Location: Unknown
As far as conversations went, by human standards, it was fairly routine. What was not routine was the location and the fact that neither of the participants actually knew just what a human was.
Two distant locations in space and time resonated in synchrony. Vast amounts of knowledge was shared at a staggering rate and complexity. Heard from one end however, the conversation boiled down to this.
(Resigned exasperation) "What exactly did this one's Child/Spawn/Obligation/Parasite do this time?" (Wondering) "Why does this one's Mate/Clone/Partner/Mutual Parasite disavow responsibility? Gifting the creation engine was a mutual decision was it not?"
"..."
"Consensus attained, the Obligation/Parasite shall be chastised appropriately."
"..."
"This one believes the creation engine to be destroyed. Nothing of importance exists there anyway... "
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Location: Not Important
The truth of the matter, as it would stand, was that aliens had visited Earth before. Roswell was neither a hoax nor unique. It was simply a consequence of a world growing smaller as means of communication became more and more advanced; partly a result of said visitations. For the most part, past official interactions between one of the planet Earth's more intelligent species of lifeforms and the alien visitors were along the lines of obscure scientific surveys and tests disturbingly similar to attempts by some human scientists to estimate the intelligence of simians.
For any species capable of travelling the stars. Visiting planet Earth made about as much sense as backpacking through the Ural Mountains of Siberia with nothing but a flint and a compass. That is to say, most would prefer to stay close to someplace within walking distance of a mall or a population density slightly higher than four sapient beings per parsec. Still, statistically speaking, there are bound to be some weirdos who find joy rides though a nowhere solar system fun. Just buzzing a frantic farmer or two and playing chicken with an F-16 for shits and giggles. Maybe even bring home a bovine to show off to the guys at the office.
It's not exactly behavior that can't be understood. Even on Earth there are people who find the fresh, un-spoilt wilderness well worth the possibility of being mauled by a bear or a bull elk. Perhaps they'd even run into a hungry lynx, be hunted down a pack of wolves, or come face to face with a badger. To some the possibility being chased, dragged down, killed and eaten by a foot tall wolverine was just part and parcel of reconnecting with the circle of life.
But it would be the height of conceit to believe that all alien motivations could be so easily understood. There are some things that humans just can't possibly have a basis of comparison for. We can speculate based on what we know of ourselves, that an overly aggressive species is most likely to self-destruct as we nearly did (and still might) before leaving for distant stars.
Though again, statistically speaking, there may be some who do manage to get that far...
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Frederick & William Alderdyce
Jo-Bob and Bubba saw it first. It was a pulsing light that crossed over the horizon, rapidly decelerating, and descending. It soared overhead leaving a spread of multi-colored lights, some of them colors were ones Bubba ain't never seen before. His skin tingled briefly, he and Jo-Bob reckoned it mighta been a jet 'cept there weren't no sonic boom. They argued about that, just like the two brothers argued about a lot of things.
Then the Hand of God bitch-slapped them onto His Mighty Earth, just as Pastor Walters always said would happen. The blast wave that rolled over the two was attenuated in force by the distance from the explosion or else they'd be dead. The fist sized rocks that started raining down was a hazard that might have quickly rectified that oversight if Jo-Bob hadn't remained conscious long enough to drag his twin into the cellar.
They were passed out down there when the Scarecrow twitched.
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Edward Desmoines
It was the Dutch Wife that did him in...
The city was in uproar, a shower of meteorites had made it through and landed across North America and Canada. Later meteor showers had fallen across parts of Europe and Asia. Hours after that the reports started coming in. Toy animals were turning into murderous fiends, it hardly sounded believable. As a matter of fact, he'd thought it all an elaborate hoax until he'd been forced to put down Elmo with a nailgun and wrench that he'd grabbed from the toolbox under the kitchen sink.
The little bastard had stuck him with a fork while he'd been under there. He shuddered to think of what might have happened if he'd been wearing shorts. Fortunately the fork hadn't penetrated too deeply through the denim that covered his leg's femoral artery. Edward looked at the feebly struggling monster with grim purpose. Then he remembered what it was like in his sister's bedroom.
Donning a pair of safety-glasses and switching his bloody wrench with a bat were all the preparation he had time for as he raced up the stairs. He had to know, had to make it in time.
It was too late, there was just too little time, he saw the blood and screamed. Barbie bit it, Ken too, the not-so-cute-anymore Mr. Fluffykins had his lupine head crushed underfoot and all around Edward slavering jaws widened, bloody as their animated owners leapt out at him.
A one-handed swing with the baseball bat knocked a teddy bear out of the air with a howl. Some of them were still chewing on pieces of flesh as he was forced to back out of the room.
He never saw the blow that felled him, but in the end, it was the Dutch Wife that got him.
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Aaron Baetsky
Aaron Baetsky checked the news again, he looked outside as the CNN broadcaster detailed the military response to the threat. The Pillsbury Dough Boy was at it again, this was the second time they'd had to put him down.
Better not to think about what was going on with Liberty Island. The Lady was pissed. The last he'd heard she'd hiked up her skirt and was wading across to Manhattan...
He then thought about the local strip mall and the inflatable balloon figurines floating over the car dealership across the road.
Godzilla Discounts...
He looked at the television set and calculated how long it would take the national guard to respond.
The garage was connected to the house, he had a close call with a pair of fuzzy dice before safely getting into Besty.
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Simon Hughes
Simon blew away another one of the dolls as he came to terms with his loss. The chew toy ate his dog. The Chew Toy Ate His Dog. THE CHEW TOY ATE HIS DOG. MUTHA'
BLAM!
CA-CHIK
BLAM!
He was just starting to hit his stride when the teletubbies got reinforcements. A seven foot tall purple dinosaur stepped onto his lawn. It didn't seem very friendly.
Ah, he was out of bullets...
Then his neighbor's M60M9 Patton Combat Tank, a.k.a. Besty rumbled over the saurian, teletubbies and all. Incidentally ruining Marge's azaleas.
As he numbly began reloading, his shocked mind idly wondered how he'd ever explain the damaged shrubbery to his wife. He cautiously kept watch on the twitching, purple feet though. The green blood had just stopped spurting from under the tracks when Aaron popped the hatch, grinning.
"Howdy neighbor! Need a ride? Ah'm heading into town and I could sure use a gunner..."
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Location: M-Corp Distribution Centre
He tweaked a whisker and growled. “Begin the second phase of the invasion!”
The teddy bears left not a soul alive as they marched out of the factory.
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Location: Bastion One
The President looked at the shocked visages of the Joint Chiefs arrayed via teleconferencing.
"Play it again." He said.
The sole communication with the aliens since the whole mess had started, aired in the office of the hardened bunker. A modulated voice came over the speakers.
{HOW ARE YOU, GENTLEMEN?}
{ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US}
{YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION}
"I need answers people, are we or are we not, at war with SEGA?" He half asked, half wondered aloud.