Chapter 2 – John Smith

My name is Kaz Rodnar…but that is not always my name. I have dreams. Dreams of another live, a live that is not mine. In this live I am called John Smith. These dreams are weird. They are more vivid than they should be. It is like I’m there, and afterwards when I awake they stay with me as memories, as experiences.

These dreams started when I was an infant. The first memories that started coming to me were of war. Bloody, full of gore, messy rabid war. The feeling of killing someone for the first time was one of the firsts I ever had. It was tormenting. I had nightmares and was always really scared of everything and everyone, including my parents. They worried a lot during those days. They thought I was sick so they called several healers who wouldn’t find anything wrong with me. And I only know of this because they told me recently, which makes sense because I have more memories as John Smith than Kaz Rodnar.

Eventually more memories began to appear. Memories of a really sweet couple, who I thought were also my parents and memories of an old lady, who I loved more than anyone in the world. It was really weird growing up, because the memories of John Smith always came to me fragmented and scrambled. It was difficult to understand things growing up as i would often confound both worlds because as John I would know things instinctively, but as Kaz I would have to learn what is what. As John I knew how to speak English, but as Kaz I would struggle with the common tongue. It didn’t help that there were entire concepts that didn’t exists in the other world.

As time went on more memories came and I started to piece things together. Nowadays I believe that the memories come in a certain order. From the most traumatic and ingrained in my mind and soul to the ones that are absolute rubbish. I still haven’t gotten that far yet, but as I dream I experience everything, only in a broken manner. For example I can remember waking up and then I am suddenly teleported to later in that day. I have never experienced travel in my dreams yet and if I am right it stands to reason that those memories will sooner or later start to appear.

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There is not much I know of John Smith yet, but I can tell you this he was a soldier. John had a happy childhood all the way through high school, after which he enlisted to defend his country. He did a tour and came back just as the war started to die down a bit. He went to university and studied business. In his last year the war escalated tremendously, what was a small skirmish between two countries became a world war, so he was forced to re-enlist. It was the most devastating war the world had ever seen and it lasted 15 years. Afterwards the habitable areas and planetary resources were heavy depleted so another war started. This one was a bit different; it was a free for all of countries trying to get the upper hand. Eventually John left that life behind. He settled and married Carol (the old lady from my dreams). He was well into his 50’s by then and was tired of live but together with Carol he lived the best moments of his life, never had children though. He died in his early 70’s murdered by some rebel anarchists trying to end the wars.

Later I have been dreaming of John time in school with his peers and the knowledge he gained then. Most of it was useless in this world.

I still don’t really know if I should be grateful to him or not. On one side he screwed my childhood, scared me for life and in a way driven me way from my parents, especially my mother who thinks I am a failure. She doesn’t say it but I can see it in her eyes and the fact that I was different was definitely part of it which is why the only one who knows about the dreams is Klim. On the other side he gave me an understanding beyond my years and knowledge of things that none in Thorvald would even dare imagine.