"Bean curds?" Granville prompts when I finish my conversation with the alchemist.

"Yup. Soybeans to be precise." I smile at the chef. "On its own, the stuff is fairly bland, but it soaks up flavor like a sponge. I'll be using the silken variety for the smoothies but, if you prep it right, the regular stuff makes for a good chicken replacement. It's one of the staples in the *Asian* cuisine you tried the other day."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to demonstrate?" It looks like that question cost him something.

"Sure." I shrug. "But, Melanie will probably take a while to get that process working, so let's check on the latest batch while I roast up some chickpeas for Fawne. Mmm, I kinda want some hummus now." distracted by that thought, I start working on food instead.

I like garbanzo beans on my salad, so I already have a bunch ready to go in storage. Most of these I start roasting right away, I've found that if you roast them for a good ten or fifteen minutes before adding the oil and seasoning they turn out super crunchy. While they're roasting, I quickly make the dough for the pita bread and let it rest.

"Thank you cleanse spell and goodbye skins." I always hated getting all the skins off to make the creamiest hummus. Even with some baking soda to help break them down, it would normally take a good five minutes of stirring and straining and rubbing them together to remove all the husks. But, now I don't have to worry about it, thanks to some creative magic use.

While the chickpeas are simmering, I grind up the sesame seeds and olive oil to make tahini. I then add some garlic flavored lemon juice, mixing it with the tahini until the two runny liquids form a thick paste. Once that happens, I add water to thin it back out again. I saw this trick in a YouTube vid a while ago and it tastes so much better than adding the garlic directly to the hummus itself.

"You've got that look again." I comment after looking up from my work to see Gran staring at the substance I just made. "Please don't tell me that you don't have hummus? Oh, you poor people. It's alright now, the chickpeas will be soft enough to blend into the rest soon."

I oil and season the roasting chickpeas, and roll out the flatbread while waiting for that to happen. The bread will need to rest again before it can be fried, and the chickpeas look like they'll take at least that long themselves, so I finally turn to the latest batch of Worcestershire sauce.

"Oh, that is good. It feels like a lifetime since I last had some." Temmie snickers for my ears alone at that little inside joke. "But, this tastes just like the real stuff, I think we finally have it."

"You were sent here to torment me, weren't you?" Granville peels his eyes away from the tahini mixture focus on the steak sauce.

"Quite possibly." I reply with a smirk. "I don't know much about the one who sent me here, but I got a good feel for his sense of humor and wouldn't put it past him to include thoughts of tormenting some poor chef when he chose where to deposit me." Temmie breaks into full-on guffaws at that.

"Whatever." The man just shakes his head. "And, I think you're right. I can see this strange sauce adding a lot of complexity to any meal it's added to. Too bad it is such a pain to make without a skilled nature mage."

"I'll make you as much as you want." I offer right away. "And, since you provided the anchovies and tamarind, all of this is rightfully yours to begin with. Maybe just leave me a bottle, yeah?"

"Let me see this hummus and bean curd of yours and I'll think about it." He sends a teasing smile back at me.

"Alright, everything should be ready to go by now." I start frying up the pita and blend the tahini mix into the chickpeas. A drizzle of olive oil and a garnish of seasonings more for looks than taste top it off once everything is as smooth as can be. "You can dip pretty much anything you like in this, but I've always been a fan of the classic flatbread."

Tearing a hunk off of the bread, I get a big scoop for myself before passing the dip to Granville. While he's savoring that, I pass a bowl of roasted chickpeas to Fawne and store the rest to keep them fresh.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

"Ooh, these are good." She makes appreciative noises around a mouthful of crunchy goodness. "But, uh... is there any chance I could try some of that."

"Hah. You guys are worse than Apricot." Fawne is not the only person looking at the hummus with desire in their eyes. The way the chef keeps grumbling in his 'I really hate that this is so good' way isn't helping things either. "Fine, if you can make Gran share then you can all try some."

Seeing that my snack is going to disappear, I set out a small planter and start growing some more chickpeas. A lot more chickpeas. Knowing Apricot, she's going to go nuts when she sees this, so I want to have more than enough stored away.

"Oh, and if you're not a fan of chickpeas, you can substitute roasted eggplant." I thought about making some baba ganoush, but it's always been hummus or nothing for me. "And, it looks like Melanie has had some luck with that process I sent her."

I'm about to send a paper airplane downstairs to ask if it's alright for me to steal some of the calcium chloride when an awesome idea hits. I send the plane anyway, but make plans to install a pneumatic tube system throughout the building. Even if it's pointless and stupid, I still want one.

"Uh... Master." Catherine spots the paper plane first, so I send it to her hands. "Mister Sorrel asks if it's alright to steal some of the... calcium chloride." She carefully pronounces the unfamiliar words.

"Yes, yes." Melanie waves dismissively at the ceiling, too distracted by the new alchemy to be annoyed with me.

"The... the note just changed to read 'thank you'." The apprentice gulps. "How did he even do that?"

"Hahaha. You think I know how he works?" My alchemist shakes her head. "The crazy man -who I know is still listening to this- revolutionized healing magic in a single morning, but seems to care more for bean curds and some sauce that's almost as crazy as he is."

"..." Cat chooses to hand the paper to her master after reading the new message I put on it.

[What are a few measly limbs compared to some fine cuisine?]

"Hah!" The snort of a laugh erupts out of her. "Oh, go make your bean curd and leave me in peace." She crumples up the paper and throws it away, so I snatch up the coagulant and leave her be.

"Alright, let's make some bean curd." I announce and while still growing chickpeas, I start grinding and heating soybeans to separate the meal from the milk. "Now, I'm using this stuff that Melanie made for me, but traditionally this is made using the leftover brine after seawater has been boiled down until the salt crystallizes out. This gives it a bitter flavor that I don't care for though."

"And, even as fast as you run, the ocean isn't exactly nearby." Fawne adds with a laugh while eating my hummus.

"Mhm." I nod and then explain the process for Gran. "There are two basic types of tofu, silken and regular, with each having several levels of firmness. The former starts with a thicker soy milk and requires careful temperature control to let it firm up without letting the curds and whey separate. But, for the latter, you want those curds and just press them together like you're making cheese."

I make both and hand over raw samples to Gran before using the silken tofu to make a simple chocolate mousse and lightly frying some firm tofu coated in corn starch in some sesame oil.

"The silken tofu is great for desserts like mousse, sauces, and smoothies, anything you want a nice creamy base for, really. And speaking of smoothies." Sensing that despite eating my hummus and the roasted chickpeas I gave her, Fawne still needs more food. I mix up a fresh, spirulina-free batch of smoothies just for her. "Here you go, no more fishy taste; but, keep eating those chickpeas, you still need the extra protein." I hand her another bowl of them along with the pitcher of smoothie.

"Oh, thank you, that is so much better." She bows her head to me after downing the whole thing in one go. "Any chance I could try that though? You said it was like a meat replacement or something."

"The firm stuff, yeah." I nod. "But, these were just to show Gran what the basic stuff is like. Give me a few minutes to make something decent out of this."

"You can have the rest of these if you like." The chef passes over the fried tofu, but keeps the mousse for himself. "And, could you make a regular mousse out of chocolate, just so I can compare it to this?"

"All in the name of science, eh?" I tease. "I'll need to borrow some eggs, but yeah. Now, for the trick to really good tofu, you need to process it a bit. Press it under a heavy pan for a good thirty minutes to get the extra moisture out, then freeze it, thaw it out, and press it again." I cheat with a bit of magic to speed the process up. "After that, you can treat it basically like a bland chicken breast."

Slicing the tofu into think pieces, I coat them in a marinade and then use a vacuum and a bit of water magic to speed up what should take hours. Once that's done, I just grill it up, using a bit more of the marinade as a basting sauce.

"What did you do there?" Granville asks in a tight voice after seeing my improvised vacuum chamber.

"I cheated." I smirk. "Removing the air draws the marinade deeper into the food without wasting hours. Now, try some. It's not chicken, but it's not bad for a bunch of beans."

"I can see some beastkin becoming bean farmers for this." Fawne comments while devouring her share. "And, I swear if I hadn't just watched you make it, I'd think this was some new meat I'd never had before."

"You know." Elise prompts. "It is getting rather close to lunchtime."

"Oh, don't worry." I smile back at her with a little twinkle in my eye. "I have more than enough smoothies for everyone. Heheheh." Laughing at everyone's expressions, I start making enough tofu to go around.

***