Chapter 19

The Girl Who Forgot How to Feel

Noah's eyes widened as everything began to make sense! The girl's actions, her way of speaking, her sadness, and her resignation. She wasn’t weak, incapable, or of easy will. She was truly powerless, the world was against her, but she faced it with a smile and wanted to do the right thing. Guilt pierced Noah's heart deeply. He had done this to the poor girl. And why? Because he wanted to protect himself. What bothered him was that he didn't regret his actions, only the guilt towards the girl.

Noah closed his eyes, thinking about what he should say... or do—if he dared. After what felt like an eternity, he opened his eyes again with determination and looked at the girl who had already stopped crying. This time, she didn't wipe her eyes.

"Forgive my bluntness, but what do you have left?" Noah asked, meaningfully and honestly.

The girl seemed hesitant to answer, but the look Noah carried somehow convinced her. "I have nothing left in this world, just things that remind me of a life I once lived."

Noah didn't comment on her words, but he prompted her to delve deeper. "I don't know why it matters to you, but it's not a big secret. All I had was my father and grandmother, and both are gone now. My father died as a knight, and my grandmother died trying to restore our noble house to the prominence it once had. Now there's nothing left, just me."

That wasn't enough for Noah, so he declared without room for discussion. "Surely that isn't everything. People don't just disappear without leaving something behind. I also don't have anything in this world, but the impact left by many people close to me is still present. Especially my mother."

The girl said nothing but looked at Noah with pity and sorrow. After a few seconds of contemplation, she said with hidden meaning, "My grandmother left our noble house in my hands to rebuild."

Noah smiled at that, so she still had something—he moved closer to the girl and held her hand to her surprise. He didn't hold it tightly, as her hand was as damaged as every part of her body. "Let's say I can help you fix your damaged core. How would you feel about that?" Noah asked hypothetically.

The girl looked at him, her expression unreadable. After a moment, she managed to say, her eyes shining like the morning sun, "I would believe you because if there's any hope that I can dream again, I'll take it."

Noah squeezed her hand gently and said softly, "You are truly special." He watched her expression turn completely red and smiled at that as he continued. "But, aren't you worried that I might have bad intentions towards you?"

The girl regained her composure and said seriously, "There are limits to what I can do to regain my ability to use magic. If any of that is outside those limits, I won't do it, even if you help me."

Noah nodded at that and said, "If I were to help you, my requests would be simple. First, you would have to give up being an imperial knight. Second, you would have to host me in the capital if I ever visit. And the third, I won't tell you because I'm not sure about it yet. But, as you said, if it's outside the scope of what you can do, simply don't do it."

The girl's expression shone with an attractive light as if she wasn't the injured person. She gave a wide smile and said, "If I can regain my magic, I agree to all your conditions."

Noah looked at her for a while, confused. "Aren't you going to ask why I want you out of the imperial knights? Aren't you suspicious of anything about my demands? I was just trying to convince you that the Empire is your enemy a moment ago."

With the same smile, the girl said, "My grandmother warned me about the Empire before she died, and I learned that from the words my father left me before his death. I didn't say anything in front of you because I wasn't sure about you."

Noah's confusion deepened, and he expressed it with words. "Then why join the imperial knights?"

The girl took a deep breath and admitted with embarrassment, "Because I thought joining the ranks of the imperial knights would protect me until I became stronger. And it did, until now. But I don't know about the future. And there is another reason for my joining, I'd rather not talk about it."

Noah had a faint idea about the other reason, but he didn't mention it or press the matter. He took a deep breath himself and smiled calmly as he declared, "That's enough for me. I'll take a look at you now."

The girl on the bed swallowed hard and made a movement resembling a nod. Noah took hold of the bedcover that reached her neck and gently lowered it to her mid-abdomen, leaving her chest exposed.

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She was wearing light, white silk nightclothes, but the red bloodstains covering their surface gave an impression of her pain and suffering. This made Noah remember his guilt towards the girl, but he focused on the task at hand.

Noah unbuttoned the top of the girl's silk shirt, revealing a bit of her skin. The skin on her chest was also bruised with many blue marks, but most of it was smooth and white. He looked at her embarrassed expression, but she didn't do anything to stop him.

Their eyes met, and he nodded, indicating he would begin. The girl hesitated but nodded, bracing herself. Noah placed his palm on her chest and reached deep into his soul, focusing his soul sight on hers and strengthening it through the spiritual connection he built with her soul via his hand.

In the middle of her chest, inside her heart, was her core. A small spherical shape connected to both her physical body and soul, where deep cracks appeared on the white spherical shape. The effects of these cracks were nonexistent on her physical body, as no damage occurred to her heart from the damage in her core. But it was different for her soul, where a transparent gray liquid leaked from the cracks in her core into her entire soul. Of course, there would be no clear symptoms of damage in the short term, but in the long term, that was another story. The mana in her core would align itself with her soul's energy, and over time, her soul would lose its connection to her core, which would only increase overall damage. The soul itself wouldn't escape unscathed from continuous contact with pure mana, as the consequences of such a thing weren't clear. The damage varies from person to person based on their magical affinities.

Another interesting thing Noah found in her soul was a rune map in a language he didn't recognize. The runes glowed with a sea-blue color like the girl's eyes. He linked them to the preservation of her ancient bloodline despite losing the traits of her ancestors over generations, but he ignored that for now and focused on his task.

As he began his actions to heal her core and remove the pure mana from her soul, the girl grabbed his wrist and said in a worried voice, "Um... I got a message from my system... a warning message."

Noah felt curious and asked, "Oh, and what does it say?" although he already had an idea.

The girl hesitated for a moment, but finally said, "It says 'Unknown life form surpassing the system's authority...' and warns me of danger to my soul."

Noah observed the questioning look on the girl's face and decided to ease her worries a bit. "Most systems gifted by the gods don’t have the ability to intervene, they just warn of what they perceive as danger. Your core is already broken, and what I'm about to do would indeed be dangerous if your core were healthy, but it's not. So your system's warning isn't accurate. I'm trying to heal your core, and to do that, I have to... intervene with your soul. I won’t go into details, but I won’t harm you, okay?"

The girl lightly nodded and gestured for him to continue his work. Noah did so.

Such a procedure is considered complicated by any standards of world magic, but with Noah's soul sight, the process was much easier and painless as it didn’t rely on trial and error but on surgical precision. Noah first cleansed the pure mana from her soul as it’s harmful to cores from the outside. Only then did he begin working on her core and the already weakened connection between it and the soul.

Almost five minutes passed, and Noah opened his eyes to find the girl watching him with curiosity and strangeness. He removed his hand from her chest and buttoned up her silk shirt without a word. He covered her with the blanket and sat back, straightening his posture as he looked at her.

The girl looked back at him, her expressions changing from hope, to doubt, to curiosity, and back to hope. After moments of silence, she found the courage to ask, "What did you do? I don’t feel any different, everything hurts, but I felt... something."

Noah smiled lightly, unsure how to explain something he was born with and could do instinctively, but he gave her a summarized explanation of the key points. "Your core was broken, so the pure mana in your core leaked into your soul. The core’s function is to purify the mana it absorbs from the air, but this mana, when it exits the core, becomes harmful to it. Its ability to hold it from the inside doesn’t mean it’s resistant to it from the outside. So what I did was cleanse the traces of pure mana left on your soul first, then I sealed most of the cracks in your core and re-established the connection between your core and soul, which was damaged by the pure mana. This can only be done in this order for reasons I won’t explain."

The girl remained calm as she said, "I know, if you healed my core first and reconnected it to a damaged soul, who knows how the pure mana would behave. The best scenario is that it would damage the core slightly before cleansing its remnants from my soul, then you’d have to heal my core again, I suppose!?"

Noah smiled as he admitted. "That could happen, but pure mana behaves differently depending on the individual who purified it and the type of core it came from. Yours was sweet like you."

The girl blushed while Noah laughed at her reaction. She gave him a reproachful look before returning to seriousness and asking, "But I don’t feel different..."

Noah interrupted the question she wanted to ask and answered it in advance. "That's because I didn’t fully heal your core. If I did, that would be suspicious. Don’t forget I'm just a commoner. All I did was restore your core and soul’s ability to self-heal. So with time, you’ll be fine."

The girl nodded, her expression one of deep gratitude and intense joy. After moments, she asked with curiosity and knowledge, "So, you saw it?"

Noah knew she was talking about the rune map carved in her soul, so he admitted calmly. "I saw it, just beautiful. I don’t know the language if you’re worried, and your secret is safe with me as long as mine is safe with you."

Thus, silence fell between the two. Noah observed her for a while, expecting her to be happy or something, but she remained just quiet. She looked at him for moments, touched her chest at other times, sometimes looked at the ceiling with a distant expression.

Noah felt curious, so he asked, "Is something bothering you?"

The girl looked at him for a moment and admitted. "No, nothing. It's just, I don’t know what I'm supposed to say, or what I'm supposed to feel. It feels like I forgot how to feel, it's a strange feeling. And... and..." She tried to explain, but even words failed her.

Noah smiled at her and said happily, "I can help you with that." He truly felt happy for her.

Taking a deep breath, Noah asked, "Kind knightess, what is your name?"