On a small insignificant speck of dust orbiting the star Sol-453A lived a Homo sapien by the name of Samuel Dram; he’s a simple one at best, selling books for a living, not very significant. It happened to be that on the day that one cannot figure out for naught of an agreed-upon calendar system, see appendix for more information, something interesting did happen. This story entirely records this interesting event and what it’s consequences were and how it came to happen.
Homo sapiens, or humans as they call themselves, are a very arrogant species who consider themselves the most important beings in the Universe, which they are not for they don’t really count as existing. It has also been shown that only 8% of their history there was peace. Their primitive minds could not understand the nature of all this, so instead, they were just miserable all the time. Over time the humans began to try to solve their problem and formed to schools of philosophical thought as an approach to the problem. One group of people said that each human is responsible for their own suffering and happiness, while the other simply decided to blame others. The movement became very popular and eventually led to massive revolutions in which some blamed the powerful, others their ancestors, and other God, even though they denied his existence.
It then happened on the special unknown day, that Samuel was reading a book by Friedrich Nietzsche and drinking a cup of coffee. When, suddenly, he came to a realization. It was all so clear to him now; how could he have not seen it before? No more war, anger, sadness, loss, he had the answer to them all. He dropped his cup of coffee and ran out of the store where he worked; he quickly ran back in though to get a pen and paper to write something down. He took out his phone from his pocket in order to tell his idea to someone. He nervously dialed someone and wrote down what is believed to be the meaning of life. Unfortunately, at the exact moment that the person Samuel was calling picked up the phone, Earth continued to be what it was, which is nothing as it never existed.
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This story is not about Samuel Dram or his okay idea, it’s a story about the important stuff that also happen to be insignificant, such as the Korkus wars, the death of Maxor Zib III, the discovery of star Xian83b*, the mining of Sty diamonds, the founding of the Imperial Unholy Galactic Soviet Order, the passing of the third law of the planet Rootsh, and more. This story is about the book that holds all this information, The Adventuring Adventures of the History of the Modern-day Universe: Volume one.
The Adventuring Adventures of the History of the Modern-day Universe: Volume one, or TAAHMDUVO for short, is the greatest book in the Upper Galaxies; more printed than The Books of Judgment in Zarian law, more read than The Long Lost Story of God, and more worshipped than The Communist Manifesto. TAAHMDUVO can help anyone learn from history and ensure that they won’t be doomed to repeat it, especially if they find themselves in one of the historical events recorded in the volume.
Many ask, why is The Adventuring Adventures of the History of the Modern-day Universe so popular? Well, first of all, it’s extremely cheap with a price of one million Interstellar Shekels, and second of all, although it might have some mistakes, inconsistencies, and apocryphal tales, it was founded on three basic maxims.
* Nothing matters
* You might as well enjoy life
* Life’s not fair and then you die
These maxims are written on the cover in a nice font.
This story is about the Universe, and it began with a car.