The morning passed by in a flurry. Corralling the remaining Green Mamba pirates had not been difficult since the head of the snake had been cut off. It had been unintentional. A happy accident really. In passing, while healing an injured soldier, Alexander mentioned his defeat of the pirate’s leader.
He had been doing his best to appease the warrior’s worries. She had a stab wound to the left upper quadrant of her abdomen. A nasty hit that had soaked her garbs in blood and then some, but the woman tried to claw her way back to the frontlines, nonetheless. When Alexander held her down, she lashed out, heartbroken from her injury and angry that he wasted his strength to hold her back rather than using it to resist the Green Mamba. After all, their executives couldn’t be too far away.
Alexander didn’t think anything of it then. He informed the woman she could relax because all of the Green Mamba’s executives who had come to this forest had been dealt with by him and his allies. The woman had stared at him, disbelievingly at first but when it became apparent Alexander was not lying, with tears of admiration. He smiled weakly, not knowing how to handle the sincerity with which the woman reacted to his sin.
He moved on to another fallen warrior, this one an Eagle tribe member who had lost his arm in all but tendon. It hung limply at his side, bleeding profusely and displaying the bone for all to see. The glossy white tendon was the final string holding his arm in place. Alexander told the man to bite down on his shirt as he drove the arm into the shoulder. His muffled screams did little to appease the growing emotional tiredness burdening Alexander.
His glowing hands healed the man’s arm enough that the muscle had reconnected, and a tight wrapping of bandages held it in place to allow secondary intention to heal the wound over time. Like the previous woman, the man rose to his feet and attempted to rejoin the battle. It was harder to stop him, his unfurled wings threatened to take to the sky to avoid Alexander. But Alexander assuaged him in the end. With a sorrowful tone, Alexander admitted his crime like a man repenting before a priest. He felt no release; the man did.
Patient by patient, Alexander brought the tribespeople back from the brink of death. Some were burnt, others bleeding, others yet were suffering from even more severe injuries: loss of limbs and brain injuries were all too common. Alexander didn’t discriminate any injury, though, and his body’s protests from his own mana depletion and wounds went ignored. With no one holding him accountable, nobody punishing him for what he had long thought to be the ultimate wrong, Alexander punished himself. The pain in his heart continued either way.
When the recovering warriors attempted to storm the battlefield once more, Alexander would whisper his crimes. Part of it was because it always made them stop. They needed rest; wounds didn’t just heal if you didn’t give them time. But mostly, he wanted to let out his emotions. He thought maybe that would be therapeutic. If his self-inflicted punishment did nothing, perhaps acknowledging what he had done and voicing it out into the world would help him accept it. It didn’t work.
But among the Puma and Eagle tribe, news of their triumph spread like wildfire. It was a gentle hum at first, hushed whispers between warriors too tired to fight no matter how desperately they wanted to, but eventually, it became a roaring chant, sung by the frontlines to intimidate the Green Mamba pirates and empower their own warriors.
Their tactics worked. Some of the pirates were in such a hurry to retreat, they stampeded over their own allies. The tribe’s generals took advantage of the situation and guided their warriors to form a barricade. For the most part, the Hunters held an advantage in speed, and they capitalized on this now as they massacred the terrified pirates. There were to be no survivors.
The momentum of the battle had shifted completely, all from an accident. It shouldn’t have been one. By all means, this should have been leveraged to boost the Puma and Eagle tribe’s momentum earlier, but Thomas and Kai, in their exhaustion, had forgotten to announce the victory. The Hunters knew now, though, yet the perpetrator, he who brought on this pivotal announcement, was apathetic. Alexander merely continued healing the people of the tribe.
He recalled Thomas’ advice, ‘Think of the why, the who,’ and did his best to follow it. Sending his mana into both hands, Alexander began healing the Hunters two at a time. In this moment, he wholeheartedly devoted himself to the tribe. These were the people he had done it for. They were they who, but relief didn’t come. The only feeling that welcomed him was the feeling of electricity coursing through his vessels. They were breaking down, using mana his body couldn’t afford to use. As a line of blood exited from the corner of his mouth, his body announced his mana was running out, and the pain that would follow… it would be even more excruciating than before.
Maybe this was for the best. He moved lifelessly from one injured to the next, slowly isolating himself away from the world. The pain encompassed everything- a welcome change from the resounding emptiness he had been feeling until this point.
Alexander’s vision tunneled. He didn’t notice at first: his left eye was lifeless, and he wasn’t using his right eye for much. But after some time, he realized darkness had joined the pain. That was fine, too. All he needed were his hands.
Pushing the white flames to his palms, he continued his pilgrimage through what had become the rainforest’s medical bay. Blinded and tired, Alexander aimlessly wandered the area until the Hunters began to approach him rather than waiting for him to find them. Nodding his head, he was thankful the tribe members had made it easier for him. There was much to do, so many injuries to heal. And pain. And darkness.
Then there was just darkness. Alexander felt his body shut down as he lost his mobility. The pain left him, but he wished that it hadn’t. It was the only thing keeping the memories away.
With nothing but his mind for company, Alexander replayed the final moments of the Bucko’s life. Those brilliant blue eyes, once shining, now dulled forever. The sound of the mace breaking the metal of the android’s body took root in Alexander’s mind and haunted him.
He ran up the steps of ice, leapt to the android, and swung. Then the blue eyes dulled as the mace crashed into the ground. Over and over, he saw it. Sometimes he was emotional, other times he was cold. How could he end a war when he mourned the death of an enemy so much? The Bucko had tried to kill him, Maia, the Emerald Warriors, and even Thomas, all in the span of one night. For the past decade, it probably racked up many more kills as a pirate, but Alexander was unable to rationalize murder. He had broken the sacred pact of a healer.
There was no who or why. There was just a murderer, a sinner.
Is a wolf a sinner if he kills a lamb for sustenance? Should a hawk be punished for killing a rodent to feed its children? Why must you seek to punishment when you sought only to protect? Does not a healer protect?
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A healer’s protection does not come at the cost of another’s life.
If Thomas and Kai were facing certain death, and your sacrifice would allow them to live, what would you do?
Alexander paused. Where had this question come from? He tried to ignore it, to remain silent, but something inside him felt compelled to answer. Where that the only cost, I would lay down my life for them.
Without hesitation?
None.
And if you had a patient, completely under your care, who told you if you healed him, they would murder an entire city, what would you do?
Alexander hesitated again. These were not his thoughts. It was a voice. Someone else’s voice. He tried to search for the source of the voice in the darkness, but he was lulled into answering once more. If I was sure... If I knew for a fact this was not an empty threat, then I would leave the patient alone.
Not even palliative care? Something to ease his symptoms?
I wouldn’t dare, not if the lives of so many hung in the balance.
Would you kill for glory?
No.
For power?
No.
The voice thought for a moment, giving Alexander a reprieve from the rapid fire he had just endured. Exuding gentleness, the voice asked. If your loved ones were in danger, would you protect them? Not with words, but by taking action. Standing up for them against whatever enemy they faced.
Alexander thought he heard a feminine pitch to the voice. Listening more closely, its inflection was soothing, reminding him of memories long buried: his mother reading him bedtime stories in his youth, back when she still believed his talent might grow. He wasn’t sure why, but he was filled with the unshaking belief the voice meant him well. The words slipped out of him, almost beyond his control. I would protect my loved ones with any means at my disposal.
And if they weren’t your loved one? What if it was someone bullied, someone weak? A victim who tried to defend themselves but couldn’t.
When I am able to, if I am able to, I would defend them, too.
A burst of pink temporarily blinded Alexander, his first time seeing a different color since he had descended into the darkness. When his vision cleared, he saw a young lady standing before him. She was stunning; her blonde hair cascaded down past her shoulders, effortlessly striking as it sparkled in the pink mist. Her eyes were shut, allowing Alexander to admire how long her eyelashes were, and her cheeks had a hint of redness, making him want to pinch them. This girl was, in Alexander’s opinion, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.
The girl’s lips spread thin as a smile blossomed on her face. Thank you for the compliments. It’s been years since I’ve laid eyes on my countenance, but it is flattering to hear it described with such… detail.
Blushing, Alexander looked down, unable to meet the girl’s shut eyes. I-I wasn’t aware that… Wait, who are you? And where is this?
Brushing her hair behind her ear, the girl sat. Alexander almost jumped over, imagining the girl was about to fall to the ground, but he stopped once he realized the pink mist had solidified into a chair beneath her. Whisking her hand, a chair formed beneath Alexander, too. I do not have a name, but you may refer to me by my title: Lady Venus. As for where we are, well, we are somewhere in your consciousness.
My- my mind? I don’t understand. Taking a few steps back, Alexander looked like he intended to run away but his legs beat him to it. Buckling under his fragile mind, Alexander collapsed, or rather he would have, had it not been for the chair Venus had placed behind him.
I understand this is a lot to take in. Especially give your current state of mind but know that I mean you no harm. Pulling with her hands, both chairs dragged closer together and met around a table that formed from the mist. Extending her hand, Venus motioned with her head for Alexander’s hand.
He acquiesced, unsure if it was due to some psychic influence or the inborn trust he felt towards this woman. Can you explain what you mean by my current state of mind? His voice was more confident this time. He hadn’t realized it, but his voice had been trembling until he grabbed Venus’ hand.
When you protected your friends, saved them from the potential threat the Bucko posed, your mind and body entered a state of turmoil. You held it together for a while thanks to your friend’s support, but eventually, you began to shut down. Pointing at the endless darkness, Venus said, This was the result.
So my sin brought me here. Sighing, Alexander’s shoulders sagged. I suppose endless darkness is fitting.
No, not at all. This darkness you see around you, it is not some cosmic punishment you have been appointed to. This is a mental jail, and here, you are both the warden and the prisoner.
Whether I did it to myself or someone else did, I’m glad it happened. It’s deserved.
But the very fact we are having this conversation means some part of you disagrees. Alexander, what you did wasn’t a sin that deserves punishment. You killed to save and protect. There is a key difference here separating you from the bad of the land: intent and motivation.
What would you know of my intentions? You’ve just met me! Wrenching his hand away, Alexander felt the calm that had been accumulating within him waver, replaced by a sudden rage.
Think of my earlier questions, Alexander. Venus maintained her same even tone. You responded wholeheartedly to each and every single one of them. Listen to that part of you. The one who understands the fundamental wrong of murder but accepts its use in specific situations. Reaching over again, Venus placed her hand over Alexander’s fist and smiled soothingly. Allow me to be the first to tell you, Alexander, you did nothing wrong.
Slowly, the darkness melted away as light began to seep through their surroundings, and tears streamed down Alexander’s face. But who gives me the right to do something like murder? How do I stop a war if I can’t even answer this?
There is no one who gives us the right to life and death. There is only action or inaction. You may choose to protect your loved ones or watch as the world tears them away. Your position in this, the burden fate has placed on you, is fickle. You and your loved ones will forever be placed at the center of the war. It is an unfortunate reality, but your choices, how you choose to protect everyone, that is what decides if you are a criminal or not. You have not murdered, only protected. So long as you continue protecting, everything will be okay.
Releasing Alexander’s hand, Venus evaporated, mixing with the pink mists in the air. Soon, the table vanished and the chairs with it, leaving Alexander standing in the empty room. He was alone again, but the entire room had changed. Wall after wall, the darkness toppled away, revealing a brilliant light that nourished Alexander. It was warm and embracing: a blinding light that healed even his mental wounds.
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“He will be okay. Plenty of rest will be necessary, but I do believe he will awaken stronger than before. His mind has been baptized in trauma, and he is all the more resilient for it.” Running her fingers through Alexander’s hair, Lady Venus addressed everyone in the room.
With a sigh of relief, Thomas and Kai both slumped on their chairs. Dark circles had taken root beneath the eyes of both of the men, and their appearance was haggard. Their worry over Alexander had kept them from resting, and now that they knew he was fine, they were both halfway to dreamland. The entirety of the leadership of the Puma and Eagle tribes were also present, and they celebrated the good news with whistling and clapping.
As the people’s prattling ceased, Venus continued “Our next order of business must then be the planning of our attack on the Green Mamba base. However, I am ordering for everyone to have a mandatory rest day.” Boldly turning her shut eyes towards everyone, Lady Venus proclaimed. A few of the generals complained, but nobody outright went against her words. “Recuperate everyone. Once our crew is healthier, we can tackle the big fish.”
Taking their silence as affirmation, Venus stood and exited through the curtains of the room.