HOW MY FIRST LOVE CAME TO AN END

I roused from sleep in the early morning, as the sun had yet to crest the horizon. The world was still and the air was ice cold, a reminder that winter was still desperately holding back the coming of spring. I shivered briefly and rolled over in search of warmth.

She was staring at me with that look she got in her eyes sometimes, a mix of guilt and resignation and something else I could never quite identify.

“You’re up early. What’s wrong, Helian?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s not true. You have that look in your eyes again. You’ve been like this a lot lately, so you should just say what you’ve been meaning to say.”

Helian tended to freeze up when she couldn’t bring herself to make a difficult decision. By now, I was used to giving her a gentle push.

“I really don’t want to, but you’re right. I can’t postpone this any longer, XXXXX.”

I nodded, and she gathered her confidence to continue.

“This has all… really been wonderful.”

Oh. This was that conversation.

The one she’d been postponing for months. We both knew it was coming, and part of me was relieved to stop being anxious about it.

“I’ve treasured every minute. I’ll never forget our time together.”

Helian pulled me close and hugged me tightly.

“But the story is going to start, little bird, and you’ll be in danger unless you’re out of sight. Since you’re not part of the plot, something terrible is bound to happen if you’re around.”

This is the world of a novel, and my childhood friend Helian is the heroine. I found this a little hard to believe at first, but it had become clear that she wasn’t lying to me.

“We’ve both seen what happens when I try to change the story. Fate’s too strong…”

While the story hadn’t started yet, it contained flashbacks to her childhood - mostly incidents where terrible things happened. She’s quite the unfortunate heroine, and no matter how we tried to avert fate, things still went wrong.

“I’ve tried to come up with another solution, but there’s nothing we can do. We have to part ways. I’m leaving town so the story can start before I get dragged into it by force.”

In practice, she’d get dragged in by force anyway. It’s that kind of story – a horrible novel where terrible things happen to the heroine one after another, and every time she manages to escape danger, another nightmarish fate appears in front of her. I suppose that could be entertaining to an outsider who could enjoy the twists and turns.

“So… I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

Helian failed the battle to hold back her tears, so she closed her eyes and stopped talking. I thought for a moment and then replied, as casually as I could manage,

“Well… I guess there’s no choice. I know this is hard for you. I’ll do my best to move on, so you can focus on yourself, okay? I’ll be fine, I promise.” I stroked her on the cheek.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t have a choice. I don’t feel okay right now, but I’ll manage somehow. I’m more worried about you. That bastard of an author has a lot to apologize for.”

As much as I told myself I was ready for this day to come, I still wasn’t completely prepared for it. The thought of what waited for her in the future made me furious. It wasn’t fair.

“It’s not like that. It’s not their fault, this is just how they balanced the world.”

I couldn’t understand why, but Helian seemed to be fond of this novel – called Sunflowers Bloom During Winter – and its author.

“Helian, I want you to know I’ll be there if you ask. I don’t mind taking a risk, even if we can’t change the outcome.”

“Promise you won’t chase after me, XXXXX. It’s too dangerous. I’ll get through this, and I’m sure something good waits at the end.”

The worst part was that she didn’t know how the story ended. Instead of being published as a complete book, each chapter had been released one at a time. When she’d read it, it was still unfinished. 

Which meant the last chapter she’d read wasn’t actually the end. Anything could happen after that. 

“I’ll stay out of sight and live a good life, Helian. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Helian kissed me and then slowly climbed out of bed. I could tell she wanted to stay.

“I’m leaving early for the city so I can take the administrative exam. You should try to get more sleep.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“You too.”

There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but more than that, I wanted this moment to be over.

Helian closed my bedroom door for the last time. I waited until I heard the front door shut, then rolled over and opened the drawer in my bedside table.

My departed father made it as a birthday gift. “XXXXX”, he said, “I can’t give you something expensive or beautiful, but you can bring this along when you find a good husband, and it’ll be by your side every night so I can watch over you.”

He’d always been melancholy, so it didn’t feel strange for him to talk like he wouldn’t be around. I only realized later that his death was part of the novel, since he’d been a surrogate father for Helian.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

I’ll wring your neck if I meet you, Author. How dare you.

The drawer was padded on the sides and bottom, which made it ideal for storing precious items. Our village wasn’t especially prosperous, so I didn’t have many items worthy of that kind of safekeeping. Maybe Dad figured I’d marry into wealth. Not likely, but I’d never had the heart to tell him that his lineage would end with me.

I gently removed the sapphire earrings – tiny, blemished stones, of course, as Helian couldn’t afford better. Once I set them atop the table, I found the spot at the rear left corner of the drawer, then pulled the front right corner to reveal the hidden compartment. 

Dad always said it was important for a couple to be able to keep secrets.

I removed a bottle of ink, a pen, and paper. I had lacked privacy lately, so I needed to catch up on planning. 

No time to waste.

SUNFLOWERS BLOOM IN WINTER

Edited by Sydney S. Kim

Illustrations by Koyorin

Content Warnings:

This story contains descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, coercion, and murder

Fights may contain descriptions of extreme violence

HELIAN AND A LUCKY DAY

The midday sun glared down from above, making me sweat as I carried my bags up the road towards the nearest town.

Wish I could’ve borrowed Rime so I wouldn’t have to walk… but then I’d have to bring her back, and XXXXX would probably convince me to stay. I barely managed to leave as it is.

On the bright side, it was only a few hours’ walk to the carriage house, and the rest of my trip could proceed in relative comfort, even if stage coaches weren’t air-conditioned and the seats often had insufficient padding.

And the roads around here are pretty safe, so I can relax a bit and clear my head on the way there.

The future events of the novel weighed on me, so my head didn’t feel clear yet. The first suitor awaited me - A real piece of work, that one. His mistreatment of the heroine that I’d read about was now something I had the good fortune of looking forward to. The rest of them wouldn’t be too bad in comparison other than the demon… Well, that was a problem for later. 

The countess might be fun, at least! Her chapters were really romantic, depending on your perspective.

Sudden wailing roused me from my thoughts. It was coming from around the bend in the road.

“Oh, Susanna, Susanna! Pray forgive your Theodore for returning home in a pauper’s coffin! Oh, the petty impatience that led me down this road at the goading of a foul highwayman!”

“Listen, buddy, keep talking and the ransom goes up. Get it?”

Highwaymen. Even if I’m not allowed to fight back against the novel’s villains, this should be fine… I’m pretty sure this wasn’t in the novel.

By the sound of things, someone’s stagecoach had taken an ill-advised shortcut. If my memory served me right, these roads were supposed to be pretty safe… The victim’s conversation with his captor continued.

“You’re not going to k-k-kill me?”

“‘Course not, so long as yer family pays the ransom. Yer a noble, right? At least a viscount?”

“I’m… I’m a baronet.”

I reached the turn in the road and concealed myself behind a stand of trees. I peeked around the corner for a better look.

The misfortunate man stood in the middle of the road, surrounded by three bandits. One of the bandits appeared to be tying Theodore’s hands while another dug through the contents of his coach. The last - the one running the conversation - stood fully turned away from me.

“Well, beggars can’t choose, suppose. Are ya at least a rich baronet?”

Theodore began to wail again. “Oh, heaven’s chariots! Deliver me swiftly from this tribulation! Take pity on your faithful servant, O Metis!”

I don’t have much real experience, but I can probably handle these guys… they don’t look too dangerous, plus they’re distracted. Better start with the leader since his back is turned.

“Someone shut him up!”

The one looting the coach turned his head. “I’m busy. Wouldn’t believe how much useless shit’s in his bags.”

“They’re soil samples! The barony’s future depends on them!”

The leader took a step towards Theodore. “Keep yapping and I’ll make you soil yerself!”

The man tying up Theodore frowned. He was wearing an eyepatch. “I’m almost done with this knot, I think…”

It’s not like I can die before the novel starts, right? Story’s gotta have a heroine. It’ll be fine. Okay, Helian, just get him in the heart with your dagger… though, hm. Am I missing something?

I took a step back, leaned back with my knees bent, then sprung forward into a running start with my dagger drawn. Eyepatch caught sight of me in his peripheral vision, but he was too slow. It was too late to warn his companions. All he could do was shout “Hey!” as he shoved Theodore out of the way. 

By the time his mouth opened, I’d already closed the distance. My dagger slid between the leader’s third and fourth ribs.

There we go. Hm… you know, shouldn’t there be a driver? Where’d he go?

Eyepatch cursed loudly, finally drawing Looter’s attention. “Shit! Gerald!”

The soon-to-be-dead leader—Gerald—was at a loss, mumbling incoherently as his life slipped away. When I reached down to steal the sword hanging from his belt, I heard a twig snap to my left, in the trees.

Ah. The stagecoach driver.

Driven by instinct, I gripped the dagger still buried in Gerald’s abdomen, and wrenched his heavy, writhing body hard to the left, just as a dull thud from the trees announced the departure of a crossbow bolt. It pierced Gerald square in the chest. His limbs twitched and his entire body went limp.

Sorry, Gerald. Thanks, Gerald. At least twenty seconds until the next shot… more if I’m lucky.

I released Gerald, letting him drop to the ground as I tested the balance of his sword while Eyepatch rushed towards me. Farther back, Looter stumbled back to his feet. I shook the pilfered sword—it rattled in my grip.

Great. Shoddy worksmanship. I’m never lucky, am I?

Eyepatch swung wildly at my neck, but I caught his blade with my dagger, easily driving it back. I followed up with a swing of Gerald’s cheap sword. He stumbled backwards and fell to the ground in a panic.

An amateur. Might as well finish the other one while he recovers…

Looter was back on his feet. He threw whatever was in his hands straight at my face, and I ducked by reflex.

Theodore wailed once more. “My samples!” 

I whipped my arm forward with all my might as I loosed my dagger from my grip. It flew straight ahead and caught Looter square in the palm, the blade piercing clean through to pin his hand to the coach. He grimaced, screaming and squirming as he tried to free the dagger with his other hand. “SHIT! It’s stuck!”

I leapt forward in the dagger’s wake, reversing my grip on Gerald’s sword before I swung it quick across Looter’s neck just as he was about to free his hand. Blood spurted from his throat as he slumped back against the stagecoach, his arm still pinned by my dagger. 

I followed the momentum of my last attack, and in one clean movement, pivoted to face Eyepatch once more.

Alright. Just you and me… and the driver, I guess. Can’t stray into his line of fire…

Eyepatch’s face was twisted with rage. The driver was somewhere behind him, hidden from sight. His voice rung out from the shadows.

“Out of the way, you moron! Gimme a clear shot!”

“I’ll kill her myself!” Eyepatch shouted as he rushed me once more. Gerald’s flimsy blade shook in my grip as I parried the first swing before dodging the second. Even if he was an amateur, he was still fast and strong. But… he had one good eye—his right—which was easy to exploit.  Whenever I came from his left, he was slower to react, and within five swings, I ran him through.

Easier than sparring with Julian, even. Kind of pathetic.

Taking advantage of my human shield, I pressed forward towards the stand of trees. I heard the crossbow hit the ground with a loud thump. “I surrender!”

Thanks for your aid, Eyepatch. Rest well.

The driver emerged with his arms raised. I bound his hands and feet.

After a few moments, Theodore left his hiding spot and approached me cautiously. “Thank you for the assistance, milady… you wouldn’t happen to know how to drive a carriage, would you?”