Blood pours from every open wound of my body. I’m feeling faint, but I force my legs to keep running. I can see the house now. The door is wide open. I scrape to a stop and slam my hand on the doorframe to keep myself from falling. I stumble forward into the shoddy wooden building and immediately scan the area. As my eyes adjust to the sudden darkness, I begin to see vague figures before me. I take a weakened step forward, but my foot is met with liquid. Not a good sign. I take another step, but I trip over something in the blackness. Now face-to-face, I meet their dead gaze, and a ball of dread forms thick in my throat. Laying in a pool of their own blood, chest splayed brutally open... is Lyle.

  One after another, I find the bodies of the poor children leading up to a closed door, a sense of guilt growing uncontrollably after every step I take.

  “Oh god... Lyle... Raymond... Lily... Even little Nora...”

  Tears streak my face. Every time I try to wipe them, they only well up with more. The weight on my soul is unbearable.

  They’re all dead... because of me... And Esmeralda... What happened to her...?

  A faint ray of light can be seen coming from the crevice of the closed door. I hesitate even to open it. I know what I’ll find, but the very thought of it almost seems worse than it in itself. Quivering, shaking, trembling, I reach out for the handle. Slowly I swing open the door. I drop to my knees as soon as I see it.

  She lays silent on a rickety bed, bathed in slivers of light from the cracks in the ceiling. She’s been stripped completely naked. Her eyes are stuck half-open, glazed over and lifeless. Tears still hold shape over the corners of her eyes, though she’s been dead for hours. Red marks line her neck from where he, not even human in my eyes anymore, mercilessly strangled her to death. It’s the most I can do to lay a hand over her eyes so that she can rest in peace.

  I go outside. I feel sick. As soon as the light hits my face, I vomit out onto the front walk. I collapse onto my knees and start sobbing.

  “It’s all my fault,” I whimper into my chest. I pull myself in with my own arms. “Stupid... Idiot... It’s all my fault. They’re dead... And it’s all my f—“

  Something falls. Inside, something fell. Like a broom propped up. I heard it fall.

  Al... Alive...?

  I scramble to my feet and peer in, but all I see is death. I need to get out of this place.

  I need to go... anywhere but here.

  Suddenly, I see motion. It’s slim, like a shuffle in one’s sleep. But I see it. There’s now nothing in my way. An overwhelming urge to save them fills my heart, and I rush forward with all I have left.

  It’s Nora. She’s unconscious, but alive. There’s a large gash over her left eye, deep enough that the bone of her eye socket has been slightly sheared. I don’t have to confirm the rest to know they didn’t make it. With tears still in my eyes, I take her in my arms. She’s weak. I don’t know if she’ll make it.

  “I don’t know how much you saw, Nora,” I whisper, “but I won’t let you see such a travesty ever again. I’ll protect you. I... I swear.”

  Esmeralda had told me the children were her only reason for living. Though the burden weighs like iron on my chest, I decide here and now that I will take up the role she left for me. It was unfair, how she died. I honestly wish I could’ve traded my life for theirs. But I know that’s in the past, and nothing I say or do now will affect that. I’d avenged them before I even knew their fate. All that’s left now— whether I like it or not... is to move forward.

  I sit at her bedside on a wooden chair. The medic sits beside me on a much nicer chair as he tests her pulse. He’s an old man, portly for one of this world. He is mostly bald and wears spectacles over a large nose.

  “That should do it for the examination,” he says finally, leaning back in his chair. “She has significant trauma to the back of her head, but that she is a Nexis will, thankfully, speed up the healing process. In regards to her eye, however... The scar may fade with the help of a magician, but the eye itself has seen irreparable damage. It can be treated, but not without high-level magics— something this town nor this country has ever had a clean grasp of.”

  “Anything else? Why is she still unconscious?” I ask.

  “Her body has switched into a phase promoting the recovery of damaged brain tissues. Right now, rest takes precedence. She shouldn’t awaken this night, at the least.”

  “That’s good,” I nod.

  “And? How are your injuries holding up?”

  “I may be dead had you not agreed to help,” I nod.

  “Of course. But it is my job,” he replies. “The stitchings will keep you from bleeding out, but too much movement could tear any one of them. So you should better find rest, as well.”

  “What was the agreed amount, again? Twenty Jeul?”

  “By the Divine, I’ll take ten. So long as you don’t do any more of... whatever it is that got you this way, of course.”

  “Don’t worry. I don’t plan to act this stupid ever again.”

  “And you will rest? You never agreed to it, but I would like to hear you say you will.”

  “Eventually. But I’m not the priority here,” I reply.

  “...If that is as good as I will be getting from you, then I suppose I’ll accept that.” He slowly rises from his chair. I already have the payment, which I set in his hand. He nods. “You have a blessed day, and may you ever be watched by those above.”

  “U-Uh, yeah. Y-You too.”

  The doctor takes his leave, closing a large brown medical case and walking out the old wooden door.

  I’m back in Gin’s tavern. I’d made it most of the way with her in my arms. When the medic found us, he helped us all the way back here. Now, I sit in silence, contemplating everything that has happened up to this point. I found love— only to have it jarred away by the steely hand of fate. I’ve met friends— and made enemies all the same. And for just a moment there... I thought I found a purpose. Looking back, I realize now how foolish I was.

  “Is she yours?”

  I spin my head around in surprise.

  “Sorry. The doc left, so I thought I’d stop in before we leave.” Benny steps in. He walks towards me and takes a seat on the open chair.

  “Did you ever once feel you were doing right— and you believed it with all your heart?”

  “Huh?” He pauses. “Oh, uh... Well, right and wrong’s not always as black and white as it may seem, kid. But... Yeah, for what it’s worth. What you seem to be gettin’ at is that you suddenly find out it was all wrong, though.”

  “I guess so.”

  He breathes a long sigh. “Look, I don’t claim to be the best person to talk to about this stuff. But I can tell you what I think.”

  “P...Please do.”

  “Set yourself your very own moral compass. It can be in any direction you want it, as long as it’s you alone that tells you. But from then on, whatever way you point, you follow it. If it’s right to you... then it’s right. Even if it goes to hell.”

  “...Sounds like a dangerous way of thinking, isn’t it...?” I mutter.

  “Well, it doesn’t work for everyone.” He pauses. “But there’s one fact that should never be overlooked, no matter what you take to. And that is that nobody can fault you for trying to do good.”

  “Even if it gets people killed?” I mutter.

  “...How many was it?”

  “A woman... and three children.”

  Benny slouches in his chair, propping his chin on laced hands. One of his eyes twitches, only slightly. “...And how many others would have died had you not done whatever you did?”

  “It doesn’t— f-fucking matter!” I yell, sinking into my own sorrows. I bury my face in quivering hands. “I-I know I have to move on... but how the hell can I? They’re... gone, now... They’re... dead!”

  “Stop and think to yourself, dammit,” he booms, roughly shoving my shoulder. “Whatever you did... no matter how much you gotta reach, what’s changed? How will this world change from your actions?”

  A murderer. The man was a murderer. So... “What would change...?” ...He’ll never harm anyone ever again, right? With the strength he possessed, he could have kept killing for years to come. Now that he’s dead, no one else will suffer by his hand how I did. But... was it worth the cost...?

  “I...” I mutter. “I don’t know. My head, it’s...”

  “Don’t think with your head, then. You ain’t got time to justify it all.”

  “Don’t think with my... head? You mean—“

  “What else’d I mean? Your heart, kid.”

  “My heart...”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, letting the air slowly out through my nose.

  “My heart... It tells me I failed. But also that I succeeded. What does that m—“

  “And that’s where the phrase, ‘you can’t save ‘em all,’ comes into play,” he replies. “Life’s a bitch, believe me. It’s all about weighing cost and reward; Sometimes you can’t even tell which one’s which. Any of this sticking with you?”

  “I was too late this time,” I say. “...It means I need to get stronger, right?”

  “Not what I was getting at... but sure. There you go.”

  I take a stand.

  “Thanks, Benny. Uh... for the... advice.”

  “Oy, my services ain’t free, kid,” he smirks.

  “I remembered that I’d left my money bag at a clothing shop. Take whatever you want once I get back,” I reply. “Say— Vivian?”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  There is commotion behind me. Slowly, Vivian sheepishly peeks her head out from the other side of the open door.

  “This girl’s name is Nora. Mind keeping an eye on her til I get back?”

  “Where in the world do you think you are going, roadblock?”

  “It’s Cyr, thank you— and I’m just leaving for some air. Need to think things over,” I reply.

  “Ohmygod she’s so c-u-u-te—!” squeals a voice from just beside Vivian. In a flash, Elise is at Nora’s bedside dressed in her bar-maiden’s outfit of loose-fitting cloth and a white apron. She lovingly begins caressing her ears and rubbing her cheek on Nora’s.

  “Take it easy. She’s injured,” I say.

  “Nora, h-u-u-u-h? Such an adorable little dumpling, she is!” Elise chirps. She suddenly turns to me with a strange look. “Hard to imagine an adorable little girl like her came from such an ugly beast like yourself.”

  “W-What? N-No, she’s not mine by blood,” I mutter. “It’s a long... Personal story.”

  “Just going to ignore the fact that I called you an ugly beast?”

  “I’m, uh—“ Benny abruptly stands up. “I’m gonna get out of here before things get out of hand. Do me a favor and take my words with a grain of salt, kid.” He hobbles off, and as he does Vivian hesitantly inches closer.

  “She seems so peaceful,” Vivian mutters. “...Nora, huh...?”

  “She’s been through hell,” I say. “I won’t be long, but if she wakes up... Try to comfort her.”

  “Roadblock...” mutters Vivian. “I... may have lied about my father. I suppose I didn’t want to admit you weren’t who I thought you were.”

  “And who’d you think I was?”

  She turns away suddenly.

  “U-Um, sorry, I—“ I sputter.

  “You look like... the one who killed my mother,” she says, a cold look in her eye. But that look quickly disappears and she turns back to face me again. “Though it is impossible. My father tracked down and slew that man several years ago.”

  “Then why’d you think I was him?” I ask.

  “His name was Greed, and his cunning was unparalleled by most. He evaded the law, and my father, for decades. When I first saw you, it dawned on me the possibility that he had somehow tricked my father, and that he was still alive.”

  “And what made you change your mind?”

  She points to Nora. “Greed had no pity, not even capable of feigning it. He would have left that girl to die, or worse yet... He would have killed her himself.”

  “It was my pity that made you realize it...?”

  “Do not be fooled. You are still the lowest of human scum. You simply... are not him.”

  “Will you watch her or not?” I grumble.

  “I will. But I would like to know her story when you return... As well as yours, roadblock.”

  “Eww, life stories are so gross!” Elise protests, falling forward on her knees towards the knelt Vivian.

  “You are welcome to return to the duties of which you are contractually obligated to fulfill,” Vivian replies, turning to her. “In words an airhead such as yourself would understand... Stop slacking off while at work, you hopeless lesbian.”

  “Woah, this really is getting heated,” I mutter, hacking away from the bedside. “Like I said— I’ll be back in a bit. Keep it down so the kid can sleep, got it?”

  The evening sun lays low in the sky, casting a hazy orange mirage over the western horizon. I again find myself at the door of the clothier. Incidentally, I’ve left my coin bag on the desk there. I hope he was kind enough as to keep it safe for me. I’m sure he saw the shit-show that went down here only hours ago.

  “Coming in,” I say as I open the heavy wooden door. “I’m tired and I hurt all over, but here I am. Just grabbing my—“

  “O-Oh, it’s you—!” The old clothier scuttles forward from behind a layer of empty mannequins. “You sure took your time in getting here. I was worried you were bled out in an alley somewhere.”

  “We’re you expecting me to come back?”

  “Only a dead man would leave behind that much Jeul. Of course I would have kept it for you at least another few days— and then I may have pocketed it... but all is assuaged now that you have returned.”

  “Alright. Where is it?”

  “Now— before I hand it back over to you, I would like to show you something.” He motions towards the back of the store with an open hand.

  “I’m fine, thanks,” I mutter, “I don’t want to buy anything right now.”

  “Then my offer just might be something you will want to look into,” he smiles kindly.

  He leads me back, and suddenly stops me at a particularly-dressed mannequin.

  “I apologize, but I happened to catch a glimpse of it from here— your quarrel, I mean.”

  “You mean that superfluous tooth-and-bone fight to the death?”

  “You have spirit. Any normal person would have locked themselves away until that rampaging bastard moved on. But you took the initiative— even if you had nothing to do with it. That isn’t just an adventurist way of thinking, but a top-tier officer, or even higher. In any regards, it speaks the promise of a true hero.”

  “I’m... no hero,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I don’t know what you’re about to offer me, but I can assure you I’m not worth the trouble.”

  “Boy— humor me for a few more minutes and try this on.” He motions towards the particular outfit.

  It’s the leather armor from the front of the store. I hadn’t noticed its absence when I first walked in. But somehow... it seems different. The hems have been adjusted and capped with a yellowish metal lining. The chest plate has been covered with another layer of leather, a reddish brown color. It’s no tone of leather I’ve ever seen before, that’s for sure. All-in-all, it seems so much more refined since I last saw it. And dare I say... I like it.

  “How does it look?” asks Albert.

  “You sure didn’t waste any time,” I reply. “How much are you asking?“

  “Do you think I would go through the trouble of taking my own time to hem this to your very body type, and expect compensation?”

  “Yeah, that’s... basically the definition of the word ‘business,’” I mutter. “I’ll take it, but I’d rather pay for it.”

  “Well— I am not asking for money. How could I? I simply felt inspired by such an act of selfless heroism. Like the good old days, before the war.”

  I can’t in good conscience get behind this, mostly because of the crippling guilt that still pulls at my chest. How could I accept a reward after I let so many die? Not only Esmeralda, but the kids, those two poor civilians... And I can’t help but think to the others that just happened to get in his way. But then...

  It’s unfair, I know. But whether I was here or not didn’t matter. Esmeralda would have died anyways. I didn’t spare her from her fate, I only delayed it. And the kids... They would have been sold as slaves. My teeth grit at the very thought of whatever child-molesting no-toothed bastard would have been the one to buy them. Is it better that they...?

  “Pardon, son... Could you use a handkerchief?” asks the man.

  I jolt up in surprise, a tear leaping from my cheek as I do. I spin around and wipe my face with my hands. “S-Sorry. I just... I made a mistake today. Call me anything. Just not a hero.”

  “Fair enough. A sprout, then— destined to become a mighty tree... given time.”

  “I hope that wasn’t supposed to make me feel any better.”

  “Perhaps not. Just call this... an investment into the future. Now don’t be shy, please. Try it on.”

  I hesitate. But I eventually nod, and the clothier hands me the first piece of armor.

  Looking into the mirror, I’m surprised by how different I look. Not my face, nor my true appearance. More, it’s something that I can’t exactly see, and instead something I feel. For the first time, I find myself sanding tall. And maybe it’s nothing but the armor, fitted perfectly to my physique. But whether it is or not, the look I give myself in the mirror leads me to confirm to myself the heraldry of my actions thus forth.

  “Sir?” I mutter.

  “Is something the matter?”

  “Do I have what it takes to become a hero?”

  “That... isn’t for me to say, I suppose,” he replies. “Though from here... There is good promise your labors will bear the sweet fruits of success in the near future.”

  “Then... I know where to start.”

  “Of course you do,” he nods. “Seek my brother in the Capital City, Abraham Leufgarde-Rosencrantz. Show him the sigil on your left breast, and I am quite confident he will not turn you away. Probably.”

  “You’re confident he ‘probably’ won’t turn me away?”

  “Fret not the details. I will send message to the guild. I may not have power myself, but mention of his name should be enough. Are you set?”

  “My mistake left me with a new responsibility,” I mutter. “Will I ever be ready? Probably not. But then again, are we ever?”

  “I... meant in the literal tense. I must close shop soon.”

  “Huh—? O-Oh, I see. Sorry. Yeah, I’ll be going,” I say. “And here—“ I hand him a hundred-Jeul coin.

  “But I must protest—“

  “Just take it. Had I not been here to hear all your talk of heroes, I might’ve just drowned myself in my own sorrows,” I mutter. “I mean it. I’m literally sleeping in the rented rooms of a tavern right now. It couldn’t be easier.”

  “I’ll take that as thanks. And safe ventures, sir.”

  “Cyr, actually,” I say. “I don’t think I’d introduced myself earlier.” I begin walking towards the door.

  “Do me a favor and turn people my way when you become a famous hero, yes?” he chuckles.

  “I’ll see what I can do,” I say back. I find a thin smile running across my lips as I push open the heavy door, out into the twilight and the world beyond.

  That’s it. Might as well try, right?

  I’ve felt this kind of sorrow before, when one of my only childhood friends died on a trip to the ocean. For some reason, it’s taken me this long to remember it. I thought the world had ended around me. But that I’m here now— maybe twenty years later, means that it hasn’t, and I’m still here. All I’ll do from now on... is try. So rest in peace, Lyle, Raymond, Lily... Esmeralda. And watch me as my journey unravels. Even if I never existed, the world would still be here, in the exact same way. So as long as I am here, it’s my job to make the most change I can. It’s my job... to try.

  When I first step into my own room, those there stop to look at me. Elise immediately tries her hardest to laugh at me, but nothing comes from her. It looks like she is impressed.

  “Where did the roadblock receive such attire?” asks Vivian, turning to me. She’s on her knees beside the bed.

  “C-Cyr...?”

  I turn to look. To my absolute surprise, there Nora is, sitting up fully awake in her bed.

  “Nora—!” I say. I hurry to her side. “Why are you up so soon? You need to rest!”

  “Cyr...” she mutters. “...Where... is Sister...?”

  Dammit, she went right for it. I’m not prepared for this.

  “I’m... sorry,” I say. “I... tried to save her, but...”

  No more tears. Please... no more tears. If she starts crying, then I’m going to start crying, and I’d only be going against everything I’d promised myself today. So please...

  Nora is visibly saddened. Perhaps even devastated. But no tears fall. Her cheeks remain dry. I can only act in admiration of her tremendous constitution.

  “I don’t know what you saw— what you experienced, but... Please, know that I tried my hardest,” I say. “The depth of language itself can’t properly describe the pain I feel for you. So please... talk to me. Tell me what’s happening in your mind.”

  “Her screams...” she mutters. “I still... can’t make them go away. She... kept calling your name, over and over until...”

  It’s then that the tears began to flow. I’m not sure if she started first or if I did, but Nora ends up leaping towards me, grabbing my shirt and weeping into my chest. 

  I lean into her and carefully wrap my arms around her. I try to hide my tears in words of reassurance, that I’m here, and that I won’t let anything else happen to her. But I know those words are as much for me as they are for her. If this life is what being an adventurer is, then I’m not sure I’ll last long. I care too much.

  “Cyr... Now is not the time for sorrow. Neither for Nora.” Vivian places a hand on my shoulder. “As... As my mother used to say... ‘Save your tears for the times when life brings you joy, not despair.’”

  Her words seem to instill something in me. It’s not enough to banish the tears, but it’s enough to help me regain my senses. Unfortunately, Nora isn’t listening. The thick leather of my light armor is still being drenched.

  I stay with her until she finally falls asleep, maybe an hour. I then lay her back in bed and take a slow stand. Surprisingly, Vivian is still standing there behind me.

  “I wish to commune elsewhere,” she tells me.

  I nod.

  She leads me to the outer hall. I close the door behind us.

  “I shouldn’t stay out here too long,” I say. “If she wakes up again, I’d like to be there.”

  “What do you intend to do now, roadblock?” she asks. Her arms are crossed, and her expression is stagnant as usual. “With the girl, I mean.”

  “I have a sister, back where I’m from,” I reply. “I’m going to protect Nora, just like I did her. As far as I’m concerned, Nora is my second sister.”

  “And you think you can raise her all by yourself?”

  “Like I said earlier, she’s been through hell and back. She’s lost both of the only families she’s ever had. Whether I can or can’t isn’t a viable question. I will because she can’t stand to lose another.”

  A huff escapes Vivian’s mouth, almost a laugh. “With that mindset, you should be careful she doesn’t fall in love with you.”

  That’s dangerous water, telling such a thing to a hopeless virgin. Even though I’d never make a move on her... of course.

  “Regardless,” she continues. “Without a solid plan, your struggles will all be in vain. So what do you intend to do, truly?”

  “Well... I’ll... Join the Adventurers Guild,” I reply. “I’ll get enough money for Nora’s education, and... I’ll...”

  “This afternoon you came back here with blood trailing for miles behind you. How can I believe that you will ever survive?”

  “I don’t ever remember you being worried for my survival before,” I say. “I have... ‘friends in high places’ as the saying goes. But I’ll survive because I have to. Up until now I’ve had no purpose, no reason for being here. Now, I’ve found my purpose. Call it naive if you want, but... I came here to help people. To save people.”

  “Naive indeed. Your notions of justice falter at the most pivotal of standpoints.” She takes a moment to let out a long sigh. “But... It is not stupid. You will learn soon enough that there is no short supply of people in need of being saved. And if becoming an adventurer is what you believe will aid you in that, then I suppose I can lend assistance to a mere bug on the road.”

  “Really? How so?”

  “My father delayed our return until early tomorrow morning. If you join us, our carriage will bring us to our home. It is within an hour’s walk to the Capital City from there, where you will find the sanctuary of the adventurers.”

  “Is that so? Well— That’d be great, really. But... I’m no doctor, so I couldn’t really tell if it’s safe to move Nora yet.”

  “When I spoke to her, after she first awoke, I noted a strong vitality through her quiet words,” she replies. “I cannot be certain whether it is safe or not, but that she is awake and conscious this early bodes well towards her recovery.”

  “She was bludgeoned on the back of the head.” I pause. “She’s strong, but... even the strong need rest.”

  “The journey is a half-day’s ride. And you can carry her the rest of the way.” Vivian leans against the peeling side wall. “If you are as determined as you think you are, then this will not stand in your way. Unlike you when we first m—“

  “—When we first met. Yeah yeah, I get it, I blocked the road,” I grumble. “But this isn’t my say. Hell, I don’t even know if she wants to come with me. We... see how she feels in the morning.”

  “We will depart when the morning sun first hits the eastern peak of the rising district wall tower. We will not wait any longer.”