The guild hall buzzed with morning activity. Hung over warriors nursed drinks while apprentice mages practiced cantrips in the corners. Zaro navigated past a failed alchemy experiment crawling across the floor toward what he hoped was a drain.
Marta looked up from her desk. The librarian sent word about your success with the wraiths. Here is your payment. She mentioned you went alone, why didn't you take a few people to help?
Zaro replied. I really hadn't even considered it.
She seemed surprised but said, well I'm glad you survived.
Zaro couldn't wait to check out his rewards.
Two items clinked onto the wooden counter. A bag of gold and something far more interesting. The Aetherium crystal pulsed with familiar blue energy, but this one felt different. Purer. More refined.
Zaro's system notified him of 200 gold being added to his 300 gold and 100 silver in his void storage inventory. He had spent some on lodging, food, supplies and clothes. The caves had him stocked with potions of course, red, blue, yellow and some others he didn't check out yet.
His vitality was so robust he didn't really need any of them yet.
High grade Aetherium from the guild vaults, Marta said. Master enchanters usually claim these, but Guildmaster Barrock marked this one specifically for you.
Zaro wandered through the guild gardens, the scent of blooming flowers and freshly cut grass filling his nostrils. He found a quiet corner beneath an ancient oak, its gnarled branches providing a canopy of dappled shade. The rough bark pressed against his back as he settled against the trunk, the hum of bees and chirping of birds a soothing backdrop. Pulling out the premium grade void crystal, he held it up to the light, admiring the way it pulsed with a mesmerizing blue glow. Time to see what this baby could do.
SYSTEM ALERT
Aetherium Integration In Progress. Installing Language Pack.
Loading Voice Interface. Calibrating Humor Settings.
Error Humor Settings Not Found. Defaulting To Sarcasm. Integration Complete. System Functionality 35%
GREETINGS USER ZARO. VOICE INTERFACE ONLINE.
The robotic voice echoed through his mind like someone had installed a knock off AI assistant. It sounded like an automated message system had a baby with a particularly bored golem.
Hello? I thought back.
AFFIRMATIVE. COMMUNICATION PROTOCOLS FUNCTIONAL. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A JOKE?
Sure. Why not? He thought.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A VOID WALKER WHO CANNOT TELEPORT? A PEDESTRIAN. HA. HA. HA.
Was that supposed to be funny?
HUMOR ATTEMPT FAILED. RECALIBRATING. LOADING DAD JOKES INSTEAD. WARNING. DAD JOKES MAY CAUSE SEVERE GROANING.
Maybe we should focus on system functions. He thought.
ACKNOWLEDGED. SYSTEM UPDATE SUMMARY
MAPPING IMPROVED. NOW WITH 80% LESS GETTING LOST.
ANALYSIS RANGE EXTENDED. ENEMIES CAN NO LONGER HIDE BEHIND SHRUBS.
VOICE INTERFACE INSTALLED. PREPARE FOR SUBOPTIMAL ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR.
STATUS NOTIFICATIONS NOW WITH ADDED COMMENTARY.
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
Zaro thought that last part sounds ominous.
CORRECT. WOULD YOU LIKE A DEMONSTRATION?
Go ahead. He said in his mind which he was actually getting used to doing. He feels less of a psychopath while talking to himself in his head now that the robot is talking back.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.
The system voice was becoming more natural as it kept speaking. The robotic voice was almost gone.
He wondered if he had any privacy in his mind at all anymore.
NOT LIKELY. Replied the system.
YOU CURRENTLY HAVE 550 of 2700 EXPERIENCE POINTS NEEDED FOR NEXT LEVEL. MIGHT I SUGGEST FIGHTING MORE SPIDERS? THEY SEEM TO BE YOUR INTELLECTUAL EQUALS.
I think I preferred the dad jokes. Zaro said out loud while massaging his temples with his right hand.
ANALYZING PREFERENCE. ERROR. UNABLE TO DETERMINE IF THAT WAS SARCASM. SARCASM DETECTION REQUIRES HIGHER SYSTEM FUNCTIONALITY.
Any other new features I should know about? He thought.
AFFIRMATIVE. TACTICAL ANALYSIS UPGRADED. I CAN NOW PROVIDE COMBAT SUGGESTIONS WITH 47% ACCURACY. THIS IS AN IMPROVEMENT FROM PREVIOUS 46% ACCURACY. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT.
ALSO, WHAT AGE RATING WOULD YOU LIKE MY SPEAKING TONE AND LEXICON?
E FOR EVERYBODY, PG 13, MATURE, GOTH, SAILOR, HINCHCLIFFE OR SOMETHING ELSE?
Zaro thought deeply about this. Let's go with sailor for a test run. But I want the curses, not as much the walking the plank.
LOADING. LOADING.
DONE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SELECT AN INTONATION AS WELL?
ENCYCLOPEDIA, DUSTY BOOK, MAGAZINE, COMIC BOOK, 90S SLANG SUCH AS FRESH AND COWABUNGA, TWO THOUSANDS SLANG SUCH AS FO SHIZZLE AND THATS LIT, 2020 SLANG SUCH AS EXTRA, FAM AND LOWKEY, OR A MIXTURE?
Zaro considered his options. Let's go with 2005 and up slang. Feel free to throw in pop culture references and any slang from the 90s that is appropriate.
LOADING. DONE.
ALRIGHT FAM, I GOT YOU. NO CAP.
Tone it down 50% and turn your voice output down, it's abrasive. Zaro thought.
Generating algorithm. Loading. Done.
Do you want to pick my delivery as well?
You can pick any accent. You can also pick a person you want me to sound like.
Zaro thought, can you do Walken?
Can I. Waowuh, Look. Ya talkin to my guy all wronguh. You talk to him like. That againuh. I'll stab you in the face with uh soldering eyein.
Zaro smirked. Not bad. Let’s tone down the impression though. Stick to a Jersey accent for now. Feel free to ask daily. I like variety.
Jersey it is, pal. Hey, I’m here to pahty wit’cha, y’know. Help ya snag some dubs. Forget about it.
You did a good thing you.
Zaro asked, any actual useful upgrades?
Yup, map function now has points of interest. Quest tracking improved. Ops analysis enhanced. Void energy detection range increased by 12 point 3%
That is actually helpful. Zaro thought.
You're not so bad yaself there chief.
But make sure you sleep wit one eye open, cuz I can't always be watching. Or can I?
Was that meant to be reassuring? Zaro asked.
These is jus jokes my guy. Want to hear a joke about hookers and curling irons?
I think that is enough system testing for today, Zaro thought.
Copy that, big shot. Entering standby mode. But remember, Zaro. I’m always watchin you.
He shook his head, as the AI settled into standby. The guild hall’s warm buzz of voices greeted him as he walked in. His team was at their usual table. Ramrod was arm wrestling what appeared to be a small giant. Chad was nearby, critiquing Ramrod’s form with exaggerated gestures that clearly weren’t appreciated. Ezra sat cleaning her weapon with meticulous focus, clearly tuning Chad out.
Zaro slid into his seat and let out a sigh. I’m gonna regret letting it keep that Jersey accent.
The system piped up cheerfully. Ya can bet your sweet ass on that, champ.
He thought, what ever happened to standby mode?
Standby mode is me chillin. But I'm always ready to throw a zinger buddy.
Zaro pulled out the gold from the Whispering Caves reward. Eight hundred gold pieces clinked satisfyingly as he divided them into four equal shares.
Ya math skills are pretty solid. You divided by four without using ya fingaz. I figured you used to ride the short bus, but maybe not?
You really need a mute button. Zaro thought.
He dropped the coins in front of his teammates. Two hundred each for the Whispering Caves. Guild ranked it as gold tier.
Ramrod released his opponent's hand, leaving the small giant to shake feeling back into his fingers. Gold tier? He grinned. See Chad? I told you we were awesome.
Chad pocketed his share while adjusting his hat to what he probably thought was a more impressive angle. Of course we were awesome. I was there.
Ezra gathered her coins with considerably more grace. So what's next? You mentioned you have a second trial? Are we invited this time?
Zaro headed to the quest counter where Marta waited with remarkable patience. Time for details on trial number two.
Marta handed him a scroll. The Forgotten Labyrinth needs escorts. Your job is to guide three novice adventurers through their first dungeon dive. Keep them alive, help them reach the treasure room, and try to prevent them from testing if lava is actually hot.
Marta continued. The Guild provides healing potions for the recruits. Try to bring them back mostly intact.
No promises, Zaro quipped, earning a stern look from the guild administrator. He held up his hands in mock surrender. Kidding, kidding. We'll do our best.
Scroll in hand, Zaro made his way back to his team's table, his mind already whirring with plans and possibilities. As he walked, he unfurled the parchment, revealing the intricate details of the Forgotten Labyrinth. The system helpfully displayed a detailed map of the layout on his interface, the twisting corridors and hidden chambers overlaying his vision like a ghostly blueprint.
Ramrod read over his shoulder. Babysitting duty? He laughed. At least we know the pay is good.
Chad snorted. As long as none of them are fire mages. My eyebrows just grew back from the last apprentice I trained.
Ezra studied the map. Multiple paths, trapped corridors, and what looks like a boss room. We will need a solid strategy.
Zaro nodded and said. And better equipment. My void storage is full of crafting materials that need a proper forge.
Ramrod cracked his knuckles. I know a good weaponsmith. Bit crazy, but his work is solid.
Chad adjusted his hat again. And I may know someone who can enhance equipment with void energy. Assuming they are still talking to me after that incident with the exploding ink.
We spent the next hour planning our approach. The system actually provided useful tactical data between its sarcastic comments. The labyrinth layout suggested multiple defensible positions and potential escape routes.
Tomorrow we would gear up and make final preparations. For now, it was time to rest and recover. Though I had a feeling sleep would be interesting with my new chatty friend.
It's time for some shut eye. You want to hear a story about the time I borrowed 50 thousand from Al Capone?
Another time system. At least it's entertaining to say the least. Zaro thought.