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Passing Faces
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People have told me that I'm apathetic or that I 'float through life without much in the way of goals' – Well I suppose its the sort of thing you should get upset about or try and deny, but I never really felt the need.
It wasn't until my 19th birthday – I'd drifted through highschool and after that just worked in the family shop, but that was about to change, a 'new start' my folks called it, a job I didn't want to spend the rest of life working – So I ran away from home. A bit childish I know.
Still old habits die hard, the place I live ain't kind to teenage runaways. I don't mean the society per se, the geography would be more apt – Frequent dust storms, a weak atmosphere, little in the way of surface water – Honestly it's a pretty lame place. So I found myself a job that also provided shelter and food - It's with this paramilitary group, IAFS.
Well I suppose that sounds a bit suspect but they're not terrorists or anything, they have a whole fleet of spaceships so I'd call that pretty legit.
Couple weeks of training and ever since I've been moved from job to job within the organisation – Obviously with my lack of qualifications I mostly just do odd jobs, sometimes filling in for others when they get sick or leave and what have you – Suits me just fine to be honest.
Well before you know it 6 months go by, funny how that happens. My current job is almost an important one, well almost – I stand on the bridge of this massive battleship, running odd jobs for the Captain of the ship – Getting people coffee, delivering delicate messages to other parts of the ship by hand, and so on.
Anyway, it was a day like any other when things changed ever so slightly, when something new occurred in my life:
“Crewmen, a refill if you would, there's a good chap.” The captain called out to me.
I nodded respectfully before turning to another man; “And for you lieutenant?”
“Hmmm, A coffee would do nicely.” The first-mate replied.
I started to move for the door, if anyone else wanted something they would speak up – Except for this one woman, a junior navigator who mostly did night shifts so I didn't exactly see her everyday – But even when I did see her, she had never requested anything.
Normally I thought nothing of it, shrugged and got on with my job. I don't really know why, but for some reason, that day I decided, on a whim, to ask her;
“Anything for you ma'am?” That was how it started.
She looked a little surprised but then smiled. I guessed her to be somewhere in her early twenties, long straight hair and small stature – The smile she gave after a few seconds of considering my question, was a quiet affair and yet I felt kind of charmed by it.
“Just a bottle of water, thank you.”
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After that day where I spoke with her on a whim, we began to speak more often – Never much more than chit-chat as we passed in the corridors but it felt somewhat nice to have someone my own age to relate with a little.
“Hey.”
“Oh it's you, hello crewmen.”
“Heh you ever going to stop calling me crewmen, ma'am?” I replied, laying on the best smile I could.
She looked a little surprised, maybe that was more bold then I usually am when we pass each other, but her expression quickly moved to a smile - “Would that not take all the fun out of it, if you knew?”
I was a little taken aback to get such a playful response, I mean technically she outranks me by quite a bit so this is all very against protocol, but hey who's watching right?
“Ah ya, of course. So, you just finished your shift?”
She nodded gently, “Yes, I take it you are just starting yours? One of these days we really should try meeting out of hours....” As her voice trailed off I think she realised how her statement could be taken as more than friendship – We both fidgeted a little before heading our separate ways – That's how most of our little conversations went.
It was a few weeks later that another change entered my life. Things have gotten rather serious lately, I know it sounds naïve but I didn't really expect this ship to do much fighting - Well turns out it does. We've been in a few large battles lately, though I'm not really worried, a battleship this big is hardly going to sink and I guess if it does, well that's just life right?
“Crewmen, take the junior navigators seat.” The first-mate called to me when I reported to the bridge for the day.
I shrugged and started heading to that station, when something tugged at me to ask a question - “Yes Sir. Is something wrong with the normal junior navigator Sir?”
The first-mate furrowed his brow, clearly not overly amused by the question but he was kind enough to answer anyway, “She hasn't arrived yet, I'll have someone look for her later – Right now I need that station manned, understood?”
“O-of course Sir, sorry.” I mumbled feeling a little embarrassed for asking.
Despite what I'd childishly believed, the ship did keep getting in more battles and the air around the place get far tenser, everyone I knew seemed to be on edge about the next battle and I hadn't seen her for a few days now. I entered the bridge as normal, expecting to be told to takeover the navigators station again – But instead someone new was sitting in that seat.
They seemed to notice me staring at them and spoke up; “Something the matter crewmen?”
“Wha? Ah no, sorry... Well, ummm – Is something the matter with the normal navigator who sits there?”
This new person shot me a sympathetic look, “Oh dear have you not heard? The Warrant Officer was killed in action, a stray blast hit the ship where she was at the time, rather unlucky. Did you know her?”
“Dead? Her? Oh I see. No, not really – Sorry for bothering you.” I saluted and took my place at the back of the room, waiting to be called upon for whatever odd job was needed today.
It was true after all, I didn't really know her, I don't really have a reason to 'feel' anything about it – I spoke with her suddenly one day and just as suddenly I stopped, nothing more than that right?
Still even to this day I can't help but thinking sometimes, that I didn't even know her name.