into the park wherein they first met, they happen to come across each other.
“Another tough night, huh?”
Shen retells his story expecting the same old response from Nikolay about how he should cut ties. Yet this time, he’s only on standby, quiet and undisturbed by this story. Something is off about him, and it worries Shen even though he has enough to worry about.
“Are you okay?”
“I just don’t get it. Why do you keep up with that shit,” Nikolay says a little more frustrated than usual.
“Well… They’re-”
“They’re your parents. So why? At least you get paid to put up with bullshit at your job but why your parents? You pay a share of the bills. You buy groceries. You’d probably buy gas if you had a car, yet you can’t just move out?”
Shen remains quiet.
“I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m trying to be a dick about it, but you put yourself through so much, and it’s frustrating to look at, you know. We’re talking about this again and again and again for what? So you can go back to that and deal with more of that shit??”
“I’m sorry.”
Dejected.
“No, I’m sorry. I overreacted.”
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Before they could talk about it, Nikolay flies off without even bidding his goodbyes. He has a point. Why subject yourself to pointless cruelty when you could be surrounded by loved ones who would never treat your character as an affront to their way of life. Shen’s workplace is also godawful to the point that he has enough job experience to find something new that would likely pay him more. It’s not like he needs the job either. At this point, he has amassed enough savings to confidently move out, finish uni, and not work for a year.
“Well… maybe she’s right. Even Nikolay is mad at me, and he doesn’t seem like the type of guy to hold grudges. I can’t do right by anyone, can I?”
…
……
………
Though they’re always so eager to text each other and think of plans, there’s been radio silence between the two of them. It has been weeks since their last interaction believing each other to have abandoned their friendships because they’re unbearable. Meanwhile, Smoker, is as melancholic as ever listening to Nikolay.
“I can understand. I’ve been on both sides of that same stupid coin toss of love,” he claims. “You can’t just tell him to ditch his parents, but you shouldn’t have to deal with them either.”
“But they’re not my parents! I shouldn’t have said those things! I don’t have the right to talk shit when I’m like this!!”
“I haven’t been in many relationships, nor have I had that many friends, but my very first relationship ended because of these things.”
“Unlike your friend, I was a bumbling fool who always had to defend my parents no matter what happened, and that took a toll on her. It’s not that she lacked empathy and only thought of herself. She just couldn’t bear watching her partner beat himself up over mundane things as he was being abused. I didn’t get why she’d leave me, and for a while, I did resent her.”
“And after that?”
“After what? It was over. No one can support someone until they’re willing to support themself. It’s just a pointless, exhausting battle with no end in sight.”
Nikolay nods, feeling awful about there possibly being no solution.
“I did resent her until I experienced it myself,” Smoker claims. He’s clearly trying to offer some kind of hope to Nikolay.
“I had a girlfriend that was mistreated like I was. Misery often loves company. People with awful histories tend to flock to each other. Birds of a feather and all that stuff, you know? Watching her put up with a shitty job and her shitty parents was awful. I understood that I felt the same way my first girlfriend did. Sometimes, I still wonder what would have happened had she articulated that in a way past me could have made sense of.”
“Do you think you’d still be together?” Nikolay asks as the glint of hope in his eyes burns brighter than ever.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to know because that would mean a future without my kid and my wife,” Smoker claims.
“But you don’t have that future quite yet. Neither does he. So, put those feelings into words. It can be gibberish for all I care. It just has to be something Shen understands.”
“I will!”
Determined he’s ready to go and meet Shen right now but is dissuaded from doing so as it is the middle of the night. He often works on weekends, so finding him after work should be no issue. Though it is strange that he can’t just text or call him. The next day, a Saturday, he’s up and running towards the kiosk that has been mistreating him. Though he did get there almost fifteen minutes after Shen’s shift ended, he manages to catch Shen just clocking out and heading home.
“Oh, hey!”
“Hey.”
They’re awkwardly standing in front of the kiosk, twiddling their thumbs until they realize that they’re blocking. Both struggle to get a word out, gasping for air, preparing for the feelings they’re trying to convey. Yet each attempt deflates the moment they attempt to move their lips.
“Got anything planned? Like right now?” Nikolay asks.
“That’s not what you wanted, idiot! We wanted to talk,” he thinks.
“Nothing… How about you walk me home?” Shen answers.
“… even though I’m being a pain in the ass…” he thinks.
They go about this conversation with awkwardness taken to the extreme. Shen is nervously shuffling his bag around, trying to avoid his gaze. Nikolay can’t help but play around with his fingers just focusing on them instead of what he was trying to do. Simple everyday questions with zero substance and basic replies are thrown at each other over and over again before they finally reach Shen’s apartment.
“Guess that’s it for today! Well… Until next time?” Nikolay says with a little voicecrack midsentence.
“No.”
“??”
“I have been causing all sorts of problems for you. You should be mad at me…”
Shen, though afraid that he may stumble upon one of his parents, is trying to share whatever is weighing him down.
“I’m not…” Nikolay mumbles before deciding on what he should say next.
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad FOR you. I just hate seeing you all that miserable. I went kind of overboard and assumed all kinds of things when I haven’t even known you for that long. I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“You have your own bills to pay for, yet you’re always paying for me. You have your own life, yet you always have to adjust to my schedule. You have your own ambitions, yet all I’m doing is holding you back. You should be mad at me!”
“How? You were so quick to defend me. YOU told me that I can’t be that bad. I could have been a killer. I kept secrets, and I still do! Yet you gave me the benefit of the doubt. Why can’t you be as nice to yourself as you are to me? You’re acting like I’m some burden when you did nothing wrong!”
“I guess… I guess you’re right.”
“Then let’s just hang out. Let’s just have fun.”