Author's note: Hello and thanks for reading my werewolf romance. A new chapter will be released every Sunday night. BUT, you can read each chapter two days early by subscribing to my Ko-fi. For further updates on my writing, feel free to join my Discord. The next chapter will be released on November 24.

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“You died, Lilith,” my mate said, her eyes tearing up. I couldn’t bear to watch her cry, not the woman my soul had learned to pine for in a matter of days. Not the woman who made me feel wanted for the first time in my life. Not the woman who loved me so deeply that I couldn’t stop questioning what I’d done to deserve her.

So, I buried my face in her shoulder and threw my arms around the werewolf, shoulder still feeling a bit stiff.

“That’s twice now that I’ve felt your heart stop beating in my chest. Most mates only feel that once. . . at the very end.”

Mars trembled. All that strength she wielded with the raw power of nature dropped to the floor like shattered glass.

I held her tighter as the werewolf started to sob louder and come undone.

“I finally found you. Years of searching for my fated mate, and you popped up at a festival, right under my nose. I’ve been so happy, Lilith. Holy shit, I haven’t told you how happy I’ve been since you danced into my life. And that just made it hurt all the more when your heartbeat went silent . . . again.”

My eyes watered, and I felt the telltale sign of tears racing across my cheek and over to the edge of my nose, the same route they always took.

“The thing all those musicians sing about. Madonna. Cher. Whitney Houston. The love their notes echoed on and on about. I finally understand it, how another individual can make you feel so complete, so whole. I’ve been missing a piece for 30 years, and here you are. I feel. . . full. And I just want more of you. More and more and more, Lilith. But I’m so fucking terrified that you won’t be here to give me more, that I’ll lose you like I lost. . . like I lost. . . everyone.”

That last thing Mars said was more of a quiet hiss than an actual word.

“I’m sorry, Mars. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean for these things to keep happening,” I cried as the two of us sank to the floor, still clinging to each other like one of us might fade away if released.

For a minute, the only sound in the room was our combined breathing. The shared vulnerability between two souls made to exist together since before they were born apart.

And even this felt good. It felt right to be scared together, to cry over a near-death experience that almost cost us the very thing we’d been searching for our entire lives.

My heart thumped all the louder as Mars and I held one another. I almost willed it to beat all the louder so Mars would feel it with such confidence as to know I wasn’t going anywhere. I closed my eyes tight and swore on all that I was, all that I’d gained, all I’d learned, that she wouldn’t lose me completely. Not for a very long time.

We settled down, still holding each other. Silence kept us company as the shadows around the den stretched and moved with the morning sunrise outside.

Grief born from terror eventually gave way to joy over mutual survival. And when my arms could no longer stay up, I sighed and wiped the last of my tears away.

“Let’s get some breakfast and talk,” Mars said. “I need coffee before I say more feeling words.”

I smirked as Mars helped me stand. My foot let me know it’d fallen asleep with pins and needles poking everything from my toes to my ankles.

Fuck me, I thought, trying to straighten it out and almost willing the blood to go back where it needed to be. That’s how it worked, right?

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those cliche people who are addicted to coffee,” I said, lightly tapping my foot on the floor and wincing as it tingled all the more.

Mars raised an eyebrow.

“How is being addicted to coffee a cliche?” she asked.

I shrugged.

“Well, lots of people are. They make it part of their personality. It becomes a cliche,” I said.

“So, because lots of people enjoy something, it’s automatically a cliche?” Mars asked, leading me toward the kitchen.

“I mean — no, it’s not the enjoyment or popularity that makes it a cliche,” I said, scratching my head. “It’s more that so many people make their coffee addiction part of them. They buy mugs that say things like, ‘But first. . . coffee.’”

Mars turned back to face me in the hallway.

“But you drink coffee,” she said. “So doesn’t that also make you cliche?”

I scoffed.

“No — because I don’t make it part of. . . like,” I sighed. Being dead had apparently robbed me of my words and logic.

Mars just grinned at me and waited while I sputtered.

“Shut up,” I mumbled, bumping her shoulder as I walked by.

Like the merciful mate she was, Mars let it go, knowing she’d won the — well, I wouldn’t call it an argument or a debate. She won the moment. And thankfully, she was a gracious winner.

The werewolf walked into her kitchen while I stood off the side, unsure of what to do. Heavy wooden cabinets hung bathed in morning sunlight from a huge window over the sink. A white dish drainer sat to one side, the rubber mat underneath angled for any remaining water to drip back into the sink.

Mars poured water into her coffeemaker, and we stood quietly waiting for it to leak out enough bean juice for the two of us.

When the coffee was ready, my mate went to the cabinet farthest from me and pulled down two mugs. She filled both.

“Cream or sugar?” she asked.

“Naw. I’m good with black coffee,” I said.

Setting my mug on the counter next to me, I caught Mars smirking again. I scrunched my face in confusion, trying to figure out what had her in such a snickering mood.

At last, I gave up and went to grab my coffee. The white mug had simple black lettering on the side that said, “But first. . . coffee.”

I nearly dropped the damn thing as Mars burst out laughing. Rolling my eyes, I sighed.

“Yes, yes. Haha. You got me good, Mars.”

My fingers wrapped around the steaming mug, and I closed my eyes, trying to absorb all the warmth from the drink. Gooseflesh erupted on my arms, and for a moment, I felt like I’d gotten a fraction of a hot shower, just holding my coffee.

I took a deep breath of Rich Roast Vanilla Blend and held it in my lungs, hoping I could steal heat from even the air I inhaled. My core still refused to warm up. And I wasn’t awake enough for my Understanding to explain what happened to me.

Mars scooted closer when I set the mug down after a tiny sip. She gently grabbed my chin and ran a thumb over my lips. It sent shivers from my spine to my toes. Guess I wasn’t going to get rid of the pins and needles feeling this morning.

“I missed you,” she said, with such tenderness that I almost choked up again.

I was wanted. Even though I was physically present in her home, Mars still missed me. I hoped she missed how I looked at her like a goddess posed on an altar. I hoped she missed how I giggled at the awful jokes that my brain put out into the world like a kid gently placing a toy boat into a pond. And I really hoped she missed fucking me within an inch of my life. Although, maybe now that I’d actually died, she would restrict herself to fucking me within a meter of my life.

“Your body. . . just refused to stay warm. And I was terrified. So Chocolate, Chip, and I all took turns laying with you to share our heat. Seems like it helped.”

“I will never complain about you laying on top of me,” I said. “And thank you for bringing me back. Whatever you did after I died seemed to work.”

Mars raised her eyes to my hair, now half black and half white.

“I can only imagine what happened to give you hair like Death the Kid.”

“I’m not sure. I just feel so cold and tired. My core can’t seem to warm up. I’m left craving warmth like some kind of extra hunger. And where my Understanding should have kicked in by now to tell me what the fuck happened, nothing is clicking upstairs.”

My mate pulled my face closer and licked the side of my cheek. Then she kissed me lightly on the lips.

“You’ve basically been unconscious for two days. I think your body is still recovering. It’ll kick things on one piece at a time. Sort of like the different switches being flipped as the power came back on in ‘Jurassic Park.”

Pausing, I frowned.

“Just out of curiosity, have you actually read Jurassic Park?”

Mars cocked her head to the side and answered without thinking for even a split second.

“Why would I? There’s a perfectly good movie I can watch anytime I want.”

My eyes widened.

“Please tell me my mate isn’t someone who refuses to read,” I said.

Mars raised an eyebrow.

“If I tell you that I don’t read all that much, what will you do?”

“Judge you for falling in love with a librarian,” I blurted.

The werewolf pulled away from me and raised her hands into the air. Then, with as dramatic a voice as she could muster, the newly-born soap opera star said, “Judge me if you must, Lilith. But I’ll remember that next time you want me to assfuck you over the side of my bed.”

And before I could retort, I heard a man cough just as a heavy boot hit a squeaky patch of kitchen floor.

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My neck slowly turned in horror to spot Buckie standing in the kitchen doorway with a large box of Sunken Donuts. His expression could best be described as, “What a terrible day to have ears.”

Mars walked over to grab the donuts like nothing had happened. And inside, I felt my brain sinking to my stomach in hopes that I could somehow cease to be if I just willed it hard enough.

Unfortunately, I continued to exist. And Buckie continued to stand there like a statue, arms still raised as if he was holding the box of donuts long after Mars took them to the counter.

How much trouble would I be in with Mars if I died a third time? Because it was starting to look like the best solution to my encroaching embarric attack. That’s what I called a panic attack resulting from such strong embarrassment that I wanted to “Men in Black” my memory by several minutes.

Buckie refused to make eye contact with me as he said, “Glad to see you’re up and about, Lilith.”

Then, he turned and walked away as I heard barking outside. When Buckie opened the door, presumably to walk back to his cabin and rinse his ears out with bleach, two pounding sets of paws thundered in the kitchen.

Chocolate and Chip ran around me, sniffing and jumping. They bounced and barked as if to celebrate my return to the living. I kneeled to greet them, which was a big mistake because Chip simply body-slammed me to the floor.

And as I lay flat on my back, I was sniffed and licked by competing wolves, each eager to prove to me that they rarely left my side while I was unconscious and my body was apparently trying to hypothermia itself.

“Where were you two brave beasts when I was being attacked by a vampire, hmmm? I specifically remember being told Chip was my bodyguard,” I said as Mars lightly barked at the wolves to let me up.

Mars took a sip of her coffee and said, “They were with Buckie. He apparently had the worst timing ever for his late-night drive, and they climbed into his vehicle the moment he opened the door. So, he took them out toward Katahdkin for a run.”

Part of me was frustrated we didn’t have the werestag and two wolves to join the fight. But the other part of me, the colder half that struggled to maintain more than two consecutive seconds of warmth, realized they’d have ended up as cannon fodder.

Mars survived the fight because I unleashed a powerful new spell that took Beauregard by surprise. And I survived the fight because. . . because. . . well, I still wasn’t sure.

Maybe adding a half-dozen rings of pure sugar to my belly will help kickstart my Understanding, I thought, taking another drink of my coffee.

I made short work of three chocolate-frosted glazed donuts before downing half my mug of coffee. Was it supposed to be scalding going down my throat? Yes. Did I flinch even a little? No. That should be a little alarming, right?

As I eyed an éclair, which we called Long Johns back in Colorado, I paused long enough to ask Mars, “Will you tell me what happened? After I went down for the count?”

Mars was on her second donut. But when I asked my question, she froze and looked at the floor, anguish spreading across her face. She put the donut down on a napkin, seemingly losing her appetite for a moment.

With a long sigh, she ran her fingers under the sink to rinse them free of sugar and icing.

“I should be able to tell you pretty easily, Lilith. After all, I’ve only replayed the scene in my head a thousand times while you were unconscious.”

Crossing the kitchen, I took Mars’ hands in my own.

“Please. I need to know. It might be the only way I’ll find out what happened to me. . . what’s still happening to me. I know you’re scared of revisiting memories of my death. But, babe, look into my eyes. Feel my fingers on yours. Smell my scent. I made it back. I’m here with you in this moment. You know how the story ends. I just need to know what middle chapters I’m missing.”

Mars pulled a hand free and ran her fingers through the white side of my hair. She hadn’t commented on whether I smelled different after dying. And, honestly, I was too scared to ask.

I gave my mate all the time in the world to think before answering.

At last, she spoke, eyes still on my hair.

“After whatever you did to Beauregard, the air around you grew thick with some kind of smog. It smelled like rust and decay. Your hair started to twitch. And then your whole body spasmed. It was clearly struggling with the magic you used. I watched as you fell backward. I listened as you belted out an ear-piercing scream. And then. . . your body jolted upward and expelled a huge wave of magic, bigger than anything I’d ever witnessed. The trees and bushes around you withered in seconds. The soil turned a sickening and spongey brown. And then. . . just as your body came to rest, your heart stopped.”

I could only stare at my mate as she talked. And as her words sank into my ears, somewhere deep inside the recesses of my mind, I felt my Understanding whir to life.

“Show me,” I whispered.

Mars took my hand and led me out to the patch of forest where we’d fought Beauregard. I. . . couldn’t believe my eyes. Dead leaves and dried bark covered the ground. Everything smelled horrid. A skunk on its worst day couldn’t match the odor.

Covering my nose, I looked around for any signs of life. But an entire patch of the forest was dead, as far as I could see.

Standing in the woods, I closed my eyes and felt. . . nothing. There was nothing living in this patch of the forest anymore. No magic. No plants. No animals. Walking further into the trees, I ignored Mars calling my name.

My breath was all I could hear now. My heart ached. I was on the verge of sobbing. Around me, the skeletal remains of squirrels, rabbits, and birds dotted the tree floor.

Every step I took felt like wading into sewage, even though I knew it was just soil beneath me. All of a sudden, I leaned over and puked, coughing up at least half my breakfast and coffee. Nausea and twitching wrecked my body as Mars started to run toward me.

I held up a hand to stop her.

“Fine — I’m fine. Just. . . stay over,” I said, trying to get enough air in my lungs to finish that sentence.

To her credit, Mars waited patiently, though I felt her heart racing in my chest. Seeing me retch in the place where I died couldn’t have been fun.

Standing up and taking a few breaths to steady myself, I looked around at the poisoned land. My Understanding told me what happened. It wasn’t all that complicated. Hell, Beauregard had explained it pretty succinctly at his farm.

“I siphoned Bearegard’s graveyard magic. . . all of it. But there was too much for my body to handle. It overwhelmed me. When you saw me convulsing, that was my body trying to expel what I’d ripped from the Vampire Lorde. And when I pushed it out. . . the forest paid the price.”

Mars came over and lightly patted me on the back while my brain worked out the rest.

“The white hair, aged skin, the changed eye colors. . . they’re all symptoms of my body going into magical shock. After my heart stopped, what happened?”

My mate started to pull me out of the forest, and when we got back to the front of the farm, my gaze traced the porch. I guess while I was out, Mars and Buckie had fixed the windows and door. Though the porch still bore signs of our fight. Scratch marks, warped boards, and pieces of debris from the shattered porch chairs.

“Well, Buckie came back around sunrise. And neither of us could get close to your body for at least an hour after that. The magic you expelled was too thick in the air. It rotted our flesh when we got within 10 feet of you. We had to back off and wait for our bodies to mend. I was losing my shit because your heart wasn’t beating for several hours.

“And then. . . out of nowhere, I felt it again. Quiet at first, like a baby bird gradually hatching from an egg. I wasn’t even sure it was a heartbeat. But then I heard you breathing. By noon, we had you moved into the den. You were breathing but still cold to the touch. That’s when Chocolate, Chip, and I took turns sharing body heat with you.”

I nodded, putting the pieces together.

My brain continued to whir as Understanding dawned on me like an epiphany happening in real time. Puzzle pieces fell into place, and I could only blink in astonishment as facts built themselves like a staircase in my mind’s eye.

“I think I get it now,” I said, as Mars brought me back into the kitchen and chopped me up an apple.

Taking small bites while my nausea subsided, I cleared my throat.

“My body healed itself.”

“How?” Mars asked. “Can all sorceresses do that?”

I shook my head.

“No. I mean — yes, there are spells that can repair the physical body. But I don’t know any of them. Instead, I seemed to have stolen a few abilities from Beauregard, keeping them for myself, even as my system forced out the vast majority of his graveyard magic.”

Mars finished the donut she’d put down earlier.

“So. . . that shadow thing you did in the den? And the healing? Those came from Beauregard?”

I nodded.

“As best I can tell, yeah. He dislocated my shoulder, and it hurt like a bitch. But it feels mostly normal now. Just a bit stiff. I guess while I was talking to Beau on his farm, my body was slowly mending itself with the power it ripped from him.”

Mars stopped mid-chew.

“I’m sorry. Did you say. . . talking to Beau on his farm?” Mars asked, mouth full of cake donut.

Finishing my apple and downing the rest of the cold coffee remaining in my mug, I nodded.

“While you were keeping my body warm, my mind was trapped in a memory with Beauregard on his farm. I guess I’d siphoned it away with his magic. He was human again.”

Mars shook her head, swallowing the donut.

“How the fuck is that even possible?”

Outside, a murder of crows cawed as they flew over the patch of forest I killed. Briefly, I wondered if any of them had nested there. I wondered if I’d ruined the trees they called home.

Washing my hands, I started talking without facing Mars. I told her everything Beau said to me, from his sister’s life to his enslavement and his final request to me.

By the time I finished, Mars was seated in a chair with her face in her hands.

“Holy shit,” she whispered. “That’s a lot to process.”

I pulled up a chair next to her after pouring myself another mug of coffee. Mercifully, the pot had still been warm, so I’d held the glass in my fingers for a few minutes, stealing what heat I could.

Snuggling close to my mate, I rested my head on her shoulder and just stared at a half-eaten loaf of wheat Mars had in her breadbox.

From across the house, I heard a loud buzzer sound from the laundry room. I guess the dryer was finished running.

Outside, I listened to the dogs running around and barking as they played with each other. They didn’t go near the driveway. I didn’t blame them.

“I’m sorry I destroyed part of your forest, Mars,” I whispered.

That seemed to snap her out of her trance because Mars straightened up and kissed my forehead.

“Don’t even. That was a fucked up night we were both extremely fortunate to walk away from. Some land is a wicked small price to pay. Listen to me, Little Cottontail.”

So, I did. She held my full attention. I parked my gaze in her honeyed eyes and waited while Mars gathered her strength to speak again.

“I’ve lost you twice now. And I’ve regained you twice now. Each loss taught me just how important you are to me and how utterly desperate I am to cling to you and keep you in my life.”

I was shaking from the cold, but Mars was quivering from the memory of my death. Neither was what we wanted to feel, so we moved even closer.

We needed to share more than just a moment or heat or touch. Mars and I had to share life because that was the gift we’d both been given after an attack that should have ended us permanently.

“You heard her name. Telsyn. She’s a godforsaken horror that shouldn’t exist in this world. But she does. And because she does, Telsyn was able to rip my entire pack from me when I was a whopping 10 years old. They’re frozen in time on an island off the coast of Lubec, and I’ve spent every moment of my life since trying to find a way to free them. My parents, my friends, my pack, they were all taken from me. And honestly, Lilith, some days, I just didn’t want to keep going. Once or twice, I wanted to drink a vial of liquid silver, just to make the loneliness and hurt stop.”

I grabbed Mars’ hand and squeezed as tightly as I could.

“But you didn’t,” I whispered, hoping to god that she felt me as much as I wanted her to. The thought of knowing my mate carried such crushing loneliness left me wanting to fight the entire world. And I would fight the whole world for her, from a planet all the way down to a single vampire. She was worth it because Mars had deemed me worth loving first.

“But I didn’t,” she said. “And I found you. For the first time in my life, you chased those feelings away, Lilith. You made me want to keep fighting, not just to free my pack from their curse, but to protect you as well. I treasure you, Little Cottontail. You send me over the moon and splashing into a sea of joy. And I cannot bear the thought of losing you to the storm of madness we find ourselves in.”

Pulling Mars down into a slow kiss, I stroked her hair and moved to her lap. We’d set our coffees aside, content to steal warmth and spit from each other.

“You need to stop thinking about how you lost me and start thinking about how I found my way back to you. Because I’ll always come back to you, Mars Dubois. No magic, no monster, no force in the ‘verse can keep me away from you indefinitely. So if you ever lose me again in the future, take a breath, and know it’s only temporary. You’re worth fighting my way back to every time, my ferocious protector, my howling moon and stars. I’ll love you and return to you always.”

Mars pressed her lips against mine again, running her thumbs over my cheeks. We paused to remember the promise we’d made to one another, one no vampire or wraith would ever break.

When we finally pulled away to breathe, I asked Mars, “Has anyone called my phone about the library being closed for two days?”

She shook her head.

“No, I put a sign on the door that said it was closed because you had pneumonia.”

I cocked my head to the left.

“Quick thinking.”

Mars shrugged.

“Eh, you learn how to make fast excuses when you’re a werewolf. You’d be surprised how many full moons take you away from planned events.”

I smiled and then thought for a moment.

“Well. . . pneumonia is a hell of a thing. That can keep some folks out for an entire week,” I said.”

My mate looked confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. . . I could conceivably be away for an entire week with your cover story.”

“So?”

Pressing my forehead against Mars’, I gently kissed her nose.

“So you can use that time. Take me to Lubec, and I can break this fucking curse on your pack once and for all.”