It was when I saw my own body lying on the floor that I realized I had died.

How did it come to this?

I stayed awake for too long.

…

I can’t believe it myself.

I’ve stayed up for more than three days in a row before; why was it this time, when I was feeling better than ever, that I died?

It’s unbelievable really… I was never able to beat the world record time for the ‘Tale of Xelda’.

Now I’m here, in this abyss. 

I can’t see anything, I can’t feel anything, I can’t do anything.

Is this really what being dead is like?

Maybe this is all just a prank.

After all, the only proof that I have that I am dead was the body I saw that vaguely resembled my features and characteristics.

Maybe somebody decided to create an elaborate setup to capture my live reaction for a TV show.

Special effects are getting better and better nowadays, right? Someone probably just modelled a 3D dummy after my image and used it as a prop for the TV show.

There’s no way that any of this is real…

…

…

…

…I wish I could say that.

I think I’ve been here for nearly four hours now; I don’t think a TV show would wait this long just for a simple prank.

I really did die.

I died for literally nothing.

What kind of stupid bullshit is this?

I was so close, damn it! I could practically grab the world record during my final run!

I could have gone to sleep, I could have dozed off, I could have passed out…!

But, no. I died.

Out of all the possibilities that I had from lack of sleep, I just had to die.

What kind of retarded outcome is this?! Is this the joke of some cruel god?!

ARGH!

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

DAMN IT ALL!

ARGHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

…

Damn it, I can’t even scream properly in this abyss.

No matter how much I think about it, nothing comes out of my mouth.

Do I even have a mouth now that I’m dead?

Sigh…

If only… if only I could go back. If only I could go back a little ways back in time.

I would make sure that I was well rested. I would make sure that I drank plenty of water and ate healthy food that day.

Hell, I would have gone to the doctor to check my risk for getting a stroke if I had only known that this would happen to me.

There’s so much that I would choose to do differently if only I had known that my lifestyle would eventually result in death.

I wouldn’t have died today if only…

What was the point of it all? What was the point of any of my efforts? What was the point of my previous twenty-one years of life if I was destined to die in such a humiliating way like this?

All my efforts, all my desires, all my dreams…

It was all ultimately useless. Utterly wasted because of my own stupidity.

Heh, I guess mom was right when she said that spending too much time playing video games would be my downfall.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

…nah.

My death was caused by a lack of proper self-care, not video games. She’s still wrong on that subject matter.

However, I’ve been refusing the facts of my death for quite some time now.

There’s nothing I can do about it now.

It’s time for me to move on from the past, embrace the depths of the abyss, and fade away into non-existence.

Goodbye, world.

***

Why does being dead have to be so boring?!

It’s been days, it’s been weeks, it may have even been a month since I came to this world of infinite darkness. My ‘body’ feels like it's surrounded by a weird liquid all the time and I can’t see anything other than this eternal abyss.

Is this hell? Is this the torment of the afterlife for the sins I’ve committed throughout life?

But what sins have I committed? What wrongs have I done?

Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

I never harmed anyone else, I never did drugs, I never did anything that would be called evil.

All I wanted to do was have fun! All I wanted to do was to have control! All I wanted to do was to have power in my hands!

All of that came from playing video games; is that so wrong?!

No. Not at all!

Then why…? Why am I still here?

There’s nothing to do here.

I’m bored.

I’m frustrated.

I’m lonely.

Does anyone even know that I’ve died yet?

Is there anyone that would check on me?

The landlord?

No, I’ve already set up an automatic payment system for all that stuff. My bank account shouldn’t run out of money for another year or so.

The delivery guy?

I don’t think so… I’ve told him to just leave packages outside the door if I don’t answer.

…

Mom?

She has a key to my apartment. She also comes in once a week to clean out the rooms of trash.

…

If there’s anyone who would notice my death, it’s her.

Damn it. Why does it have to be her?

Why does she have to discover the reasons behind my death?

She’ll blame herself for not stopping me sooner. She’ll blame herself for not being a better mother. She’ll blame herself for not doing anything about my death.

I really don’t want that.

I don’t want her to think that I died because I dedicated too much of my time to video games.

…but honestly, would she be wrong?

I stopped sleeping because I wanted to do a three day ‘Tales of Xelda’ marathon.

Are video games really the true cause of my death…?

No… I don’t want to admit that.

Sigh…

I don’t want to have to think about any of this. I just want to stop existing. Is that so hard to ask?

Until I disappear from this world, it looks like I’ll be sleeping quite a lot.

***

I… am still here.

I’ve lost track of how much time has passed.

Every time I want to just go to sleep, strange thoughts keep popping into my head.

The more I try to avoid coming to the correct conclusion, the more my brain begins to tell me that I am wrong.

I died because I was addicted to video games.

Mom was right all along.

If only there were a way to apologize.

I just want her to know how much I regret my decisions.

If I could get a second chance at life… no, just a mere opportunity to be able to speak with my mom for just one last time…

There’s so much that I could say, that I should say, that I would say.

Sorry, mom.

You really did know how my life would turn out.

You really did know that my decisions would ruin my life.

You really did know that I would end up dying because of video games.

You could always tell what was best for me.

Sorry, mom.

I shouldn’t have dropped out of college because I wanted to be a professional Dwitch streamer.

I shouldn’t have cut you out of my life because I wanted to be free from your meddling.

I shouldn’t have died in a stupid way because I wanted to have a world record in a video game.

I wish I had listened to you.

Sorry, mom.

If only I had made decisions that would broaden my future.

If only I had chosen to take advantage of my talents for more productive things.

If only I had decided to curb the amount of time I spent staring at a screen.

…

Hey, god… if you really do exist, will you tell my mom all of this?

…

Sigh…

Why would he answer? What reason does he have to do what I ask?

I willingly threw my life away and now I want something from him?

But if there was ever a time that I did something that pleased you, will you answer my prayer?

…

[Why should I do it? You can just do it yourself.]

…

Did someone say something?

[Your change of heart intrigues me greatly. I believe that you are ready to move on.]

I’m not just imagining this voice, am I?

[When you are ready to proceed to your next life, simply move towards the light.]

Have I gone crazy? Is this voice actually from god?

[I hope you live a more interesting life this time around! Farewell, Phil Moon!]

Hey! Who are you?! What do you mean by a more interesting life?!'

Light streaks through darkness and lands on my back. I turn and see an opening in the walls of the abyss that pour beams of light into my surroundings.

Have I finally cracked? Have I actually gone insane?

Well… there’s no loss to be had if I head towards the light. If I’m already insane, I might as well embrace insanity if it means I can escape from this dark world.

It’s decided. Out into the light I go!

Ugh… it’s getting hard to move towards the light. The walls of the abyss seem to be closing in on me and are beginning to squeeze around my body.

Even so, I will push! I will leave this dreadful place and live my life in the light once again!

Out! Out! Out!

Puha! I’ve succeeded! I’ve made my way out! I’ve-

“Congratulations, Lady Rose! It’s a healthy young boy!”

…

I’ve been born…?