After my bath, I made my way back to the house that Cierra and I were sharing. Although the main house was finished, we had yet to furnish it, which left all of us still in our smaller individual houses for now.
When I made it to the door, I knocked lightly. “Cierra? I’m coming in.” I didn’t hear any movement, but waited a few seconds before I opened the door. As expected, Cierra was sitting at the small table by the kitchen, practicing her letters. I smiled warmly at her, although she didn’t look up. It wasn’t necessarily a lack of interest in me, but rather she just always seemed to have a vacant look plastered on her face, and an energy and interest level in things to match.
Taking it in stride, I walked in and over to the kitchen. I began to pull out some simple ingredients to make dinner - just some meat, cheese, and bread. I used a little bit of Qi to produce a knife and began to cut the meat into smaller, thin slices. I kept a close eye on Cierra as I did so.
When I had first taken her in, any use of Qi in her vicinity had made her flinch. I was actually quite intrigued as to how she was able to sense the use of Qi despite not being Awakened, but I put that aside for now. Thankfully, despite very little change on the outside, the girl seemed to be making small improvements. She no longer flinched when I used Qi nearby, or when I got close or touched her.
“Uncle Vale and I finished tilling the last field today.” I said brightly as I sliced meat. “We should be in good shape for the spring time when we can start planting stuff.” I took extra care to make sure my knife wasn’t hitting the cutting board. The thunk sound it would make could still make Cierra flinch. “I think you might like some of the farming process. Putting seeds in the ground, getting all dirty. It’s pretty fun.”
I glanced the girl’s way, but she still didn’t really respond. Her hands still moved slowly and deliberately over the paper, practicing her writing. I set aside the meat, which I thought was probably pork of some kind, but didn’t really care enough at the moment to really check, and began slicing some cheese.
“Since you didn’t leave the house today, I figured you would be okay without a real bath today and took one without you. Well, obviously.” I popped a shoulder up to motion at my wet hair. Six slices of cheese were cut, and then I put the cheese away into a little cooling box powered by Qi. Six slices of bread followed, and then that went into a bread box.
I moved around the kitchen silently, trying to come up with something to fill that same silence, as I continued to cook. Some fat went into a pan over the flame Array and began to reduce and coat the pan. During one of my passes, I took a quick glance at Cierra’s papers.
“I see you’re making fantastic progress on your letters. I think you can probably read soon. At least at a kid’s level.” I continued my one-sided chatter. After the fat was reduced, the meat went into the pan to cook. “I think Uncle Vale may have some picture books for kids laying around. I feel like I remember some from when I was your age…?” I thought out loud and flipped the meat. Based on the smell, it was definitely pork.
I continued the chatter as much as I could as I cooked. After the meat was seared, the bread went into the pan to toast. After each piece of bread was flipped, they all received a slice of cheese to melt, and I covered the pan to assist with the melting. As that was going, I poured some water for each of us, and set them on the table, once again careful not to startle Cierra. She ignored the glass when I set it down.
After the cheese was melted, I put some meat onto each slice and put together three sandwiches and cut them each in half. They all went onto a large wooden plate which I placed between our places at the table, and placed a smaller plate for each of us. When I sat down, I folded my hands patiently and gave Cierra a smile.
“Cierra, it’s time to eat. Can you put your writing stuff to the side for now?” I asked gently. She did as asked, and placed all of her writing material to the side quietly before recentering her plate in front of her. I reached over and put two sandwich halves on her plate, then did the same for myself.
“You can have a third half if you’d like. Or even a fourth if you’re hungry.” I said with a smile, taking a bite of my own sandwich. I watched with a small smile as Cierra took a bite of hers, chewed, swallowed, and repeated. The way she did so mechanically made my heart ache. I had always felt that food was one thing that anyone could always take joy in when they ate. Cierra showed no such emotion. She just sat quietly and ate.
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After dinner, Cierra and I each did our own thing for a while. I meditated quietly in the small living space while she continued to work on her letters. This went on for a couple of hours before I decided it was time for bed.
“Cierra, bed time.” I said, as I hopped up to my feet. Without any real sign of recognition, Cierra began packing up her writing things. She was always so neat and tidy about it, that it had shocked me at first. But now I wasn’t sure if it came from a desire to be tidy or something much darker.
I walked with her to the water Array where we each washed our hands and face with some simple soap. Then we moved into the bedroom and each changed into lighter, more comfortable sleepwear. Thankfully, the nearby city was well stocked with all of the normal daily needs, so when we first moved, we were able to get more than enough clothing and daily essentials for Cierra.
After we were both changed, we slipped into bed. Despite everything else - the lack of emotion, the constant flinches, and clear discomfort in response to many, many things in daily life - Cierra had insisted, without words, that she slept nearby. Even for the few days that I had left her in Talya’s care, she had politely but wordlessly slid into Talya’s bed.
After I settled into my place, the girl finally settled in behind me, as was customary at this point. She was close enough that our back touched and I could feel her breathing. I laid there for a while, awake, as I felt her breathing slowly even out and settling into the deep, even breaths of sleep.
That was the first step of each night.
I had always liked being a Cultivator. But in the months since adopting Cierra, I had learned a new appreciation for some of the perks that came with the improved body and the lack of needing full nights of sleep.
An hour after Cierra had fallen asleep, she got restless. I turned over to face her and gently placed a comforting hand on her back, rubbing in circles. The restlessness eased for a few minutes, but came back quickly enough. She tossed and turned in her sleep, her face clearly twisted in discomfort. I continued to try to soothe her however I could with gentle touches and patting
All of this was unfortunately something of a nightly ritual for us now.
It took almost another hour of that before she screamed and violently thrashed about for a moment. It took another few moments for her to all but wake up. The thrashing and screaming stopped, and the crying began.
It was never anything as dramatic as wailing. It was only ever quiet sobbing. The kind that wracked her whole body and came with big, heavy tears. But she was never loud. In fact, neither of us ever spoke during or about her night terrors. Not yet. As ever, her body shook with the silent cries for a minute or two while I tried to comfort her at arm's length.
She shuffled closer and pushed herself up against me, looking for more comfort. I wrapped her up in my arms, and the blanket we shared. I cradled her under my chin and rubbed her back and head gently.
I had learned early on that approaching her with a hug too quickly would have the opposite effect, and she would immediately make space and shut down. If I wrapped her in a hug before she woke up, the violent thrashing would be even more so. I needed to wait until she approached me herself.
After that, it was a while before she calmed down. The tears always stopped first. Cierra crushed her face against my chest and buried her face there, her tears drying on my shirt. She continued to shake with empty crying for a while, but eventually that would calm down too.
Once she seemed to be mostly in control again, Cierra wiggled in my arms. I loosened my hold on her, so she could retreat to her side of the bed once more and cuddle up in the blanket, as was usual for her.
She then surprised me by throwing her arms around me and cuddling tighter against me. I froze up, unsure how to handle this new development. I wanted to keep my arms around her, and hopefully get a little sleep myself once she settled again, but wasn’t sure what would upset her.
I laid quietly in the bed, my arms draped very loosely around Cierra for a while as her breathing grew more even again as she calmed. Eventually, I could feel her hold on me loosening as she began to relax further. She still didn’t let go or retreat, however. She snuggled up against me, and moved about, the way an animal does when preparing for sleep.
Deciding I would take a chance on this newfound affectionate behavior, I settled in for sleep myself. I let my arms relax around her, and cuddled her close. I caught a whiff of her hair - that same cold mountain breeze smell that I had used as inspiration for her name - as I settled into my pillow with my face against the top of her head.
As we each began to drift off, cuddled up in a way we had never been before, I heard the smallest voice come through in the darkness. A voice that I had heard so sparingly over the last few months that the sound still caught me off-guard.
“Thank you.”