A bald monkey swings side to side on some trees in the middle of a vast, lush jungle. It was out exploring, and as it swung on its vines it spotted some berries on the jungle floor, seemingly ripe for harvesting. Whether or not monkeys eat berries is irrelevant. So the monkey slowly makes its way down the tree, and every so often, stops to check for predators. What the predators of a monkey are is also irrelevant. What is a monkey anyways?
The monkey finally makes it near the bottom and leaps to where the berries are, landing loudly in the bush. This alerts a nearby large animal who is carnivorous, which lifts its head to check out the origin of that sound. The monkey, unaware of the beast nearby, happily munches away on his berries. Meanwhile, the beast, spotting the monkey, sneaks around in the bushes in order to get closer to its next meal. The monkey hears some rustling but pays no attention as it is engrossed in the euphoria of the berries. In those moments of carelessness, the beast pounces at the monkey and bites its head off.
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Reese started his day off with his usual heroic routines, killing the villain, saving the woman, the normal kinds of stuff. However, Reese purposefully set the rest of the day aside, and therefore the rest of the world, in order to plan out his secretive plan. A quick cost-benefit analysis showed that after factoring in the approximate probabilities of the successes and failures of certain events, this course of actions could be considered a net positive in the majority of the combinations of possible outcomes. This secret plan, however, cannot be explained. After all, it is a secret.
In any case, Reese hatched a plan that he believed would get the job done, but deep down he knew that it just wasn't possible. He would just have to make do with whatever he thought would have the best chance. You could say then that he was just like a bald monkey.
Gerard was in the office, at his computer when he heard a voice call out to him softly. It was his boss chewing him out, but he could barely hear a word. Instead, he was more focused on what was showing up on his screen now.
It was a pop-up ad, but not an average one. This ad had a remarkably believable aura to it. It almost seemed to be calling to him. As he was about to click on a link, a wave of reason rushed over him which told him to refrain from that action. And so he did.
He felt extremely fortunate that he hadn't clicked on that link because in hindsight it looks as though that might have given him a virus. Or worse yet, send him down an endless rabbit hole of titties and tech support scams.
With those thoughts, it finally occurred to him that he was being chewed out currently. So he looked up at his boss and apologized.
"I'm very sorry sir, I will not do it again," he said with cowardice. That seemed to appease the boss as he walked away.
Now that the nuisance was gone, Gerard could finally return to his important duties.
After finishing things up on his computer, he got his hat and equipment and headed to his car. He tested the lights to make sure that they worked, and sure enough, they made a shrill and distinct noise.
Checking his mirrors, he pulled out of the parking lot and headed out into the road.
Stopped at an intersection with a red light, he spotted a kitten who seemed to be in a tree. He wondered if that was a normal thing that kittens did. Deep in thought, the light turned green, and so he started to drive again.
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Two burning buildings and an ongoing robbery later, he arrived at his destination, the side of a highway. He put the car in park and set his radar towards the street.
Immediately, the radar was triggered, so he started the car and began to chase after them. However, after pulling the man over, Gerard realized that this man wasn't a car at all, but a man. Incredibly embarrassed, Gerard sighed and let the man go.
At that moment, he felt like a bald monkey who just missed his shot at the berries.
Berryless and alone, Gerard began to break down into tears.
Just then, a man came from up above and landed next to his car. He made a quick greeting and sat in the car with him.
"Could you get me to the train station, officer?" he asked politely. Eager to leave this area, Gerard agreed and began to drive.
A couple of turns later, they had arrived. However, as he began to park, he realized that the man who was sitting next to him had disappeared without a trace.
Confused, he stepped out of the vehicle and stared at the train station. Why had he driven here, he wondered to himself, had he imagined the whole thing? He decided that he would enter the station to see if there was any meaning to be found inside.
When he stepped through the front door, he was surprised to see it was entirely empty except for a single train. Looking for more answers, he hopped on that train and decided to let it take him wherever it did.
Hours went by on the train, fast asleep. When he woke up, he decided he would exit at the next stop. As fate would have it, the train ground to a halt for its next stop at that moment.
So he stepped out only to view a man physically assaulting an elderly woman. He yelled and pulled out his gun. After no answer, he shot and killed the man seconds later.
Standing there, still in shock, he realized what the man in his car was trying to do. It was all to lead up to this moment, to save this one woman. Once again moved to tears, he stepped back onto the train in hopes of arriving back at the train station, where he would return to his car and drive home.
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In the middle of a vast and dense jungle lay a pile of berries, ripe and ready to be harvested.
Just like these berries, there was a man who was ready to be harvested, by infinite versions of himself in past and future incarnations. These incarnations inspired movement in this man, not the kind of movement seen in the fearsome "dance off" craze that swept the nation ten years prior, but a more unsettling movement that would garner some gagging by women and children alike, had it been done in public. Men, however, would cease to exist in the midst of this deathly dance, as with every thrust of a limb another person dropped dead like a bald monkey.
And then, a beast-like sound roared through the empty warehouse at which this was all taking place. It was a sound of a plane engine, which had begun to sputter before the sound of an explosion occurred. This sound proved fatal, as 71 people died in that instant.
Overshadowing their wailing was the sound of money, in the form of gold coins. These coins trailed through the sky, shimmering and clinking against each other, a noise that surely comforted the people in their last moments of dying from an explosion. After all, what more of a purpose does a human have other than collecting these?
The fruits of human labor and suffering, also known as pure gold, quickly reached terminal velocity and rained holes in the top of the warehouse-like bullets.
Miraculously, the dancing man dodged every single one in his trance-like state. Even more miraculously, on impact with the floor of the warehouse, the coins rebounded up into the air and landed in a neat pile, sorting themselves by both carat and weight for easy accounting.
As the man exited the building, a faint thud could be heard as a piece of the plane, which just so happened to be in the shape of the warehouse's roof, landed on that roof, covering up the bullet holes created by the coins. It turns out, that man was the beast, and the world was his berries. And YOU are the bald monkey.
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Later that day, Gerard was driving back home when suddenly, another man drove straight through a red light and struck the driver's side of Gerard's car, killing him instantly.