Sublife Crisis was something I wrote while depressed.

I know, please, contain your shock.

This story though was, perhaps ironically, not really meant to be depressing or even that sad. It was, in a very real way, an attempt to find comfort in simple things. Familiar spaces, familiar people, familiar rituals. Familiarity with places and things I'd never seen or lived. I wanted to create the sensation of a warm home welcoming everyone back, even if no one had ever been there before. I don't know if I really succeeded, but I like how it turned out.

There's a lot of background information about the mechanics of the story that I had notes on, and decided not to use. The choice to never show the lives, only the between, was overtly part of how I wanted to write the whole thing from the start. Like many people, I am a litttttle bit irritated with how serial reincarnator stories tend to go, often spending far too long on a single life to the point that the premise gets forgotten. So I figured I'd skip that bit, and just share the moments that mattered. The moments with people who were more core to each other's lives.

Not permanent. There's no permanence in the between, not really.

Someone mentioned in a comment that this feels like the end of season 1 of a show that just learned they're not renewed for season 2. And I disagree. This is meant to be the end of season 5 of a show that has 12 seasons, but the DVDs were lost to history a long time ago. This is one of Luri's books; the middle, with no beginning or end in sight, only a little slice of the puzzle.

Tee-kon is gone from the start of the story, but it was clearly one of their friends. They talk about it from time to time, but not TOO much, because everyone is secretly waiting for a return and they don't want to mourn if they don't have to. New friends, like Tenebral and Shavoy and the elf, arrive and grow accustomed to the place over literal lifetimes, and it won't be long before they're old beyond knowing and entrenched in the private lives and rituals of Bastion's. There's so much left unseen, because, well...

It's not the end, is it?

Ah. The background notes. I know how the between works and what it's for. I know what moments of clarity are, and why they're so infrequent and arbitrary. I know how all the worlds are connected. I wrote about the separations between abilities, perks, traits, charactaristics, aura layers, skill splinters, effects, and modifications. I know what the currencies do. I know there are a thousand different things that would let them learn about their next world or alter their next life. Maybe they find them in one of those future seasons. Maybe they don't. It turned out, that wasn't the story I was going to write.

By the end of the third chapter, I'd used the word 'optimizer', and realized that was what this story was about. This story is about -to me, possibly not to you- fear. The fear of wasting your life and your time and your soul, but not by doing nothing or doing too little. Instead, it is the fear that you could pour so much of yourself into one single thing, that you tunnel vision and lose sight of the rest of eternity. That devotion to your build, as it were, can turn you into... well... an optimizer.

Optimizers exist on Earth. I think everyone has probably met one at some point. We don't have that many of the really really bad ones, but I think we've all encountered someone who let friendships wither because they got too into their favorite video game, or who ruined their personal health with a new job, or something similar. But the thing is... that dedication isn't all bad. There's always a choice. There's always the ability to find balance. The guy who gives up his worldly possessions to travel the US in a beat up van and perfect his guitar with his garage band does, in fact, sometimes end up selling out stadiums when Foo Fighters hits it big. Passion can breed excellence.

And for Luri, as well as Jules and Six for different reasons, the story is about learning to not be afraid of themselves. Not be afraid of what their passion can accomplish. They walk between worlds, and they know that means they have to watch where they step, but it doesn't mean they have to be inert. That's just being dead with extra steps.

"Being Dead With Extra Steps" was one of the subtitles I considered. "The Dark Souls of LitRPGs" was my other option.

I realize I'm rambling a bit here. I find myself, having finally shared this, to feel like I have so much more to say. But most of those words wouldn't add anything to the story. That is, after all, why I decided to cut most of the adventure out. Even within the between; it doesn't really matter to Luri, or the others. It's just a place, and what really counts is the people in it.

That said, Bastion's sure is a hell of a place. I love the vibe of found spaces, to go along with found family. Half of Bastion's was there when Luri inherited it, but the other half is all stuff that the group have brought there themselves. Mementos and souvenirs, things they purchased from traders or merchants, everything in there has been rearranged by them a dozen times until it's... not exactly how they like it, but close enough for jazz, you know? Like when your dinner table isn't perfectly positioned but it would take time to shift everything around just for a tiny improvement, and also four different people have added to the centerpiece by now and you don't wanna mess with it, so fiiiine the table can just stay where it is.

This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.

But it does get rearranged. Cause, you know, nothing is permanent. But that doesn't mean it isn't special. Everything they add is something that matters to them, even the small stuff that doesn't really matter that much personally. Because it's all of theirs now, in its own unique way.

Anyway. I could keep going, and if anyone has specific questions in the comments, I definitely will keep going, but for now, I think I'll cut this off with only two last things.

First, thank you all for reading. Whether you're a long time fan of mine or someone who just found this one story, I'm glad you took the time to join me in the Melancholy Zone. It means a lot.

Second, what follows is a short(?!) playlist that was what I was often listening to while writing and thinking about this story. As with everything I do, I cannot help but editorialize, so there's a short thought for each song.

_____

Arrow Of Time - Cassette Beasts OST : A song about how you can't win a fight against time, but maybe you should try anyway. Strangely upbeat for how melancholy it made me feel the first time I listened to it.

Do It Anyway - Ben Folds Five: If you're going to have to live that life, you may as well give it your best shot.

Inexplicable - The Correspondents : This was the first song on this playlist actually, specifically because it has 'chilling in the void with my best pals' vibes to it.

History Read - The Altogether : There's never enough time, and there's never enough ink.

Thank You - Dido : I think this might be one of the most pure love songs I've ever heard. When your life feels like an endless string of fuckups, and you know you're screwing it all up and its your fault, but there's still someone there who supports you? Who makes you feel like you could maybe keep trying? I think that's incredibly human in a way that's hard to express in a form other than music.

Sidelined (Unstable version) - The Garages : If moving on is part of life, then you'd think that you'd have to get used to it eventually. But that's kinda bullshit, isn't it? And loss never stops hurting. This is a good song for Mark.

This Year - The Mountain Goats : Bonus points for the music video for this one, just cause the opening of it is kind of hilariously grim. But also... yeah. There's a level of defiance that's required to be alive at all sometimes. The world seems constantly hostile to us, and without an almost angry form of hope, the world is going to win. This is a good song for Ellin specifically.

Homeworld (The Ladder) - Yes : For some reason, one of the foundations of prog rock once decided they'd be cool making the end credits song for a space opera video game that has been kind of the best thing in it's genre for the last twenty five years. This is that song. It's long and winding and builds to one of the most simple conclusions that we all sometimes forget to make; that peace is something to work for and love is worth having. That we're all in this together, and that we need each other.

Sweet Hibiscus Tea - Penelope Scott : You're going to fuck things up. But you're going to get through it.

Some Things Never Change - Miracle Of Sound : I find the chorus line of this one a little ironic, because it's about how the fact that things don't change has already changed the world. That people are people, and that when people reject growth, they inevitably cause destruction. Stagnation is a wasteland, and if there's one thing I wanted to write in Sublife, it was to show Luri breaking out of that relapse into despondency and building themself something better.

Dreams So Real - Metric : And of course, the one that opens and closes the book.

(Elaborate was kind enough to make a spotify list for anyone who doesn't want to open a dozen Youtube links)

_____

Thank you again to everyone for reading. If you have any questions, I'll be lingering in the comments and I'm happy to give cryptic non-answers to things. But I can answer one now; I do not know if I will ever write more of this story. I don't know if there's another book that's a totally different genre or if it would just be fun to drop in sometimes and see how Luri is doing. Maybe. Maybe. But I wouldn't ask you to bank on it.

Also, if you enjoyed the story, I would really appreciate a rating and a review. It helps get more eyes on the book, which is generally a good way to keep me working as an author. And now, that's really the end of my meandering ramble.

Until next time.