“None of this is important right now!” Liah yelled at the group. “We’re in danger! We’re not even in our usual reality anymore!”

We all paused. This all sounded crazy. At least, I think it did.

“Like one of those isekai anime where people get sent to another world?” Smith asked incredulously. “That sounds crazy. Are we going to have to register at the adventurers guild? Don’t tell me I missed the part with truck-kun...”

“Don’t be an ass.” Liah spoke defensively. “You humans have had stories about the fairy world for centuries, there’s a reason for that. Besides, this is probably only temporary, even if something major caused it to happen. Too many people here, too much rationality, for lack of a better term, for this to be permanent as things stand. We’ll probably end up back in the mundane world the night is over.”

“But who are you?” Smith asked, frustrated.

“I’m, well, Amy’s familiar. My name’s Daliah.” She answered, looking towards me.

“Familiar? You mean like...”

“Well, you know how it goes. You start to dabble in-” I began to try and play it off, before Liah cut in.

“A witch’s familiar. I’m Amy’s. Her familiar spirit.” She said firmly.

“I knew she was into new-age stuff but I didn’t think-” He stopped, as Liah turned fully into her cat form and back. “What the hell.”

“Wait, so Chesty was a person?” Doc looked bewildered. “That means...”

“I had the same reaction when I found out.” I reassured her.

“So wait, are you two...”

“Yes.” Said Liah firmly, sounding as if she had won a major award.

“Are we two what?” I asked, triggering a flash of anger from Liah. Oh, that’s what she meant. Well, it’s certainly not official… Ope, another flash of anger from Liah. I'll just stop thinking right now.

“I think we might all need to clear the air a bit. We’ve clearly gone beyond just having one or two monsters bumping around outside the campsite, so it’d be better to all be on the same page, even if our bosses chew our asses out later. We're clearly beyond the point of hiding anything.” Jeff said. Gabe nodded in agreement at this. “I guess I should start first. Our agency, under the DHS, had gotten word of several supernatural incidents taking place in this area. We had suspected that someone,” he added emphasis, looking at me, “who was practicing black magic might be up to something in relation to that, so our boss sent us to keep an eye on that.”

“Wait, so the two of you are feds?” I asked.

“Naturally. You do know that pretty much all vets are on a watch list for extremist behavior, which naturally includes you with all your posts bitching about the ATF and the Constitution. Normally that doesn’t really go over into the supernatural stuff, but there was a bit too much weirdness occurring around you, so our section was sent to deal with it all.”

“We kind of specialize in that.” Gabe said. “Much harder for demoniacs and other weirdos to get past someone with a strong sense of faith like me, and something in Jeff's blood several generations back gives him an immunity to charms.”

“So you’re saying the government knows about magic?” Asked Smith.

“Yes.” The three of us replied. Doc and Dave just watched, befuddled.

“So what about you?” Smith asked, turning to me. “Our records showed you were unemployed. I was sent here because we needed someone to work a desk for us, and you still had an active clearance for a bit after getting out of the military.”

“Who do you even work for? I thought you were trying to recruit me for some weird militia.”

“The National Security Agency.”

“That explains why you’re such a massive nerd at least.”

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“But who do you work for? As I said, we thought you were unemployed.”

“Uh...the National Archives...” I answered reluctantly.

“What?”

“...but I was loaned out to the ATF for this, not that I was planning to actually help them. I think my boss might have been trading political favors.”

“...why would the National Archives have an agent like that?”

“They needed someone to work with magical documents? Look, don’t expect me to know anything, they treat me like a mushroom; keep me in the dark and feed me shit. I just know that my mission ‘technically’ is the retrieval of documents and books that are a bit to spicy to be left out in public, in a supernatural sense. Like cursed tomes written by mad monks, spells that threaten to destroy cities, or anything else that may pose a threat to national security.”

Silence, then, “You mean like Delta Green?” Dave spoke. “Why are there so many feds on our camping trip anyways? Doc, are you also a fed?”

“No, but I assumed there would be some.”

“You assumed you would be surrounded by federal agents?”

“Of course I did, this kind of camping trip attracts them like flies to honey! I’m an SOT you know, I need to get those police sales. I bring the fun products here, the agents and PD who are undoubtedly here undercover get to try them out and hopefully remember me when it’s time for procurement, and the ones who aren’t feds get to have fun with legal machine guns. It’s a win-win. This trip especially, I was looking forward to showing Amy some of these, since she seemed like she was into that anime stuff and would like...wait. National Archives? So you’re the one who sent in that weird request?”

“Yes...” I looked away blushing.

“That just leaves Chesty, no, Daliah.” She said. “So who are you anyways? You came here with Amy, so that makes you..."

“My familiar-”

“Her wife.” We spoke at the same time, with pointedly Liah talking over me.

“So you’re a lesbian witch? Isn’t that a stereotype from Buffy?” Asked Gabe, our resident hardcore Catholic, acting oddly understanding.

“Why do you keep talking about witches?”

“Because she is one. That’s why we were sent. By the modern commonly used academic definition of someone working harmful magic against others she’s clearly is one, though the wiccan/neopagan community doesn't like that definition. Still, having a black cat as a familiar that she has relationships is a bit extra...”

“I-it was just a contract marriage! My boss forced it on me since there wasn’t enough room in the budget for T.A. for Liah! It’s not… we haven’t...” I trailed off, blushing.

“It’s none of your business, but we haven’t done any of that yet. At most there’s been some heavy petting.” Liah explained. There was a lot to parse in that statement, but first…

“Don’t phrase it that way! It was me petting a cat! I didn’t know you were my classmate back then! It’s not like I took advantage of her or anything!”

The rest of the group looked on. It seemed everyone’s expressions for the night were permanently stuck in “confused.” I suppose there’s been a lot to unpack. More than half of us are feds, my cat’s a person, a familiar, and my wife, magic is real, and...we’re in another world?

“I already explained, that’s only temporary. Things should return to normal by the end of the night.” Liah explained to me. More confusion from the peanut gallery.

“You’re acting like you can understand each-others thoughts, and it’s ‘just a contract marriage?’”

“I figured she was gay, but I couldn’t have imagined she was this clueless about how obvious it is to others...”

“It’s not like that! It’s just… wait, yeah, we have a bit more pressing problems than my relationship status with my familiar! Other world?”

“Yeah, it’s like a fairy-tale land. Not in that everything’s nice and peachy-keen with princesses and castles, but more in the monsters lurking in the woods and predatory witches living in forest cottages going after lost strangers to eat them up, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Slander. I haven’t eaten a single person.”

Coward. You could at least...

“Well, our best bet is to stay here and be prepared to be attacked. There was only one immediate supernatural threat back in the mundane world, but here...” An ominous howl punctuated her pause. “Wow, that was creepy. What a coincidence. Anyways, woods here are full of nasty things, and we’re kind of screwed if we aren’t careful.”

“How do you know all this?” Smith asked. He seemed to be coping with the unexpected plane-shift the hardest.

“I am half-fae after all. How would I not know at least a little about the place my dad comes from? Still human enough where it counts but I’m hardly normal if I’m a witch’s familiar, after all.”

“Don’t witches have demons for familiars?” asked Gabe. Just when I thought he was being all understanding earlier.

“Don’t listen to too much Powerwolf. Demons Are a Girl’s Best Friend really doesn’t account for wifey-dear’s preferences. Besides, a good chunk of the convictions in the Scottish witch trials have fairy familiars, not demons. And she’s perfectly capable of using magic without me depending on the spell, even more so here in this environment.”

“So you mean...”

“Sun’s going down. We have a bit more daylight, but not much. Then, shit’s going to hit the fan.” I noticed a trend with Liah. Often she’d act kind of hot and cold, but when stuff would get really weird, she’d gain a bit of confidence and take charge. It’s actually kind of nice. The smug grin she’s currently shooting me, not so much, but I’ll just overlook that. Get out of my head, please.

“So,” Jeff spoke up. “It’s not like things aren’t hopeless in the slightest. If our resident witch’s wife is right,” Shut up. “...we only need to make it through the night, and we aren’t lacking arms and ammo. Amy here even has a belt full of silver bullets. Gabe!”

“Yes.”

“Grab the e-tool. We should have our defenses dug in at least a bit.”

“Fuck, I hate digging foxholes.”

“Doc, you have a medical supplies, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good. We don’t want our he-, our medic to wear herself out.”

“Gotcha!” She replied, popping open another beer.

“We have Amy here already...did you bring anything super-spicy?”

“It’s kind of weird, actually. It’s like there’s much less resistance fighting against the basic rules of reality, trying to cast magic. Let me check...” I concentrated, focusing my energy towards my hand. A ball of flame burst into being, an orb of dancing, burning flames. “Holy shit! That’s a hell of a lot more than I can do back home!”

“Don’t use the Lords name in vain.” Gabe interjected.

“Are you really going to lecture the gay witch on blasphemy?”

“Well, I guess you might be able to bring a bit more to this fight than some silver bullets.” Jeff said. “Hang back a bit, we don’t want you getting hurt. Warn me if you cast anything like that later on though, I get the feeling I’ll need my NODS, and having them get fucked over by a random flash of light would be bad.”

“Aye. Naturally Liah’s with me.” I answered. Clearly this was the time to let the non-POGs set things up, and thankfully he wasn’t telling me to grab an e-tool like Gabe.

“I probably should find a good place to set up over-watch. You all have radios, right?”

“Shitty chi-com Bao-Fengs. Not great, not terrible. At least we’re close together, and the noise floor must be next to nothing here if we’re right about this being a fantasy world. They should be more than fine for line of sight.” I responded.

“Good. And Smith, what are you good at?”

“Can’t particularly say.”

“Oh, that sort of work. Well, you do you.” Jeff thought for a moment. “You do understand what I mean by that, right?”

“Of course.”

“That just leaves Dave.” He looked the professor up and down, contemplating what to do with the diminutive man. “Uh, play some music for morale?”

“It’s what I’m best at.” He answered, lute in hand.

The sun was falling fast, and there was work to be done. I cracked open a beer; this was going to be a long night.