After falling asleep, I didn’t get to have a nice dream. I didn’t get any of the highly needed rest I so desperately deserved after my long and strenuous day. No, I woke up five minutes after falling asleep and immediately noticed I was trapped in a room with my least favorite deity. How lovely. Looking around in an attempt to ignore her, I had to appreciate her sense of decoration. It really was a nice room, despite her existence in it. Those bookcases, weapon racks, and ornate vases (were those new?) really worked together to give the room a lovely vibe.

Radia was leaning against the armrest of her throne, head resting on her hand as she looked over at me with a smile. It certainly wasn’t a friendly smile, it made me feel cornered and threatened, which I suppose I was since I didn’t have an easy way out of this room. Well, nothing better to do, might as well start this conversation that was doomed to fall into insult slinging. Pleasantries could be skipped, we both knew each other, as unfortunate as that was.

Rolling her golden eyes, Radia spoke before I could. “Nice title, very mature of you.” She droned, sounding utterly bored.

Ah, Defier of Gods. Get absolutely destroyed. Ignoring that, I began to berate her. “I was really looking forward to sleeping, so I don’t appreciate this one bit.” This was true for every time I was summoned in my dreams, but it was worth repeating. “Secondly, didn’t you say your powers were… I believe it was ‘greatly diminished’? Wouldn’t it have been smarter to perhaps conserve them by not summoning me like this?” Please stop summoning me.

Radia scoffed, and smiled sinisterly. “How terrible for you, what a shame. And yes, I wasted a lot of energy summoning your ungrateful, lousy self to this world.” Wasted? Yeah, fair enough honestly. But I took pride in wasting her energy. “But I’ve been through worse, and I’m no fool. I told the summoners that their worship wasn’t strong enough to bring in a hero, they told everyone else, people doubled their efforts, and now I’m doing just as well as before. Better, even! I really should be thanking you for this.” She waved her hand, and a glass of white wine appeared in it. “But I won’t. Perhaps you’ve noticed me having some fun with my powers already? I can do more than just talk to you in dreams.”

“Yeah yeah, I saw you summon that wine glass. Kinda hard to miss it, when we’re locked in this room together.” Did she really think I was that stupid?

Radia shook her head, sipping the wine slowly before responding. “Oh no, that’s not what I’m referring to. If you’re too dense to actually figure it out, I suppose I could enlighten you.” She smiled smugly. I was getting sick of these smiles. “I’m sure you remember Chet Tysoon?”

Oh, that was the absolutely unhinged rich kid that I had mauled. “I recall him.” I responded hesitantly, not sure what she was leading to.

“Well, his family has been one of my religion’s top supporters for some time. He was quite honored when I graced his dream with my presence. So eager to complete the task I gave him, and highly appreciative when I taught him that nifty little lightning fists skill.” Wait wait wait, I did not like where this was going.

“So you told him to try and kill Mina?

“Oh, of course not! I would never do such a thing, it would be terrible for my image.” She took another sip of her wine. “No, his task was just to cause a bit of havoc, which happened to include her.” She tasted a bit more wine before continuing. “Ah, exquisite stuff. Anyway, where was I… Oh yes, havoc. So, you just want to sit around all day and have a quiet life with no worries. This, obviously, goes against what I want from you. Now, I cannot force you to do the whole hero's journey. Normally if someone is against being the hero, my followers sort them out quickly enough. I can’t exactly send them to do that to you, since you would just pretend to be a normal cat and then people would think I’m a heartless monster who makes her followers kidnap pets. You can see how that’s less than desirable, yes?” She quickly took another sip of wine before continuing. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to let your insolence go unpunished. You’ll never get your coveted relaxation if I can help it. Every day, every waking and sleeping hour, you better keep your eyes peeled, because I have my ways of making sure you never get the uneventful and ambitionless life you desire.”

Well that was incredibly petty. Did the wrath of god really just entail varying levels of inconvenience for the rest of my life? That… that kind of checked out, actually. “Why though? Why can’t you just leave me in peace? Also, you can’t just keep sending random people to attack me and Mina, eventually someone will notice what’s going on.” Dumb plan, dumb goddess, waking up would be nice right now.

“Well I don’t plan to! Although it’s quite simple to make you mortals keep quiet about stuff like this. To show my appreciation in his discretion, Chet will be entrusted a family heirloom by his father, who will do that because I’ve assured him that a good trade deal will come his way, which will happen because I’m curing a merchant's sick child and telling her to do the deal. Everyone believes I’m helping them, and the butterfly effect of good things keeps them all happy.” Well that wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t she be one of those absent deities who never does anything? Oh, she was still talking. She was a fan of never shutting up as she gloated, it seemed. “And I don’t just have to send people! What kind of goddess would I be if I couldn’t pull a little miracle off? I’m sure you remember that potion, the ice one. Not my best tampering, degrading such a well brewed potion to dubiousness is rather challenging, but it was good enough to disrupt your lounging about.” So that was why the potion was so bright. Not important though, she essentially poisoned Mina so I wouldn’t be able to relax. This was getting messed up.

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“She could have died! Her hands could have frozen off!” I yelled, growing in annoyance at her smugness and all the bullshit she pulled.

Radia waved her hand dismissively. “You mortals and your fragile little bodies, she would merely be collateral. Doesn’t even worship me, why should I care about her? But if you just agreed to help me out here and claim your role as a hero, maybe she’d end up safer and I wouldn’t have to resort to these measures. Imagine the fame, the glory, the power! A hero chosen by me turned into a cat, rising above the challenge and ending the war despite all odds. Who wouldn’t love it?”

“I wouldn’t. I don’t want to do any of that.” Why’d she have to try all this? Couldn’t she just accept it was a lost cause and move on? “Not everyone wants to be a hero, or have fame and glory and power. I certainly don’t.”

She laughed. A haughty, mocking laugh. The kind of laugh I’d hear in public and immediately worry it’s targeted at me. “Oh, are you sure about that? Your actions imply quite the opposite. Sure, you sit around doing nothing, but beneath your lazy, arrogant, incredibly rude exterior, it’s not so hard to make you jump to action. It was quite noble of you to attack Chet. Big guy, stronger than you, lightning fists, and you valiantly fought him just to protect someone you care about who couldn’t do it herself. Isn’t that heroic of you? And with the potion, you sacrificed your warmth to try and heat Mina’s hands.” Even though these were technically compliments, I’d rather she stopped saying them. It just felt like she was leading to a bigger insult.

“Anyone would do that, it’s basic human decency. I don’t have to be a hero just because I didn’t let Chet beat the crap out of Mina, I just wanted to be able to sleep in peace.” Could someone please wake me up? I was getting a bit tired of Radia acting like she had a point.

“Oh? But were there not prospective adventurers around who failed to step in? Sounds like you’re more heroic than most.” She took a long drink from her glass, nearly finishing the wine. “You keep saying you want to do nothing, but didn’t you do that for untold years in your last life? Where did that get you? Working for minimum wage, living in a drab, unfurnished apartment, no friends, minimal ties to family, you pushed away just about everyone who tried to connect with you, and for what? So you could sit around, indulge in mindless consumption of media on your time off, and slowly waste away as you quietly lived in your self-destructive hedonism? The only thing you looked forward to was sleeping, which hasn’t changed at all, because it provided an escape from the isolation you constructed for yourself. You keep trying to do nothing in order to risk nothing, but I’ll let you in on a bit of news from your world. Your death passed by mostly unnoticed, your funeral was sparsely attended, and you apparently want nothing more than to repeat the same passionless path, with the same dismal end.” She proclaimed, looking immensely satisfied with herself.

Was all that necessary? I mean, there were… some parts that were right. Maybe more than some. But it wasn’t like she could read my mind, that couldn’t all be true. “Well, things are different now! People appreciate me, and I’m perfectly fine with doing nothing for another lifetime.” I said, my voice not as confident as I would have liked.

“Really, they appreciate you? That may be true, but is it because of your actions, or because you’re a cat now? Would you still be loved if people knew you were human on the inside? What about if you could speak, would they listen to what you had to say? Or would both of these drive everyone away? Do you really think you can stay sane like this? How many naps can you really take to stave off the boredom of your lukewarm existence?” Shut up, the naps were fun. I enjoyed them. My life wasn’t pathetic, she was just jealous she couldn’t have it. “Really, you should be thanking me for my little interventions. They’re just about the only entertainment you have since you’re so adamant on doing nothing more exciting than watching a line of customers.” I had no intention of ever thanking her for anything, especially after all of this.

“I wish I had your confidence on topics I’m completely wrong about.” Boom. Got her ass. Perfect way to distract, just devolve this to back and forth banter.

Radia smirked, finishing her wine. “And I wish I had your stellar abilities of denial. You’ve got enough to think about now, so I'll let you go. I’m so glad we could have a civil conversation this time! Enjoy your cozy little life, I’m sure it’ll be just perfect.” She taunted.

My vision began to fade as she waved her hand, was she removing me from the dream? “Hey, no, we’re not done here! You can’t just-.” I was cut off as I woke up, curled up in the center of Mina’s bed. Her body was contorted around me under the covers, forced to the edges as she clearly tried to avoid waking me. I wish she had, I would’ve gotten out of that dream faster.

Unable to fall back asleep, I hopped down from the bed (my paw seemed to be doing a lot better, barely felt a twinge as I hit the floor). I sighed as I walked downstairs through the ajar door, the building dark and unlit. I didn’t really have a place in mind, I just wanted to walk. Maybe I could find something to distract from what Radia said to me. She was wrong. I was happy like this.

Wasn’t I?