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The Astral Highway [A Cooking LitRPG]
[V]Chapter 12: Mr. Adventurer/Chef/Idiot

[V]Chapter 12: Mr. Adventurer/Chef/Idiot

“Move it, sucklings!”

The large Kremel woman shoved past Varyna and her companion, a short Nemarian with a nasty temper.

“Ha?!” The Nemarian bared her teeth and clenched her fists as she stepped out to follow the Kremel.

“Officer Nelian!” Varyna called out, jumping in front of the angry Nemarian. “Let’s just keep moving.”

“... Right.” Reluctantly, Nelian backed down.

What the Nemarian woman, Nelian-Trecasn, lacked in height, she made up for in sass. The two of them—Nelian and Varyna—had been paired up after each of their previous partners voiced complaints. And that’s how the two most hot headed female COPS on the Gemini Sector 1 offworld patrol ended up together.

Varyna had wanted to hit the rude Kremel woman as much as Nelian. In fact, similar actions of hers were the source of her last partner’s complaints. But she couldn’t afford to start trouble on this planet. At least, not before she had a chance to take a peek inside a certain rich man’s warehouse. Almost all the artifacts from the Ulterai labs had ended up there thanks to the owner’s obsession with dated tech.

The USB—the only successful experiment from the Ulterai-1-B7—was there. It had to be.

“Are you paying attention?” a nasally voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Ah.. sorry. Go ahead,” Varyna sighed, followed by an impatient snort from her Nemarian partner.

The shopkeeper, a Human with orange curly hair and clusters of freckles on his cheeks, went on, “anyway, as I was saying. I’ve had my shop damaged over ten times this year by street fights.”

“Do you have any details regarding the individuals involved in the fights?” Varyna asked, her smile not reaching her eyes. Stop wasting my time. It seemed everyone in the area had multiple reports to file, and she was running out of patience.

“All of ‘em were those rowdy Kremels,” the shopkeeper spit. “And a few Nemarians I’m sure. Anyway, can’t I get some compensation or something for this?”

Varyna breathed out slowly, a vein on her forehead bulging as she tried to maintain her composure. She scrawled ‘unknown amount of damage from untraceable suspects’ and clicked her pen off before looking back up at the man. “I’ll file this immediately and you will be contacted by local authorities for any updates on your case.”

The shopkeeper folded his arms. “Wait a second. Local authorities? Clearly I wouldn’t be here talking to you Sucklings if the yokel COPS on this blasted planet did their job! What a jok-”

His voice cut off with a squeak as Varyna’s fist smashed into the stone wall he leaned against, dangerously close to his head.

“We appreciate your cooperation, Sir.” She gritted her teeth into the best attempt of a smile she could manage before whirling around to her partner. “You get to do the next report, Nelian.”

The Nemarian grinned devilishly at the shivering shopkeeper and cracked her knuckles. “Gladly.”

After the duo left a dozen more terrified shopkeepers in their wake, they stopped to take a break at a local cafe.

“I swear, every living thing on this planet has nothing better to do than whine,” Nelian complained, slamming her wooden mug on the table. It was full of barbary juice (a local ‘delicacy’) but the Nemarian was guzzling it like it was ale.

In all fairness, this planet hadn’t been the first to be full of whiners. The farther from the Astral Highway a planet was, the less law enforcement it had. Rich people—the nobility—on these planets tended to hire mercenaries to keep them and their property safe. Everyone else was left to mostly fend for themselves. Hence the long list of grievances to report when the Capitol Patrol came through.

“Ugh! And why don’t they have a single proper humidifier in this place!” Nelian continued her rant as she adjusted the settings on her personal mistter. When the apparatus was shooting a dense white mist that practically concealed her face, the Nemarian sighed in relief. “That’s more like it.”

“Careful, you don’t want to use up all your frezon,” Varyna warned. “We still have six more hours of whining to-I mean reports to file.”

“Yeah yeah. That sounds like a problem for Future Nelian.” the Nemarian waved her webbed hand lazily as she gulped some more juice.

Varyna turned her attention to her own barbary juice. It was a pale green color and full of chewy pulp. On a planet this barren, this cactus-derived drink was the primary source of hydration.

She sipped in silence, contemplating how long she would have to explore the warehouse. Curfew was at 18:00, and the Officers were free to do anything they wanted after their shift. The problem was that most Officers spent their free time on the ship, relaxing, playing stix, and eating. And nobody was allowed on the surface without a partner. If she could find Quoppi, she might be able to convince him to come with her. He seemed pretty interested in ancient stuff, after all. But then she still needed to figure out how to actually get inside. No noble was about to let a couple COPS come on a little tour of their treasure trove.

Varyna sighed. She was so close. But how-

The box comm secured just below her left shoulder buzzed and gave off three loud beeps. She heard shuffling on the other side of the table as Nelian moved to check her comm at the same time.

The black box then produced a series of short and long buzzes, along with a blue flash. The location coordinates popped up a second later on a small screen projected by the comm unit.

“It’s not close to us.” Nelian picked her mug up again and deactivated the coordinate screen. “I suppose we ought to just get back to taking reports.” She frowned and took a swig of her drink.

Varyna fiddled with her mug. “Hey Nelian.” The Nemarian tilted her head. “You don’t.. really want to go take more reports, right? And who knows, they could seriously need our help over there.”

A smile played across Nailian’s purple lips. “That’s a good point. It is a blue emergency, after all. They probably need all the help they can get.”

The two women nodded at each other across the table and jumped to their feet.

“Let’s go!” Nelian shouted, and Varyna followed her excitedly out the door.

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They ran to where they parked their crawler and headed straight toward the coordinates shown on the comm.

When they finally arrived, the warehouse was in chaos. Purple-suited mercenaries were storming the building along with white-suited COPS, all shouting at each other and into their comm units. In the turmoil, Varyna was able to gather that some Runners had raided the warehouse.

“Those blasted Runners.” Nelian clicked her tongue, moving to charge into the warehouse.

“Wait!” Varyna grabbed her partner’s arm. She glanced at the crowd of officers trying to push through the front door, leaving the rest of the area around the warehouse completely unguarded. “Let’s cut off their escape.”

The two COPS nodded at each other and took off around the back of the warehouse, keeping their heads low. Varyna’s chest tightened as she heard crashing and shooting sounds coming from the building as they passed it by. Surely the USB wouldn’t be damaged in all the commotion, right? She gritted her teeth and pushed her legs faster. Soon the warehouse’s back wall was visible. Beyond it was a wasteland that dropped abruptly into a canyon.

“Look sharp! We got a bunch of Runners!” Nelian shouted to Varyna and then made a quick report in her comm unit. The Runners dropped from one of the windows. First a Nemarian, then a Human, followed by a Kremel and another Nemarian.

Only four of them. Varyna pulled her blaster out and crouched lower to the ground as she kept moving. Patrol-issued guns weren’t made for long range combat, and she was still too far to get a good shot at the Runners. Judging by their speed, she wouldn’t be able to head them off, either.

Bang!

A handful of Purple Suits flew out the backdoor, firing wildly at the group of Runners. The two Nemarians continued their sprint toward the canyon—probably where their shuttle was—but the Human and Kremel turned back to fight.

“We have to pick up the pace!” Varyna shouted over her shoulder. Nelian was breathing heavily and lagging. The dry heat was too much for her, even with her mistter desperately sputtering out the last of its frezon. The Nemarian swore and waved Varyna on.

“Go! Hurry! Those mercenaries are dropping like flies!”

Varyna nodded to her partner and kept running. Her own lungs were burning now. The Runner Human and Kremel had hid behind some boulders to take shots at the Purple Suits. Their accuracy was impressive. Soon, there were only a few mercenaries left charging toward them. Then there was one. Then there were none.

“No!” Varyna came to a halt and raised her blaster as the two Runners made a break for the canyon. She focused on the Human. He seemed the weaker of the two. Her finger tightened on the trigger, but the Human suddenly looked back. Varyna’s mouth gaped. She recognized him. “... Mr. Adventurer/Chef/Idiot?!”

Nelian took deep gasps as she finally reached Varyna. “You gasp let him haah get away?”

Varyna lowered her blaster. “I hesitated. And then he was gone.” It wasn’t just that she’d let the criminals escape. She knew in her gut that something had gone horribly wrong. Something about that Human—that chef idiot—gave her a bad feeling she couldn’t quite place.

“I guess wheeze we should go cough back to work.” Nelian bent over, her hands on her knees as she sucked in breaths of the stinging hot air.

Varyna pulled a spare frezon cartridge out of her belt and tossed it to her partner. The Nemarian’s eyes lit up as she caught it and eagerly began screwing it into her mistter.

“Let’s go help with cleanup here,” Varyna sighed, holstering her blaster and offering a hand to Nelian. A few pumps of the cold mist had brought her scaly friend back to life.

“Right. Let’s get to it,” Nelian scowled, watching as the Runner shuttle flew out of sight into the clouds.

A mercenary pod and two COP pods soon followed the path of the Runner’s shuttle into the clouds.

“Think they’ll catch them?” Varyna asked absently, shielding her eyes as she watched.

“Nah, they’ll slip into The Highway before that,” Nelian answered.

The two partners trekked back to the front of the warehouse, where COPS and mercenaries were glaring at each other while their superiors discussed the next course of action. As they approached a group of COPS, a familiar voice called out.

“Varyna! You were here too?” A female Kremel bounded toward her. Her leg muscles bulged against her once-white uniform pants with each step, threatening to tear through. It was no wonder Kremel uniforms had to be reinforced with double the alunitanium as everyone else’s. (Though, their tough skin didn’t really require the extra protection.) Varyna had the same thought when she had witnessed the female Kremel trying to tug her uniform shirt over her big head and beefy arms the first morning of patrol. The two had been assigned as bunkmates, and it was Varyna’s first time being in such close quarters with a Kremel.

“Hey Plwrg,” Varyna waved at her Kremel bunkmate. “We saw some Runners sneaking out the back. We weren’t able to catch them.”

“I’m not surprised. Those nasty little dichens even got the best of this army of mercenaries,” Plwrg shook her head, gesturing to the worn-looking group of Purple Suits glaring at the COPS from behind their leader. The ones not standing around were treating injuries and carrying corpses. Due to their late arrival, the COPS’ casualties were far less.

Nelian whistled behind Varyna. “The owner of this warehouse must have something pretty important to protect in there. Why else would they hire all these guys?”

“All I know is that the owner collects retro objects and stores them here,” Plwrg shrugged. “I guess he’s pretty eccentric. But he did get targeted by Runners, so maybe he was hiding something valuable after all.”

“Did the Runners take anything?” Varyna frowned. She couldn’t imagine what anyone would want with some old tech.

“You’ll have to wait for the report to figure that out.” Plwrg shrugged again. It was clear she wasn’t at all interested in the warehouse full of strange collections and the Runners who had robbed it.

Varyna wanted to ask more, but the Captain had finished his discussion with the mercenaries’ leader and turned to give orders.

“Patrol Unit 7 will work with the mercenaries to make a report. Everyone else, return to your posts. You still got two more hours on your shift.”

“I guess that’s that.” Nelian snorted and clapped Varyna on the back. “Let’s get back to our whiny shopkeepers.”

“You guys too?” Plwrg shook her head. “I swear this planet has been the worst so far.”

The Kremel and Nemarian soon found camaraderie in their woes of whining shopkeepers and began chattering happily as the COPS began to disperse. Varyna was only half listening to their discussion. Her eyes kept darting back toward the warehouse. Her heart thumped when she saw a flash of orange scales mixed with the group lucky enough to get to stay behind and make the report.

“That’s right…” she whispered. “Quoppi is on Patrol Unit 7.”

As soon as she returned to the ship two hours later, she wasted no time tracking her squadmate down. She found him in the cafeteria, sipping kixi juice and scrolling through a holo. He hadn’t even changed out of his uniform yet.

“Quoppi!” Varyna dropped into the chair next to him. “How did things go at the warehouse?”

The Nemarian continued reading quietly for a few seconds and then deactivated the holo and turned to Varyna. “Hello, Officer Rhine. The warehouse was quite a mess,” he explained, adjusting his glasses. “Many things were broken.”

“I see,” Varyna frowned. “But everything was accounted for?”

Quoppi adjusted his glasses again. “We can’t be sure. There are many things there and it will take a lot of time to comb through them all. For now, there are two items that no trace has been found of.”

Varyna’s chest tightened. It couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be. Nobody was interested in some old USB. More likely it got damaged in the attack, right? But she couldn’t shake the anxiety gripping her. The image of that self-proclaimed chef guy standing in front of the ‘Rare Demons’ section wouldn’t leave her mind.

The Nemarian cleared his throat and lowered his voice as if he was divulging a secret.

“The missing items were a carved pottery shard and..”

A screen popped up in front of Varyna, finishing Quoppi’s sentence for him.

[New Quest Unlocked!]

[Steal the Stolen]

[Description: retrieve Leviathan from the hands of the Runners]

[Time limit: None]

[Reward: 500 XP]

Varyna grimaced at the screen while the Nemarian finished,

“..and a single black USB.”