Satan leans back in his makeshift throne. Some meat still clings to some of the bones and it’s really starting to smell. Satan should hose it down sometime. Beelzebub sits at the dining table, fiddling with some piece of Winchwardian tech.

‘So you believe her?’ he asks without looking up.

‘Of course not,’ Satan replies, ‘but it’s the best lead we have if we want to make some actual progress in this place.’

Beelzebub finishes tightening a screw and stands up, stretching. ‘Did she say when you’ll see her again?’

Satan grimaces and shakes his head.

‘Well,’ Beelzebub says, walking over to a satchel he had left on the kitchen bench earlier. ‘This might prove useful, then.’

From the satchel, Beelzebub withdraws a brochure like the one Satan found on the beach five chapters ago. He unfolds it and spreads it on the dining table. It’s a map of Winchward Beach, with tourism spots labelled.

‘I found this in the lobby,’ Beelzebub explains. ‘Been waiting for a good chance to show you it.’

Satan stands up and walks over to the table. ‘How does this help us?’ he asks, scanning the map.

Beelzebub points to a small building in the top right corner. ‘This is the museum,’ he says. ‘It’s still here.’

Satan thinks for a second. ‘They’ll have demonic weapons. We’d just get killed if we went there.’

‘It’s a gamble, yeah,’ Beelzebub replies. ‘But if Lilith is on our side, then we should be safe. I think.’

‘What kind of logic is that? Are we just going to hope that Lilith is the first one to see us and that she’s also not lying about being our ally?’ Satan stomps back to his throne.

Beelzebub folds up the map and puts it back into the satchel. ‘Think of it this way, mate; on the extreme likelihood that you get killed, that gives you the opportunity to do some work in the real world. Get Legion mobilized. Send out spies and scouts. Find where Abaddon really is.’

Satan mulls the idea over. ‘Fine. I just wanna get out of this hotel room.’

Beelzebub smiles. ‘Tomorrow?’

‘Tomorrow.’

Satan wakes up in the middle of night. He needs to go to the bathroom. Stupid mortal dream body. He walks to the toilet in the dark, hoping there won’t be another demonic interruption. He's jinxed it. As Satan switches on the light to the bathroom, he notices that the toilet seems different. Instead of porcelain, its seat is constructed from a fine, leathery material. Bulging from it are boils. Giant, diseased boils. The toilet suddenly expands, bursting outwards into a throbbing mass of boil-stricken flesh. An elongated, monstrous skull slowly rises from the gelatinous blob. It cackles, clearly attempting to be as intimidating as possible. It succeeds. Satan runs from the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He can just go in a bottle.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Satan hopes that his second bathroom experience was just a dream, but then he remembers he’s already in a dream. Can dreams exist within dreams? Satan decides to leave the question with Christopher Nolan and accept the fleshy toilet skull as reality, or at least the closest to reality you can come in Winchward Beach. Having finally awoken from his restless sleep to a dreary and overcast day, Satan checks the bathroom. Everything’s normal. He decides not to use the bathroom ever again anyway. How hard could it be? The mortals Satan keeps locked in his dungeons in the real world don’t seem to mind not having one.

‘What’s got you spooked?’ Beelzebub asks as he assembles a kit for their expedition.

‘Giant monster skull in the bathroom last night,’ Satan replies.

‘That’s probably Asmodeus. I don’t know what his deal is.’

Satan’s eyes widen. ‘The headless kid?’

Beelzebub finishes packing supplies into a bag and heaves it over his shoulder, showing that he’s ready to head off. ‘Yeah, him. Did he say anything, or was he just checking you out?’

‘Checking me out?’ Satan asks as he grabs the bag Beelzebub had packed for him.

‘Happened to me a few times when I was alone here. Asmodeus pops up sometimes just to see what’s up. He never reports what he sees to the rest of the DLF, so you should be safe.’

Satan stops. ‘You seem more relaxed about this than I was expecting.’

‘I figured it was only a matter of time,’ Beelzebub replies. ‘I’m surprised he hasn’t visited you before now.’

Satan is sceptical but he decides to accept Beelzebub’s explanation anyway. It still doesn’t help the unnerve he now feels when thinking of the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, Satan slings his bag over his shoulders and makes for the door after Beelzebub.

The museum is unchanged. It still stands an imposing, roman-esque structure of dark grey stone. There are no more banners or adverts anymore. The grass around the museum is wilted and dead. An air of menace emanates from the dark entrance. This is undeniably a home of demons. Beelzebub gestures for Satan to lead the way. Satan begrudgingly complies. He wears his full suit of makeshift armour and keeps his weapon summoned, just in case. The pair are woefully underprepared, but like Beelzebub said: it’s a win-win situation. If they run into Lilith and she’s indeed willing to spill the beans, then great. If they both die, then Satan can make progress in the real world. Also great. The only problem would be if the same trick Satan used to permanently off Aosoth was used on him instead, but Satan feels that isn’t likely. He hopes at least. Satan walks through the foreboding front doors. The last time he was here, he had been a scrawny mannequin of failure called Archey. Satan doesn’t know how the DLF got him trapped in that form in the first place, but he knows he will have his revenge. The lobby is as oppressively empty and dusty as last time. Beelzebub shivers as he enters. It’s cold. Satan doesn’t mind. The pair continue deeper into the labyrinth without uttering a word. They both hope to run into Lilith somewhere in the winding corridors of the museum, and not be forced to explore the theatre. Slowly, Satan rounds another corner, his weapon at the ready.  At the end of the hallway he steps into is Lilith and Asmodeus. Lilith is wearing her old Victorian dress, but her mask is still gone. Asmodeus’ giant skull head is attached to a skeletal, caterpillar-like body that extends the rest of the way down the corridor and around a corner. Lilith is holding a crossbow covered in red markings.

From down the corridor Satan had come from, Beezlebub asks, ‘What do you see? What is it?’

‘Knew it,’ Satan says.

Lilith fires her crossbow. The bolt pierces Satan’s chest and pins him to the wall. He dies quickly.

And then he woke up.