{Whispering voice}
"You're worthless, USELESS, good for nothing, waste of space, air thief, you don't belong anywhere, no one loves you, you'll die alone, always stay alone, idiotic piece of trash."
My mind again playing tricks against me while I'm down in luck with life is one of the worst feelings one can get, is it not? Remember the times it used to be different? Before you became an adult, did you have to move cities? Do you remember? I can hardly do so.
"You will die alone! Why keep going!? NOBODY LIKES YOU! KILL YOURSELF! DO IT! WALK IN FRONT OF THE TRAIN AND DIE!"
That voice in my head keeps getting louder and louder every day, and it doesn't want to let go. It craves and calls for my attention, but I keep following the other voice, which is stronger and lighter. The voice of reason has always been there to help, but it's grown weaker.
{Whispering}
"You can do it! Keep going! You're not alone! You got your online friends!"
{Louder overpowering screams}
"THEY'RE WORTHLESS, I WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE IF YOU DIED! WOULDN'T EVEN CRY OR FEEL ANYTHING ABOUT IT!"
𖢉ꛈꚳꚳ ꚲ𖣠ꚶ𖦪ꕷ𖤢ꚳꘘ ꛎꚳ𖦪𖤢ꛎ𖤀ꚲ!
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
What is the meaning of my existence? Why am I here on this planet surrounded by people who couldn't care less about me? Why must I endure this miserable life? Why do all of it without a partner? Without children? Without purpose?
"You are loved."
"No, you're not! Who even cares about you?!"
Really? Who cares?! My boss treats me worse than a slave, and society keeps pointing their finger at me, saying, "It's your fault," and "Pull yourself from your bootstraps and quit crying! Back in my day, I used to walk uphill in the snow both ways to get to work!"
"Your generation is just a bunch of cry babies who can't endure being slaves to corporations their whole life just to be able to live in a shitty small apartment your whole life, you damn lazy buns!"
WHY!? I want to quit out of this society! I want to escape it, but what options do I have?! Buy an airplane ticket out of here?! With what money?! I barely scrape by as is. Nobody appreciates my work or me in any way possible. I have no life, friends, or social skills because of work, so why do I keep going?!
"Because some people believe in you."
"Nobody does."
ʎpɐǝɹʅɐ ɟʅǝsɹnoʎ ʅʅᴉꓘ
Loneliness is driving me insane, but I can't go meet people. I've got no life outside of work, and my only friend is dying. I can't unload my frustrations unto my dying friend, but who else do I have? Nobody.
"Escape."
"To where, you idiot?! You don't even have a passport yet."
Why do I exist? Am I really meant to be anything but a widget worker at the widget factory for the rest of my life? Is that it? Am I nothing more than another worker without a purpose other than the pursuit of pleasure? Is there nothing else to pursue?
"Yes."
"No."
Dear Dairy, today I walked from work to home. After 10 years of commitment to my work, I stumbled upon a very high bridge on my way home that would quickly end my suffering. I'm tempted to jump, but I remain firm in my will to live, which still outweighs my depression. I will keep updating my Dairy.