I don't have schizophrenia. At least that is what I am telling myself. Google said visual hallucinations are a sign, but I'm 37 which very is late for it to start. I don't do drugs or alcohol and haven't been bipolar. Nothing points to it. I still can't bring myself to look in a mirror though.
I paused. Re-reading my note. Then shook my head and started again.
It started a week ago. I have been homeless for a month now. I know that sounds bad considering I'm trying to convince myself I DON'T have Schizophrenia, but, before you judge, I am doing this out of choice. I don't have family anymore. They are all gone. Parents naturally and my older brother died chasing the… feeling. My fiancé of 3 years left me because she decided she was done waiting for me to make the kind of money she wanted me to make. Suddenly, and perhaps as a reaction to that mentality, I found myself without the desire to focus on material things. I got rid of anything I couldn't fit in my used Toyota Land Cruiser, bought a tent topper and went on the road. I kept my phone to keep in touch with my two best friends, but other than that I was just looking for inspiration in national parks. After a few weeks it was time for a real shower. Not my little camp shower... an honest to goodness warm shower with water pressure. I went on ABNB and found the cheapest place I could rent for a night that had a shower. When I got there, it was a let-yourself-in type with a punch code. I dropped my stuff on the bed and went straight for the shower. It was glorious. I'm pretty sure I was born in today’s world just because there are showers. The universe wouldn't make me live without showers.
After a long refreshing cleansing, I hopped out of the shower. The mirror was steamed over, but I didn't care. I didn't have to see anyone. I toweled off and went to sleep in a real bed. That wasn't quite the same level of a religious experience as the shower, but it was nice after camping for 3 weeks. The real problems started the next morning.
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I don't know how most people start the morning, but I always wake up and have to brush my teeth. I just don't feel clean until I do. Plus, I have been told by she-who-shall-not-be-named that my morning breath is the not compatible with romance. I went to the sink in the bathroom and as I was reaching for my tooth brush, I looked in the mirror. What I saw made my blood run cold. There is no other way to say it. There was a beast… leaping at me! It was horrible. Large teeth in a maw gaping wide and getting bigger and bigger as it came towards me. Looking back, my reaction was nonsensical. Logic would dictate since it was a mirror this was a beast leaping at me from behind. I didn't turn and try to fend it off though. Instead, 15 years of living with a brother who thought it hilarious to scare me at every turn made my reaction direct and instinctual. I punched the mirror. What happened next is what made me doubt my sanity. The beast ran into the mirror from the other side and stopped. It couldn't get through the small pieces left after I cracked it. Instead, it glared at me and with a soundless roar faded away.
Like I said, that was a week ago. I paid the damages on the mirror haven't been anywhere there was a mirror since. I have told myself all kinds of things, but deep down I know... It was real. What was really crazy was two days after the mirror beast my friend Darek called to check on me. Apparently, and as I’m sure you know, there have been a lot of people disappearing. Nearly 50 people in my home town. More in larger towns. New York State usually has 600 in a year who disappear. New York City is reporting that many this past week. This was only happening in the USA though. No one knows how, but I think I do. If I tell anyone though I'm going to be put in the looney bin. Unfortunately, the time for indecision is past, because Derek called again today. My other best friend and the third musketeer of our group... Janet... is missing.