The next morning was more exhausting than those thrice damned stairs. I was woken up by a loud gong ringing out across the sect and nearly fell out of my bed. Next I was dragged to a class with a bunch of little kids ranging from eight to ten years old and trained in fighting non stop. Those little bastards were tough when I was not allowed to use my magic.
I fought hard but even with my special sight and stronger body I still struggled against some of the kids due to the sheer difference in skill level. The worst part was when the teacher saw my rather impressive flexibility from my Class advancement and decided to train me to the limits of what my joints could handle.
After that I improved rather rapidly. I could record and store the lessons and fights to study later with my magic which really helped improve my skills. I even recreated the scenes in 3D for the combat instructor so the woman could point out every detail I could improve upon.
However, after three days of fighting I had not learned anything about Qi or cultivation. It was frustrating as the one week deadline Johann had given was closing in rapidly. I wanted to learn and use the power already so I met with the grand elder at the end of the third day.
“No, you are not ready to learn to use Qi right now.”
That response from Johann had me worrying desperately about the future. I don’t think I can learn everything by the end of the week if I don’t start now but the tone in his voice says I am not even close.
“Is there a reason why she can’t?” Alice says, speaking up for me.
I have always had a hard time with other people so I am glad she is around to help when I don’t know what to say or what questions to ask.
The grand elder of the sect looks down on me as I sit cross legged on the bamboo floor. His expression visibly looking for a way to explain why I am not allowed to cultivate. Finally, he seems to decide on the right words.
“Mana is analytical in nature, you craft spells using formulas and networks of mana channels. Qi is the opposite. That is why you can’t cultivate yet.”
“And what does that mean exactly?”
The man sits down and sighs. “Qi is more spiritual in nature. You need a strong mind to get the most out of the process. And right now your mind is broken.”
Alice has no response to that. It seems she understands what he is talking about. I however, don’t get what that means. My mind feels perfectly fine and is immune to mental attacks because of what that god did to me. I just don’t-
“There is some deep fear inside you, and that fear is a shackle on your soul. Tell me, what are you afraid of?” Having seen my thoughts on my face, Johann gives up on me understanding on my own.
His words send me into a downward spiral. Images flash before my eyes. The war on earth. The discrimination faced before my death. My life in this world under my parents' thumbs. The day I got a knife in my gut just for having light magic. The months I spent in a forest where everything wanted to kill me.
“I am not afraid of anything.” I say, not convincing anyone.
Alice looks at me with great concern. Her hand on my arm to comfort me.
“Who are you trying to kid? I can see your hand shaking just from the thoughts running through your mind.”
He is right, I can’t stop the tremor in my hand. Something that has been there since I woke up in that forest. I try and act calm, laugh it off while pretending everything is ok. The nightmares come every night. Silver flashing in my vision, pain, fear, agony. Alice is always so protective of me and I am sure when she suggested our sleeping habits it was to give me reassurance that she was nearby.
“I-I’m fine.” I lie to myself as I do every day.
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“Lua…”
…
..
.
The next day passed without any training. I just sat with Alice alone in my room, trying to work through things.
“You have been through hell.” Alice says.
I snort at the implication of the Demon Lord being through hell of all things.
“And.. I was a part of that. I am the reason you went to those ruins and nearly died again just to help me.”
I grab Alice and hold her close before she can continue. She is not responsible for anything. I made a choice to do that for her and I have no regrets on that front.
“Never blame yourself for something that was my choice. I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
I hug her tightly to make sure she knows that.
“This kind of trauma is not the kind of thing I can solve in a day… Maybe I should give up on cultivating for the time being.”
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After Lua fell asleep, Alice made her way towards Johann to speak with him about Lua’s progress.
Alice tried her best to help Lua come to terms with some part of what happened to her, but it was not going to be easy. And backing out now would be a waste. If Lua couldn’t cultivate now then her lack of power would only drive her further into the depths.
Something however gave Alice hope. She flashed back to a conversation she had in private with Lucadon before they left.
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“Lua did something a bit scary today. She killed that man so easily, like it didn’t affect her at all.”
Alice had been worrying about this more and more as time went on. Lua looked on with such cold indifference as she held the man’s mana core in her hand, that many fears flashed through her mind.
She is getting a bit scary and more violent lately.
What if her Title or trauma are affecting her negatively. Making her into something evil.
Lucadon however, brushed off such sentiments.
“The Title and all her other changes have not affected her mental state. This is who she is, who she always has been. She just has never had a chance to show it before now.”
Alice didn’t want to believe such things. That Lua would treat life so carelessly. She knew the girl to be kind and caring, not some Demon Lord without empathy.
The demon in front of her corrected her misconceptions.
“Do you think that the Demon Lord Title is handed out to just anybody?”
The sudden change in direction confused Alice. Lua had told her the requirements for the Title. She knew how she got it.
“Plenty of people meet those little requirements. They are just the bare minimum. The Title is given to those who fit it and not the other way around. It is not about what you do, but who you are.”
Alice rejected the idea even harder.
“In what way is she the Demon Lord?!”
Shouting wouldn’t do anything but she was getting incensed at the demon for suggesting Lua was evil or something.
“She is ruthless and fearless. Those are the main qualities of being a Demon Lord.”
That was wrong, Lua was always afraid. She would shiver in her sleep and thrash about to the endless nightmares. She was about to object with exactly those words but Lucadon held up a hand.
“Being fearless is not to lack fear, but to push past it. She is terrified all the time but that never slows her down. She would do anything to protect those she cares about. If it was about protecting you, I don’t doubt that she would spit in the faces of the gods themselves.”
Alice felt her voice catch in her throat. She knew that Lua cared about her. Her actions had proved that again and again. She will never stop and never slow down until she can help those she cares about. And Alice knows that Lua cares about everyone.
That is why she was so angry at the way the humans treated the other races. And why she hated herself for wanting to give them a chance.
Lua was too kind of a person, and her kindness can’t help anyone if she can’t make a difference. It is the reason why she wants strength. Because she will do whatever it takes to help everyone. Even if that means killing people she doesn’t want to kill.
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“Johann, we need to talk about Lua. You need to understand her before you turn her away.”
Yes, Lua’s mind was broken. But that didn’t mean it was weak.
Alice would make sure Johann understood. She would make Lua strong, strong enough that she wouldn’t have to suffer under the weight of the things she plans to do. Because she too would do anything for Lua.
The woman she loves is more important to her than anything.