“Pranking the Professors at the Elysium Magitorium is an ancient tradition dating back to its first graduating class when Loki made the clothing of all the Professors invisible during the graduation ceremony. But the most infamous prank happened at the hands of one supremely skilled necromancer…”

–Heimdallr, Head Groundskeeper of the Elysium Magitorium

“Everyone ready? The Professors will be back in about 30 seconds real-time, which gives us an hour subjective. The ritual array needs to be in place and hidden by the time they return to this world.” The others nodded their heads inside of their pitch-black robes as they held onto their carving devices and nano-paint brushes.

            I had spent almost all my free time in the past semester devising this ritual array and planning out its implementation alongside my co-conspirators, Ozrantiel the Angel of Final Demise and Merlinius, grandson of the Prime Archmage Merlin himself. We were entrusted with conducting Graduation Prank by the rest of our class and I was determined to create the best, most elaborate, most awe-inspiring, and most untraceable prank ever to be carried out.

            The Prank was both a right of passage and a chance to get revenge on the professors for all the homework and extra work that the professors had piled onto us over the years. Being part of a graduating class that conducted a successful Prank was a badge of honor, but being part of a graduating class that conducted a successful prank that no-one got caught for was a mark of the true elites. I was determined to push our class into those hallowed ranks.

            There were many factors involved in a successful Prank. The Prank had to be able to actually affect our Professors, which was no small hurdle since they were ancient beings of incredible power. Many of them were once worshipped as mighty gods on the mortal worlds. Their passive auras rendered most basic magical effects inert and most of them could easily detect and counteract more powerful spells, and that wasn’t even considering the active wards that kept getting updated after every successful prank. One also had to consider methods to thwart Hephaestus’s non-magical nano-technology, which could be surprisingly effective against magical energies.

            Second, the Prank had to be unique. This may not seem like a big challenge, but the Professors often went to great lengths to conceal what exactly occurred at Graduation whenever a successful prank was implemented. The only reason anybody found out about the Prank of the 7th graduating class was because one of our classmates created a spell that could temporarily send someone’s consciousness back in time, and when combined with another ritual that temporarily granted one the vision of Heimdallr we were able to see how that prank went down.

            Third, all the preparation and implementation had to be conducted out of sight of both Heimdallr the All Seeing, whose magically enhanced vision could see through any obstruction of any nature, and the techno-magical security system Hephaestus set up that was run by an actual Artificial Intelligence based off the mind of an Etherspawn Hive Queen, who were renowned for their ability to simultaneously coordinate billions of their spawn at the same time.

            “Alright, go! We need to get this done before our distractions are nullified or circumvented. If you run into any problems use your Quantum Entanglement Communicators to send coded messages directly to me. We can’t risk attracting the AI’s attention.” With that everyone set off to set up and hide the various components of the Prank.

            I thought back on how much effort had gone into the Prank this year. There was the rapidly spreading plague of Zombie-ism that was spreading rapidly through the Mortal worlds. It had to remain undetected for at least an entire month in order to prevent one of the Professors from simply reverting time on one world or sending a message back in time to warn themselves. I had to alter the strain with magic to give the zombies enhanced regeneration to the point where even a nuclear bomb wouldn’t kill them, and to ensure that the virus wouldn’t become active or visible for 2 months.

            Then there was the nullification ritual I had placed on the World Serpent’s seal. It had gone off right after the professors who were dealing with the zombie plague had left, and another group of Professors had left to deal with the awakened World Serpent.

            My co-conspirators had planted enough rumors and false information about the actions of the Angelic Cohort and the Grand Magocracy that the two powerful factions had nearly declared all-out war. An entire group of our Professors, with the AI dedicated fully to on-site security, had to be on hand at all times to arbitrate a peace agreement.

            This gave us a gap of less than a minute between when the last professor left campus to deal with the World Serpent and when the ones who had were tracking down and curing the last of the wayward zombies returned to campus.

            That was when the dimensional separation and time acceleration ritual array came into play. It was designed so that once the last Professor left it would activate and separate the Elysium Magitorium from the rest of the universe while accelerating time inside, allowing us to finish setting up several ritual array’s and arranging the appropriate decoy pranks.

            I had determined that Heimdallr’s vision was partly blurred by dimensional shifting and that he needed to concentrate for at least a minute to resolve anything inside. That gave us just enough time to pull this off without him knowing what was going on.

            In addition to placing their segments of the Prank array, my companions had additional tasks. Ozrantiel was assigned to animating the statues of the founders of this Magitorium and arranging them in lewd position right in the middle of the graduation stage. Merlinius was planting a mocking note that would imply that the prank was the act of a disgruntled former student. I was setting up the main segment of the ritual and tapping it into the antimatter-mana particle generator that powered most of the wards and magical devices at the Magitorium. It needed the power boost if I wanted to significantly affect the professors in any real way.

            I finished setting up the ritual array and masked its magic signature by hiding it around the normal defensive runes. It wouldn’t stand up to a Heimdallr inspection, so I set him as one of the three initial targets for the ritual, along with Amitabha and Osiris, who were the only two professors talented enough in life/death magic to possibly repulse the ritual. They were also the 3 scheduled to be on guard duty during the ceremony, so hopefully nobody would notice when the ritual affected them. It had taken us significant effort to arrange the schedule like that without getting caught, but it would all be worth it.

            Hurriedly I returned to the field in front of the graduation hall where the rest of my classmates awaited, most of them snickering at the statues on-stage, and took a seat just before the dimensional separation array faded. It used the last of its power to shift itself out of our dimension, so hopefully Heimdallr wouldn’t find it quickly.

            Weary looking Professors walked in just a minute later, hurrying to set up the podium so that they could begin their speeches on time. Tyr and Mohamed looked especially ragged, likely because they had been tasked with distracting the World Serpent as it was re-sealed. The Professors stopped short as they saw the beloved statues of the Magitorium founders acting out some very perverted and anatomically unfeasible acts. They quickly removed the offending statues while glaring at the gathered students. I steadfastly avoided behaving any different than usual, so I remained slouched in my chair and tweaked a portable magical chemical analyzer to increase its sensitivity.

            The speeches started exactly on schedule despite all the delays. First Dean Brahm talked about how even though our education as immortals was over, we should never stop learning because truly living required one to take an interest in the universe. The first part of the ritual, targeting the 3 patrolling Professors, had gone off just as the Dean’s speech was starting. The second part should go off as the second speech began. The Dean had just wrapped up when there was a huge explosion as the back wall of the auditorium exploded inwards.

            I didn’t have to fake my look of surprise on my face as I turned to see what was happening. What I saw didn’t make sense at first. Heimdallr, Amitabha, and Osiris were sprinting towards us. They were pale white and their eyes glowed red with a malevolent hunger beyond anything the universe had seen since the fall of the endless darkness. The reason they were sprinting instead of flying or teleporting to us was that the second phase of my ritual array had activated, which interfered with external power usage inside of the school. It couldn’t affect ones physical strength or the strength of magic items, but power that left containment was scrambled.

            Now, I expected all this, just not this early. You see, the true prank was to temporarily turn all the Professors into mindless undead and then have them dance around in bright pink speedos and tutu’s. It would have been hilarious. The ritual array only had enough power to turn 3 Professors at a time even with the boost from the generator, so the turned professors would need to infect the other professors, and this would continue until they were all infected. Once they were all infected, a crate full of the requisite dancing gear would pop up from below the stage and they would all dance for 3 hours before the ritual erased itself.

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            What I didn’t expect is for the souls of the 3 incoming Professors to be corrupted and filled with endless rage. My ritual array should have only affected their bodies, not their soul, so this was a drastic departure from my plans.

            “What is going on here!” Professor Subhuti shouted as he attempted to manifest some barrier between the corrupted Professors and the students. The second phase of the ritual was still active though, so the only thing he managed to do was look confused before the raging form of Heimdallr jumped on him and bit down on his arm. Subhuti screamed for a moment before black lines of energy wormed their way from the bite into his body, and more worryingly into his soul. I had opened myself up to the energies around me in order to understand what had gone wrong so I witnessed firsthand as the black energy corrupted Subhuti. I saw the telltale signs of my ritual at work in the way that the Professors body was effectively isolated from his soul and how the pre-programmed instructions were implanted into the uncontrolled brain.

            What happened next shocked me. Something from Subhuti’s soul called out to the corruption and somehow an additional set of instructions were implanted into his brain, along with what looked like a portion of his soul yet twisted with a familiar yet changed energy.

            The rest of the Professors got over their shock and charged towards the corrupted while shouting for us students to get back. Unfortunately with all external uses of power nullified they weren’t able to bring their true abilities to bear. The more combat-oriented Professors were still overseeing the peace talks between the Cohort and the Magocracy, and the three who were supposed to provide security were the first to be turned. The Professors knew this and were buying us time to escape

            While the rest of my classmates were backing up, Ozrantiel and Merlinius came up next to me and looked worriedly at me. Ozrantiel could see the corruption of our Professor’s souls almost as well as I could due to his heritage even if he couldn’t manipulate them.

            “This wasn’t the plan, was it?” Merlinius asked.

            “Of course not, my ritual doesn’t need this level of savagery to transmit itself. A touch would have been enough. Something in their souls has corrupted the ritual and added an additional set of instructions to their brains.” I replied.

            “What could have done that? And more importantly, how do we fix it?” Merlinius asked.

            “Guys brainstorm later leave now!” Ozrantiel grabbed us both and dragged us towards the exit. The Dean smashed into the floor where we had been seconds earlier. He was wielding a white mace and shield as he fought off the small horde of corrupted deities before him. I was shocked to realize that our kindly Dean had such strength, for his armaments were forged from his own bones. That level of internal power control and precision creation skill was something I could currently only dream about.

            “Shit! The rest of the Professors aren’t going to last for much longer. We’ve got maybe 20 minutes before they get overwhelmed and turned. Who knows what they will do next.” It appeared that my original instructions had somewhat merged with the new programming, since the Corrupted didn’t even glance at any of the students. Still, it was best to stop them from completing their instructions as fast as possible.

            We met up with the other students within a minute and I thought about how to fix this issue. I needed a test subject first.

            “Alright guys, I think I may know how to improve the situation.” The rest of the class looked at me uncomprehendingly at first before their eyes sharpened with suspicion.

            Gunhildr voiced her thoughts first. “IS THIS THE PRANK?!? I SWEAR I'm GOING TO TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHOVE IT…”

            “No no no! While I admit that the situation may have been exacerbated by elements of the *ahem* actual prank I observed clear signs of some corruption that has already seeped into their souls. That’s what is causing them to be so savage and violent. I may be able to remove that corruption if I had access to my full powers but the interference field makes it too dangerous to attempt right now.”

            “So what are we supposed to do then? Just run? Fuck that plan.”

            I frowned. “No, what we need to do is capture one of the corrupted Professors and get him to my equipment in research lab 7. Once I figure out what exactly is going on I should be able to fix it even through the interference field. Il probably need physical contact to do so, but its perfectly doable if we all work together.”

            “Why don’t we just deactivate this interference ritual? And don’t say you don’t know how, I know you’re smart enough to turn off anything you set in motion and you are DEFINITELY behind this mess.” Gunhildr asked.

            Merlinius came to my defense. “If we did that then everyone would be able to use external abilities again, including the corrupted Professors. We would never be able to get to them if that happened.”

            “Guys, we need to act fast. The next phase of the instructions implanted in their brains will kick in once all the Professors have been turned. I don’t want to still be wondering what happened to them when that kicks in.”

            There was some grumbling but everyone here was a powerful immortal being, so we all knew the stakes. Half of the class, including all those with physical combat powers, headed back into the auditorium. We could still hear the sounds of a great battle going on inside so we knew that all was not yet lost.

            I hurried towards the research and experimentation building along with the others who were unsuitable for direct combat in the interference field. The building was locked down tight, but one of my classmates, Isaac, specialized in electromagnetic field manipulation and advanced electronics. It took him less than a minute to open up the building and we hurriedly began setting up my equipment.

            “Alright, lemme just adjust the Quantum Soul Harmonic resonator to compensate for the interference…” The magic interference field required me to recalibrate a great many of my devices, but I got everything set up by the time the other half of our class arrived. They carried with them Professors Amitabh and Minerva, who they carefully set on the scanning tables.

            Ozrantiel spoke. “These two were knocked out near the edges of the battle. We grabbed them and left, since it looks like the remaining Professors are cutting loose as much as they can. Dean Brahm, Professor Michael, and Professor Odin were the only ones left fighting that we could see, but there was quite a bit of dust. I estimate that we have 8 minutes at best before one of them gets turned. It wont be long after that before the last of them falls.”

            That wasn’t enough time. “I will work as fast as I can, but I do have a method of perhaps stalling them. Solomon, you took advanced ritual, seals and wards last semester right? You need to head down to the generator locate the ritual I placed there. Its obscured by the generator’s energy signature, but look for neutrino fluctuations and you should find it. When you get there add in an additional energy conduit from the generator to the power-input of the first ritual circle and re-activate it. You may have to shore it up since it was intended to be one use. That should temporarily override the foreign instructions and force them to follow the ones I implanted, but it wont remove the foreign influence. That will buy us enough time to determine what is going on and how to fix it. Also, someone make sure that we have a recording of what’s going on in the auditorium. We wouldn’t want to get blindsided.”

            That wasn’t the reason for the video recording, but everyone else didn’t have to know that. In truth I just wanted there to be proof of my prank. I quickly began to use the freshly calibrated devices to analyze the souls of the two professors. It took me a few minutes, but I spotted the problem. It looked like someone was tampering with the professor’s souls before me, and they were doing so incredibly subtly. It looked like the commands were being added slowly over time and hidden to await an activation trigger. It was a brilliant piece of soul-magic, so much so that I couldn’t decipher the hidden instructions in the time that I had. I did figure out that my ritual had acted as the trigger and brought these hidden instructions out before they were completed.

            “Alright, I've got the information I need, now I just need to be in range of all the Professors and I can excise the alterations done to their souls. Lets hurry before my instructions are completed and they resume their previous tasks.”

            We quickly dashed to the graduation stage with the unconscious professors as I mentally prepared the spell I was about to cast. When we arrived the others observed in shock as all the professors danced upon the stage wearing bright pink ballerina costumes. It seemed that re-initializing the initial stage of my ritual array’s had worked and forced everyone to follow the instruction I had programmed instead of the hidden ones in their soul.

            I didn’t have time to gawk, as I knew that they were nearing the end of the dance they were to perform. I quickly carved out a stability ritual on the floor around me to limit the issues caused by the interference array. Then I concentrated and reached within myself for my true power. It was like a constantly looping river of Life and Death energies, and I called out to the parts right between the two, where souls resided. It resonated with the souls around us and I could now see the glowing souls around me. I reached deeper into my powers and then triggered the spell I had prepared. It burst out from me on the plane of souls, spreading at the speed of thought as it sought out the alterations done to the professors’ souls. It isolated and excised those additions and dissipated the foreign energies.

            The professors all staggered a bit as their souls were unshackled before looking around in confusion and horror at their attire and the damage done to the area. The Dean looked like he wanted to unleash an eternity of misery upon whoever caused the mess, when suddenly a voice rang out across the campus.

“You’ve just been PRANKED bitches!”

Everyone turned to look at me as I paled in realization. The one thing I had forgotten to do. I had forgotten to alter the voice at the end of the prank arrays to sound like someone else and it had thus shouted out in a perfect rendition of my voice.

I looked around nervously. “Well, at least I can claim the #1 spot as Prank King right?”

Dean Brahm was not amused. “My Office, NOW.”

Well, I had lived a good life. At least my end would be remembered...