You are Atremio Barrea and you are a US army Dispatch Rider, but right now you are currently running for your life. You pissed off a group of witches and MPs and they want blood.

MPs are easy to lose, witches are another thing though, they won't fall for tricks and they will find you if you hide, your only option is to outrun them. And on the cold rainy streets of Chicago there are many ways for a smart man such as yourself to do so.

 You duck left into an alley, collapsing a stack of crates behind you in an effort to buy some time. You lost the MPs a few blocks back but the witches are hot on your trail. Without pausing to think you run up a stack of crates on the right and jump off the wall to a fire escape. Right on time as the witches burst through the first barricade, the second collapsed stack of crates should draw some of them off your trail. Making it to the roof you wait for the witches to make their move.

“Where did he go?”

“Another barricade.”

“Jenny break through it.”

The one who was apparently called Jenny destroyed the pile in one punch and the rest of the sparkle squad ran off down the alley. You were about to make a break for it before they double back around when another witch walks into the alley and she stares right at you with murder in her eyes. You aint fucking with no sparkle bullshit, you run like hell across the roof and jump. You land on the neighboring rooftop and you keep running, you're not stopping until you run out of rooftop. As you turn to go down the fire escape you see the witch gaining on you slowly, menacingly. You fly down those stairs and out of the alley, as you run you look back and see the witch standing on the top of the building silhouetted against the storm.

You slink through the maze of back alleys and bombed out buildings, the cold rain chilling your bones as you doge the patrolling MPs. Slipping into one of the bombed out buildings you check on your precious cargo, dirty witch panties.

You know what their owners would do to you if they caught you but Bobby and Gecko needed a distraction. And nothing gets witches and MPs attention better than a panty raid. As you check the laundry bag a piece of paper falls out of it, you slip that away for later.

“Now to figure out where to dump this shit. I could just leave them here, but they could trace it back to me. Are there witches that can do that? I don’t want to risk it, better to dump it on some schmucks and let them take the fall, and I know just the group to take it.” You say to yourself.

With your target identified, you set off to their barracks. You quickly dismiss the idea of dipping the panties in moldy tree sap due to the impracticality and difficulty of acquiring it and the fact that time is of the essence in this mission. 

Once again taking the backroads and alleys, you slink past patrolling police and MPs alike until you reach a bridge. It's just the usual checkpoint there and it seems like the news of the theft hasn't reached them yet. Pulling up your coat to hide your face, you approach the checkpoint.

As you cross the bridge one of the soldiers calls out to you. “Hey, do you know what is going on, the MPs are pouring into this area.”

“Yeah, I know what’s got them so stirred up. Some madman went and stole a load of witches' panties.” You explain, deepening your voice.

“Damn, the fucker who did that is going to be in so much shit if they catch him. You have any idea who did it?”  The bridge guard asks.

“Yeah, I think I know who did it. John Richardson from B company, saw him hanging around the witches lodgings earlier tonight.” You say.

“Wait, are they the guys who put their barracks up on a bombed out housing development by the river?” The soldier asks.

“Yeah, that's them.”

“Alright then, you better get going before the MPs come back around.” The soldier said waving you on. “By the way, what is your name?”

“John Richardson” You say, flashing the panties in the bag before bolting.

The soldier sputters as you run away.

The rest of your journey goes by quickly and you rapidly arrive outside the barracks area.

You confidently stride towards the barracks, if you act like you belong they will think you belong. A pair of privates salutes you as they walk by and you return in kind. The storm adding a spring into everyone’s step.

As you approach the barracks, you peer through the window, confirming that it is empty you enter and get to work. You hide the panties in various positions, under mattresses, in pillow cases, and everywhere else you could fit them. When you run out of places to half heartedly hide them you stop trying and just start throwing them under beds. With your work done, you slip out the door and into the shadows.

Making your way to the exit you duck behind a stack of barrels as a jeep full of witches skids to the stop in front of the barracks with several more filled with MPs hot behind. With your work done, you slip away into the night.

“Alright now to find Gecko and Bobby”. You say to yourself, clear of the unfolding shitshow happening at B Company’s barracks.

You start the long walk over to the rendezvous point. The wind and rain chills your bones as you are now fully soaked. The city feels dead under the blackout, with bombed out buildings and AA gunners every few blocks.

The lazy night pops back to life as the air raid sirens blare, search lights illuminate the night as the guns on the lake open up on their unseen enemy. You jump out of the way of a trio of Skinks as they head to support the guns on the coast. A group of P-38 Lightnings passes by overhead flying low, probably hoping to come up on the Martians and catch them by surprise.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

At this point you are only a few blocks away from the meet up point and you book it towards them. You find the two of them waiting in an alcove next to the truck.

Noticing you walk up Bobby calls out “Hey Arty, what the hell did you grab to get the attention of every MP and witch this side of the river?”

“The one thing I knew would make them ignore two chuckle fucks with a truck robbing them blind, their dirty underwear. Was also able to pin it on B Company as well so we won't be hearing from them in a while. How’d you guys make out anyway?” You say, donning your usual shit eating grin.

“First of all.” Gecko starts “We didn’t rob them blind, we just took a few odds and ends, a couple guns, some booze, ammo, and the payroll for half of the city.”

“Bullshit, there is no fucking way that they would leave that much money in one single place and not have it under lock and key.” You exclaim in disbelief.

“Well they did.” Gecko says.

“Fuck, that's, that's a lot, that's a fucking lot.” You say, attempting to comprehend the amount of money that is now in your hands.

“Hell yeah that's a lot.” Bobby calls out.

“Alright let’s get the fuck out of here before either a bomb blows up in our face or we get spotted.” You say as you climb into the bed of the truck as Gecko and Bobby mount up in the cab.

The night sky's ablaze as the fighting shifts over the city. Shot down steam sled’s falling into the city below as you drive past. You barely acknowledge the bomb detonating inside the building next to you.

It was in the wee hours of the morning when you finally returned to the clubhouse. Quickly the three of you stash your earnings inside and ditch the truck. You walk up the stairs into the clubhouse.

“Hey Dyna, we're supposed to be under blackout, don't you know that.” You say barging into the brightly lit room. Your fearless leader Daniel “Dynamite” Walker, playing a game of pool with the final member of your little gang. Krystian “Goose” Gosling.

“Eyy Arty good to have you back, how did it go?” Dyna asks.

“Yeah come on tell us, what’s the score?” Goose adds in.

“Wait for Gecko and Bobby, it's their score I just made a distraction.” You say going up to the bar and pouring yourself a drink.

“And what a distraction it was, we saw MPs rushing towards you from across town.” Dyna says, shooting a pool ball.

“So what yah grab to piss them off so badly.” Goose asks, sinking his ball.

“The usual, I just yoinked some witch panties and dumped them on B Company. Hopefully that will keep them out of our hair for a while” You say taking a sip.

“That should take care of them for a while. And here are the men of the hour.” Dyna says as Gecko and Bobby walk in.

“So what did you guys make out with that's so secret?” Goose asks.

“Nothing much the usual odds and ends and-We made off with their entire payroll!” Gecko starts before being cut off by Bobby.

“Nice, Arty, how much do you think that is?” Dyna says.

“Enough that if there wasn’t a war going on right now and we weren’t drafted I’d say we’d be on easy street for a while, but there is one going on and we can’t make a run for it without being found out. We just better pray that the depot they got it from gets blown to bits or we will have the entire army on our asses.” You say with a chuckle.

“Like you wouldn’t do the same Arty, remember the ferry heist.” Dyna says.

“Hey we still made out good on that one” You say.

“After a witch threw you and a good chunk of it overboard.” Goose retorts.

“I’m never going to live that down aren't I?” You ask.

“Nope” they reply in chorus.

“Arty, you and Goose go and grab the cash, we'll divvy it up once it's up here.” Dyna says as he sinks the final ball.

You and Goose make your way down stairs and into the cluttered loading dock, the night’s spoils littered on the floor.

“Hey Arty, you think they actually nicked the entire city’s payroll?” Goose asks.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t think so and I’m happy about it. Because if they did then we’d have the entire army on our asses and I don’t think we could fight our way out of this one” You say, crouching down and grabbing a bag.

“What about Ogden? We were able to shoot our way out of that one.” Goose says, digging through the pile of bags.

“There were a lot more of us back in Ogden and we weren’t up against tanks and witches.” You say.

“If we ditched all the stuff we could still make it.” Goose theorizes.

“Yeah we could make it out of the city, but we’d have every soldier from here to The Gulf after us, there’s no room to run on this side of the river.” You explain with a grimace.

“What’s got you so pessimistic tonight, also I think I found the cash.” Goose says.

“It's just that time of night. You know the time of night when all those thoughts come crashing in. Also yeah that's it, not enough for a division though, probably just the witch's payroll then. Thank god.” You say, relieved at the fact that every soldier from here to Pittsburg isn't going to be gunning for your head.

“Thank god?” Goose questions.

“Goose, it's a whole lot easier to hide a few thousand dollars than it is to hide just under 1.5 million and we're not going to have the whole army gunning for us now, just the witches.” You explain.

“Whatever Arty just grab a bag.” Goose says.

You sling a bag onto each arm and go upstairs. Kicking in the door on your way in you drop the bags on to the table.

“Arty, Goose, what's the total?” Dyna asks.

You open the first bag. “One bag of… uh laundry.” You try the second bag. “More laundry.” The third bag. “Uniforms.”

At this point Gecko and Bobby are mortified and Goose is hysterically laughing.

“Alright final bag, here goes nothing.” You lift the bag and dump the contents out on the table and there is a loud thud. Searching through the mess of sheets you find.

“Bullion, gold bullion.” You say softly.

“Everybody check the sheets, there’s gotta be more in the other bags, Arty check that last bag.” Dyna orders frantically, the familiar glint of greed shining bright in his eyes.

As the rest of the gang goes through the mess of sheets you open up the last bag. You reach in and pull out a stack of bills.

“Finally this one’s got the cash.” Gecko says.

“I got a bar.” Dyna says.

“I found two, how you doing Bobby?” Goose says.

“I got one, Goose.” Bobby replies.

After shoving the sheets into a corner the loot is once again set on the table.

“So we have witch payroll and witch gold.” Dyna says.

“Yep.” You say.

“And considering that we found the gold in laundry bags means that someone else stole them and dumped them in the laundry to be picked up later.” Goose says.

“Makes sense, but why is it in bags marked payroll?” Bobby asks.

“That's simple, a witch fucked up and put laundry in a payroll bag.” You say.

“Alright then, me and Goose will clean this shit up, Arty divvy up the cuts from the cash and hide the gold, Gecko, you and Bobby get some shuteye, you two did good tonight.” Dyna says before walking to the bar and pouring a drink.

You walk to your room and collapse into your beckoning bed.