“I can’t feel my fuckin’ cock,” Hernandez groaned, walking with a limp as he followed Evan down the corridor. “I’m more beat up than you are right now, and you actually got your ass kicked.”

“You fucked a Borealan, what did you expect?” Evan replied. “She must weigh three times what you do. What was it like, anyway?”

“You’d think they wouldn’t be as tight as a Valbaran on account of their size, but those kegels, man. She could probably turn my fuckin’ fingers to bone dust.”

“Too much information, Hernandez,” Evan sighed.

“What can I tell you that isn’t obvious?” he continued, pausing to take a breather. Evan stopped beside him, leaning against the bulkhead, the pair waiting until an engineer in a yellow uniform had passed them by. “She’s tall, she’s strong, body like a goddamned gym rat. Tits the size of my head, abs like steel, the whole package,” he added with an exaggerated chef’s kiss. “She could probably pick a lock with that tongue of hers.”

“Do you even have a type, or are you just willing to fuck anything that has a pulse?” Evan chided. “I’m not seeing a pattern.”

“Hey, I’m at the buffet table here,” he replied with a grin. “Not my fault alien babes keep fallin’ into my lap. I see an opportunity, I take it. Why are you suddenly so interested in what I do with my dick, anyway?”

“What’s it like?” Evan asked, his tone becoming more serious. “Being with an alien, I mean.”

“In what way?” Hernandez replied, cocking a suspicious eyebrow at him.

“Okay, so their bodies are different from yours, right?” Evan continued as Hernandez nodded along. “I assume you have to find out if you’re actually compatible before you…take things further. Then what? How do you get with someone who’s so…different? Where do you even start?”

“Why the sudden interest?” Hernandez asked, narrowing his eyes. “I’ve been givin’ girls from here to Fort Hamilton a taste of Earth’s finest for years, and you ain’t never asked me that. When I asked Garcia what you were doin’ when me and Tatzi were breakin’ down cultural barriers last night, he told me you’d gone off on your own with Jade.”

“Jade’s my friend,” Evan replied, feeling his cheeks start to warm. “Why wouldn’t I hang out with her?”

“Uh-huh,” Hernandez said skeptically. “You never did tell me why you and Foster got into a punch-up. Somethin’ had to have set him off. My guess is he caught you two havin’ a little soirée together.”

“That’s-”

“You’re as good at lyin’ as I am at turnin’ down alien pussy, Evan,” Hernandez chuckled. “If you want my advice, here it is; don’t overthink things.”

“Don’t overthink things,” Evan repeated without really understanding. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you think too much, and you’ll sabotage yourself if you let your noggin do the walkin’. Think of it this way,” he continued, putting a reassuring hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Either Jade already knows what equipment you’re packin’, or she’s in the same boat you are. She’s not gonna expect you to know the ins and outs of…whatever the fuck Jarilans have between their legs. I doubt you could even look that shit up on the intranet.”

“Oh fuck,” Evan whispered, his eyes widening. “Do you think she’s looked up human anatomy?”

“I’m sayin’ it doesn’t matter,” Hernandez continued. “If you both want this, you’ll find a way to make it work together. Remember, it takes two to tango.”

“I’m not even sure if it’s going to happen yet,” he sighed, sagging back against the wall. “She kissed me, then she asked me to date her. Maybe I’m jumping the gun, but there’s something about her that just…gets in my head. I didn’t even know that I could be attracted to someone like her. A few days ago, I would have balked at the idea, but the more I think about her…”

“She’s part human, right?” Hernandez replied with a shrug. “Maybe that has somethin’ to do with it. I’m just happy you’ve finally met someone that you like. I was startin’ to think you were asexual or somethin’.”

“I actually feel a little better,” Evan marveled, standing up straight again. “Who knew you’d actually give me good advice?”

***

“So, what did you have in mind for our date?” Jade asked, holding Evan’s hand tightly in hers as they made their way down the Omaha’s winding hallways. She seemed undeterred by their encounter with Foster the night before, and even though Evan feared that some of his crewmates might react negatively to seeing them together, her confidence was infectious.

“I thought we could go out for a meal,” he replied. “Well, assault carriers aren’t exactly known for their fine dining experience, so I hope you won’t mind if we pretend the mess hall is a fancy restaurant.”

“I’m willing to suspend my disbelief,” she said with a smile.

“I was able to appropriate a few MREs,” Evan added, raising the shopping bag that he was carrying. “I figured it might be fun for you to try out a few different dishes, considering that you only eat honey.”

“You…do realize that I can’t eat solid food, right?” Jade asked. “I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that before.”

“I know,” he replied cryptically, Jade choosing not to press him further.

They arrived at the mess hall, functionally identical to the one where Evan and his friends had been briefed back on the Spratley before their first deployment. It was one of the largest rooms on the ship, the tables that had been recessed into the floor now folded out, surrounded by chairs of varying sizes that could accommodate the different Coalition species. They were occupied by only a couple of hundred people, which was pretty light for a carrier of this size, probably because so many of the crew members were deployed. The scent of cooking food wafted over from the glass counter at the far end of the room, but Evan had packed his own lunch, so he led Jade over to a secluded table at the opposite end of the hall.

He swung the bag up onto its surface, Jade cocking her head curiously when she heard a heavier thunk than she had been anticipating. They slid into opposite seats, Evan starting to stack the loose MRE packets in a pile, reading off the contents as he went. He’d tried to get as many varied dishes as possible, because he had no real idea of what Jade would like. She ate honey and enjoyed sweet drinks, but there were few main courses that matched that description. Still, he’d been able to get a little creative.

“I still don’t know what you’re planning,” she said, crossing both pairs of arms as she leaned back in her chair. Evan reached into the bag again, Jade’s eyes widening as he set another item on the table. “Is that-”

“A cordless blender,” he said proudly.

“Two questions,” she continued, raising two fleshy fingers. “Where and how?”

“It wasn’t actually that hard to find,” he replied, plucking one of the packets from the pile. “An engineer who likes margaritas let me borrow it in exchange for three days of my alcohol ration. Now you can try whatever you want, as long as it can blend.”

“Okay,” she said, leaning forward to rest her upper elbows on the table. “I admit it – that’s a pretty good idea.”

“What do you want to try first?” he asked, waving a packet at her. “I’d ask you what kind of food you like, but since you’ve never eaten before…”

“Got anything sweet?” she said, glancing over at the stack.

“How about this?” he continued, checking the label on another meal. “This one is chicken chunks in a sweet and sour sauce. That’s pretty close to honey, I think.”

“Let’s give it a whirl,” she said with a smile.

“I get it,” he chuckled dryly. “Whirl, because it’s a blender, right? Oh, should we cook it first? You won’t burn your…uh…tube-thing, will you?”

“It’s called a proboscis,” she reminded him, then shook her head. “No, I won’t burn myself. It’s meant to be cooked, right?”

She watched curiously as he opened a flameless ration heater, filling it with water from a canteen, then inserted the packet. He folded it closed, then leaned it against another MRE to keep it relatively upright.

“No wonder they designed us to only eat honey,” she mused as she watched the steam rise from the pouch. “You guys have to carry around all of this extra gear just to keep yourselves fed. You need all these varieties of food, but we only need a liquid diet. I could probably fit days of rations into the space that just one of your MREs takes up.”

“Technically, humans could subsist on a lot less food,” he explained. “They could give us a nutrient loaf that would take up a fraction of the space and keep us healthy enough to fight. That’s not really the point, though. Humans need novelty. They’d get bored if they had to eat the same thing for every meal. That’s something they do to prisoners as a punishment. Rations are as much about morale as nutrition.”

“I hope you’re not about to expand my horizons too much,” Jade said, her face plates arranging into a convincing smirk. “Am I going to have to carry around a blender everywhere I go from now on?”

“I’m not sure MRE chicken will have that effect,” he chuckled. “If you ever make it to Earth, maybe you can go to a real gourmet place and try some five-star food. I don’t think the chef would appreciate you blending their meals, though.”

It didn’t take long for the food to cook, Evan lifting it out of the pouch tentatively, careful not to scald his fingers. He removed the lid from the blender, tilting it so that he could glance inside.

“Here’s hoping this won’t make all of Montgomery’s margaritas taste like sweet and sour sauce from now on,” he muttered as he upended the packet into it. Sticky was an understatement, the chunks of chicken breast sliding out along with globs of orange-yellow sauce. It smelled great, Jade apparently picking it up too, her antennae wiggling happily. He hit the button at the base of the blender, holding the lid down as it vibrated in his hands. After a few pulses, he had reduced the meal to a thick paste that didn’t look too far away from Jade’s honey in color and consistency.

“How’s this?” he asked, Jade leaning closer to examine the concoction.

“Looks good,” she replied. “Maybe not very appetizing to a human, but I have a taste for paste.”

Evan produced a collapsible bowl, then poured the syrupy mixture out of the blender, sliding the resulting dish across the table towards her. She cupped it in her hands, raising it as though she was about to take a sniff of the wisps of steam that were rising from it. Instead, she brought her antennae down, waving them over it. The chitin plates that made up the lower portion of her face split open to reveal the flesh beneath, parting like a beak, her tongue-like proboscis snaking forth. The sight no longer bothered Evan – he had grown used to it by now. She plunged it into the bowl, taking a hesitant sip, Evan watching the subtle bulge travel up the fleshy tube. Her eyes lit up, and she took a few more sips, her antennae waving again.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“Hey, that’s not bad at all!” she said as she raised the bowl a little higher. “I didn’t even know my proboscis had this many taste buds.”

“Don’t fill up,” Evan said, sifting through the remaining packets. “This is just the first course.”

“What about you?” she asked. “Aren’t you having anything?”

“Oh, right,” he muttered as he fished out a packet for himself. “Maybe I’ll have a little of what you have, and we can try the different menus together?”

“Alright,” she replied cheerfully.

“Next up is pepperoni pizza,” Evan continued. Jade waited for her vacuum-sealed square of pizza to cook excitedly, finishing off the rest of her sweet and sour chicken. It was the first time that he had seen her this animated. Her eyes were bright, and her antennae were waving as though caught in a breeze. This really must be a totally new experience for her.

When it was ready, he split the pizza in half, tossing one of the pieces into the blender.

“This is either going to be really gross or really good,” he warned as he took a bite out of his share. Holding his pizza in his mouth, he pulsed the blender again, reducing its contents down to a fine powder. “Shit, it’s too dry,” he muttered. “Better add a little water.”

When he got it to the right consistency, he poured it out into her now-empty bowl, Jade eyeing this dish a little more suspiciously. She gave it a sniff, or what passed for one, then took a drink. This time, she grimaced, slowly sliding the bowl away from her so as not to be too impolite.

“This one is, uh…a little more creative,” she said as she took a drink from his canteen to cleanse her palate.

“Yeah, I guess not all food can be blended,” he conceded as he took another bite out of his pizza. “Pizza is mostly about the contrasting textures, the doughy crust, the crisp pepperoni slices. Let’s try something else. A dessert, maybe. Something fruity.” He picked up a couple of smaller packets from the pile, reading off the labels. “Here we go, grape jelly,” he said as he handed it to Jade. She examined it, then tore it open, bringing her moth-like antennae close once again. Inserting her proboscis directly into the packet, she took a sip, unhindered by the thicker consistency.

“I like this one!” she chimed as she took another long draw from the packet.

“I have several flavors of jelly here,” Evan said, fanning out the packets like a hand of cards. “Apple, peach, blackcurrant, strawberry.”

“These are all fruits from Earth, right?” she asked as she drank from her packet like it was a juice box. Once again, he noted that her speech was unhindered, Jade able to drink and talk at the same time like a ventriloquist. “Man, we should look into making jelly from some of the native plants on Jarilo. Maybe we could have some treats along with our rations.”

“Oh, so now the honey isn’t enough?” Evan joked. “I thought Jarilans were too efficient for treats?”

“It must be my human side talking,” she replied, looking him up and down conspicuously. “I expect you to introduce me to all of the inefficiencies and excesses that I’ve been missing out on.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’ll get you back in touch with your heritage in no time.”

Over the next hour or so, they went through all the different dishes, Evan ensuring that she was able to sample the widest range of flavors possible. As he had expected, she favored the sweeter foods, but even the ones that she hated kept them both entertained. By the end of it, he wasn’t sure how he was ever going to get the blender clean again.

“You want to get something to drink?” Evan asked once she was finished. “I was gonna say that you might want to wash your meal down, but it was already liquid, so…”

“I could go for a drink,” she replied, setting her empty bowl aside. “Didn’t you trade your alcohol rations for that blender, though?”

“Doesn’t have to be today’s ration,” he said with a smile, rising from his seat.

***

The mechanical arm behind the bar placed Jade’s glass of peach schnapps on the counter in front of her, her proboscis winding between the floating ice cubes as she took a long sip. Evan lifted his own drink to his lips, downing a healthy mouthful, feeling the spirit warm his belly as it settled there. A little liquid courage might help to steady his nerves right now. He had spent so long hanging out with Jade, and nothing had changed between them save for how they chose to define their relationship, so where was this tension coming from?

“So, what do you want to do next?” he asked. “I didn’t really have anything planned besides the blender thing. There’s not a lot to do on an assault carrier. Want to play more darts? A videogame, maybe?”

“Relax,” she chuckled, reaching over to pat his thigh with a lower hand as she held her drink in the upper pair. “You don’t have to entertain me – I’m here to spend time with you. The blender was a cute idea though,” she chuckled, her laughter making Evan’s heart flutter. She leaned closer to kiss his cheek, a flash of unexpected desire coursing through him like a lightning bolt as her soft lips met his skin. As he took in a sharp breath, his head began to swim, and her expressive eyes were all that he could focus on. They drew him in, her long lashes batting as she cocked her head at him.

Evan didn’t consider himself a lecherous man, and in the handful of relationships that he’d had, he had always tried to take things slow. He wasn’t like Hernandez – it took Evan time to connect with people. Yet, something about Jade was making him feel things he hadn’t felt since he was a frustrated teenager. He was a live wire, his very blood seeming to boil in his veins, electricity coursing across his skin. He hadn’t had nearly enough drinks to be drunk yet, so what the hell was happening to him?

As he allowed himself to breathe again, he realized what it was. It was her scent. Jade had always smelled nice, something akin to a flowery perfume or a scented body wash radiating from her whenever she was close. It wasn’t unexpected – likely a deliberate move by the Queen to make her more appealing to humans. The natural aromas of the Bugs that he had encountered on the battlefield hadn’t exactly been pleasant, which was understandable for creatures that communicated primarily through pheromones.

Something about it was different now, however. He had first felt this way the night before, when they had almost kissed in the observation room, and again during their encounter in the bathroom. It was more than just nerves, more than desire – it was chemical. The odor that she exuded was unmistakably that of a woman, something that he wouldn’t even have known how to describe until now. That scent dredged up intimate memories from deep within the recesses of his mind, flashes of sweat-drenched skin shining as tangled bodies writhed, the half-remembered taste of a spurned lover’s kiss. There was something primal piggybacking on her scent, like a pirate signal riding on a carrier wave.

“What’s up?” she asked, snapping him out of his trance.

“N-nothing,” he replied, struggling to drive the intrusive thoughts from his mind. If he concentrated, he found that he could suppress them, but they came thick and fast each time her perfume wafted over to him. “You, uh…want another drink?”

“You don’t have to get me drunk, you know,” she chuckled as she set her empty glass back down on the bar. The robotic arm quickly swooped down and removed it, placing it out of view beneath the counter. She leaned over to give him a nudge with her elbow, bringing another swell of that maddening scent with her like a fragrant breeze. “I think we’re past the point where I need to be convinced of anything.”

“Last night,” he began, Jade’s antennae wiggling curiously at the abrupt change of subject. “You told me that you could taste my pheromones, that you couldn’t help it. What did you mean by that, exactly? I was…too distracted to ask at the time.”

She seemed a little flustered, settling back into her seat, the faux-leather padding creaking beneath her as she adjusted her weight. Before replying, she tapped at the touch panel that was floating nearby on its gimbal, the robotic arm springing into action with an electrical whine.

“I think I’ll have that drink after all,” she said, chuckling in a way that seemed more nervous than jovial. She waited for the arm to fill a fresh glass, then took a sip. “So, you know that Betelgeusians communicate through pheromones,” she said as she glanced over at him.

“Yeah, that’s the whole reason the Coalition brought you guys out here,” Evan replied.

“Jarilans can speak, obviously,” she continued as she took another sip from her drink. “We wouldn’t be very good at interacting with humans if we couldn’t. But, we also retain the ability to communicate using pheromones. We’re all born bilingual, in a sense. Our Betelgeusian ancestors would signal emotions and give commands through secreting chemicals, and not always in a way that was conscious. Some pheromones can be almost…overriding, making you feel sensations or emotions. Imagine…” She trailed off, reaching a finger into her glass to toy with the floating ice cubes as she considered how best to explain the concept. “Imagine if the mess hall was signposted with pheromones rather than, well, a sign. Imagine that catching its scent not only informed you of its location, but also made you hungry. Imagine if someone was angry, but rather than reading it on their face or in their tone, you felt a little of their anger. That’s kind of how our pheromones work. They trigger emotions, sometimes memories, feelings.”

“You’re all empaths, in a way,” Evan interjected. “You feel what other Jarilans feel, but in a strictly chemical sense.”

“Well, not just other Jarilans,” she added as she gave him another sideways glance. “To answer your question – because I’m part human, so are my pheromones. Humans are animals just like any other. You’re ruled by chemical reactions and hormones, and you signal each other in subconscious ways. Human pheromones are very weak, and you’re never consciously aware of them, but they’re there. When you consider that my sense of smell is thousands of times more sensitive than yours, you can start to see why I can’t help but pick them up.”

“And…can it go both ways?” Evan added, Jade blinking back at him in surprise. “My nose is thousands of times less sensitive than your antennae, but your pheromones are thousands of times more potent than mine, right? Would it be possible for a human to sense a Jarilan’s pheromones?”

“Are you saying that you can pick mine up?” she whispered, glancing around the bar conspiratorially. “They told us that humans might be able to, but I’ve never had it happen before!”

“Is it a big deal?” Evan asked, confused by her reaction.

“What’s it like?” she asked, her eyes bright with curiosity. “What does it make you feel?”

“I, uh…” He reached up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling his face start to burn. “Nothing that I could describe in polite conversation.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” she asked hesitantly, her antennae starting to droop. “I was worried that you might interpret it as a form of mind control – so many people think we have some kind of psychic hive-mind – or that you might see it as a violation of privacy. I don’t do any of it on purpose, it’s just how I’m built. I can no more switch it off than you could choose to stop hearing.”

“Not at all,” Evan said with a sigh of relief, Jade perking up again. “I thought I was going crazy for a minute there. Every time I’m close to you, I feel like I’m tipsy. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last night.”

“I can taste your attraction to me,” she added, lowering her voice so that the patrons playing pool at the other end of the room wouldn’t overhear them. Her prior confidence returned now, her tone taking on a salacious quality that sent a pleasant shiver coursing up his spine. “It’s in your sweat, it’s on your skin. Every time you look at me, you exude desire out of your pores. What are we doing wasting time?” she continued, those emerald eyes fixed on him. “Our vehicle could be repaired by morning. Who knows what might happen during our next deployment. You’re attracted to me, I’m attracted to you – we both know it. Let’s do something about it!”

“Whoa, slow down,” Evan stammered as he raised his hands defensively.

“S-sorry,” she said, interrupting him before he could continue. “Am I moving too fast? I’ve never done this before, I don’t know how this is supposed to go.”

“I just meant, are we even compatible?” he continued.

“Oh yeah, we’re compatible,” she cooed.

“Did you look it up?”

She giggled, mimicking the human gesture of covering her mouth with her hand, despite the fact that it wouldn’t have any effect.

“I didn’t need to look it up. When I told you that the Queen designed us to interact with humans, I meant it in more ways than just speech. We’ve all had the talk at one point or another.”

“With who?” Evan demanded, his head swimming at the prospect.

“Hollyhock tells some of us, and they tell the rest,” she explained as she gradually leaned closer to him. “She’s an ambassador – it’s her job to know about human-Jarilan relations.”

The nearer she got, the more that maddening perfume invaded his senses, Jade doing it deliberately now that he’d given her carte blanche. It made it hard to think straight, the one-two punch of her words and her scent dizzying him.

“I’ve never felt this way before,” she continued, hooking both of her right arms around his left as she pressed close. He could feel the soft, fluffy ruff of fur around her neck brushing against his shoulder through his clothes, her feathery antennae tickling his face. Her voice was softer now, almost pleading. “If you’re able to sense my pheromones, then I don’t need to tell you how badly I want this.”

This was his chance. All he had to do now was follow the advice that Hernandez had given him and not overthink things, not mess this up.

“My place or yours?” he asked.

“That doesn’t make a lot of sense, considering we’re bunking in the same quarters,” she giggled.

“Oh, right,” he mumbled, silently cursing himself.

“Actually, where can we go to be alone for a few hours?” she wondered, Evan feeling something soft press up against his bicep through the scant fabric of her tank top. A few hours? His head was spinning again.

“I wonder where Hernandez and Tatzi went,” he mused, trying to focus as her perfume enveloped him.

“I could find out,” she suggested, gesturing to her wiggling antennae.

“You can do that?” he chuckled.

“I’m a sniffer dog, right? I bet whatever closet they locked themselves in is full of their pheromones.”

“I have another idea,” he continued, daring to lean a little closer to whisper to her. “We could take a sleeping bag into the observation room. I doubt that anyone will stumble on us in there – not unless the port engine gets taken out.”

“I like the sound of that,” she cooed. “We can make our own private love nest.” She slid down off her seat, pulling him along with surprising strength as he quickly downed the last of his drink. “Come on! I want to make the most of what time we have.”