Happy had a Gem. Not just a Gem either. It was pretty damn clear the eight Gems were powerful but didn’t hold a candle to the other four. Imagining anything as intense or powerful as Hell blew my mind away. It was also the absolute height of unfairness that I went through Hell instead of what was clearly Heaven. God, that would’ve been great. Summoned as an Angel. Bet that would have been an endless plane of happiness and joy.

But the other two… Gems were basically portals, as far as I could tell. I didn’t even know their proper name or anything about them. They were just referred to as “Gems”. Wherever those other two led to, I had no idea. The one inside Happy seemed to be Nothing. The conceptual element of Nothing. I didn’t understand that and I especially didn’t understand the concept of Everything that was across from it.

An old sci-fi show flickered across my awareness. I remembered them discussing a ‘unifying idea of everything’. I didn’t understand it then, I don’t understand it now. That was a running theme lately it seemed. My power? No idea. Happy himself? Really no idea. How to kill him? God I wish. The power inside him is probably equally as dangerous as the one inside me. And unlike me, he may actually know how to use it to do something horrible. What’s worse, the whole planet being dipped into Hell or erased completely? …Hell for sure, but still, neither happening is probably the best option.

To make matters worse, Happy clearly wanted the Gems. For entertainment, as far as I could tell. Him getting ahold of the portal to Heaven itself might be fine but… the rest would be a disaster.

A charismatic sociopath, with probability manipulation, and power equal to the one that scared and scarred me. Great. Awesome.

I sighed, while staring at Happy. I hadn’t taken my eyes off him. Annoyingly, he was walking backwards.

“I am surprised and unhappy we are letting him lead.” Konohora said.

“He already knows where the Gem is. Hell, he could probably trip and have it somehow land in his hand. Better to have him lead us to it and then punch him in the face and take it.” I said.

“He can hear us.”

“Yup.”

Happy winked at us. That wasn’t fair. Winks shouldn’t actually look good in real life. That was a movie thing. In practice, they always looked terrible. Damn bastard.

Konohora looked at me. I could tell she wanted to talk but now wasn’t the time.

We continued to follow Happy. He hadn’t even bothered to put clothes on and that was, annoyingly distracting. God damn, it was like looking at a piece of art. Konohora was having similar difficulties, enough that she finally began questioning Happy.

“Are you artificially boosting your Charisma?”

“Artificially?” He knocked his head to the side and laughed in a way that soothed the soul. “Nope! I was simply born like this.” His smile was radiant as he held his arms out.

I threw a rock at him. I had the pleasure of seeing him duck.

He winked but I threw another rock at him. A random gust of wind blew it aside.

“That’s not very nice.” He said, smile on his face.

I didn’t respond. This whole situation was fucked. I was resolving to stay quiet. There was no situation where a conversation between Happy and me ended in my benefit.

That wasn’t true for Konohora however.

“Where are we going?”

“A Temple! Oh, it’s going to be great. Imagine what we’ll see! I’m hoping for something spectacular!

‘In an ancient ruins, lies an incredible power. A Gem of untold strength, radiating life. From its power rises a Jungle beyond imagination. One can scarcely imagine what awaits within.’

Doesn’t that sound great?!”

Happy didn’t sing but I still found myself swayed by his words. There was definitely a certain… cadence to his words. It felt like the beginning of a story. I could almost feel myself being sucked into it. I sharply shook my head and focused on his actual words. And then nearly froze.

I looked around me, at the Jungle. At the Super Sized Jungle.

“Hold on. Are you telling me… this Jungle is massive because of the Gem here?”

“Oh Derek,” He said in a voice that made my heart skip a beat. “The Gem is the reason for so many interesting things here! Hopefully we’ll see a few more before our adventure is over with!”

I threw another rock at him. Turned out to be a small beetle all along and flew away.

I wasn’t just throwing rocks every so often for the fun of it. Happy was clearly content to be passive. I wasn’t. Hopefully I’d figure out the limits of his power, map it out, figure out a gap, and then kill him. He needed to die. So far, I was making progress. I had grabbed the rocks with the intent to throw them at him. That could explain the perception block that made me not realize that one of the rocks was a beetle. I really doubted his power could go back in time and make me grab a beetle instead of a rock. The wind was an annoying factor. But it always moved slightly. It hadn’t smacked a hurricane to move the rock away. It always seemed to aim for somewhere around the minimum necessary force to have things go Happy’s way.

Happy, you aren’t invincible. Even luck must have limits. Unless you can change my very thoughts, affect my mind itself, you can never truly be endlessly lucky. And maybe you even can do that. Maybe you can prevent that final puzzle piece I’ll need from clicking over. But what about doing that with four people? Your power must have limits. I refuse to believe it’s absolute.

“Those are some scary eyes you’re looking at me with.” Happy said.

“Hmph. Do you feel scared?”

“Nope! I feel excited! Man, I can’t wait. Wouldn’t it be great if something happened right now?”

Oh you motherfu-

Suddenly, I felt a presence enter my radius. A familiar presence. I looked sharply to my right, Konohora following my lead, preparing for battle. Standing there, towering over us… was a massive snake. The one that had been going to eat us when we first got here, at that.

“Awesome.” Happy said, simply content.

“Happy, after this, you aren’t allowed to even think about anything interesting happening.”

That was all I got out before the snake dove forward… straight for Konohora. My heart began to hammer in my chest as my blood felt like it was running backwards. Snakes were fast. Giant the snake may be but it was still so god damn fast.

One second, the woman I had sex with, my companion, who had saved my life multiple times, was standing there, prepared for a fight.

The next, she was gone. A snake’s head was where she use to be and I could physically see a lump in its throat.

It… it…

I’ll kill you.

I’LL KILL YOU!

“AHHHHHH!!!!!”

I’ll rip your fucking throat to sheds you fucking handbag. My tail lengthened fully, revealing itself in its entirety. Every chink like a razor blaze, the core of highly condensed muscle swinging it like a whip, causing cracking in the air. My claws extended, sharp enough to tear through steel.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

And my speed.

I ran directly for the damn thing, murder in my eyes.

It hissed at me and dove forward. Faster than my eye could see.

No. No, I see you.

I SEE YOU.

CRKK!

The snake reared back, pulling away.

I was no longer on the ground. All I could see was the inside of a snake’s mouth.

But I wasn’t inside it.

It took the damn thing a second to notice but I wasn’t going to fucking waste time. It had tried to bite me and for that, I’d stabbed my claws into its fucking fangs. Standing there, hanging from its top jaw, my tail went to town.

And the snake went ballistic.

It could feel its mouth being carved into pieces, lacerations beginning to cover it. Bleed you bastard, bleed. I said I’d tear out your throat. You think you can eat my fucking party member and get away with it?!

I could feel the snake as it rammed its head everywhere in vain, as it tried to slam me into the ground, against a tree, as it tried to close its jaw. I took the blows, I didn’t feel them anyway. So what if you break my back? I’ll kill you.

As it tried to close its jaw, my tail acted like a spear, stabbing directly down. It nearly impaled itself on it. As it continued to struggle, to fight, I only got angrier and angrier. Konohora was still in there. Still being eaten as I fought.

I was about to do something drastic, throw myself down its throat to carve it from the inside out, when I saw something that made me laugh in near hysteria.

The snake must have felt it too… as its struggling increased, panic beginning to set in.

It had eaten the wrong fucking priestess. Konohora was strong and more than anything, she wasn’t a damsel in distress.

As the snake reared upwards and the light filtered down past me, I saw her. Her expression was pinched and angry, as she hooked her hand forward and squeezed. She drew blood as her fingers crushed her way into the snake's flesh. She was climbing her way out, one hand at a time.

The snake must have realized it had fucked with the wrong people by now, but it was too late. Survival of the fittest? Law of the Jungle?

Then you die.

Konohora, covered in blood, snake spit, and more, climbed up my tail and body. She ignored me, ignored the cuts on her hands, ignored it all. She only had eyes for the roof of its mouth.

She punched. I could feel the force blow back into me.

And suddenly, the snake went very, very still. Then it began to fall. As it fell, its jaw slammed into the ground, annoyingly impaling itself further on my tail. As soon as it landed, Konohora crawled past me, out the creature’s mouth. I felt her begin to lift its head and finally yanked my claws out of its fangs. Getting my tail out took significantly more effort.

I finally got out of the damn thing and looked down on it. Massive. Truly, massive. I frowned. I could still feel its breath. I looked to Konohora. She had knocked the snake out with one punch.

I heard clapping nearby, only to see Happy sitting on a rock, drink somehow in hand.

“Bravo! Bravo! That was so cool!”

I looked at him, feeling snake spit and snake blood in places it was never meant to be. So many thoughts ran through my mind. But I finally settled on one in particular.

“You’re ugly.”

“WHAT?!”

I turned away as Happy sputtered. Bitch. Bet you’ve never heard that one before huh? Go fuck yourself you harbinger of disaster and swayer of minds.

I looked over to Konohora again, who looked significantly less well off. I was ‘kinda’ covered in blood and spit. She was completely covered in it and more. The leaf robe she had made was… disgustingly sticking to her skin.

“Derek.”

“Yes Konohora?”

“I hate the jungle.”

“Agreed Konohora.”

She stepped forward and punched into the snake’s skull, over and over again, laying a beat down, until it was well and truly dead. I looked down at myself and not just at the shit covering my body. My strength… without it noticing, I’d risen beyond human norms. I could feel it and track it better than anyone I knew but… it felt like I had just inched slowly past the line instead of sprinting. And yet despite feeling gradual… it wasn’t a gradual change at all. A normal human wouldn’t have been able to do any of that, unless maybe they were an Olympic level powerlifter. That snake had bit down hard.

But that was only part of the equation. I had reacted to its bite. I had seen it despite the speed, moved fast enough to intercept. My reflexes and speed were… uncanny. That was completely ignoring what Konohora had accomplished. I had seen her powerful swings before but… she was a lot stronger than even I had expected.

Feeling her out with my power gauge quickly told me why though. She was growing stronger right now. I wondered why… before my jaw dropped.

The life force. The jungle. Would I be able to feel and use it? Hell no. But a healer? A healer with decades of experience and life force from a literal giantess sitting inside her? She might not even knowingly be doing it. Either way, there was only one course of action next.

“Happy.”

“Yes?” Happy suddenly stopped sputtering and went back to smiling as if it had all been an act. It probably had been. Hamming it up for laughs. The fact that I actually found it funny made me feel like I fraying apart.

“Find us a fucking way to clean up after you caused this.”

“Huh? How do you want me to do that?”

I looked at him, death in my eyes.

“Just want to.”

He gave me a thumbs up.

“Alright!”

*****

Of course, somehow, within minutes Happy had found a small pond. Well, by our standards at least. It even looked clean too.

Two disgustingly covered individuals had fixed that and now were clean while it looked like a cesspool. Happy had, well, happily splashed around in the pond until the gunk started to get close to him.

The battle, the hours getting clothes, escaping in general, all of it hadn’t seemed to take too long and yet night was already falling. Some quick shitty tents were made with leaves and sticks, namely a single leaf and a single stick, and another leaf as a bed.

“Happy?”

“Hmm?” He was currently laying on a rock… sunbathing. Despite the sun having already started to go down.

“Go away.”

“Ah, Derek! You wound me. My traveling companion, the jewel of my eye, my sis-”

“Shut up. Go away. We’ll,” I sighed, heavily. “We’ll go to the Gem tomorrow. Blame you calling down trouble for us on the slow pace. And I swear to god, you better hope that nothing happens tonight or I promise I’ll spend the whole journey commenting on the weather. I’m sure that’ll be ‘interesting’ for you, hearing “Ah, the sky sure is blue.” 5000 times.”

Happy simply smiled and chuckled. I was getting, no, I was thoroughly sick of his always cheerful personality. It was, however, ingratiating itself towards me. But honestly, it just didn’t make sense either.

“Hey. Why are you…” How to put it… “A piece of shit?”

“Huh?”

“I still remember when we met at the tavern. You were more… naturally charismatic.”

Happy seemed to suddenly put his full attention on me and I almost stepped backwards. Happy had kind of just been… an annoying scarecrow so far. Something that needed but refused to die. But suddenly I was sharply reminded he was not an innocent, harmless presence. I wouldn’t bet on me or most people against him. He was a powerful sociopath with unknown abilities and powers and luck literally on his side.

“Derek.” He said and shockingly I could tell he was forcing his charisma down. He talked differently, more ugly, on purpose. “I love you.”

What? Oh god please, no, I can’t handle a Vanessa situation with a man imbued by luck.

“You are my muse. The second we met, I knew you were going to do so many things! Go on so many adventures! I felt the winds of fate and destiny changing, the world beginning to turn. And me?”

“I am a Bard.”

Those words had weight behind them.

“I produce that which touches upon the soul itself, imbuing life and experiences through music. I seek out adventures and experiences to share. To create! My only desire, is for interesting things to happen! And you, Derek. When I see you, it’s like the whole world opens up. You are going to do great and amazing things, I can feel it. And none of it’s related to me at all!”

His eyes practically began to shine.

“I want to see it. To feel it. To know it! Ah, it’s going to be so great! And so… why would I hide myself? I want you to see the real me too.”

He had a dreamy look on his face that made me feel… a lot of things.

“Then,” I asked. “Why do you even want these stupid Gems?”

He laughed.

“Why else? Because the world is boring! Look around us. This whole jungle, it’s all because of just one Gem ending up here! Look how much it caused, look how much it’s done! So many stories to tell, to sing, to play about this land. The fires of passion, the light of lineage, a whole miniature world onto itself. Wouldn’t it be interesting… to see what happens when they are all together? And speaking of the other Gems.”

My heart skipped a beat and his smile practically became predatory.

“Let’s see what happens if we open them up.”

What?

“What? You want to… open them?”

My whole being shook as he looked at me.

“Don’t you want to see what it’ll look like? I wonder what will happen.” He said with a smile, staring directly at my chest.

At the Gem within me.

My worst fears were being realized right in front of me.