I feel my body return to a mortal shell again.
Okay this is hell on Earth right now.
I can feel things I had forgot and could no longer feel things I had spent countless decades drowning in the sense of.
I dropped my hot coffee on the floor joining it shortly afterwards. Simply laying on the ground in a pool of hot coffee it was all I could do to even breathe moment to moment.
This body was wrong on so many levels! I felt trapped, like a cage of hell that I could not escape.
It was at this moment I realized three important things, wait, more were adding to the list every millisecond as my mind began to scream in pain.
I was in that universe for far longer than a few decades.
I was lucky to have snapped out of it at all, more so than I would have ever guessed likely.
I had done much more to myself in that realm than just keep my body from dying. Whatever I had become was nothing more than a wildly alien being in a human suit by the end.
No matter what I must never lose focus on who I am and what is important to me!
This world is real, as is my realm, this world was my first though, so it must take precedence.
Also before leaving that realm it is of most importance to reacclimate to a regular human body.
I manage to pull my nervous system back together into a semblance of what I recognize as something I can handle, no matter how primitive it may be. Moving my facial features, I can feel myself relearning to make sounds and use words again.
Really it is the memories attached to the body of the recent past more than any skill on my part that really pull me back together. I can finally see and hear again in a coherent manner. What I see is not good. My daughter is over me crying out trying to get me to move. Damn, this image is never going to leave me, is it?
No, it is not going to. We want it there fresh and on top. We can never forget this moment, so we never let it happen again.
I could feel a cold fury burn inside the core of my being. It was a deep-seated hatred at myself for letting such a wonderful child, my child at that, feel such pain. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I reached up and stroked her face.
“I love you so much Mouse, I promise you will never feel this sorrow or pain again. I have failed you as a father, it will not happen again.”
Seeing her smile some I pull on Save Slot 1 this time. Falling on the floor with a fair bit more control this time I curl up trying to right myself in this raging storm of emotions.
It is part rage of self-hate fueled by the love of a parent to their precious child who they have failed. Part of it was missing that joy of creation. It was a feeling easily addictive to an unprepared mind, and I was woefully unprepared. No longer feeling the sweeping depths of cosmic creation was worse than being reduced from a man to an earthworm. The levels of connection to the universe was simply incomparable to anything a human can experience. Words could not express it, just a deep sense of loss that only the fury of having failed my child could begin to combat.
So that is what I did for days, weeks, and finally months. Every time I heard the alarm clock of my wife go off upstairs I would pull on Save Slot 1. I was running, hiding from the world in my own little hell-scape of 6 hours at a time.
It took time, I freely admit a great deal of time even, yet eventually my fragile mind was in a sembalance of repair, and it was strong enough to continue.
Taking my first step from where I had gotten to the point of not even moving from the Save State 1 standing spot it was like breaking free from a cocoon at that point.
I was reborn now from the fires of creation and fury. It was a deep and satisfying stretch at that point cracking the bones in my back, twisting side to side.
“Okay I am fine now, not really honestly, though it is close enough for horseshoes and hand grenades!”
Time to see if I can load from Save Slot 2 despite being in Save Slot 1. The thought of having to rebuild that masterpiece had set me back more than a few times when I was having my epic breakdown.
Pulling on it there was a layer of fuzz over it. It was close, but something was in the way. It was like looking at a puzzle piece just the exact wrong shape to fit where you needed it. So close yet so far, wait…
“Duh! It’s like 3 in the morning right now! I’ve already changed the timeline that lead to Save Slot 2. Then going to the beginning of Save Slot 1 and then pulling straight into Save Slot 2 might work!”
Action follows thought and this action did again! As soon as Save Slot 1 was finished loading I could feel Save Slot 2 open, the fuzz was gone! Still the fuzz was slowly growing as my actions separated from the original events.
Quickly pulling on Save Slot 2 it was open fully and there was a cup of coffee in my hands. Taking a sip, it was the most delicious thing in the world at that moment.
Walking slowly over to where my daughter was curled up on the chair I sat down beside her enjoying the moment. She was curled up relaxing her head on my chest watching a new Nick Jr. show about a kid vampire or something.
Doesn’t matter, life is good right now. With my free hand the messaging app is launched, and a text sent to my wife.
“Love you baby doll, thanks for the coffee. You are the greatest thing to happen, both as a wife and as a mother, gifting me two beautiful children.”
Totally cheesy as hell, even my rattled brain knew at least that much. Still it was what I felt at the time, so it is what it is.
Amazingly I had managed to fall asleep like that for nearly an hour cuddling with my oldest child. It was a cathartic to say the least. Still, not really a good thing, need to get some breakfast going on.
Digging through the fridge so see what I have it is rather well stocked. I honestly cannot remember when we had went shopping or what I even had. It had been years subjectively since then. It has all faded long ago.
Bacon, yeah that’s a must. Some farm fresh eggs, that’s right! Forgot about that, Sarah was having entirely too many eggs, so she started selling the excess. Nice, they have that bright golden yolk that tastes so good.
Okay what else do I have here? Butter, jams, some waffle batter from the day before, oh some old plain congee as well! Excellent, this will be a great breakfast!
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Getting the congee out I set it in a double boiler to heat it up and start slicing the slab of bacon. Nothing like some thick slab bacon for breakfast. Turning on the waffle iron I lean out the kitchen talking to my daughter.
“Mouse, you want waffles, Congee or both? Also, can you wake up Nicholas? Breakfast in 10.”
She heard me looking up with a hungry look. Hahaha, she’s such a foodie.
“Both, also can you make orange juice please and whipped cream for the waffles?”
Looking back into the kitchen I see a bag of oranges and nod my head.
“Sure Mouse, I’ll make some orange juice. Thanks for getting Nicholas up for me!”
Moving up the stairs she went to help Nicholas wake up and get ready for the day.
Pulling down the juicer I set it to the side before grabbing two sets of bowls. Throwing some eggs in one with some cream, I whipped up some scrambled eggs.
“Oh wait! Need lemon juice for this! How did I forget that?”
I was getting quickly back into the swing of things. It felt nice all things considered to just relax and make a simple breakfast for once.
“Alright, pot on simmer for poached eggs for me. Kitchen-Aid stand mixer slowly whipping the heavy cream. Waffle iron up to temp, bacon is coming along well. Congee is warming up and the pan for scrambled eggs is hot enough.”
Going back into action the eggs go in the pan and the paring knife comes out. Skinning the oranges takes not even a minute if you aren’t super picky on getting real close to the skin. Takes more oranges but is way more time effective.
Stepping back, it is time to start setting the table for breakfast. Butter urn, jam jars, and whipped cream now in a bowl it is coming together.
Mouse comes downstairs and starts helping me set plates and glasses on the table. It is a nice and solid routine for me. Something my mind dearly needs right now.
It is incredible how much focus I have on every detail right now. From the grain of the bread as I slice it with a bread knife to feeling the eggs thicken as they cook.
It is all crystal clear with laser like focus as I move throughout the kitchen. Seeing my son pop into the kitchen I grab him up in a hug giving his red cheeks all the kisses they can handle.
“Hey buddy! You sleep good last night? I have waffles and eggs for you okay, so let’s eat.”
Pushing on my face he laughs from the kisses and gives me a big hug before sliding down.
“I want orange juice, give me orange juice!”
Manners are something he is not good with in the morning, it’s okay we are working on it.
“Excuse me Mr., what did you say? Try again.”
“Please orange juice please.”
“Close enough, go sit down at the table for now. You can have a drink when we start eating. Wait for now.”
He nods his head making his way through the kitchen into the dining room. Grabbing the bread out of the toaster oven, breakfast work is finally done.
There is something just so human about sitting with friends and family around food. We are a social species and food is a big part of most cultures.
The breakfast is simply everything I wanted and didn't know I needed. Sitting at the table we talk and decide what to do for the day.
"Let's go to the pool!"
My son is half dolphin I am sure at this point from how much he loves the pool.
"Oh yeah, and I'm going to use the tower!"
If my son is half dolphin my daughter is half mermaid. She's been swimming without a life jacket since she was three.
"Alright how about we go to the park for a while. Have a picnic and the spend the afternoon in the pool?"
It's a nice full day without going overboard. We should all be tired and relaxed by the end of the day.
"Yes! Let's do it!"
She is excited for sure and he follows right behind with a typical shout.
"Okay!"
They both run upstairs as I start cleaning up. Shouldn't take more the 15 minutes at most. More than enough time for them to get dressed and figure what swim wear to bring.
"Alright what to pack for lunch? Cheese and fruit with some bread. Keep it simple, that sounds good."
The bag is large enough for towels and a change of clothes we will need after.
After a few more minutes everything is packed and ready to go. Getting my son bucked up and checking on my daughter we head out for the day.
The weather is a little bit hit though overall, it's a great day. I can feel the heat from staying in the sun to long on my skin.
It's not humid so the gentle breeze brings a fresh relief when it blows through. Staring out at the park it occurs to me right then.
"This is what I love most in the world. Seeing them play without any worries and enjoying life."
They are both still young enough, so most worries are easy enough to handle. She is getting older and bigger problems are starting to creep up.
Right now, they are two children playing in the sun at the park. Life is good.
Sneaking up on my kids I jump scare them both. Two screams later and a heavy laugh from me makes a good day better.
Swings, Deadman (tag with zombies) and just general fun fill the better part of two hours.
We are all worn out and ready for lunch at this point.
A shady tree and twenty minutes later we are all relaxed. Which means the kids are ready to hit the pool.
Everyone knows you only need a five second break to run another marathon when you are still young and free.
The pool is attached to the park, so it only takes a few minutes until we are staying into the frozen abyss that is pool water in early summer.
Especially in Northern Midwest, here the polls are made of a magic water that despite the obviously below zero temperature do not freeze.
All kidding aside you got to roll hard to get most of the pool. So deep end it is!
A lap down and back later we are all warmed up. Good to go!
My daughter finally makes her way to the seven and a half. She never built up the courage last summer. She is determined to do it this year.
"You got this! Go!"
Yelling encouragement my son and I film her first go at it from the water to the side.
She stutter steps up to the edge looking down. The look on her face is hilarious, to me at least, she's not having as much fun.
"I can do this! It's just water!"
Time stretches on forever as she looks over the edge. Finally, it snaps back as she brings her arms together. Snapping forward she twists into an excellent dive all things considered.
Catching the whole thing on film is excellent. So much wonderful memories saved. What a wonderful time to be alive.
She breaks the surface going for sure with a crazed smile on her face. Adrenaline and a sense of accomplishment mixed together is a powerful combination.
"I did it! I can believe I did it! Did you see that!? I did it doesn't! Did you see!? It was my first time!"
"Yes Mouse, it was perfect. You did a great job! So proud of you."
She swam over, and we hugged in the water. The pure joy coming off her was what every parent hopes for, happiness at doing something great by themselves.
It was a wonderful day for me, grounding me back to this world. After a long day we head home where it is time for showers.
Lighting some briquettes, I get the grill ready. Going to make ribs with beans, corn and fries for dinner. A fresh cilantro slaw will balance it all out.
Once the dry rub in finished and the ribs are one the rack it is time to relax.
“Alright everyone, you can have your tablets until your mother gets home. Then you are banished to the play room!”
Finishing off that last sentence in an ominous scary movie voice the kids laugh and grab their tablets. Everyone needs time to themselves and they both enjoy playing on their tablets. It’s a win for everyone.
As the time ticks by I putter around setting the table and getting everything else for dinner ready. Cleaning up as I go by the time everything is prepped the kitchen is not quite spotless yet close enough.
Hearing the dog bark, I look up at the clock. It is already a quarter after five. Time to get everything else cooking. Throwing the fries in the oven as she steps in I look over to her as she makes her way into the kitchen.
“Dinner in twenty baby doll.”
“Oh good, I’m starving. Meetings all day, never get any work done on Monday.”
Giving her a kiss she heads upstairs to take a shower. While she looks killer in heels and stockings they are not comfortable. A nice hot shower after work on the other hand, that is comfortable.
Time zips by and we are all at the table relaxing ready to eat.
“O, ribs, look nice.”
For a German woman she sure loves BBQ and grilling. Lucky for her I do as well, it’s a good fit.
The kids are excited to tell her all about our day as we eat. When they get to the platform dive my son chips in with his two cents about the video.
“You show her, you show her. Show her to video, show it!”
Knowing until I play the video my son will not calm down, he loves taking and showing video, I play it for my wife. For a three-year-old, he has taken a buttload of video already, this is his passion for sure.
“Wow Mouse, that is great! Good job, I’m proud of you.”
As more small talk fills the air the better part of an hour slips by. Dinner time is a great time to get together as a family and just hang out.
After that we all clean up and its dessert time. Ice cream is the drug of choice for the kids, specifically Chocolate caramel bars for my daughter and fudge pops for my son. Both which leave them with chocolate moustaches. That will never get old, kids are cute, especially my kids.
We all relax in the living room where Legos are dumped in the middle of and an epic building game begins.
It was a nice and normal night, it’s not just the special moments that make a family, its taking joy in the simple everyday moments as well.