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The Adventures of Brian the Bardbarian - The Founding of Bwianshood
The Founding of Bwianswood or How to Establish a New Town in Three Easy Steps

The Founding of Bwianswood or How to Establish a New Town in Three Easy Steps

Grabbing the ropes that bound Henry, Brian hoisted him up and took flight. The others looking on in dread at about what may be about to happen. They had never seen this side of Brian before and didn’t know what to do. Four men had been sneaking up on their camp and before they knew what had happened, three of them were dead. Khan spotting them first quickly alerted the others. Amos joined him, while Brian said they could handle it. If not, call out and went back to sleep. Carl didn’t even stir.

Moving out to meet them, Khan in his batman form, confronted them flying in from above, “So, what brings you out this way tonight?” The scream that followed lead to a series of events, no one saw coming. Two of the men took off in fright, only to be confronted by Amos swooping in from above, like some feathered demon causing one of the men to die of fright and the other to fall to the ground, begging for mercy.

Hearing the scream, Brian quickly sat up thinking, “There’s a wady in distwess!” Quickly grabbing his sword he dashes out towards where he heard the scream emanate. Coming to a halt he sees Khan  hovering above two cowering men.

“I heard a wady scweam! There’s a damsel in distwess!”

“It was one of these guys,” Khan replied, gesturing to the two men.

Brian turned his attention to them.

“What were you doing wurking awound our camp?” He asked. A slow anger simmering just under the surface of his calm demeaner.

“We, we were searching for someone.”

“For whom?” Brian asked.

“You? I don’t know. Please let us go,” came the plea.

“Let them go,” said Khan. Looking at Brian earnestly. He was seeing a Brian he had never seen and was scared at what he saw. “They won’t say any…..”

Brian turns to Khan. “No. We can’t wet them wive. They will weturn to their camp and weport where we are and they will come after us. I won’t wisk it! They have to be ewiminated. Now!” and before Khan knew what had happened, two headless bodies lay at their feet. Their blood pooling and soaking into the ground. The two heads both with expressions of surprised horror rolling to a stop amongst the exposed roots of an old oak tree.

No one was going to impinge on the safety and security of his group and Brian was going to ensure this will not happen again while they were in this region. Turning to where he could here the whimpering mews of the only survivor, Brian grabs him by his shirt collar, hauls him to his feet and drags him back to camp where Carl was waiting sitting around the fire, admiring himself in the reflection of highly polished metal. “I’m gorgeous!” he exclaims as Brian steps into the firelight with  prisoner in tow. Seeing this he turns to observe.

Tossed to the ground he is quickly secured with rope and left sitting there,  Brian sitting opposite staring a hole through him. For thirty minutes Brian did this while sharpening his sword and eating food which he occasionally threw bits to the prisoner. Bouncing off his head the prisoner could not catch any of the food thrown at him as he was bound. Sitting there, all he could think was how long he had to live and how could he possibly survive this?

As Brian sat, his near unblinking gaze worked their way into the psyche of his prisoner. Slowly breaking him down bit by bit. He reeked of terror, fear oozed from the pores in his skin. His gaze flicking from Brian to the bird man and then to the horrifying visage of Khan in his batman form and then to Carl and back to Brian. Tears streamed down his face, snot ran from his nose and down his face finally hanging off his chin in one long string to the ground. He flinched and blubbered every time a piece of food hit him.

Finally Brian breaks the silence. “What’s your name?”

“H-He-Henry,” he manages to sputter out.

“What were you doing wurking awound our camp, Henwe?”

“We were looking for those who set fire to our camp and ran one of our people down on the road earlier.” Henry answered, still terrified but starting to think that he may survive this encounter if he plays his cards right.

“Wasn’t me”

“That wasn’t us,” answer Brian and Khan at the same time.

“We – we wanted to make sure whoever it was didn’t come back and attack us again.”

Brian smirked, “And you found us. Where are you fwom?”

“The camp.”

“Before the camp.”

“I’ve always lived at the camp. I was born there. There are families who have lived in the camp for generations.”

“Who’s your leader?”

“Burke”

“What’s Burke?”

“Burke’s, Burke. The boss.”

“What is Burke?” Brian asked again, danger in his voice.

“B-Burke’s the boss.” Henry stammered, beginning to look like he would burst into tears any moment. “He tells us what to do. He told us to come out here - ”

“No!” ejaculates Brian. “What is Burke!? Is he human!? Elf!? Hobgobwin!? What!?”

Understanding, Henry answers that Burke is human and goes on to say he became leader of the camp not long ago and they move from place to place setting up camp for a while then move on.

“How did Burke become the boss?” Asks Amos.

“He challenged the old leader to a fight and beat him,” came the answer. “He then had us pack up and move to here. We have only been here for one month.”

“You then rob those who pass through? What do you with them then? Send them on their way soundly whipped and left destitute or can we expect to find a pit full of bodies nearby?” As Amos asked his questions, his beaked snapped several times showing his disapproval of what may be the response.

“N-n-n-no” Henry quickly answered, fear returning to his eyes again. “Never killed anyone. Maybe roughed up one or two but that was because they didn’t want to pay the toll.”

“Toll?” Amos head turned to one side to get a good view of their prisoner. “You charge travellers to pass through these lands?”

“Y-yes,” answered Henry uncertainly.

“But you have no legal right to charge a toll as you do not own these lands. You are nothing but vagrants taking advantage of innocent travellers going about their own business!” Beak snapping loudly, Amos stood up, feathers ruffled and walked around to Henry, standing directly in front of him, head turning from side to side studying him up close. Snapping his beak one more time, he turned and returned back to his seat.

Taking this as his que to respond Henry uncertainly said, “I-I-I guess you’re right...? A-a lot of us have had enough of this life and want to do honest work but while Burke is in charge we will keep on doing what we have been doing for a long time to come.”

A voice floated over the fire, “You could challenge Burke and become leader of those bandits you know.”

Everyone turned and looked at Carl. He looked back at them as if butter would not melt in his mouth. Looking at them questioningly he mouths, “What?” shrugging his shoulders. Turning quickly, both Khan and Amos looked at Brian. Seeing the look in his eyes, they quickly yell in unison, “No!”

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While Carl lent forward watching with a small smile of satisfaction on his lips, Henry watched on confused as Khan and Amos grabbed Brian by the arms and dragged him away from the fire to talk him out what was obviously going through his head.

“You can’t do this!” says Khan.

“He’s right. You don’t know who this Burke person is. What if he is some powerful magic user or a skilled fighter?” Amos asks, trying to get Brian to see some sense.

Brian just stands there looking at them. “Hang on,” he says returning to pick up his sword. Sheathing it he returns to the others.

“You can do it.” Again Carl’s voice floats across from the fire.

“No, you can’t,” says Khan.

“You can do it if you want on our way back,” Amos reasoned.

Brian looked at him. Amos thinking he may have gotten through to him began to relax. He was mistaken. Turning, Brian quickly covered the ground to Henry. Grabbing the ropes that bound him, Brian lifted him up and took off. Taking Henry with him.

As they watched on dreading what could be just about to happen, Khan takes flight after Brian, while Amos and Carl break camp and prepare to journey back to the camp with the horses and wagon.

As they flew through the night air, Brian says to a terrified Henry whose feet have never left the earth unless on a wagon or horseback, “When we get to your camp, you will point out Burke.” All Henry could do was nod his head.

As they approached the camp, Brian could see that his earlier handiwork was still keeping the camp busy as small fires still burnt around the large tent Brian had set on fire earlier that evening. Brian didn’t need Henry to spot Burke as he was the only one yelling orders and giving people a hard time.

As Burke stood there watching parts of his camp burn and the remains of his own tent smouldering behind him and people running around trying to put out the fires, he wondered what else this day could throw at him. As he began to turn he heard his named yelled as if coming from the sky. He turned towards the sound and was just in time to see Henry come flying out of the darkness smashing into him and sending them both flying backwards to the ground. Brian had thrown Henry as he bellowed Burke’s name, turning him into a missile and right behind him, Brian followed landing at the feet of the prone Burke.

“Burke! You put these peopul in gweat danger and I am here to make sure that never happens again. I chawenge you, Burke! Your time over. It’s time for these peopul to have a better life. Get to your feet and fight me!” His challenge made; Brian stepped back. Every single person in the camp had stopped what they were doing and watched on unbelievingly at what was unfolding before them. The burning camp forgotten.

“Bring me my sword!” Burke shouts pushing someone away to retrieve his sword. Bringing the sword back, Burke takes it, turns to Brian and smirks. “You’ll come to regret this little man. I’m guessing it was you who started this fire?” He gestures around him.

Brian doesn’t answer but instead says, “You know who I am? I’m Sir Bwian, baby! You’re gonna diieeeee!” Clutching his head in pain, Burke curses as Brian’s vicious mockery cuts deep who quickly follows it up with “Fwame on” and as his sword’s blade burst into flame he launches with an overhead attack at Burke who just manages to deflect his blow with his blade.

Burke quickly strikes back at Brian but meets nothing but air as Brian expertly sidesteps Burkes attacks. Quickly seeing his opening, Brian moves in, his flaming sword leaving a bloody gash down Burkes chest and abdomen. Spinning on the heel of his foot, Brian comes around with a high backhanded strike, severing Burkes head from its body and rolling down the hill out of sight. As Burke’s body collapsed to the ground, Brian mutters to himself, “Well, that wasn’t supposed to happen,” and turns to the astonished people standing around him, their features forming strange dancing shadows and shapes as the fires burnt around them. Mouths agape.

Holding up one finger, Brian looks at them all and says, “First of all, this fire still needs to be put out.” Slowly some of the people start to throw buckets of water from a nearby stream onto the fires. Turning looking for Henry, Brian spots him, still were he ended up after his collision with Burke. Hauling him to his feet, Brian asks him who was Burke’s second. Sheepishly, Henry answers it is him. Brian looks at Henry, again his eyes boring straight into the soul of Henry causing him the blanch and swallow loudly. Cutting his bonds, Brian says  ”We’ll talk about this waiter,” his tone of voice leaving no doubt he wasn’t happy with Henry. “Now get these fires under control.”

“Yes, sir!” Moving quickly, Henry quickly gets the people organised and after another hour of carrying buckets to and from a nearby stream the fires are extinguished. Not long after spending some time talking to various people around the camp, Brian calls a meeting.

During this time Khan had arrived but remained hidden witnessing the events that unfolded on Brian’s arrival before deciding to revert to his elf form and join the endeavours after he  let Brian know he was there. Carl and Amos arrived half an hour later with the wagon and horses and also helped in putting out the fires.

As Brian stood before these people who he now is responsible for, he thought what the hell was he thinking? Not long ago he was sleeping soundly on his way to White Plume Mountain to find riches and magical weapons and next thing he is a leader of a group of wandering families “earning” a living by extorting a toll on travellers to pass through whatever area they currently inhabit. The faces looking back at him consisted of men, women, young and old, many children and other humanoids. Each one of them looked at him with fear, trepidation and uncertainty in their eyes.

They were an eclectic group of humans and others living together for safety. Coming to towns, looking for work or causing trouble, moving on when their welcome had worn out. When they found a nice suitable piece of road they would set up camp alongside it and extract tolls from passing travellers. They had been doing this since they were young as had their parents before them. Their number grew and waned as people joined or babies were born or people left or died. One thing that seemed to be almost agreed upon was that they were sick of living this life and wanted something better and more permanent for themselves and their children. Taking a breath, gathering his thoughts and channelling his inner bard, Brian began to speak to his new people.

“I am not Burke. I am not any of your pwevious weaders nor am I of your gwoup. I am a stwanger, someone you don’t know. I just flew in out of the sky and killed your weader, as wascalwe  a bwigand  there ever had been, but you don’t need to worry. Some of you I have met and talked to and I hope I have weft a good impwession on them.” A few heads nod throughout the crowd. “To those who I haven’t met yet, Huwoah, I’m Bwian, or to use my full name and title - I am Sir Bwian Dulce De Azucar, Lord-Knight of Carabus. Lord of Gwayskull Keep and Wiver Deep Caverns. Saviour of the Kingdom and Champion of the Gods.” He paused, looking about them letting what he said settle in. “I am not wike Burke or those who came before him. You have nothing to fear fwom me or my fwiends. Even the weird one.” Brian casts a quick glance at his fellow adventurers and nods. “After we all battled the fire, I had a chance to speak to some of you and from what I have wearned is that you want to change your lives. You want better for yourselves and your childwen. You want to settle down, no more moving awound. No more being chased out of town. Away from wherever you called home. This does not need to be wepeated anymore.”

Small murmurs of assent came from the group in front of Brian. Many nodding and talking to their partners and friends. “What do you suggest? …. Boss.” The last was tacked on with disdain by one of Burke’s former supporters.

Brian fixed his eyes on him, recognising from a brief conversation he had with him and a small group of others, Marcus was his name. Brian marked him for later and mentally noted to talk to Henry about Marcus plus any other potential troublemakers. “Sir, Marcus. Not boss,” Brian answered, his eyes not hiding anything. If Marcus was a danger to his people, something may have to be done about him sooner rather  than later but he and any others will be given a chance first.

“What I suggest is this,” Brian then gestures expansively about him with both arms. “Wook awound you. You have natuwal shelter, a good defensibul position when set up corwectwe. A water suppwhy –“

“Defensible? It didn’t stop you from just waltzing on in and taking over.”  A voice cut Brian off.

Brian couldn’t see who said that. They kept themselves hidden amongst the crowd. “Nobody is pwepared for Bwian pwus you weren’t set up corwectwe and fighting a fire. Now, were was I? .. that’s wight, I was saying, a woad that twavels stwaight thwough and it gets weguwhar twaffic. Here is a gweat pwace to start a new settlement. A twading outpost. There are peopul here who are tradesmen, farmers, smiths. I think I even wecognise one of you fwom an earlier adventure. You have thwarted me so far my wittle fwiend but I’ll catch up with you yet.” Smiling, Brian continues, “You can set up stalls awong the woadside, selling wares or whatever you have. A safe pwace for twavewers to stop for the night. No need to demand tolls anymore. Genuine, wegitimatwe earned gold.”

The people’s faces around Brian began to light up as they realised the opportunity they have been granted. It was unexpected. Something they had never dreamed would happen to them. It was like a wish come true. They began to talk excitedly amongst themselves. The life of being on the move could finally end. They could finally be someone and belong somewhere.

“Imagine being at the start of something gweat! Imagine being wesponsibul, not just your own future but also the future you shall all build here! For your famiwies! For your fwiends! Imagine being one of the founding famiwies! Imagine the wespect you will weceive! No longer being looked down upon but wooked up to! Inspiring others to achieve gweatness! To do better! Your new life begins now!” By now Brian’s voice was loud and commanding, inspiring. Even his speech impediment did not impair the magic that came with Brian’s performance. His inner bard taking him to heights he had never achieved before. He was lost in the moment riding the tide of energy coming off the crowd as they cheered at the end of each statement.

Quieting down, they all looked at Bryan expectantly. “Just imagine.” He whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear and he then with a flourish, bowed.

Cheers erupted from the crowd around him but amongst them a few faces didn’t seem as enthusiastic for this new life. Straightening, Brian smiled at the crowd and cast his gaze over them  Brian noted these few potential troublemakers and marked them for later. At least he now had a good idea on who to have watched. The crowd surged around him and lifted him over their heads and celebrated till the dawn arrived were they then sat down to mark out and plan the new settlement, Bwianshood.

After two days of organising, planning and preparing, Brian, Amos, Carl and Khan took their leave of the newly founded Bwianshood and set off for adventure in White Plume Mountain.

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