Celerys woke up, and stared at her world map blanket which established that she was living on a blender that NASA chucked into the armpit of space. She then presumably could not think of any more cliches to begin the novel with, and made her way into the mirror. We believe she longingly stared at the picture of earth, taped onto the mirror, cautiously establishing her character's motivation and desire (This will become irrelevant later). Celerys checked her celphone, and scrolled through truth social, it made her sad to see that none of her friends had said anything at all to her. Celerys, and the entire population of the blender, never had, and never would, question how she obtained her phone, or how it seemingly broke the laws of physics, which is quite convenient for this novel. Anyway, she stepped outside and felt unrequited love wash over her like an acid bath. In the shop she brought milk. The milk carton said Allergen Warning: contains milk. Underneath said allergen warning was a picture titled MISSING PERSON in bold red aerial font. It was a picture of Kenneth Alasts, Celerys' best friend and unrequited love. "NOOOOOOO" Celerys dropped to the floor, hyperventilating as the fridge door tapped against her head. Blood flowed from her lip, which had hit the door frame, staining the cardboard custard containers. 

Waking in the hospital, she tore off her IV line - pulling out her arteries which she wrapped around her arm with a neat bow. This act of vanity was short-lived, however, as her bloodflow stopped and she again awoke in the hospital bed. It was at this point that Celerys became convinced she was in a time loop. Flowing with a nihilistic passion for life, she attempted to seduce every worker in the hospital. This continued for tens of minutes until, after failing to start an orgy with a group of nurses; Celerys rebelliously groped a celibate monk lying nude on a hospital bed. In the next month, Celerys would testify to her innocence to sexual assault in court numerous times, ironically sleeping with the judge for leniency. This would be short lived, when the results came back for her gonorrhoea test, positive. Fed up, and still believing she was in a time loop, Celerys ran away, out of the city, to search for a cure to gonorrhoea. In the depths of the desert she met a wizard named Callus who promised to cure her. However, instead he took her to a demented animal compound where she was quickly mauled to death by a group of radioactive chinchillas who listened exclusively to Barry Manillow. 

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

Celerys' death was not discovered, until the ghost of Barry Mannilow was summoned by the chinchillas. Taking the host of a walrus, he hobbled over to the body, yelping "aweooeoeogroufhrh", which roughly translates to "what the fuck is this?'. He began vehemently disavowing the chinchilli, until in a fit of rage he pulled the tarp off and discovered that Celeyrs was black. Upon this revelation, Mannilow made it through the rain to his Desert Eagles, which he hoarded into his open arms, handing one to each chinchilla. To the triumphant tune of Even Now, they shot celerys' dead body until it was the consistency of a smoothie - which they mixed with napalm and lit on fire. The next day, Celerys reformed - combined with the napalm as a fire deity. See, Celerys was really an immortal forever teenager constructed by the CLA as part of their acid trip post-war years. Slowly rising, and blazing above the chinchillas she screamed "GOODBYE FUCKERS" and annihilated both them and the ghost of Barry mannilow. Discovering this new power, which she mastered without even contemplating, Celerys flew home on a jet of fire - and quickly took a bath.