Stepping into Yuli’s house always relaxes me. Her mother doesn’t work, so the house always smells of cleaner and fresh-baked cookies. “Afternoon, Kamorina,” I hear Ms. Jemesson say as I walk in. “Want a cookie? I’ve just made some, they’re still warm.”

“Absolutely,” I respond with a smile. “Do you have somewhere Kara could lay down for a bit? She needs some sleep, but she’ll have chores as soon as we get home.”

Ms. Jemesson’s eyes are piercing, as if she can see straight through my lies. I shift uncomfortably and adjust my hold on Kara to hide it. The movement seems to snap her out of something and she smiles. “Of course, my dear. Just let me grab a couple of blankets…” She trails off as she heads out of the room.

I lay Kara down gently on the couch. Yuli’s mom comes back in with two blankets and a small pillow. Leading me to the kitchen for a cookie, she asks, “How is your mom, sweetheart? Last time I saw her she didn’t look so good.”

I force another smile. “She’s okay. She passed her clumsiness down to us, though - we’re always breaking stuff or running into things. I don’t think any of us have had a day without bruises since we learned to walk.”

“I’m sure that’s true, honey.” Ms. Jemesson smiles kindly. “But why don’t you tell me the truth?”

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I stare at her. “W-what makes you think I’m not?” I stutter, startled by her insight.

Her mouth pulls to the side oddly. “I knew your father when he was still a student, and even then, he was a well-known bully. I can only imagine what he must be like now, especially after having seen him buying drugs and alcohol every week. Dearie, you don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but at the very least, will you tell me why not?”

I can’t seem to respond. My body isn’t moving. All of my suppressed emotions are surging to the surface, and few are positive. Tears well up in my eyes and she seems to realize that I’m having trouble. Wrapping me in a motherly hug, she murmurs, “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay. You’ve done your best. Soon, you’ll have to realize that it’s time to let someone else take over, time to let yourself be protected instead of being the protector yourself. But not until you’re ready, okay? Just know that you have people watching out for you, and your sister, and your brother, and your mom. You’re not alone, you hear me? Just remember that.”

I continue sobbing into her shirt as I recall everything that’s happened in the last thirteen years. Even when Yulina enters the room, even when my tears dry up, I don’t move, my consciousness locked in its own private battle.

In the end, I couldn’t tell her.

I couldn’t tell my best friend’s mom that the reason I had never tried to call for help was out of fear for my own safety. I couldn’t say that protecting my siblings and mom actually comes second in the deepest parts of my heart. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit the truths I’m so ashamed of.

One last thought crossed my mind in the moments before Kara woke up. I’m such a horrible person…