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Side Story : Being anti-hero looks more cool

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My name is Riz,  a second child of a loving mom and dad, a proudful son of father,  And a brother to a very nerve wracking girl that I call big sis. God help me, how in the world I’m related to her, but I do respect her so called ‘instinct’.

I know something was amiss when she suddenly ask me to marathon watching all movies about tight costumes ‘heroes’ and ‘rangers’. At first I’m indeed hooked, but with the times passed by, I find that all of ‘heroes’ have the same plot, the same bright colors, utterly devastating positive way of thinking. And I stemped those movies as boring, but still pretending like I enjoyed such a thing while busied myself with playing with my mini - truck.

But, that was not much long from that time that I find that I’m also not Normal.

When I first I entered primary school, I always though of how childish and pathetic this crowd of cry baby compared to me. When I passed to second grade at primary school, some jerks trying to pissed me off as I’m the most skinny in the class. Unfortunately, I’m never one to backing off, if someone seeking fights to me.  

I’ve been Kicking, Punching, and headbutted them with natural ease, and So Easy, So much weak compared to me. When I finally realized that,.. all of the jerks that surrounded me already lost consciousness. I feel so lost, and empty, as if the thrill of fight I had before drained in much rapid speed.

In the End, Mom was called to the Principal’s office, with the jerk’s and their mother’s trying to bully my mom. But, somehow mom can  turn the tides of conversation to her favours in a calm tedious pace and making the mother of the jerk’s Apologize for their misbehaving childrens.

That was the first time I found respect to mom that always look so meek, so fragile, too much mushy – mushy feeling  compared to Father or Big sis.

But the worst of it all, after we come home, I realized that,  I DO enjoy beating people up. And I do not feel any remorse at all. I look at my dirty hands that have hurting the others with blank look. all the movies that my big sis have, replayed in my mind. That was the first time, I feeling doubtful  and loathing at my own existence…

Am I really  a villain?

*** 

It was at my third grade that my sis finally graduated from primary school, that time both father and Mom have still on their office till night.  It’s been few weeks that Big Sis keep pestering me about my sudden withdrawal from our Saturday movies marathon. When I finally snapped, uncounciously I throw a plastic chair near to me at her, a glass flower vas, and before I realize, my sister already drove me out of home. I’m banging the door and screaming in fit of rage. While I can feel that she sat behind the door.

When I’m calmed down. A feeling of horror grasp my heart.

‘what did I do?’

I retracted my hand and stop banging the door,  tears suddenly pour down before my eyes.

‘this was so unfair’

Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

 Why I did all of this, I’m not as stupid as those jerks, but why I’m… to my own family…

I’m backing off, a tremble in my body that before shaking with rage, now rendered to shiver and hiccupping . fastly I’m walking away to run away out of this home, out of this garden, out of those place my family have been smiling happily and have fun together at our day off… a deep seethed hate bloomed in my heart….

…..Guilty…..

…..Guilty…..

…..Guilty…..

Before I could run off past the gates. There’s a sound creaking a door that being opened, a familiar bigger figure run after me, and suddenly hugged me from behind. I’m struggle to got out of the embrace, but a patch of blood stained skin at her hand come to my attention.

‘Is that because of me?’

 “It’s okay, little bro…Big sis is here, right…you’re okay, everything is fine” she said with calm voice unlike the voice that mom used the mother of the jerks. It was void, it was not judging me, it’s not accuse me. Even if its all my fault, when all those wound is a result from my own carelessness.

“You wanted to know my secret?” she whisper softly while petting my hair her unhurt hand, when I stopped struggling. “I’ve snapped much  like you, and  much often than you think, you know…”

She smiled knowingly at me , who staring her with wide eyes.

“You must get frustrated a lot, Riz. It is fine you’re still so young, you have a lot of time to learn restrain and justice, you know? It’s not that weird, you’re not a freak.. you’re just so much badasses and a real prodigy, you know that right?” she said with a real flat tone with blank eyes, before giggling madly.

“Okay, I wouldn’t tell about our fight to mom and father. But you still have to paid half of total sum money to replace what you’re destroying before! You also need to learn about responsibility afterall! Do you understand, little bro?” she said again, back with her playful tone.

I look at her not believing her statement, then feel very tired suddenly. Sighing with resignation, I look at her in the eyes.

“I do, big sis” I replied before peeked at her injure hand. “I’m sorry… I don’t know what came over me.. i…”

“Hussh”  Big sis said warningly. “Promise me with Pinky promise that you would never disclosed or retelling  what  I will teach you later, and whatever happened before”  she said with determined eyes  while extended her pinky finger.

A flush come to my face at the childish gestures.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Big Sis! Don’t treat me like that!” I stubbornly refused.

“Even if you say it like that, someone who betraying a pinky promise will all die from embarrasement you know. So quickly promise me that!”

“Uuhh.. okay, I, Riz. Pinky Promised my Big Sis to never tell, write, or whatever it mean to other people about what she will taught me and whatever that happened before” I said gloomily  offered her my pinky finger. “ You Happy now?”

And a hand pinching my cheek, making me protested, hurt, hurt, hurt. Even it is not hurting my body as much its hurting my pride.

“But even if Riz indded grow up into a fine adult, youre still IS and ALWAYS be My Baby Brother! So stop pouting, lil bro, it’s making you much cuter than before!” Big sis exclaimed with joyful laugh.

Her laugh suddenly becoming strained.

“Uh, Oh… I’m suddenly feeling dizzy, lol. Blood loss?” she murmured while let me go off her embrace before she stepback and sit on top of garden’s gras.

Panicked at sudden remainder, at the still injured big sis…I I don’t know either mad that she prioritizing me before her self, or laugh at why she could say lol in time like this…but..one thing that certain is…

“Big sis, You Idiot!!”

*** 

It was at rainy season at my third grade, that I first look at an anime that Big sis give to me with interest. It’s about some Death game, a VR game that the Male Character not one to straight head on to saving the innocences, and selfish like me. But even so…

He never give up and caring about whatever anyone think or talk about him, and still giving choices to his companion to leave him, or stay still with him to be scorned by the world...and destroy whoever stand in the path to freedom that was a real world without leaving out his morals…

“This kind of character is…” I murmured.

“Oh, it was kind of popular kind of character you know, rather than the usual type of main character, the pessimist and Pragmatism, also given the light to become the center of story.. it’s called an Anti-Hero, afterall. A complete opposite, but still quite cool, isn’t it?” Big sis drawled with knowing smile.

“Anti-hero, huh….that was….”

a honest smile graced my face.

{Suited me just fine, isn’t it?}

***